It helps to have a bit of context for what we write and where it’s coming from. These are the core beliefs and values that drive how we see marriage and therefore what we write:
We view life and marriage through a Biblical lens. This is out of necessity as much as it is out of faith and knowledge. We would not be married if it wasn’t for the grace of Jesus, his example, and the foundation he provides. We believe that the principles are true for every married couple, but they can only be practiced with strength and perseverance that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus.
2. Scripture is true, sufficient, and authoritative
We look to the Bible as our ultimate moral authority and guide. This means we trust it before we trust ourselves, and we value what scripture says vastly more than what popular culture dictates. At times this will put us at odds with culture, but that’s to be expected.
3. Biblical marriage
We believe that marriage is a God-made institution meant for the flourishing of mankind and to show us vividly how to love another person selflessly. We believe that the Bible clearly defines marriage as a lifelong, exclusive union between one man and one woman.
4. Love (as an action)
The word “love” is an English word for a concept that grossly outweighs it. Using the word “love” nowadays is a lot like trying to pour a gallon of water into an 8 ounce cup; the object’s capacity is just too limited to hold everything. Love is not a thing, it is an action. Real love is best expressed through action. Love is selfless, pure, and always places more value on the one loved. Whenever we use the word “love”, we use it primarily as an action, then as a noun, then as an emotion.
5. Transparency and Truth
Transparency and truth build trust. We aim to live our marriage without secrets. This doesn’t mean we’re perfect; it just means that the imperfections are known to one another.
6. No Plan B
Most marital vows include the phrase “Til death do us part”. Ours certainly did. When we stood before God and our family and friends and took our marriage vows, we threw out plan B (and C, and D etc…!). Consciously acknowledging that there is no plan B has given us a singular focus to work everything out together, no matter how painful, no matter how grueling.
7. Intimate Sex
Sex is physical, intimacy is spiritual. Intimate sex is one part of a healthy marriage. Sex is a gift from God that should be enjoyed thoroughly but wielded carefully!
8. Quality Time Together
This sounds a bit cliche, but quality time is vitally important to a vibrant marriage. We married each other, but that was just the beginning of the journey. Quality time serves at least two tangible purposes: it refuels us and allows us to get to know each other in new ways. More than ever, quality time can be quickly eroded by countless distractions; we insist on distraction-less time together because it’s absolutely necessary!
9. Healthy Communication
Communication is much more than talking; it includes what you say, how you say it, when you say it, the context in which it is said, and body language. Healthy communication starts with love (see number 2 above) and the desire to truly dialog with each other. Communication should be open, honest, heartfelt, and conducted intentionally. By communicating, we can know each other more, help one another, and grow together.