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Selena: So we are on part two of this episode, this message of talking about why husbands should… sorry, let me rephrase this. It is right and good for husbands to be the primary initiators of sex in marriage. So if you haven’t listened to the first episode, we’d invite you to go back, listen to that because I’m sure your feathers are already ruffled. And we can kind of smooth some of those out for you, as well as present the truth of the situation and we acknowledge some of the elephants in the room.

But today, once we get to the other side, we are going to be talking about why men are built to be the leaders in the home and why this should also include the area of intimacy. You’re going to want to go check out last week’s. We talked about pitfalls to avoid, the reality about sex and what it actually is and why husbands don’t feel like they can initiate, and how women and wives can be partly to blame for that possibly. So go back and check out that other episode. Once you’ve done that, join us for this episode on the other side.

[00:01:05]

Ryan: Selena, this is one of those episodes where I just hope people can hear our hearts and hear the truth and not get hung up on maybe some romantics-

Selena: Well, how does he get to say that? What does he mean by that? Does he know about my situation? What about this? What about that? Yes, we’re being risk-takers here.

Ryan: When you have a podcast, you kind of have to speak to the general truths given an ideal scenario. And we’re doing that here that. If you have a “what about” in your mind, write in. Go to fiercemarriage.com/ask and give us your what-about. What about this? What about that? What about our marriage?

Last time we ended with pitfalls to avoid. I think those are worth recapping here just quickly. This will maybe keep some listeners a little bit longer. We talk about initiating. One of the things that I expressed in the last episode, and I’ll say it again here, is I don’t like the… for whatever reason, a lot of married couples fall into this idea of husbands should be asking.

Selena: For sex.

Ryan: For sex. I used the analogy as if you have the cookie jar-

Selena: The wife has the cookie jar, the husband wants a cookie. [laughs]

Ryan: …and I want a cookie. And if I’m good enough, if I’m a good boy, mama will give Daddy a cookie. [both laughs]

Selena: It’s just too much. I just can’t handle it. We don’t think this is how God designed sex to be.

Ryan: Well, because what does it do is it becomes a transactional thing and it devalues what sex is. Because I think we’ve been taught in our culture sex is purely physical. It’s something that I’m asking for a physical action from you because I have a physical desire when in reality sex is so much more. Go back and listen to the last episode.

Selena: God created it for so much more.

Ryan: Yes. And the primary thing within a marriage that sex is it’s covenant renewal. You have your covenant sign, which is your ring, your wedding ring, which says we are in fact married together. This is a sign that we are husband and wife. And you have the seal of that covenant, which is I’m now giving myself body, soul, and spirit to you. Two become one flesh through the act of consummating that marriage. From now on, whenever we have intimacy and we have sex again, it’s always a covenant renewal. I’m still yours, you are still mine, and we are still one flesh. This covenant is still here, still governing us.

So when I think I have to ask you for it, say, you know, Selena, do you think maybe later if… I don’t know, if you aren’t too tired later… I don’t know. I’m just thinking theoretically, maybe. Maybe we could, I don’t know, maybe we could have sex later. I’m dragging it on because I’m trying to make the point.

So you’re the gatekeeper as opposed to, and here’s where we get into what this will actually look like, a husband initiating sex says, “I’m not going to ask you for it, but here’s what I’m going to say, We need to be close tonight.

Selena: And you’re not being demanding about it.

Ryan: I think we need to be intimate tonight. And this is what husbands and wives do. And I love you, and I desire you in the right ways. But it’s not just about me. It’s because this is what our covenant… You know, you see what I’m saying?

Selena: You’re seeing the needs of both people. You’re seeing the desires of your wife. You’re showing her through how you’re approaching and initiating, not approaching. You show me in your initiation that you care for me. Initiating does not mean it’s just you. It’s not a solo thing. It’s that I’m leading us. You use the game analogy. You’re putting the game on the table. You’re saying, Hey, I want to play this game with you because we need to play this game and I love you and I love playing it with you. So let’s-

Ryan: And it’s good for us to play this game. And this game is a gift from God.

Selena: It’s good for us.

Ryan: And this game is something that-

Selena: Sex is not a game people, okay? That’s not what we’re saying. Yes.

Ryan: That’s kind of the quick overview of what we talked about last week. Now, one of the pitfalls is that initiating doesn’t mean being demanding, right? I’m not setting the game on the table saying-

Selena: You will play.

Ryan: …play this or I’m going to throw a hissy fit or I’m going to hold you emotionally hostage and I’m going to be a huge jerk or whatever. That’s not what initiating is. Also, initiating doesn’t mean that anything goes. I’m not saying that husbands disregard.

One of the things we said last week was, a wife’s needs and a husband’s needs, because a wife can initiate too. I’ve said primary initiator, not only initiator. But the other’s needs are always in view. I’m not going to propose playing the game if you’re in the middle of cooking dinner, right? Because you’re like, No, I’m cooking dinner right now.

I’m not saying that you would propose initiating sex while you’re cooking dinner necessarily. You might. But the point is, is timing matters and the situation matters, and reading the room matters. And a loving husband and loving wife will take that into consideration when initiating.

So it doesn’t mean anything goes. It doesn’t mean any time goes, nor does anything go. Meaning that I am always looking to love you more, not use you for my own pleasure. So meaning that everything in bed must be done in a spirit of love and purity. Now, people might have questions like, well, what is that?

Selena: Well, edification. Sorry, I don’t mean to roll my eyes. But I feel like if you’re asking that kind of question, you’re already in the wrong space.

Ryan: I don’t think so. Because there’s stuff that-

Selena: It’s okay. True. There’s things that are unknown.

Ryan: Should I say what the boundaries are? I might as well just say them because I feel like there’s universal boundaries.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: The overarching thing is everything must be done in a spirit of purity and edification. I mean, I’m never going to do anything that degrades or causes pain in sex. And a wife should never do that to her.

Selena: You’re never going to force the partner to do anything they don’t want to do.

Ryan: You can’t do those things in the spirit of love and edification. You cannot. Well, that takes away this, but also I think God’s law. I know God’s law takes away this sodomy is not an option. Not an option. Don’t even ask. Don’t even try. Don’t even think about it. It’s wrong. And then never bring any third party into the situation. What I mean by that… I’m not just talking about bringing another person-

Selena: That’s wrong.

Ryan: Which is wrong. Things like pornography. Some people would ask, you know, is it okay for us to, if we agree to, view pornography during sex, if it helps move things along? Not okay. Don’t bring them in. Also any sort of toys that would be made in the image of… you know, so you have some toys that are made that are meant to look like sexual organs. Those are made in the image of somebody. Don’t bring them in. Not okay. Not okay.

Those are the boundaries that I can see. So the advocation, sodomy, the image of anybody or anything that would, you know, somehow bring a third party into the situation, pictures, videos, otherwise. Aside from those things, God has given you a beautiful playground within which to enjoy yourselves together. I’ll leave it at that.

Finally, we’re 10 minutes in and we’re talking about the point of this episode for part two here is that men are built to be leaders in the home. So why wouldn’t this include initiating intimacy? Go ahead.

Selena: You said it’s the primary responsibility, it’s not the solo responsibility. So wives also have the ability to initiate sex. You were going to go into some of the tangible benefits of this, of how to initiate.

Ryan: One of the tangible benefits of a husband initiating is that oftentimes, not all the time, but oftentimes-

Selena: I’m generally speaking.

Ryan: How dare you speak generally?

Selena: This is not the what-abouts.

Ryan: Oftentimes the husband has the greater drive. So like if someone’s hungry all the time and you’re not hungry and say, we’re hiking, I don’t want you just starving all the time. If you’re hungry, like tell me you’re hungry so we can stop and have some snacks.

Selena: Carry all my snacks.

Ryan: And give Mama a cookie. [both laughs] So if the husband has a greater drive, this makes sure that that’s cared for. It’s not wrong to have a sex drive.

Selena: Nope. It’s loving to fulfill that.

Ryan: It’s wrong to fulfill that sex drive anywhere else.

Selena: Outside of marriage. Yes, your marriage.

Ryan: So another tangible benefit is it clears up much miscommunication. If the husband’s waiting for the wife to initiate and I’m like, you know what, I was so nice to you, I bought you flowers, I called you, I sent you a text message, we were romantic all day long and you just went to bed. Well, you’re like, I didn’t know.

Selena: I just thought you were going to be nice to me. Finally. No kidding. [both laughs]

Ryan: But why is that weird or why does the husband feel like now that somehow he’s just going to expect his wife to read his mind?

Selena: I put the quarters in, why don’t I get the price?

Ryan: And we’re here to say initiating is another way to love your spouse.

Selena: Did everybody hear that? I just want to say initiating is another way to love your spouse. It’s not a bulldozer doing whatever, whenever, demanding whatever whenever. It is a way of loving your spouse. So I just want to make sure everybody hears that because we’re going to get some write-ins that didn’t hear that.

Ryan: Well, then bring it on. We’ll hopefully be able to help those too. So this alleviates now the wife from having to read her husband’s mind. Like I said, it helps the husband and not wondering when he will get another cookie. I’ve talked to a lot of guys who are like, yeah, “Man, last month was great. We had sex twice and I’m just waiting like for the next time because that’ll be great.” Like, brother, go talk to your wife.

Selena: Initiate this.

Ryan: Yeah. So we’re trying to give you the vocabulary, as a husband, to say to your wife, “Wife, I love you. Marriage is good. Our covenant is good. Sex is covenant renewal.”

Selena: It’s okay to say these things. It’s good to remind us.

Ryan: “I want to renew my covenant with you because I love you. Let’s go.”

Selena: “Let’s do it together.”

Ryan: And not in this like, You owe me this. That’s not what we’re talking about.

Selena: It’s a hard issue. Absolutely. Yes. And it’s relieving for the wife in a lot of ways. Like when you say, Hey, we need to be intimate, it’s always almost always because I know he knows me and we have a timing thing. It’s like, I know that he knows and he knows that I know. And so this is just, yes, great, you said it. We’re going to do it. Awesome.

Ryan: Because a lot of times you’re articulating what both of you… what you’re smelling. Someone’s in the room and there’s something… it’s like, yeah, you smell the same thing.

Selena: How about elephant?

Ryan: Or you’re smelling the elephant in the room. Go ahead.

Selena: Ultimately, it reinforces the role of you, husband, the head of our home. When you’re leading well, things will go well. You’re leading us in this. You’re putting the game out here. You’re saying, “Hey, the cookies are out here.” We all want cookies, right?

Ryan: We got as many cookies as we want and they’re calorie-free. They actually burn calories.

Selena: So it’s good. It is good. The husband should be initiating. And being the husband, I mean, go to Ephesians 5. Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially. Initiating sex is not something that is outside of that, right? If you’re loving me sacrificially, you’re going to initiate in a loving, sacrificial way.

Ryan: That’s key. That’s key because you can also initiate in a very selfish way. So it just like-

Selena: I wouldn’t even call it initiate. I’d call it manipulating.

Ryan: It’s like when you love in a selfish way too. And I can serve you in a selfish way.

Selena: Is it loving though? Is it-

Ryan: Okay. That’s what we’re trying to say is everything. Before the what abouts, everything is done in a spirit of love. If I’m initiating because I love you not because I’m just trying to flex it some way to get what I want out of you, not love.

Selena: Right. Not love.

Ryan: But if I’m initiating saying, I want to alleviate this question in our minds and say we’ve talked about this day of the week being a day that we are aiming for. Here’s what I see on the horizon. Kids are tired. We’re going to go do this, that, or the other thing. Here’s the deal. When we get home, we’re going to give them dinner and then I’m going to tell them to clean up the table and then I’m going to say you can watch a movie, and me and you will go upstairs and it’ll be fine. Is that okay with you? Do you feel like that’s a good plan?

Selena: Are you on board with this?

Ryan: You’ll say, okay. Is that a relief or is that… because otherwise it’s like, you know, it’s the day you’re supposed to somehow fit it in.

Selena: No. Because it feels like everybody’s trying to make it. There’s too many chiefs trying to make simple decisions and it gets all out of whack. So it’s like-

Ryan: You’ve got things like babies who are like-

Selena: Take the lead.

Ryan: …unpredictable or you’ve got other issues and things.

Selena: Husband, lovingly lead your wife. Wife, be relieved that your husband is leading and taking the initiative and jump on board so you can jump on him. Is that right? [both laughs]

Ryan: You just never stop surprising me.

Selena: I know.

Ryan: So we’ve talked about pitfalls to avoid. We’ve talked about why men are built to be leaders in the home. We didn’t really glossed over that.

Selena: Correct me if I’m wrong, but learning… I mean, learning to be a submissive wife is also for men it’s learning to be a leader, right? Like, I don’t think that you just arrive at these… when you get married, I’m not automatically submissive and you’re not automatically a leader. These are areas we grow into. And we see this through intimacy, right? We see this through you leading our home or setting the climate spiritually of like we are Christians, we go to church, we are Christians, we do this, we are believers of God, we do this. So sex intimacy doesn’t fall outside of that. It is very much within those bounds.

Ryan: That’s true. And a revolutionary if you actually believe that and implement that in your marriage.

Selena: So I guess there’s room to grow is what I’m saying. I don’t want to just put pressure on like, you should be these things, you need to do these things. Well, we grow into them within the sanctity and the covenant of our marriage, right? This is where we get sanctified. This is where you learn and you’ve grown into becoming a man. Ideally, yes, you’re a man getting married, but young Ryan, young 20-year-old Ryan is not the same as the silver fox we see before us now, right? [both laughs]

Ryan: I have like seven silver hairs.

Selena: I love every one of them.

Ryan: I’m working on getting more.

Selena: Every one of them. So you’re built and wired for it.

Ryan: Yeah. So we talked about men being the leaders in the home. And I appreciate what you just said. One distinction I do want to make, because this is a pushing back a little bit. When I speak to men, this is one of the things I say to them is that there’s this idea of servant leadership that I think has done a lot of damage in the household. And here’s what I mean by that. We are supposed to lead. Yes. Excuse me. We are supposed to serve. Absolutely.

Selena: Yes. Husband.

Ryan: But here’s the thing Christ served but He was not a servant. And what I mean by that… Christ was always Lord He was always king. But He was a king who chose to serve. He was a Lord who chose to serve. Now, husbands are leaders who are called to serve not servants who are called to lead.

Selena: Say that again. It’s good.

Ryan: Husbands are leaders who are called to serve and not servants who are called to lead. So we lead by serving. In the Gospels, when Jesus washed the disciples feet, He says, “Now do this unto one another.” Did He ever at one point, stop being the Christ? Did He ever at one point stop being the King? No, He served as King.

So I’m saying as husbands, we are called to be heads. And one of the ways that we are heads in our household is by serving, by doing the actions of a servant while having the responsibilities of a head and all the responsibility, which includes loving sacrificially, leading, which means, you know, basically being the provider, the protector-

Selena: Your hands are on the steer of that ship, not mine, like yours are. And God will hold you accountable for it.

Ryan: And I will take responsibility for this household. I think a lot of guys will approach their marriage and say, I am a servant to my wife. Well, you serve your wife, but you are not a servant. You are a head. And that involves serving. And that involves dying. That involves being sacrificial. But do not make a mistake. A servant will not be held accountable for his household. The head will be held accountable for his household. And the gospel is called to serve as our head. Christ has served us through dying. He is still King.

So I just want to make that clear distinction as you’re thinking through this. This is one way that you can serve your spouse is by understanding that this all comes together. We’ve gotten a little bit off on a tangent, but it’s worth reinforcing.

So, we talked about how men are built to be leaders and this is one way. Why wouldn’t leadership include this subject, intimacy? So, I want to get into some tangible ways to initiate. And I found these to be very helpful as I’ve worked through these.

Selena: Yeah. Just you. No.

Ryan: Well, sorry.

Selena: You have.

Ryan: As we’ve worked through this together.

Selena: But no, this has been very…. we talked about this. It’s been very helpful. So, the last few minutes here were… This will be really helpful.

Ryan: So here’s just some really tangible things. So say something like this. Wife, I think you and I should be intimate tonight. It’s not like we have to do this. You owe this to me.

Selena: Your tone, your timing, everything matters in that. You’re lovingly saying, I think we should be intimate tonight. And I can tell that you are loving me in that.

Ryan: Of course, layer it and things like, Hey, I love you and I think we should be intimate tonight. Or I think we should take this moment while we have a chance to be intimate. And whatever your marriage vernacular is. We tend to say things like, let’s be close. Let’s be intimate. Mostly it’s, let’s take some time, that sort of thing. [laughs] Let’s have some cookies together.

Selena: I like actual cookies, so I don’t want to be mistaking. Yeah, I’ll have peanut butter cookie, and you’re like, Okay.

Ryan: You know, our new secret phrase could be, you want to have some calorie-free cookies later?

Selena: There. Ways to initiate. First one.

Ryan: “I love you, and I really want to be close with you because I love you. When do you think is the best time for that to happen?” So it’s not a bulldozing. It’s not “I don’t care what’s on your-

Selena: Agenda.

Ryan: …for the day. But like, do you think tonight-

Selena: I think tonight’s a good night.

Ryan: I think tonight’s a good night. We’re due. Another thing is I want to be close to you or I want to feel close. I love you and I want to feel close with you. I enjoy you and I want-

Selena: Yeah, sex can be… It can be a very comforting thing, right? It can be a very… we talk about covenant renewal. It can be a joyful thing. It can be a comforting thing. It can be a very unifying, like bringing us back together. So we feel close, we feel like one and not two, because I think you just kind of drift apart. So all of these types of phrases are very encouraging, at least for a wife, for me to hear of like, “I want to be with you. I want…” Not “Hey, it’s time, you know?

Ryan: Or here’s another proactive way to say it. When’s the best time today for us to be close? I think that’s really important. Like, when we’ll work the best for us for this inevitable thing today.

Selena: Because I’ve taken the initiative, today is when it’s happening. What about if you got kids, Ryan? What do you do?

Ryan: Well, I mentioned the example earlier. I think it was this week and not last week. This to me was like life hack moment.

Selena: Once our kids got to a certain age and-

Ryan: We’re sitting at the table and you didn’t see this coming. You remember? So the first time I did this, I was like, This is the way to do it. That’s what I thought to myself. [laughs]

Selena: Surprised yourself, huh?

Ryan: As we’re sitting there at the dinner table… our oldest is 10 now, our youngest just turned one. So you can fill in the ages in there. And here’s what I said. We had just done family worship. We had finished up… you know, the kids are kind of antsy to go play and they want to maybe watch a cartoon.

Selena: Everybody’s happy and fed and gotten some-

Ryan: And the baby’s happy. She’s had a nap and I could read the situation and I’m looking at my wife and… we had actually, I think, been maybe even arguing a little bit.

Selena: Well, because you’re often malfeasant. [both laughs]

Ryan: Yes, it’s true. And we were coming back together and we were finding our way back. And you were kind of reading me. Because a lot of times… Because I’m the one that like… it takes me longer to come around and I’m…

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Selena’s like, “Hey, I don’t care about that thing that happened. We’re good.”

Selena: Really good.

Ryan: And I’ll be like, You raised your voice at me.

Selena: [inaudible 00:22:36] for better for worse.

Ryan: But anyway, you’re kind of reading me and I’m not trying to be like out of it, but I’m still emotionally kind of out of it because I’m like trying to figure my way around. And I just looked at the kids and said, “All right, kiddos, family worship’s good. Older girls. I want you to clean up the desk, a normal thing. You clear the table, just put the dishes in the sink.”

And then, Lou, our four-year-old, “Lou, you’re going to go up and clean up the living room. They need this sort of instruction. Just pick up some pillows, those sorts of things.” And after that, you girls can go into the school room, you can watch a show, and mommy and daddy are going to go have some time together. And you looked at me, you’re like, Oh-

Selena: You just said it. Like, “We’re going to go upstairs and we’re going to have some time.”

Ryan: And they’re like, “Great. Show. We don’t care what’s happening.”

Selena: Take care of your sister. Keep everybody safe.

Ryan: And here’s the rule. Like do not-

Selena: Don’t come up unless somebody is bleeding basically. No. [laughs]

Ryan: There’s been times they’re like, well, why do you have to go upstairs? We’re like, you don’t need to know. It’s not your concern. Well, why? I just gave you your answer. What else do you need to know?

Selena: You’re the parent. You’ve got to explain yourself.

Ryan: I don’t owe you an explanation. And I’m telling you, there’s something beautiful about saying like, this is an inevitable thing.

Selena: Taking the initiative. It was a beautiful life hack that we are using more often in the season that we’re in.

Ryan: And you’ll have to read that for your own household. And of course, you know, all this… what’s the word? You want to keep discretion up. Like we don’t want to make light of these things, but it’s like, listen, kids, mom and dad have something to tend to, our covenant renewal. That’s all you need… Not even that, but like what you’re invited to do is to be kids in this household, which means any number of kid things, reading books, playing, enjoying yourselves. You’re not invited into this moment. And that’s good and that’s okay. And you have to read the situation in your own household and create that culture. Anyway, does that sound…

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: Okay.

Selena: It’s great.

Ryan: Just for two minutes, I want to talk about the wife’s response. I know this has been like husband initiate, husband lead, husband all this stuff. Now-

Selena: There’s a couple of responses when a husband initiates, you know, and he learns to do it well. I think we have to give each other grace as you grow into these abilities, these skills. I think initiating is somewhat of a learned “let’s go” I guess is the best word for it. Learning how to love each other well in that.

And I’ve seen you grow in this. And I think that has changed my response and my affections of… It’s never been a like, Hey, I really need you right now. I mean, maybe there’s moments of like it’s been a while, we really need to connect. But most of the time, and I think you’ve just grown in your ability to articulate, “Hey, I love you. I want to be close to you. You’re my wife. These are good things. These are good desires. It’s good for us to want each other. It’s good for us to do this often, you know?”

So I see that as you, you know, fighting for our unity, seeking strength for our covenant. You’re showing me that you love me and I want to respond and love you back and love you well. So, you know, our general rule is like, if you’re asking, then I’m accepting. If I’m asking, you’re always accepting. But no is kind of the exception. We don’t say no to each other often.

And if there is a no, it’s usually legitimate and it’s a very well received from both sides of like, yeah, I was kind of wondering if this was an option and I get it. Like, yeah, Let’s wait.

Ryan: And it’ll usually be prefaced with something like that. Like, Hey, I know that this is the situation. However, I wanted to float this idea of playing this game tonight.

Selena: But what if husband or wife wants sex every day? What about that? Well, we’re here to tell you there are people out there, Christians that love each other and that is just a part of their daily routine. And it is not a routine thing, but it is a routine thing, if you know what I mean.

Ryan: Yeah. And to say what Selena just said in another way is that, yeah, there are couples that have sex every day and it’s as sure as brushing their teeth. And it’s not like, oh, a 30-day challenge or a seven-day challenge or we’re going to… No, it’s like that’s just what they do. And you know what? I say more power to them. That is not the Fredericks and that’s okay. Because if you’re in a place of health-

Selena: Just can’t keep up, honey. I’m just kidding.

Ryan: I can only hydrate so much.

Selena: Anyways.

Ryan: The point is health. The point is that you are going to-

Selena: Unity.

Ryan: And unity. Yes. And being able to communicate about these things in a way that is going to build up your marriage and renew your covenant and make you stronger. We are saying a lot of things today. And you know what? We’re trusting that you fierce listeners are going to be discerning and you’re going to be able to take the truth from what we said and not as prescriptive, but more as descriptive or somehow approximating what God has given us in this opportunity that we have in our intimate lives as married couples.

So you’ll have to parse through the various issues that you’re facing, whether it’s emotional, physical, spiritual, things that you’re working through. Our hope is that this would just be one of those pathways that would continue to grow alongside your communication, alongside your devotion to the Lord, alongside every other area of your marriage.

So anyway, we prayed this episode and last week’s episode were helpful, truly, and not condemning it in any way and not, you know, making you feel like you need to somehow rise to some artificial standard. The reality of it is this. God has given you a spouse, it is good. He’s given you your marriage, it is good. He’s given you sex, it is good.

He’s given you the order within which marriages to flourish, which is headship and submission, and the beautiful picture that is of the gospel within which to work this stuff out. And we pray that you do so with all of the equipping and empowering from the Holy Spirit and the love that you have for one another. Does that sound all right?

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: Okay. And by the way, yeah, we’re 20 years in and we’re still figuring this stuff out. And I can tell you it just gets better and better. So if you’re young and married, keep going. If you’re middle-aged and married, keep going. And if you’re old and married, way to go. Keep going. I’m old as relative, by the way. As a silver fox.

Selena: I love it. Love it.

Ryan: Okay, let’s pray. Let’s share the gospel.

Selena: I was wondering if you were going to.

Ryan: So we like to do this at the end of every episode, present you with an opportunity to respond to the gospel. If you don’t know who Jesus is, we want you to know Him. And the way that you know Him is by reading His word, getting in the fellowship with people, getting taught what it all means.

So to learn the gospel, we recommend you find a Christian, a friend of yours, hopefully. You can go to them and say, “Who is Jesus? What does the gospel tell me? I want to know who Jesus is.” The second way is you find a church that preaches out of the Bible, not just any church. There’s a lot of churches but they don’t all preach out of the Bible. So find one that preaches out of the Bible, is faithful to what we would call Orthodox, Protestant, Christian belief.

And the third thing we have for you is if you can’t find either of those things, there is a church finder there too. Go to thenewsisgood.com.

Let’s pray. Father, thank You for the gift of marriage, the gift of intimacy. I pray that You’d help us to wield the gift and steward the gift, steward our marriages well unto Your glory and our good. We love you. It is in Your son’s name we pray. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: All right. Thank you so much for giving us your time. We pray this was edifying to you. If you want to partner with us, go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. We would love that. Either way, we’d love to do this. We thank the Lord for the ability to do it. So this episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: And Lord willing, we will see you in about seven days. So until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.