• Referenced scripture:
  • Matthew 15:19
  • Proverbs 4:23
  • 1 Corinthians 13

• Recommended resource:
  • thenewsisgood.com

Ryan: Selena, what would you say if I was headed into the office?

Selena: Backroom.

Ryan: What?

Selena: Backroom is our office.

Ryan: Backroom is our office.

Selena: Go.

Ryan: Say I had to go into some sort of workplace and you knew that when I go to that workplace, there is a woman there or women that are attractive or whatever. What would you say to that? Well, because I know you and I love you, and you love me, and we’re on the same page about a lot of things, I’m not ever really concerned about that. However, if you had had a track record of some inappropriate texts or behaviors, then I would probably say, How can we be prepared together with this? I’d have some thoughts and some questions.

Ryan: So we have some thoughts and some questions from a fierce marriage listener where, in one way or another, we’re going to read the question, but we do address this concern that this wife has.

Selena: Well, concerns often bring out our insecurities, right? If I’m concerned about something, why is it? And it’s not always because I’m insecure, but sometimes there’s a past hurt that’s chipped away at trust. And so then there’s some insecurity there or… you know, for the husband, I don’t know what would make you insecure, but-

Ryan: We can talk about that on the other side.

[00:01:30]

Ryan: Selena, nothing could ever make me insecure. Nothing in the whole world.

Selena: I’m so glad you’re so secure.

Ryan: No, I don’t know what-

Selena: You get insecure if I try to compete with… no, I’m kidding. [both laughs] Because you always win.

Ryan: Talking about this being 20 years married, dating four years before that, being best friends throughout all the formative years of our lives, I don’t have a lot of reason to be insecure when it comes to you. Now if you were a floozy, [laughs] you know, romping around the town… was that even a thing? If you were-

Selena: We’re not calling this listener this either, by the way.

Ryan: No, no, no.

Selena: If you had questionable behavior and we’ve had a questionable track record-

Ryan: I’ll say something. If you wore clothes that were immodest and you were showing off-

Selena: The goods.

Ryan: The goods, the great goods, I wouldn’t be… I don’t know if insecure is the right term. I wouldn’t be okay with it because I don’t want my wife on display.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: You’re my wife. I want you on display for me. [both laughs] Anyway, so I don’t know. It’s hard to say because I’m so secure in your love.

Selena: Yes. Yes.

Ryan: Anyway-

Selena: We have some questions to ask because-

Ryan: Yeah, it’ll be a good conversation today. Before we go much further-

Selena: We promise. [laughs]

Ryan: …if you don’t know who we are, my name is Ryan, this is my lovely wife, Selena. We are the Fredericks. We do the Fierce Marriage Podcast on Thursdays. We haven’t done this in a while, but thank you to our Fierce Fellowship members. We mentioned it usually at the end of the episodes.

If you’d like to become part of the Fierce Fellowship, just go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. That’s where people that believe in this ministry… we’re not a nonprofit but we do rely on those folks for about half of our take-home salary, if you will, which I do feel confident it’s fairly modest for the amount of work we do. So, thank you for you if you’ve done that.

Selena: Thank you.

Ryan: If you’ve been a part of the fellowship already, thank you. Thank you to our new members. If you want to join and read up on that, go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. Any other news or upkeep?

Selena: I don’t think so. Just getting over colds, getting through that season and yeah, you know. It’s all right. We’re all just kind of walking through stuff. You can ask us questions. I don’t know if we’ve made that clear. This is where our episode comes from today is from a wife who has a question, which we will read. It’s long, but we chose it because it has a few, I think, conflicts and problems and, you know, things that you can identify with as a listener that we could as well.

Ryan: So if you want to ask a question, just go to fiercemarriage.com/ask. There’s three ways to do that. You can write in a message through the form. You can also text or call and leave a voicemail. Selena’s going to read this question, and we will spend some time unpacking it.

Selena: “My husband and I have a conflict that we have been unable to come to an agreement on, and I feel it’s driving a wedge between us and we’re drifting apart with every passing day. It’s a multilayered situation, so hang tight as I dive in. We are approaching our 10-year wedding anniversary. Five years ago, pre-kids, my husband began a friendship with a female at his work. This friendship developed until I found it odd and a bit overstepping. I wasn’t comfortable. Check some texts, sure enough, some inappropriate texts for a married man being sent back and forth. I brought this to my husband, to which he assured me that they would stop talking so frequently and being so overly friendly. Weeks go by, I find that my husband has continued to text this friend, deleting messages and lying to me when asked. This all came to a head and we put it behind us. I’ve been assured that inappropriate messaging is as far as it ever went.

Fast forward to last year, I discovered my husband has been utilizing porn for the entirety of our marriage. Devastated as I was, he agreed he had known this was wrong and would make the effort to be honest with me moving forward and refrain from porn use. Months go by and I discover he again is back to porn use. We decided to work through this. He went to a counselor, submerged himself in Fierce Marriage material. He’s putting in the work to overcome this.

My husband is a fireman who works 24-hour shifts. He loves his job, he works closely with his crew, had close relationships with them. Several weeks ago, we discovered that he’s getting a new firefighter assigned to his truck, a young female. Not okay with this, makes me very uncomfortable, and I feel as though I’m reliving all past marital trauma we’ve ever put behind us. Firefighters live together when they are on duty, they eat meals, they work out, they train, confine one another. It’s a very close relationship.

I know my husband has grown and is a better man now than he has ever been. I know he loves me, our children, and our life together. But I’ve asked him to consider leaving his job, to be home with our family every night, to put distance between himself and another close female relationship, to lower the risk of returning to porn as it was usually used on nights away from home. He does not want to consider this as he loves his job. I’ve suggested he request an assignment change, as there are few females on the department, simply moving assignments could solve this. However, he also wasn’t keen on that idea as he loves his current post.

After weeks of bringing it up and all but nagging him, I told him that it was, of course, ultimately up to him. It has to be his choice or he’ll resent me for making him leave his job or his post. He said, okay. It’s been a month. He hasn’t brought the topic up again, and neither have I. I feel I shouldn’t. I also feel incredibly hurt. My husband is aware of the hurt and anxiety I have on the days that he is at work with another female and the temptation of porn. I feel it crushing on me every day. It’s affecting our fellowship, and I can’t help but feel dismissed. Do I bring up the topic again, or do I continue to wait? I know that most likely he plans to never address it again and just keep going as we are, no changes made, and hope that it all just goes away. But I know our marriage can’t withstand this forever.”

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: We had quite the dialogue about this-

Ryan: We did.

Selena: …before we jumped into it.

Ryan: Well, there’s a lot to talk about, because she’s laid out a lot of information here.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: So here’s-

Selena: She’s also answered her question in lesser terms.

Ryan: I’ll be curious to hear your thoughts on that. But as we answer something like this, there’s kind of two bandwagons we’re tempted to jump on. Of course, without knowing this couple, without knowing their situation, trying to be as-

Selena: Charitable.

Ryan: …charitable, trying to be as objective as we can be in this situation, in this context, answering a question like this in a podcast episode, it’s not easy to do. So my hope is that we can share some thoughts that will minister to a wide variety of people, but also maybe even to this couple and to this wife.

So in terms of the bandwagons, you can jump on. If you’ve followed the Fierce Marriage podcast, you know that I’m not light on the men. I expect much of our men. Men should be told the standard, they should be called to rise to the standard. The standard should not change.

Selena: And men are wired for that too.

Ryan: Yeah, they need to be called up to it. And in many ways, especially now, because there are a lot of husbands that just have been passive, they’ve not stepped into their role, they’ve not understood the things of God. They’ve fallen short. They need to not fall short. But I found myself wanting to defend this husband in this case. And that’s the bandwagon I was on. You weren’t like husband bashing.

Selena: No.

Ryan: But you were more inclined to see it from the wife’s perspective.

Selena: How is he not helping her is what probably as much bashing as I would go. It’s like, well, you know, she’s really struggling. Is he not leading her well? I mean, he has this track record of, you know, breaking trust at some level. And so she’s hurt by this. But you know, our dialogue in this, and we can go through, I think what we talked about is everything has been resolved. She even sort of says that at the end, but she opens the question, which we have been unable to come to an agreement on. But she ends it with, we came to an agreement on, but I still feel hurt. So that’s a question, too. Does he know…? She says he’s aware of it. But has the communication happened of like, I’m really hurt. I’m still kind of triggered by some of this stuff?

Ryan: And the trick is that she may or may not have said that. Sounds like she has. The question is, how is he responding? Because you can respond to that with facts and in a dismissive way or you can respond to that with care in a way that a husband leads his wife.

Selena: You can lovingly deliver… Yeah, leading and lovingly deliver those facts. I think back to-

Ryan: The part that I was pushing back against in this, and again, that’s all the caveat is it’s only one side. I don’t mean to invalidate what the wife is saying. But I’m thinking in terms of what a husband and the husbands I’ve spoken with and the husbands that we’ve heard from as well. He had the issue with texting, which was inappropriate. He was called out on it. He made the mistake of not terminating it, then he continued it and sneaking it for whatever reason. Either he thought it was not a problem and his wife was overreacting or he knew it was wrong, but continued in. Either way, don’t sneak around. I would say don’t text women, husbands. It should be far and away the exception that you’re texting a woman one-on-one. And it should always be very-

Selena: It’s never the norm.

Ryan: Yeah, it shouldn’t be the norm and it should never be flirtatious. Now, I’m not going to say like never text, because we have people that work with us that are women and I have to communicate with them about the things we’re working on.

Selena: It’s typically a rule of thumb if you’re doing anything personal and you need to talk to someone of the opposite sex, you include either… he includes me or I include him or we include their spouse in the text.

Ryan: So he made the mistake of flirting with this woman and then continuing, and so he damaged the trust that he has with his wife. But then she says, it all came to a head and we put it behind us.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: Well, what does that mean? Because if you’ve actually truly put it behind him, meaning he’s confessed the sin, he’s repented of it, he’s turned from it and you’ve begun rebuilding trust, well, at what point does he have your trust again?

Selena: There’s some hurt, there’s some brokenness of broken trust, but we’re kind of… it feels like the reconciliation has been glossed over a little too much. That’s where I think some of our questions are. We read in here, “I know my husband has grown and is a better man now than he has ever been. I know he loves me and our children and our life together.” So what does that mean?

Ryan: You worked through the texting thing. He was an idiot. He messed up. Ideally, he confessed of it. He turned from it. You worked through it. You’re rebuilding your trust. Worked through the porn thing. He messed up… And women are sinners too, by the way.

Selena: Women are sinners too, yes.

Ryan: Which we’ll talk about that later. But he went and got counseling. He got help. He is doing the work, so to speak to-

Selena: And she’s recognized that. I guess my question for the wife would be, have you stepped into your role, whatever that, you know… what is a wife’s role in helping her husband come out of a porn addiction? What is, you know…

Ryan: That’s a good question.

Selena: Yeah. And we won’t answer it fully now. It’s not a relinquishing of like, okay, deal with your stuff and then come back to me. That’s not a covenant.

Ryan: Right. The broad theme here is what I see is that there’s a track record of broken trust that she is struggling with. They’ve gone through the steps, but she has yet to fully realize that trust in her own heart for her husband. And she wants to trust him, but she doesn’t.

So the big question I have here is, why does she not trust him yet, or why does she not at least feel loved in the building of the trust? So the big question here is, is she justified, given all that she said, that he’s the better man he’s ever been before, she knows that he loves her, she knows that he values their life together. In other words, she, in her mind, understands.

Selena: But her heart seems to not be secure in that yet.

Ryan: Yeah. And so now these new variables have entered the scene.

Selena: Right. She feels threatened by them.

Ryan: Right. Let’s talk about the porn one first. So she’s saying he’s a firefighter. He’s working 24-hour shifts. Most firefighters that I know they work two days a week and they have the other five days a week. Some guys that even have two jobs because they can do that sort of thing. It’s a pretty awesome gig to have, so I don’t blame him for wanting to stick with it.

Selena: You work hard, you get paid well, and they’re selective on who they allow in.

Ryan: And you’re a hero, right? You save lives. You know, kids look at you in your fire truck and they want to be you. What guy doesn’t want to have that, you know? So I get it. But if he’s off at work and she’s concerned because of the nature of the relationships they’re building, let’s talk about the porn thing. Well, I can tell you to think that the porn temptation, if it is there at the firehouse, to think that that will go away if you’re not at the firehouse, then I think that’s naive to think.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Just because you’re not in the firehouse doesn’t mean that porn is not still ubiquitous, it’s not still in the back of a guy’s mind if he’s addicted to it.

Selena: Right. It’s not the place.

Ryan: It’s not still a temptation.

Selena: It’s an issue of the heart, right?

Ryan: So you kind of have to take that variable out. You know, there needs to be accountability in place. Like here’s the sad reality is that if a guy is addicted to porn and wanting to get at it, he will find it and he will find a way to sneak it. He will find a way to…

Selena: It doesn’t matter where it is.

Ryan: And that’s a sad reality, but it’s also, in this case, maybe a comfort knowing that-

Selena: “Hey, we worked through this.”

Ryan: Yeah. Right. If you’re free of it, you’re free of it.

Selena: Right. And if I’m feeling like this is a temptation, then I can bring it to you and say, “Hey, is this a temptation? I’m feeling like it might be where you add on it.” And you’re saying, “Nope, I’m good. Like solid. God’s got me,” then as a wife, I have to stand on that. I have to trust him in that. I have no other option. I cannot control your heart, your mind, what you do. I cannot ever. So I have to stand on that. It’s risky, right?

Ryan: And that’s decades in the making, that level of trust. It’s just to the point in our own marriage where it’s just not worth it.

Selena: For sure. And there’s other factors, of course. But, you know, asking him to leave his job, asking him to put distance between close female relationships, I can’t imagine that he even has those anymore, even if he’s working with one. I mean, there’s boundaries that just professionalism and whatnot.

Ryan: So she is asking him to change his vocation.

Selena: Because she can’t change his heart, right?

Ryan: Because she is not trusting him.

Selena: Right. Okay.

Ryan: So that’s where I struggle with this because to ask a man to change his vocation… like if he’s in the job and he feels called to this in some sense and he feels at home in this, it’s the craft that God has given him to do. And he is also the same guy. So it’s not like he’s an alcoholic who’s now feeling called to be a bartender.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: He has dealt with the temptation. He’s dealt with the flirtation. He’s dealt with that stuff. And you’re saying, I don’t believe you’ve dealt with it and so I’m going to ask you to leave the means by which you provide for our family because I don’t trust that you’ve dealt with this stuff in a way that you say you’ve dealt with it. So to me, that’s a communication and trust-building issue. I don’t know that leaving the vocation is going to actually fix the underlying problem. Because there’s going to be other cute girls in-

Selena: No matter where you go.

Ryan: No matter where you go. There’s going to be other opportunities to fall into temptation with lust and pornography. All that stuff persists. So what I would focus on with this couple is building and establishing trust, creating rhythms and boundaries that are measurable and verifiable. Like if you don’t have the trust in my word, then I’m going to give you some other way to trust me. Now-

Selena: And ideally you would grow out of that, right? Like you’re not going to always be like texting and checking in and having to do out of, you know… but you’re taking those steps forward. We’ve established this low level of trust, now we can move up to the next level, which means like you guys have to define that, you know, for yourselves.

Ryan: I don’t want to push too hard against this wife because women have a way of knowing this stuff. So we only take it for face value with the words, but like a wife knows. When a husband has been looking at porn and it’s not been explicitly said, like she knows something is up. She knows that he’s disengaged. She knows that sexually he’s not the man he once was. They know. So I don’t want to be very fast to write off the way that she’s feeling.

Selena: Agreed.

Ryan: So I would advise this couple to set up boundaries, to set up systems. We’re on Apple. So I used iPhone. Whatever messages I send, you’re almost always on my computer doing other stuff for school and whatnot, for home education. So you see all the messages I send. So around Christmas time, I was like, don’t be checking the messages because I was trying to surprise you.

Selena: I have packages coming in and things. Packages and boxes.

Ryan: Like I’m texting to verify deliveries and stuff like that. So that’s the exception to the rule. So that’s a system. And by the way, we have a thing on our website. If you go to Fierce Marriage and search for what’s called the phone drop test, I think that’s maybe a good boundary to put in place. There’s at no time could Selena say to me, “Hey, drop your phone,” and I’d be like, “Wait, wait, no, I got to… hold on. Let me just delete some history.”

Selena: He’ll be like, “Can you just take it?” “I don’t want to look at it anymore. I’m so tired of having it.”

Ryan: That’s a way of walking the light. We’re gonna bring some scripture into this, but I want to bring in first John 1. And it says, if you walk in the light as he is in the light, we will have fellowship with one another and be cleansed of all unrighteousness. Those are two promises of walking in transparency. Fellowship, closeness, but also you’re getting rid of the sin. And so you want to walk in the light, whatever the cost. Have we hit some of the big…?

Selena: I think so. Like I said, I think at the beginning is, you know, when trust has been broken, it brings up all sorts of insecurities. When you’ve been hurt, you can easily… We become afraid. We become anxious about any sort of sin entering our hearts. And just to speak to the porn thing, you said you can access it. If a guy wants to get to watch porn, he can. There’s no foolproof method because this is an issue of the heart.

Matthew 15:19 tells us that for out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. This is a heart issue. This is not a firehouse issue. This is not an iPhone issue or anything like this. This is a heart issue.

Proverbs 4:23, the title is a father’s wise instruction. Keep your heart with all vigilance from it, flow the springs of life. Like husband and wife, are each of you keeping your heart with all diligence? Are you letting worry and anxiety, wife, consume you? Husband, are you engaging in sin and you haven’t repented? Like these are all… again, they are heart issues that we first and foremost need to take to the Lord.

Ryan: So if he is repentant, which he was, and if he is clean in the sense that he’s not doing any of the things that she’s afraid of, he still is not off the hook. And neither is she. They both still need to work this out because clearly, something’s not there. She doesn’t feel at ease. I’m not going to say she doesn’t feel loved. I’m not going to say she doesn’t feel safe.

Selena: She doesn’t feel like she can trust him.

Ryan: And so now as a husband, you can say, Okay, I heard what you said and I disagree with you, so I’m going to stay at this job.

Selena: Which leaves the wife feeling dismissed.

Ryan: And you left it up to me, so that’s my decision.

Selena: Right. Which is how she can feel.

Ryan: Now, in some relationships that might work. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to work in this relationship. So it’s going to need to be an ongoing dialogue and it’s going to take emotional communication maturity.

Selena: It’s going to take some risk. What was the term?

Ryan: It’s going to take some meaningful risk. And what I mean by that is you’re going to expose yourself to the words of another person in a way that will actually affect how you think, act, and feel. So as a husband, Okay, wife, I see that you’re not at ease with this, how can I help you? Why do you feel this way?

Selena: I mean, you did it perfectly. It’s just, how can I help you in this? Now, it’s not the husband’s job to give her 100% full assurance in all of her worries and anxieties, right? That’s the Lord’s territory.

Ryan: And that’s the meaningful risk piece. Because if he says to his wife, I love you, you can trust me. We’ve been through this stuff in the past. You’ve seen the change. I am still just as committed. I’m living in the light-

Selena: I laugh because we’ve had this exact conversation, not about this, but other challenging things. And you’ve done this.

Ryan: So the meaningful risk is where that wife hears her husband’s words and says, “I’m going to choose to trust those words. And it’s-

Selena: It’s a risk.

Ryan: I’m taking that risk to expose my emotions and let your words then change me and drive my emotions. Now, he also needs to have some emotional vulnerability, meaningful risk, and saying, “Well, is there something that I’ve done to not gain your trust fully? Well, I feel like we’re not communicating around this. I still feel like…” well, it’s time to start talking through that stuff because you can’t live your lives like this.

Selena: Well, clearly because she wrote in and she really has kind of answered her own questions. She said it’s been a month. She’s kind of watching the time here and he hasn’t brought it up. Well, maybe he needs… If there’s nothing to bring up, then I don’t think a man’s gonna bring it up. But if you feel hurt, then you need to talk to him about that, right? He’s your husband and you can make him aware of that.

But again, I’m not going to my husband as my savior or my resolver of all problems, worries, and conflicts. I’m going to him as the head of our home saying, I’m struggling with this still. I don’t know. I’m kind of at a dead end and I don’t know what to do. Is there any way that we can work on this? How can a husband encourage his wife? And how can a wife allow his words and the words of scripture, first and foremost, I think, be the authority that governs those worries, those anxieties, those thoughts, right?

I mean, the Bible tells us to take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. I don’t have to worry because my husband has said these things. He’s proven himself worthy. Christ has given me… I have otherworldly peace so that I don’t need to borrow the troubles of tomorrow, right? I don’t need to borrow Matthew 6:25, the whole do not be anxious, right? Jesus said, don’t be anxious. Don’t worry about… look at the birds of the field, the flowers, like they are not anxious for anything and the Lord clothes them, feeds them, everything.

So, again, what are we anxious about? Paul says to Philippians, be anxious for nothing, so here’s some advice. Instruction, not advice. Here is some biblical commands and instructions. “In everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Ryan: It’s tempting to try and control our way out of anxiety. And this is a little bit what it sounds like to me. Now, again, we’re taking all of this for face value. If they’ve worked through this stuff and he hasn’t given her any more reason to distrust her, at some point she will have to trust him in ways that are uncomfortable to her.

And this is where 1 Corinthians 13 comes through. Love is patient, love is kind, so on and so forth. Love hopes all things, believes all things. What does that mean? Love expects the best. And so if you find yourself expecting the worst, I can say two things. I can understand it, but I can also say that’s not love. It’s something else. It’s fear.

Love is not driving that aspect of your relationship. Fear is. If you’re not hoping all things, believing all things for your spouse, believing for the best, that’s not driven by love. And where’s that love rooted? It’s rooted in covenant you have. It’s rooted in the covenant that’s based on Christ. It’s rooted in Christ Himself. It’s rooted in the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s rooted in prayer. It’s rooted in all these things. But at some point you have to have that conversation, and there will have to be trust given.

Selena: Right. I mean, the Lord even invites us and asks us for that trust. We see it in the ever-popular verse of Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

Ryan: So here’s my pushback on that, because maybe the wife’s thinking this: it doesn’t say, trust in your husband with all your heart.

Selena: It’s true.

Ryan: Right. So do I still trust him? Well, this is the point I’m trying to make is you kind of have to. You’re trusting the Lord in him. You’re trusting the process that the Lord has begun and you’re trusting and you kind of have to if you want to move forward.

Selena: The only way you can trust your husband is if you trust the Lord first.

Ryan: The reality is if you have the conversation with your spouse and you come to some sort of agreement, but then you still don’t trust him, what that turns into is you’re now holding him hostage. Meaning that if you don’t do the things I think you need to do, I will not give you my trust. Therefore, our relationship will not move forward until you do what I think you need to do. And that’s tricky. And I don’t think the wife wants to be in that spot.

Selena: I don’t think so either.

Ryan: I don’t think you should have to be in that spot.

Selena: But sometimes I think distrust takes us there and fear and anxiety and worry, it kind of can take us hostage as well. Right?

Ryan: And it goes all the way back to the beginning of the message where they maybe still have some stuff to work through. And that’s up to them to do so. And by the grace of God, we pray that you do.

Selena: Now we’re taking scripture. We’re saying, husband, I trust you. The wife can now look to scripture and say, okay, my husband has done all the things, we’ve worked through, we’ve taken all the steps, I can rest assured in the process. Now I have to go to God for my peace.

Ryan: And you do the work of taking captive those thoughts and saying-

Selena: Making them submit.

Ryan: …you don’t deserve any more headspace. Because like you just said, we’ve done the work, we’ve dealt with it, we’ve taken it to God, we’ve been transparent, we’ve done all this.

Selena: I’m not going to let it rob us.

Ryan: We’re not going to invalidate that because the enemy decided to plant a thought.

Selena: It’s not going to rob our peace and our unity.

Ryan: So we hope that was helpful.

Selena: Thank you for writing in and being so transparent, because I think that’s helpful for many listeners and viewers.

Ryan: So for a reminder, you can write in your questions. Go to fiercemarriage.com/ask. We are always open to those, and we like to answer those whenever we’re able.

We always like to end these episodes with a reminder and a call unto Christ, a call into the gospel, the good news that is what Christ did on the cross and who He is as the Son of God. If you don’t know who He is, basically it’s this, Jesus Christ is the second person of the Trinity, that’s going to get really theological, incarnate, made flesh, so that He could live a perfect life and die the sinner’s death so that we didn’t die the death that we deserve. We didn’t stay dead. He rose again on the third day and ascended to the right hand of the Father in heaven. There He reigns to this day as Lord over all of His creation, calling those unto saving faith in Him through the power of the Holy Spirit.

There’s a lot in there, but basically what it means is this, is that if you are a sinner outside of Christ, you are headed to hell. If you put your faith in Christ, you are called a co-heir with Him in everything that he earned on the cross and in His perfect life. We want that for you.

So to find out more about that, we say, talk to a friend who’s a Christian, say, read the Bible with me, find a Bible preaching church, go there, listen to the word preached, let it change your heart. If you have a hard time with either of those two things, go to this website, it could help. Go to thenewsisgood.com.

Let’s pray. Father God, thank You for Your word. Thank You for Your goodness. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Lord, we pray that couples that are struggling with trust would, a) find their way through whatever the lies and deception are. Maybe they confess the sin, bring it out into the open. I pray that they repent, turn from it, get their foot on a path toward healing, on a path toward righteous living so that they might flourish, Lord.

If couples are struggling with living out that process, if they’ve already gone through that process, I pray that You’d grant them just strength to trust You, to trust one another in ways that may not feel natural at first, but I pray that that would be trust well-placed and their marriages would flourish as a result. It’s in Your precious name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: All right, thank You for joining us. If you want to partner with Fierce Fellowship, go to fiercemarriage.com/partner.

That said, next week we’re talking about what? We are talking about the hot topic. Why it’s right, good, and true for husbands to be the primary initiators of sex in marriage? So if that sounds interesting to you, make sure you subscribe to the Fierce Marriage podcast and your podcasting app of choice. Go ahead and leave a five-star review. Subscribe to that YouTube channel. All the kids are doing it these days. And we’ll be back in about seven days with that episode.

So this week’s episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: See you again soon. Until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.