This is a fun one! This episode is packed with lots of biblical truths that we as Christians need to hold tight to, and also some spicy hot takes. We hope you enjoy it! š„
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Full Episode Transcript
Ryan: Folks, welcome back to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. We have an exciting episode again [Selena chuckles] because weāre gonna be going through more unpopular opinions that I happen to think are very good and should be headed by Christians. Selena doesnāt know what weāre gonna talk about today. So weāre gonna get Selenaās hot off the press, hot and spicy takes-
Selena: Oh dear.
Ryan: ā¦salty and sweet, oh what a treat, the whole shebang. Itās actually gonna be really good. I think itāll let us root ourselves in, I think, some biblical truth. Thank you for joining us. Weāll see you on the other side.
[00:00:33] music>
Ryan: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, Iām Ryan, this is Selena. Weāre the fierce Fredericks. [both laughs]
Selena: Nice. I canāt believe you havenāt done that one before. Maybe we have.
Ryan: Thatās what the YouTube channel is called. So I donāt know how long itās gonna stay that way. We like to have fun. The Fierce Family is what it is on YouTube.
Selena: It is Fierce Family. The Fredericks.
Ryan: Anyway, if youāre joining us there, thank you. Make sure you smash that subscribe button. If youāre listening to this, youāre missing out because weāre going to be showing you a picture today. [both chuckles]. Itās gonna be very visually stimulating.
Selena: A picture. [both laughs]
Ryan: We kid not, YouTube bandwagon. You miss cameo appearances by our lovely beautiful daughter, Sunny, which she may be coming back again today. So anyway, find us on YouTube. But letās get on with this, Selena.
Fair disclosure, Selena doesnāt know whatās going to happen here. We had a rundown planned for something else and then I came across this and I was like, These are really compelling and interesting.
Selena: I have seen these, some of them.
Ryan: Oh, you have? Have you?
Selena: Some of them.
Ryan: How dare you?
Selena: Itās fine.
Ryan: Itās fine. Anyway. Okay. This all comes from a brother in Christ. His name is Hans Fiene. I think is how you pronounce it. Fiene. I donāt know. Heās a Lutheran brother. Are you yawning right now?
Selena: Sorry.
Ryan: That is unacceptable. [both laughs] That doesnāt bode well.
Selena: Okay, we have an infant. So can I just-
Ryan: Okay, fine.
Selena: Can I just wave thatā¦?
Ryan: So hereās the question at hand. Somebody asked this question and they showed this picture. Ready for the visual stimulation? [laughs] Is that the right thing to say?
Selena: I donāt know.
Ryan: Unpopular. āWhat are your unpopular relationship opinions that would get you in this position?ā [both laughs] You know, when you say that you have something thatās visually stimulating and you ask about what get you into this position-
Selena: It just sounds terrible. [both laughs] It does not sound right on a marriage platform.
Ryan: But thatās how they worded the question. Donāt be nasty.
Selena: Weāre married.
Ryan: Okay. So this gentleman Hansā¦ I donāt know, Hans. So you know, if it comes out that Hans is off the rails theologically, I shall not be held accountable. Because he just had some good thoughts on this particular thing. I think heās a faithful brother.
So hereās what he said. He goes, āI have several thoughts.ā And I think he goes through, letās see, ten of these, eleven, twelveā¦ Letās see. Thereās a lot more. Thereās 15 thoughts.
Selena: Wow.
Ryan: So weāll give a minute or two to each one of these. The point of this is, as fierce couples youāre watching this listening to this, I want us toā¦ Why are these opinions unpopular? And does Hans have a point? In other words, is there a biblical stance that can be taken thatās expressly unpopular, you know, in the world is fear, that we as Christians can stand on?
All right. Letās dive in. Number one. Hot take, unpopular relationship opinions. This oneās a little low-hanging fruit. āLiving together before marriage is training yourself for divorce not marriage.ā
Selena: Agreed.
Ryan: Yes. And actually the stats bear this one out. That the couples who cohabit tend to divorce at a greater rate than couples who wait.
Selena: Irony. [chuckles]
Ryan: And the whole premise is that, hey, if we live together, weāll have practice and weāll know that weāre compatible and all these things. But what it does is thereās a self-selecting demographic of people who think in a way that lends itself to cohabiting.
Selena: Cohabiting. I said worse.
Ryan: Maybe the solution, okay, donāt co-habit. If youāre not married, donāt live together. I think thatās a good thing to live by. But I think the solution instead is to think about how you view marriage. Because if youāre viewing marriage in a way that you think, āOh, cohabiting is just practice for this,ā well, then youāve missed marriage altogether. Because cohabiting is a covenant that itās not just āwill this work?ā
Selena: No. Itās designed by God for you to be committed to one another. When it feels like itās not going to work, youāre still going to fiercely fight for it because youāve committed to one another, youāve committed before God and Heās brought you together and you understand that thereās a depth of covenant, and commitment there not just, āOkay, this isnāt working, so Iām out.ā
Ryan: 100% agree. [00:05:00] Unpopular opinion but we agree with it. Cohabiting before marriage is practicing for divorce and not practicing for marriage. Itās training for divorce not training for marriage.
Second hot take here. What do you got, Selena?
Selena: āPremarital counseling is overrated because it wonāt work if you marry a lunatic and you wonāt need it if you marry a nonlunatic.ā [both laughs]
Ryan: This is the one that made me pause.
Selena: Premarital counseling is overrated.
Ryan: He didnāt say itās not needed.
Selena: Sure.
Ryan: I think he said itās overrated. I think maybe the premise here that Hans is working off of people-
Selena: Put a lot of weight in it maybe.
Ryan: āWe got premarital counseling. Why isnāt working out? Why are we having such a hard time? We got premarital counseling.ā No one is saying that the premarital counseling was bad. Also, you probably shouldnāt assume that itās going to fix everything. Like you married who you married.
Selena: Or make your marriage perfect and problem free. Right? Interestingly enough, not that weā¦ You should always get counseling I think before marriage. But we did not really.
Ryan: No, we didnāt have a premarital counseling.
Selena: I think a book was thrown at us. What was theā¦?
Ryan: My youth pastor took me for a drive and said, basically donāt sleepā¦ Like he basically asked like, āAre you guys sexually pure?ā And I said, āI think so.ā [both laughs]
Selena: Yes.
Ryan: He said, āOkay.ā Good talk.
Selena: No. I think we put too much weight in it. We were given a book and a workbook. It was by Seattleā¦ the same nameā¦
Ryan: Les Parrot. Les and Leslie.
Selena: Yeah, the Parrots
Ryan: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.
Selena: Saving Your Marriage, yeah. Thereās a classic one.
Ryan: So [inaudible 00:06:32].
Selena: Yeah. I donāt knowā¦ I think itās good to-
Ryan: We would know-
Selena: No.
Ryan: Although I will say we have our online Gospel Centered Marriage class. And we do encourage couples, if they can, go through that at least together. Now, maybe skip the part on sex and intimacy until after youāre married because it does get a little bit steamy.
To me, premarital counseling, the whole point of it is not how do we prepare for marriage, but rather, how do we truly nail down the things that we know and hold dear? Like, do we actually know and believe the same things?
Selena: Right. And I think that you can only get to that point if your relationship pre-marriage has always been one of okay, weāre talking about things, weāre in our Christian community, we have pastors, counselors, parents, guiding, you know, Christians that are helping us through this process of relationship.
The premarital counseling is not all of that in like six weeks before you get married, right? Itās like your relationship has either been going through this and youāve been kind of aligning and asking those hard questions beforehand. This is not like this gauntlet that if you pass, youāre gonna have a great marriage. Like, woof, good job, right?
Itās like what you said. Are we making sure that our beliefs are in line about having children, about finances, about expectations with intimacy? Again, youāre not gonna nail it all down. Itās gonna take time. I think we put too much weight in it.
Ryan: I think thatās what heās saying. I like the words āit wonāt work if you marry a lunatic and it wonāt work and you wonāt need it if you marry a non-lunatic.ā
Selena: Yes.
Ryan: I might change those words around but okay, point taken.
Selena: You get a laugh.
Ryan: Number three. āGenerally speaking, people who donāt want children should not marry but should live celibate lives.ā What do you think?
Selena: Well, weāve had a lot of conversations about this lately. [chuckles]
Ryan: If you havenāt, check out last weekās Fierce Parenting episode. It will inform kind of some of our behind-the-scenes thinking here. What do you think? If a couple are able to have kidsā¦ whether they are able or not-
Selena: Heās talking about Christians or just a couple in general?
Ryan: Heās talking to Christians I think.
Selena: Because I feelā¦ How come Christiansā¦ My question is-
Ryan: Because only Christians will choose to live a single, celibate life.
Selena: Right. Sorry. So my question would be why do you not want children? Because it is a mandate from God.
Ryan: I think heās circumventing that whole thing.
Selena: Okay.
Ryan: Heās just saying if you donāt want children, live a celibate life?
Selena: Sure.
Ryan: So what heās doing is heās very closely coupling marriage and sex and children, which is biblical.
Selena: Yes. So if you donāt want children, let the people who do want to have children marry those people.
Ryan: So hereās another thing. So if you get married and you canāt have kids, thatās different. Because if you want have kids but youāre not able to-
Selena: Thatās a differentā¦ Yes.
Ryan: Now, if someone says, āWell, I donāt want to burn with passion, so I should get married.ā Well, but I donāt want to have kids.
Selena: Does your partner want that? And will they always want that? And will you always want that?
Ryan: Maybe you should evaluate what is your view on kids. Because the Bible does say thatā¦ The same Bible that tells you not to burn with passion also says kids are a blessing. So one of the things youāre believing, one of the things youāre not.
So it was one that occurred to me to say like this, but if Iām counseling a young couple and they say we donāt want children, my first question for them is going to be, why donāt you want children? Iām not going to say, āOkay then, this is done. Break up.ā Iām gonna start picking apart the underlyingā¦ You know, I think heās assuming that thereās a worldview thatās incompatible with biblical marriage at that point. [00:10:00]
Selena: Good.
Ryan: Interesting.
Selena: Number four.
Ryan: Number four. [chuckles] This is good. āMen are better than women at offering other men the kind of friendship that men want. Therefore, a man who spends an inordinate amount of time with a woman almost certainly desires her romantically.ā
I am a man so Iām gonna speak to this. I 100% agree. 100% agree. Thereās a void in my life for male friendship that is deep. That doesnāt mean I canāt be friends with women. He said-
Selena: Godly.
Ryan: Heās an inordinate amount of time. Now, whatās an inordinate amount of time? If Iām spending more time with a female friend than Iām spending with male friends, I think thatās an inordinate amount of time. Now, I donāt have any female friends I spend time with exclusively.
Selena: No. Weird.
Ryan: Okay. But thereās lots of peopleā¦ And I agree with you. Okay, I love that youāre soā¦ Thereās lots of people that would say, No, I have good friends and theyāre fillingā¦ You know, we talk and we go get coffee and we walk together, we go grab a drink.ā And Iām just saying, like, from a biblical standpoint, in my experience as a guy, and most of the men I know, itās usually not just like, āHey, youāre buddyā from the manās perspective.
I donāt know that men have a friend zone. They live in the friend zone. But I donāt know they have a friend zone. And you know, if youāre married, I donāt think itās honoring to your spouse to have friends of the opposite sex.
Selena: Do you say thereās a danger zone? [Ryan laughs]
Ryan: Thatās good. Theyāre on the highway into the danger zone in fact.
Selena: Okay. ā
Ryan: Okay, number five.
Selena: āBest way to divorce-proof your marriage is to have five kids right away so that you canāt trick yourself into thinking you can find someone better.ā [laughs]
Ryan: Now, I think heās been funny here.
Selena: Heās trying to be funny
Ryan: I think heās being funny here.
Selena: Thatās funny.
Ryan: But funny things are often true. [laughs]
Selena: We wouldnāt know. We only have four.
Ryan: And we had them 10 years in.
Selena: Yes.
Ryan: You know what? If Iām a young man and Iām getting this advice, Iām thinking that might be to divorce-proof your marriageā¦ I donāt want to pick apart the joke because I think heās just saying a funny thing.
Selena: And number six.
Ryan: Thereās something to be said for having a lot of kids and how it makes you codependence andā¦ Not codependent. Interdependent. [chuckles]
Selena: I was like, āDidnāt we just do an episode of co-dependence?ā
Ryan: We did. Check that out. [both laughs] Interdependence is good. Itās healthy. And you look at your kids and you look at your wife, you say, āThereās no way I can do this alone. Thereās no way I can do this with any other stranger.ā
Selena: Or that you want to honestly.
Ryan: But you donātā¦ I donāt know.
Selena: Maybe not.
Ryan: If youāre thinking, okay, kids are the thing that are going to solidify the bond I want with my husband or a wife-
Selena: Canāt do that.
Ryan: Thatās not gonnaā¦ Thatās not-
Selena: Because once they leave-
Ryan: Youāre asking and answering the wrong questions. Somethingās wrong at the root of your marriage. Thereās a rot there. You need to get to the root of it and root it out. Root out the rot.
Selena: Root out the rot. But thereās a lot of empty nesters that have divorced because the kids wereā¦ Theyāre grown.
Ryan: No other reason to be married once the kids are out of the house. Itās like, āWell, I donāt know you. Youāre a stranger. I have been raising kids for the last 20 years and see you later. Iām gonna go find someone else.ā
All right, number six. āYouāre free to call your spouse your best friend, but ābest friendā is a demotion.ā I agree with that. See, I liked it. [laughs] Itās the only one I liked. To me to call you my wife is the highest station I can grant any other human to say wife.
Selena: Yes.
Ryan: Now, I can call you best friend but thatās not as good as wife. Thatās all heās saying. Thatās all heās saying.
Selena: Not agreed. But youāre my best friend and thatās not a demotion.
Ryan: But am I just your best friend?
Selena: Youāre my only best.
Ryan: Am I primarily your best friend?
Selena: No.
Ryan: What am I?
Selena: I hold best friend higher than all other friends. So heās my-
Ryan: What am I though?
Selena: ā¦first and foremost best friend.
Ryan: But what would you call me? Good. Okay, there it is. Why was that so hard? Number seven.
Selena: Because I donāt like him saying that Iām demoting you when I love you so much. Feel like heās-
Ryan: I appreciated the Hansā hot take on this one.
Selena: Okay.
Ryan: Because you know what? He said itās okay to call your spouse a best friend but itās a demotion from spouse.
Selena: He didnāt say spouse.
Ryan: Okay. Number seven. āThereās no such thing as soulmatesā¦ā Whoa, we did an episode on this one too. [Selena chuckles] Check it out. āIf you marry someone, thatās the person youāre meant to be with because itās the person to whom you pledged your faithfulness.ā
Selena: Amen and amen.
Ryan: Amen, brother.
Selena: 100%. 100%.
Ryan: Your soulmate is the woman or man you married. Number eight-
Selena: If youāre a woman, itās the man you married. If youāre a man, itās the woman.
Ryan: Yes, thank you. I thought that clarification didnāt need to be said but there you go.
Selena: Well, you never know these days. All right? [chuckles]
Ryan: Here we stand on the bulwark of Christian orthodoxy shouting truth. [Selena chuckles] Itās good. No, itās good. Someone got to do it.
Selena: Number eight. āWhen men use women, they tend to use them sexually. When women use men, they tend to do so emotionally. These are equally destructive and simple actions.ā [00:15:00] No debate.
Ryan: Really?
Selena: You donāt think when women use menā¦?
Ryan: I mean, I tend to think thereās a material difference between using someone sexually and someone emotionally.
Selena: Thereās a difference.
Ryan: All right, commercial break. Weāre gonna get the baby.
Selena: Tada.
Ryan: Tada. Weāre back after the commercial break, which was probably like a fraction of a second. So we were talking about when men use women, usually they do it sexually. When women use men, they do it emotionally.
I tend to think theyāre not equally destructive and equally sinful. I think maybe equally sinful, right? But equally destructive?
Say a man emotionally or sexually abuses a woman, and she is traumatized, she becomes impregnated, you know, thereās all these consequences that are long-lasting thatās a destruction. And if a womanā¦ How could a woman emotionally abuse a man or emotionally use rather?
I mean, thinking about a woman who is sexually using a man, stringing him along to the point where, you know, until she finds someone else she can commit to. It could that be a form of emotional using of a man. That can be destructive in some ways as well.
So itās probably on a case-by-case basis. I think in general, I think the sexual use of women is more destructive than the emotional use of men.
All right. Number five. Excuse me. Number at number nine. Canāt see. Number nine. This oneās a hard hitter. āNever date someone from Delaware. [laughs]
Selena: I donāt know about that.
Ryan: I have no idea. I have no idea what heās joking about there. Weāll go to number 10. Iāll say never date someone from Portland. [laughs] We live in the northwest. Weāre right in the thick of it, ladies and gentlemen. Iām kidding. I know some good people from Portland and they are heroes. [laughs]
Okay, number ten. āGentlemen, dedicate yourself to be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshman says she wants in a man and when she realizes that she actually wants in five years, youāll be in good shape.ā
Be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshmanā¦ I have no idea what heās referring to. Do you have any insightful thoughts on that one? What does a girlboss freshman in college wants?
Selena: Grrrrrlboss college freshman say she wants in a man. Sort of like type A personality, probably outspoken about what she wants in a man. Sheāll calm down in about five years and then heāll be in good shape. So donāt-
Ryan: Like she doesnāt want like the frat bro who is like throwing his weight around so to speak and you know-
Selena: Well, sheās a girlboss, sheās gonna want-
Ryan: Well, in five years youāre gonna want a guy that is just a good man who is steady, who isnāt sleeping around, who isnāt, you know, playing the field so to speak. Thatās what Iām picturing.
Selena: Yeah.
Ryan: So yeah. Okay, so if youāre a young man.
Selena: Iām curious about the comment on some of these.
Ryan: Yeah, seriously, thereās a lot of comments here. If youāre young man, I will give you this advice. Yes, become a manā¦ Spend your waking hours becoming a man of character who knows how to think. A man of God. And you know what? And then spend your time being around good people, namely good, young ladies and the whole like relationship thing will work itself out. If youāre relationally awkward, build confidence through building character. You donāt know how to use Twitter, do you?
Selena: I donāt. [laughs] Actually I just clicked on something I didnāt work.
Ryan: You want to see the comments. Not today.
Selena: Not today.
Ryan: All right. Number 11. āWhen guys say they want a woman with a good sense of humor, they mean a woman who thinks theyāre funny not a woman who herself is funny.ā [both laughs] Being funny does not-
Selena: I love that youāre funny.
Ryan: Being funny does not make a woman more attractive to men. Being funnyā¦ I donāt know. It depends onā¦ I have only ever been attracted to you really. So I think youāre funny but-
Selena: I donāt know that I try to be funny. Sometimes I do, but only with you. Itās not like Iām trying to be more attractive to you though.
Ryan: Do you think youāre funny though? You just said that you-
Selena: I donāt think I am.
Ryan: Anyway.
Selena: Do you think Iām funny?
Ryan: Very excited on this one. Oh, yeah. I think youāre hilarious. [both laughs] The funniest person I know.
Selena: Is it because you know me?
Ryan: Selena can drop the deep track Office references in the most obscure-
Selena: [inaudible 00:19:26]
Ryan: Yes, absolutely. Itās in context of our relationship. And thatās what I love you. Youāre awesome. So there you have it.
Selena: I think thatās a true statement.
Ryan: Yeah, really? Okay. Okay. Number 12. Why donāt you read that one.
Selena: āSingle women simply have to become more comfortable letting guys know theyāre interested. Itās not great but weāre 100 years away from rebuilding the male psyche, so thatās your burden to bear, gals? Sorry.ā [both laughs]
Ryan: It sounds like Hans works with young adults quite a bit here. [00:20:00] So Iām pretty far removed from that scene. Maybe I should get and become more relevant to the young men and women of our society in terms of the things that theyāre facing.
But yeah, I think thereās a sense that young men donāt feel like they can approach young ladies. You know, either theyāre intimidated because they have a lack of confidence, or the ladies are carrying them in a way that is pushing. Carry themselves in a way that is off-putting or meaning to push would-be suitors away but then theyāre complaining about no guys are asking them out on dates.
Selena: Right? Or their expectations, or theyāreā¦ not indifferent, but theyāre just gonna say that they donāt want to seem like overly eager, right?
Ryan: Thatās a big burp. Good job, Sunny.
Selena: So theyāre like, Well, Iām interested and I want to, you know, let them know, Iām interested, but I donāt want them to think Iām desperate.
Ryan: Okay. So heās saying you just got to become betterā¦ more comfortableā¦ Not better but more comfortable letting guys know youāre interested. How would you do that? If weāre in college and you look across the classroom and you see a young man trying to find a seat, and youāre a confident young lady and I look up and I see the most beautiful woman Iāve ever seen in my life-
Selena: It just depends.
Ryan: How would you let me know that youāre interested?
Selena: We actually make eye contact and you seem interested. Like youāre putting out like-
Ryan: What if I gave you the eyebrows?
Selena: Then I would know youāre interested. But how would you know if I was interested? [Ryan laughs]
Ryan: Itās a universal sign. Everyone know. So okay-
Selena: If I give you the eyebrows, what are you gonna think? Thatās the question. Iām a single lady and the eyebrows-
Ryan: Iād think, āThat there is a woman of the street.ā
Selena: I think you have toā¦
Ryan: Yeah, you have to figure that one out.
Selena: You have to understand the vibe. I think itās okay to be honest with where youāre at.
Ryan: It depend on where you meet too. Like if youāre a young man or a young lady trying to find a worthy spouse and youāre trying to do that on a Friday night in the middle of a club and in the middle of the city, youāre not going to find the cream of the spousal crop there. You got to be around people and places that are going to have the people that you want to be with.
Selena: I think that in showing your interest in someone is like youāre giving them more yeses than nos, right? If theyāre like, āHey, do you want to do this?ā
Ryan: Oh, thatās good.
Selena: Youāre putting out questions asking if theyāre interested, then theyāll make it clear. So women get more comfortable with that, I guess, is what heās say.
Ryan: Okay, number 13. āSure, there are some girl gamers. But not many, so single dudes, you will be 10,000 times better off if you quit playing video games and learn carpentry or French or chainsaw juggling.ā
I can 100% say that you are better off learning how to juggle chainsaws than learning how to play video games. That is an actionable skill. That is a marketable skill.
Selena: Well, carpentry, yeah. I donāt know. Games do not do anything to me or for me. So Iām just like-
Ryan: Well, because I donāt play them. I recently got the girls the Nintendo Emulator, a SEGA Genesis 2.
Selena: We maybe play it once a week.
Ryan: Not even.
Selena: Not even.
Ryan: If I donāt turn it on, they donāt play it. And then when I turned it on, they want to play it for a few days.
Selena: Thatās because youāre playing it too. They love to play.
Ryan: We play like Golden Axe and Streets of Rage. You know what? Iām sorry. Okay, Judge me if you will. I played those games as a kid. Thereās nostalgia there. Okay, I can agree with this.
I genuinely think video games are one of the kind of big reasons guys are underperforming in most areas of life. Whether itās as a husband, as a potential husband, as a worker, as just a human being. Video games in general are very addictive. Theyāre engineered as such. And I think men are drawn to them in a way that is unique.
You know, people justify them up and down. But at the end of the day youāre doing something that produces nothing. And we are built to produce. Thatās why carpentry is in there or French. French is maybe close to video games in that regard.
Selena: What are you producing juggling chainsaw? That is my question.
Ryan: Entertainment for anyone.
Selena: Okay. I would be actually very impressed if you juggle some chainsaws. But I donāt-
Ryan: Okay, well, Iām gonna put that on my list. Number 14. āI shouldnāt have to change who I am for someone else, quote unquote. Thatās something people who really need to change who they are say to justify their singleness.ā The people who are single are the ones that are first to say āI shouldnāt have to change who I am for someone else.ā
Selena: Fine. Then be happy being single. Be content being single
Ryan: I mean, I think itās the attitude that means something more than maybe the words.
Selena: Sure.
Ryan: Because thereās some truth to it. The reason people say it is because like, Listen, Iām not gonna like change my hair color. Iām not gonna start wearing clothes that arenāt-
Selena: Youāre gonna be who you are. But if youāre with someone, [00:25:00] part of being married and in a covenant, there is sanctification that happens.
Ryan: Well, these arenāt married yet. These people are single.
Selena: Well, Iām saying that prepare yourself to be sanctified
Ryan: I see.
Selena: Sanctification isā¦ there will be change and thereā¦ Yeah, itāll be for the best. God is being glorified in you but-
Ryan: Speaking of sanctified-
Selena: Itās the attitude of the heart and how itās set.
Ryan: Right. I think thatās-
Selena: Action has to change.
Ryan: Right. Iām steering clear that, sorry, every day. Number 15. This will be the last one. āThe more often you see your wife in a dress or your husband in a suit, the happier youāll be. Slobbishness kills romance.
Selena: Slobbishness. Is that a word?
Ryan: I donāt think it is.
Selena: But I love when you wear a suit. You know that.
Ryan: Yeah, I know.
Selena: Iām always like-
Ryan: Youāre hot and bothered. [both laughs]
Selena: āNow, go take that suit off.ā
Ryan: You know, when you wear a nice, classy dress, Iām all about that.
Selena: I wear dresses mostly on Sundays to church.
Ryan: Okay. Or maybe you just wear dresses more often than I realize.
Selena: I donāt wear dress up for a wedding dress because that like Iām going to a wedding. You dressed up differently for wedding than you do for church.
Ryan: Iāll just speak for me and you. Dresses are great, but honestly, itās just like your hair. Just your hair. Yes. Your hair gets me. I recently wrote in a book your long-flowing, beautiful locks.
Selena: Only extra-long because I forgot to get a cut before the baby. Here we are almost two months with the baby and still no haircut time. But itās okay. I agree.
Ryan: I love that hair.
Selena: I do think that dressing upā¦ slobbishness can kill romance.
Ryan: And itās a good incentive to not get too chubby because suits are expensive and you grow up out of them. Waistlines and necklines and all that kind of stuff.
Selena: Take care of yourself.
Ryan: Actually because of the lifting, because of the games.
Selena: So where does God fit into all of this?
Ryan: This was a fun off the cuff sort of episode. We hope itās been edifying to you in some way.
Selena: Sunny doesnāt like that.
Ryan: Sunny is not a fan apparently. Where does God fit? You know what? He fits everywhere because He is the Creator of all. Everything finds its origin in Him, including this desire to experience love, to be loved by someone but to be loved primarily by God, but then also to share that love with others through the covenant of marriage.
That desire to love is not something that came out of the blue. Itās not something that came in welled up through evolutionary processes. It is part of Godās very character. Love itself finds its home and its origin in the character and person of God.
So if you want to experience love, it makes the most sense, it only makes sense that you need to know God. You need to know who He is: Holy, just, perfect, perfectly loving, also perfectly just. You also need to know the way to know Him, right? Because we have sinned against God. But the beauty is that we donāt have to pay the price for our sin because He sent His own son to pay that price for us.
Thatās what it means to be a Christian is to place your faith in Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, knowing that it is His righteousness that can be imputed to you. And Heās taken your sin and bore it on the cross, put it to death so that we donāt have to die spiritual death someday. And weāll be resurrected new life.
So that kind of the Christian worldview in a capsule. [laughs] Iām gonna stop saying capsule from now on. Weād love it if you would considerā¦ if you donāt know Jesus, if you would become a Christian. We want that.
Now, for you to do that, hereās what weāre gonna recommend. Find a friend of yours who you know to be a Christian. If you donāt have a friend that you can think of, find a church in your local area, talk to the pastor. You want a church thatās gonna preach out of the Bible.
Selena: Faithfully.
Ryan: Faithfully. But we just trusted if you decide to take that first step down the path of giving your life to Christ and placing your faith in Him, that He will provide people to disciple you. If you donāt have any way to find a church and youāre lost still, we have a website for you that gives you even more information. Go to thenewsisgood.com and youāll find info there.
Letās pray. Father God, we thank You for humor, for the ability to laugh and to also think about some of these pretty serious things in light of your truth, not just with our own opinions, but God with the thoughts that we have that are informed by the truth that is in your word. I pray for couples that are listening to this, watching this, that whatever theyāre facing, Lord, I pray that You would let their thoughts be informed by Your word, let their heart be encouraged by Your word, by the love that youāve given us through Your word and through Your son.
Lord, I pray that that love and that truth will then infuse itself into their marriage, that they might have a marriage that flourishes for their good and your glory. In Your name. In Jesusā name. Amen.
Selena: Amen.
Ryan: In Your name. In Jesusā name. [laughs] Thank you for joining us? By the way, ladies and gentlemen, if you noticedā¦ you hear that? No ads. [Selena laughs] Thereās no ads. Okay? Thatās because the Fierce Marriage Podcast is ad-free unless youāre on YouTube. Thatās a YouTube thing. But we are far from, you know, I think being funded in terms of just our viewership. If we did ads, I think we would probably be there to be honest. But I donāt want to deal withā¦ I donāt know. Maybe thatāsā¦ I feel like ads really ruin it. [chuckles]
So if this content has helped you, weād love for you to partner with us through fiercemarriage.com/partner. If you donāt feel led to do that, fine, weāll continue doing the content because we want to help you-
Selena: Please pray for us.
Ryan: Please pray about it. Pray for us.
Selena: We need prayers and support all the time. Keep it going.
Ryan: And weād love to keep doing it. God has been gracious. So I think weāre done. This episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast isā
Selena: In the can.
Ryan: See you again in seven days. Until next timeā
Selena: Stay fierce
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