Site icon Fierce Marriage

Spicy Hot Takes and Relationship Advice

man and woman sitting on chair

This is a fun one! This episode is packed with lots of biblical truths that we as Christians need to hold tight to, and also some spicy hot takes. We hope you enjoy it! šŸ”„

Watch, or Listen Below!

TranscriptĀ Shownotes

Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

Full Episode Transcript

Ryan: Folks, welcome back to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. We have an exciting episode again [Selena chuckles] because weā€™re gonna be going through more unpopular opinions that I happen to think are very good and should be headed by Christians. Selena doesnā€™t know what weā€™re gonna talk about today. So weā€™re gonna get Selenaā€™s hot off the press, hot and spicy takes-

Selena: Oh dear.

Ryan: ā€¦salty and sweet, oh what a treat, the whole shebang. Itā€™s actually gonna be really good. I think itā€™ll let us root ourselves in, I think, some biblical truth. Thank you for joining us. Weā€™ll see you on the other side.

[00:00:33] music>

Ryan: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, Iā€™m Ryan, this is Selena. Weā€™re the fierce Fredericks. [both laughs]

Selena: Nice. I canā€™t believe you havenā€™t done that one before. Maybe we have.

Ryan: Thatā€™s what the YouTube channel is called. So I donā€™t know how long itā€™s gonna stay that way. We like to have fun. The Fierce Family is what it is on YouTube.

Selena: It is Fierce Family. The Fredericks.

Ryan: Anyway, if youā€™re joining us there, thank you. Make sure you smash that subscribe button. If youā€™re listening to this, youā€™re missing out because weā€™re going to be showing you a picture today. [both chuckles]. Itā€™s gonna be very visually stimulating.

Selena: A picture. [both laughs]

Ryan: We kid not, YouTube bandwagon. You miss cameo appearances by our lovely beautiful daughter, Sunny, which she may be coming back again today. So anyway, find us on YouTube. But letā€™s get on with this, Selena.

Fair disclosure, Selena doesnā€™t know whatā€™s going to happen here. We had a rundown planned for something else and then I came across this and I was like, These are really compelling and interesting.

Selena: I have seen these, some of them.

Ryan: Oh, you have? Have you?

Selena: Some of them.

Ryan: How dare you?

Selena: Itā€™s fine.

Ryan: Itā€™s fine. Anyway. Okay. This all comes from a brother in Christ. His name is Hans Fiene. I think is how you pronounce it. Fiene. I donā€™t know. Heā€™s a Lutheran brother. Are you yawning right now?

Selena: Sorry.

Ryan: That is unacceptable. [both laughs] That doesnā€™t bode well.

Selena: Okay, we have an infant. So can I just-

Ryan: Okay, fine.

Selena: Can I just wave thatā€¦?

Ryan: So hereā€™s the question at hand. Somebody asked this question and they showed this picture. Ready for the visual stimulation? [laughs] Is that the right thing to say?

Selena: I donā€™t know.

Ryan: Unpopular. ā€œWhat are your unpopular relationship opinions that would get you in this position?ā€ [both laughs] You know, when you say that you have something thatā€™s visually stimulating and you ask about what get you into this position-

Selena: It just sounds terrible. [both laughs] It does not sound right on a marriage platform.

Ryan: But thatā€™s how they worded the question. Donā€™t be nasty.

Selena: Weā€™re married.

Ryan: Okay. So this gentleman Hansā€¦ I donā€™t know, Hans. So you know, if it comes out that Hans is off the rails theologically, I shall not be held accountable. Because he just had some good thoughts on this particular thing. I think heā€™s a faithful brother.

So hereā€™s what he said. He goes, ā€œI have several thoughts.ā€ And I think he goes through, letā€™s see, ten of these, eleven, twelveā€¦ Letā€™s see. Thereā€™s a lot more. Thereā€™s 15 thoughts.

Selena: Wow.

Ryan: So weā€™ll give a minute or two to each one of these. The point of this is, as fierce couples youā€™re watching this listening to this, I want us toā€¦ Why are these opinions unpopular? And does Hans have a point? In other words, is there a biblical stance that can be taken thatā€™s expressly unpopular, you know, in the world is fear, that we as Christians can stand on?

All right. Letā€™s dive in. Number one. Hot take, unpopular relationship opinions. This oneā€™s a little low-hanging fruit. ā€œLiving together before marriage is training yourself for divorce not marriage.ā€

Selena: Agreed.

Ryan: Yes. And actually the stats bear this one out. That the couples who cohabit tend to divorce at a greater rate than couples who wait.

Selena: Irony. [chuckles]

Ryan: And the whole premise is that, hey, if we live together, weā€™ll have practice and weā€™ll know that weā€™re compatible and all these things. But what it does is thereā€™s a self-selecting demographic of people who think in a way that lends itself to cohabiting.

Selena: Cohabiting. I said worse.

Ryan: Maybe the solution, okay, donā€™t co-habit. If youā€™re not married, donā€™t live together. I think thatā€™s a good thing to live by. But I think the solution instead is to think about how you view marriage. Because if youā€™re viewing marriage in a way that you think, ā€œOh, cohabiting is just practice for this,ā€ well, then youā€™ve missed marriage altogether. Because cohabiting is a covenant that itā€™s not just ā€œwill this work?ā€

Selena: No. Itā€™s designed by God for you to be committed to one another. When it feels like itā€™s not going to work, youā€™re still going to fiercely fight for it because youā€™ve committed to one another, youā€™ve committed before God and Heā€™s brought you together and you understand that thereā€™s a depth of covenant, and commitment there not just, ā€œOkay, this isnā€™t working, so Iā€™m out.ā€

Ryan: 100% agree. [00:05:00] Unpopular opinion but we agree with it. Cohabiting before marriage is practicing for divorce and not practicing for marriage. Itā€™s training for divorce not training for marriage.

Second hot take here. What do you got, Selena?

Selena: ā€œPremarital counseling is overrated because it wonā€™t work if you marry a lunatic and you wonā€™t need it if you marry a nonlunatic.ā€ [both laughs]

Ryan: This is the one that made me pause.

Selena: Premarital counseling is overrated.

Ryan: He didnā€™t say itā€™s not needed.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: I think he said itā€™s overrated. I think maybe the premise here that Hans is working off of people-

Selena: Put a lot of weight in it maybe.

Ryan: ā€œWe got premarital counseling. Why isnā€™t working out? Why are we having such a hard time? We got premarital counseling.ā€ No one is saying that the premarital counseling was bad. Also, you probably shouldnā€™t assume that itā€™s going to fix everything. Like you married who you married.

Selena: Or make your marriage perfect and problem free. Right? Interestingly enough, not that weā€¦ You should always get counseling I think before marriage. But we did not really.

Ryan: No, we didnā€™t have a premarital counseling.

Selena: I think a book was thrown at us. What was theā€¦?

Ryan: My youth pastor took me for a drive and said, basically donā€™t sleepā€¦ Like he basically asked like, ā€œAre you guys sexually pure?ā€ And I said, ā€œI think so.ā€ [both laughs]

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: He said, ā€œOkay.ā€ Good talk.

Selena: No. I think we put too much weight in it. We were given a book and a workbook. It was by Seattleā€¦ the same nameā€¦

Ryan: Les Parrot. Les and Leslie.

Selena: Yeah, the Parrots

Ryan: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.

Selena: Saving Your Marriage, yeah. Thereā€™s a classic one.

Ryan: So [inaudible 00:06:32].

Selena: Yeah. I donā€™t knowā€¦ I think itā€™s good to-

Ryan: We would know-

Selena: No.

Ryan: Although I will say we have our online Gospel Centered Marriage class. And we do encourage couples, if they can, go through that at least together. Now, maybe skip the part on sex and intimacy until after youā€™re married because it does get a little bit steamy.

To me, premarital counseling, the whole point of it is not how do we prepare for marriage, but rather, how do we truly nail down the things that we know and hold dear? Like, do we actually know and believe the same things?

Selena: Right. And I think that you can only get to that point if your relationship pre-marriage has always been one of okay, weā€™re talking about things, weā€™re in our Christian community, we have pastors, counselors, parents, guiding, you know, Christians that are helping us through this process of relationship.

The premarital counseling is not all of that in like six weeks before you get married, right? Itā€™s like your relationship has either been going through this and youā€™ve been kind of aligning and asking those hard questions beforehand. This is not like this gauntlet that if you pass, youā€™re gonna have a great marriage. Like, woof, good job, right?

Itā€™s like what you said. Are we making sure that our beliefs are in line about having children, about finances, about expectations with intimacy? Again, youā€™re not gonna nail it all down. Itā€™s gonna take time. I think we put too much weight in it.

Ryan: I think thatā€™s what heā€™s saying. I like the words ā€œit wonā€™t work if you marry a lunatic and it wonā€™t work and you wonā€™t need it if you marry a non-lunatic.ā€

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: I might change those words around but okay, point taken.

Selena: You get a laugh.

Ryan: Number three. ā€œGenerally speaking, people who donā€™t want children should not marry but should live celibate lives.ā€ What do you think?

Selena: Well, weā€™ve had a lot of conversations about this lately. [chuckles]

Ryan: If you havenā€™t, check out last weekā€™s Fierce Parenting episode. It will inform kind of some of our behind-the-scenes thinking here. What do you think? If a couple are able to have kidsā€¦ whether they are able or not-

Selena: Heā€™s talking about Christians or just a couple in general?

Ryan: Heā€™s talking to Christians I think.

Selena: Because I feelā€¦ How come Christiansā€¦ My question is-

Ryan: Because only Christians will choose to live a single, celibate life.

Selena: Right. Sorry. So my question would be why do you not want children? Because it is a mandate from God.

Ryan: I think heā€™s circumventing that whole thing.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Heā€™s just saying if you donā€™t want children, live a celibate life?

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: So what heā€™s doing is heā€™s very closely coupling marriage and sex and children, which is biblical.

Selena: Yes. So if you donā€™t want children, let the people who do want to have children marry those people.

Ryan: So hereā€™s another thing. So if you get married and you canā€™t have kids, thatā€™s different. Because if you want have kids but youā€™re not able to-

Selena: Thatā€™s a differentā€¦ Yes.

Ryan: Now, if someone says, ā€œWell, I donā€™t want to burn with passion, so I should get married.ā€ Well, but I donā€™t want to have kids.

Selena: Does your partner want that? And will they always want that? And will you always want that?

Ryan: Maybe you should evaluate what is your view on kids. Because the Bible does say thatā€¦ The same Bible that tells you not to burn with passion also says kids are a blessing. So one of the things youā€™re believing, one of the things youā€™re not.

So it was one that occurred to me to say like this, but if Iā€™m counseling a young couple and they say we donā€™t want children, my first question for them is going to be, why donā€™t you want children? Iā€™m not going to say, ā€œOkay then, this is done. Break up.ā€ Iā€™m gonna start picking apart the underlyingā€¦ You know, I think heā€™s assuming that thereā€™s a worldview thatā€™s incompatible with biblical marriage at that point. [00:10:00]

Selena: Good.

Ryan: Interesting.

Selena: Number four.

Ryan: Number four. [chuckles] This is good. ā€œMen are better than women at offering other men the kind of friendship that men want. Therefore, a man who spends an inordinate amount of time with a woman almost certainly desires her romantically.ā€

I am a man so Iā€™m gonna speak to this. I 100% agree. 100% agree. Thereā€™s a void in my life for male friendship that is deep. That doesnā€™t mean I canā€™t be friends with women. He said-

Selena: Godly.

Ryan: Heā€™s an inordinate amount of time. Now, whatā€™s an inordinate amount of time? If Iā€™m spending more time with a female friend than Iā€™m spending with male friends, I think thatā€™s an inordinate amount of time. Now, I donā€™t have any female friends I spend time with exclusively.

Selena: No. Weird.

Ryan: Okay. But thereā€™s lots of peopleā€¦ And I agree with you. Okay, I love that youā€™re soā€¦ Thereā€™s lots of people that would say, No, I have good friends and theyā€™re fillingā€¦ You know, we talk and we go get coffee and we walk together, we go grab a drink.ā€ And Iā€™m just saying, like, from a biblical standpoint, in my experience as a guy, and most of the men I know, itā€™s usually not just like, ā€œHey, youā€™re buddyā€ from the manā€™s perspective.

I donā€™t know that men have a friend zone. They live in the friend zone. But I donā€™t know they have a friend zone. And you know, if youā€™re married, I donā€™t think itā€™s honoring to your spouse to have friends of the opposite sex.

Selena: Do you say thereā€™s a danger zone? [Ryan laughs]

Ryan: Thatā€™s good. Theyā€™re on the highway into the danger zone in fact.

Selena: Okay. ā€”

Ryan: Okay, number five.

Selena: ā€œBest way to divorce-proof your marriage is to have five kids right away so that you canā€™t trick yourself into thinking you can find someone better.ā€ [laughs]

Ryan: Now, I think heā€™s been funny here.

Selena: Heā€™s trying to be funny

Ryan: I think heā€™s being funny here.

Selena: Thatā€™s funny.

Ryan: But funny things are often true. [laughs]

Selena: We wouldnā€™t know. We only have four.

Ryan: And we had them 10 years in.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: You know what? If Iā€™m a young man and Iā€™m getting this advice, Iā€™m thinking that might be to divorce-proof your marriageā€¦ I donā€™t want to pick apart the joke because I think heā€™s just saying a funny thing.

Selena: And number six.

Ryan: Thereā€™s something to be said for having a lot of kids and how it makes you codependence andā€¦ Not codependent. Interdependent. [chuckles]

Selena: I was like, ā€œDidnā€™t we just do an episode of co-dependence?ā€

Ryan: We did. Check that out. [both laughs] Interdependence is good. Itā€™s healthy. And you look at your kids and you look at your wife, you say, ā€œThereā€™s no way I can do this alone. Thereā€™s no way I can do this with any other stranger.ā€

Selena: Or that you want to honestly.

Ryan: But you donā€™tā€¦ I donā€™t know.

Selena: Maybe not.

Ryan: If youā€™re thinking, okay, kids are the thing that are going to solidify the bond I want with my husband or a wife-

Selena: Canā€™t do that.

Ryan: Thatā€™s not gonnaā€¦ Thatā€™s not-

Selena: Because once they leave-

Ryan: Youā€™re asking and answering the wrong questions. Somethingā€™s wrong at the root of your marriage. Thereā€™s a rot there. You need to get to the root of it and root it out. Root out the rot.

Selena: Root out the rot. But thereā€™s a lot of empty nesters that have divorced because the kids wereā€¦ Theyā€™re grown.

Ryan: No other reason to be married once the kids are out of the house. Itā€™s like, ā€œWell, I donā€™t know you. Youā€™re a stranger. I have been raising kids for the last 20 years and see you later. Iā€™m gonna go find someone else.ā€

All right, number six. ā€œYouā€™re free to call your spouse your best friend, but ā€˜best friendā€™ is a demotion.ā€ I agree with that. See, I liked it. [laughs] Itā€™s the only one I liked. To me to call you my wife is the highest station I can grant any other human to say wife.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Now, I can call you best friend but thatā€™s not as good as wife. Thatā€™s all heā€™s saying. Thatā€™s all heā€™s saying.

Selena: Not agreed. But youā€™re my best friend and thatā€™s not a demotion.

Ryan: But am I just your best friend?

Selena: Youā€™re my only best.

Ryan: Am I primarily your best friend?

Selena: No.

Ryan: What am I?

Selena: I hold best friend higher than all other friends. So heā€™s my-

Ryan: What am I though?

Selena: ā€¦first and foremost best friend.

Ryan: But what would you call me? Good. Okay, there it is. Why was that so hard? Number seven.

Selena: Because I donā€™t like him saying that Iā€™m demoting you when I love you so much. Feel like heā€™s-

Ryan: I appreciated the Hansā€™ hot take on this one.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Because you know what? He said itā€™s okay to call your spouse a best friend but itā€™s a demotion from spouse.

Selena: He didnā€™t say spouse.

Ryan: Okay. Number seven. ā€œThereā€™s no such thing as soulmatesā€¦ā€ Whoa, we did an episode on this one too. [Selena chuckles] Check it out. ā€œIf you marry someone, thatā€™s the person youā€™re meant to be with because itā€™s the person to whom you pledged your faithfulness.ā€

Selena: Amen and amen.

Ryan: Amen, brother.

Selena: 100%. 100%.

Ryan: Your soulmate is the woman or man you married. Number eight-

Selena: If youā€™re a woman, itā€™s the man you married. If youā€™re a man, itā€™s the woman.

Ryan: Yes, thank you. I thought that clarification didnā€™t need to be said but there you go.

Selena: Well, you never know these days. All right? [chuckles]

Ryan: Here we stand on the bulwark of Christian orthodoxy shouting truth. [Selena chuckles] Itā€™s good. No, itā€™s good. Someone got to do it.

Selena: Number eight. ā€œWhen men use women, they tend to use them sexually. When women use men, they tend to do so emotionally. These are equally destructive and simple actions.ā€ [00:15:00] No debate.

Ryan: Really?

Selena: You donā€™t think when women use menā€¦?

Ryan: I mean, I tend to think thereā€™s a material difference between using someone sexually and someone emotionally.

Selena: Thereā€™s a difference.

Ryan: All right, commercial break. Weā€™re gonna get the baby.

Selena: Tada.

Ryan: Tada. Weā€™re back after the commercial break, which was probably like a fraction of a second. So we were talking about when men use women, usually they do it sexually. When women use men, they do it emotionally.

I tend to think theyā€™re not equally destructive and equally sinful. I think maybe equally sinful, right? But equally destructive?

Say a man emotionally or sexually abuses a woman, and she is traumatized, she becomes impregnated, you know, thereā€™s all these consequences that are long-lasting thatā€™s a destruction. And if a womanā€¦ How could a woman emotionally abuse a man or emotionally use rather?

I mean, thinking about a woman who is sexually using a man, stringing him along to the point where, you know, until she finds someone else she can commit to. It could that be a form of emotional using of a man. That can be destructive in some ways as well.

So itā€™s probably on a case-by-case basis. I think in general, I think the sexual use of women is more destructive than the emotional use of men.

All right. Number five. Excuse me. Number at number nine. Canā€™t see. Number nine. This oneā€™s a hard hitter. ā€œNever date someone from Delaware. [laughs]

Selena: I donā€™t know about that.

Ryan: I have no idea. I have no idea what heā€™s joking about there. Weā€™ll go to number 10. Iā€™ll say never date someone from Portland. [laughs] We live in the northwest. Weā€™re right in the thick of it, ladies and gentlemen. Iā€™m kidding. I know some good people from Portland and they are heroes. [laughs]

Okay, number ten. ā€œGentlemen, dedicate yourself to be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshman says she wants in a man and when she realizes that she actually wants in five years, youā€™ll be in good shape.ā€

Be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshmanā€¦ I have no idea what heā€™s referring to. Do you have any insightful thoughts on that one? What does a girlboss freshman in college wants?

Selena: Grrrrrlboss college freshman say she wants in a man. Sort of like type A personality, probably outspoken about what she wants in a man. Sheā€™ll calm down in about five years and then heā€™ll be in good shape. So donā€™t-

Ryan: Like she doesnā€™t want like the frat bro who is like throwing his weight around so to speak and you know-

Selena: Well, sheā€™s a girlboss, sheā€™s gonna want-

Ryan: Well, in five years youā€™re gonna want a guy that is just a good man who is steady, who isnā€™t sleeping around, who isnā€™t, you know, playing the field so to speak. Thatā€™s what Iā€™m picturing.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: So yeah. Okay, so if youā€™re a young man.

Selena: Iā€™m curious about the comment on some of these.

Ryan: Yeah, seriously, thereā€™s a lot of comments here. If youā€™re young man, I will give you this advice. Yes, become a manā€¦ Spend your waking hours becoming a man of character who knows how to think. A man of God. And you know what? And then spend your time being around good people, namely good, young ladies and the whole like relationship thing will work itself out. If youā€™re relationally awkward, build confidence through building character. You donā€™t know how to use Twitter, do you?

Selena: I donā€™t. [laughs] Actually I just clicked on something I didnā€™t work.

Ryan: You want to see the comments. Not today.

Selena: Not today.

Ryan: All right. Number 11. ā€œWhen guys say they want a woman with a good sense of humor, they mean a woman who thinks theyā€™re funny not a woman who herself is funny.ā€ [both laughs] Being funny does not-

Selena: I love that youā€™re funny.

Ryan: Being funny does not make a woman more attractive to men. Being funnyā€¦ I donā€™t know. It depends onā€¦ I have only ever been attracted to you really. So I think youā€™re funny but-

Selena: I donā€™t know that I try to be funny. Sometimes I do, but only with you. Itā€™s not like Iā€™m trying to be more attractive to you though.

Ryan: Do you think youā€™re funny though? You just said that you-

Selena: I donā€™t think I am.

Ryan: Anyway.

Selena: Do you think Iā€™m funny?

Ryan: Very excited on this one. Oh, yeah. I think youā€™re hilarious. [both laughs] The funniest person I know.

Selena: Is it because you know me?

Ryan: Selena can drop the deep track Office references in the most obscure-

Selena: [inaudible 00:19:26]

Ryan: Yes, absolutely. Itā€™s in context of our relationship. And thatā€™s what I love you. Youā€™re awesome. So there you have it.

Selena: I think thatā€™s a true statement.

Ryan: Yeah, really? Okay. Okay. Number 12. Why donā€™t you read that one.

Selena: ā€œSingle women simply have to become more comfortable letting guys know theyā€™re interested. Itā€™s not great but weā€™re 100 years away from rebuilding the male psyche, so thatā€™s your burden to bear, gals? Sorry.ā€ [both laughs]

Ryan: It sounds like Hans works with young adults quite a bit here. [00:20:00] So Iā€™m pretty far removed from that scene. Maybe I should get and become more relevant to the young men and women of our society in terms of the things that theyā€™re facing.

But yeah, I think thereā€™s a sense that young men donā€™t feel like they can approach young ladies. You know, either theyā€™re intimidated because they have a lack of confidence, or the ladies are carrying them in a way that is pushing. Carry themselves in a way that is off-putting or meaning to push would-be suitors away but then theyā€™re complaining about no guys are asking them out on dates.

Selena: Right? Or their expectations, or theyā€™reā€¦ not indifferent, but theyā€™re just gonna say that they donā€™t want to seem like overly eager, right?

Ryan: Thatā€™s a big burp. Good job, Sunny.

Selena: So theyā€™re like, Well, Iā€™m interested and I want to, you know, let them know, Iā€™m interested, but I donā€™t want them to think Iā€™m desperate.

Ryan: Okay. So heā€™s saying you just got to become betterā€¦ more comfortableā€¦ Not better but more comfortable letting guys know youā€™re interested. How would you do that? If weā€™re in college and you look across the classroom and you see a young man trying to find a seat, and youā€™re a confident young lady and I look up and I see the most beautiful woman Iā€™ve ever seen in my life-

Selena: It just depends.

Ryan: How would you let me know that youā€™re interested?

Selena: We actually make eye contact and you seem interested. Like youā€™re putting out like-

Ryan: What if I gave you the eyebrows?

Selena: Then I would know youā€™re interested. But how would you know if I was interested? [Ryan laughs]

Ryan: Itā€™s a universal sign. Everyone know. So okay-

Selena: If I give you the eyebrows, what are you gonna think? Thatā€™s the question. Iā€™m a single lady and the eyebrows-

Ryan: Iā€™d think, ā€œThat there is a woman of the street.ā€

Selena: I think you have toā€¦

Ryan: Yeah, you have to figure that one out.

Selena: You have to understand the vibe. I think itā€™s okay to be honest with where youā€™re at.

Ryan: It depend on where you meet too. Like if youā€™re a young man or a young lady trying to find a worthy spouse and youā€™re trying to do that on a Friday night in the middle of a club and in the middle of the city, youā€™re not going to find the cream of the spousal crop there. You got to be around people and places that are going to have the people that you want to be with.

Selena: I think that in showing your interest in someone is like youā€™re giving them more yeses than nos, right? If theyā€™re like, ā€œHey, do you want to do this?ā€

Ryan: Oh, thatā€™s good.

Selena: Youā€™re putting out questions asking if theyā€™re interested, then theyā€™ll make it clear. So women get more comfortable with that, I guess, is what heā€™s say.

Ryan: Okay, number 13. ā€œSure, there are some girl gamers. But not many, so single dudes, you will be 10,000 times better off if you quit playing video games and learn carpentry or French or chainsaw juggling.ā€

I can 100% say that you are better off learning how to juggle chainsaws than learning how to play video games. That is an actionable skill. That is a marketable skill.

Selena: Well, carpentry, yeah. I donā€™t know. Games do not do anything to me or for me. So Iā€™m just like-

Ryan: Well, because I donā€™t play them. I recently got the girls the Nintendo Emulator, a SEGA Genesis 2.

Selena: We maybe play it once a week.

Ryan: Not even.

Selena: Not even.

Ryan: If I donā€™t turn it on, they donā€™t play it. And then when I turned it on, they want to play it for a few days.

Selena: Thatā€™s because youā€™re playing it too. They love to play.

Ryan: We play like Golden Axe and Streets of Rage. You know what? Iā€™m sorry. Okay, Judge me if you will. I played those games as a kid. Thereā€™s nostalgia there. Okay, I can agree with this.

I genuinely think video games are one of the kind of big reasons guys are underperforming in most areas of life. Whether itā€™s as a husband, as a potential husband, as a worker, as just a human being. Video games in general are very addictive. Theyā€™re engineered as such. And I think men are drawn to them in a way that is unique.

You know, people justify them up and down. But at the end of the day youā€™re doing something that produces nothing. And we are built to produce. Thatā€™s why carpentry is in there or French. French is maybe close to video games in that regard.

Selena: What are you producing juggling chainsaw? That is my question.

Ryan: Entertainment for anyone.

Selena: Okay. I would be actually very impressed if you juggle some chainsaws. But I donā€™t-

Ryan: Okay, well, Iā€™m gonna put that on my list. Number 14. ā€œI shouldnā€™t have to change who I am for someone else, quote unquote. Thatā€™s something people who really need to change who they are say to justify their singleness.ā€ The people who are single are the ones that are first to say ā€œI shouldnā€™t have to change who I am for someone else.ā€

Selena: Fine. Then be happy being single. Be content being single

Ryan: I mean, I think itā€™s the attitude that means something more than maybe the words.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: Because thereā€™s some truth to it. The reason people say it is because like, Listen, Iā€™m not gonna like change my hair color. Iā€™m not gonna start wearing clothes that arenā€™t-

Selena: Youā€™re gonna be who you are. But if youā€™re with someone, [00:25:00] part of being married and in a covenant, there is sanctification that happens.

Ryan: Well, these arenā€™t married yet. These people are single.

Selena: Well, Iā€™m saying that prepare yourself to be sanctified

Ryan: I see.

Selena: Sanctification isā€¦ there will be change and thereā€¦ Yeah, itā€™ll be for the best. God is being glorified in you but-

Ryan: Speaking of sanctified-

Selena: Itā€™s the attitude of the heart and how itā€™s set.

Ryan: Right. I think thatā€™s-

Selena: Action has to change.

Ryan: Right. Iā€™m steering clear that, sorry, every day. Number 15. This will be the last one. ā€œThe more often you see your wife in a dress or your husband in a suit, the happier youā€™ll be. Slobbishness kills romance.

Selena: Slobbishness. Is that a word?

Ryan: I donā€™t think it is.

Selena: But I love when you wear a suit. You know that.

Ryan: Yeah, I know.

Selena: Iā€™m always like-

Ryan: Youā€™re hot and bothered. [both laughs]

Selena: ā€œNow, go take that suit off.ā€

Ryan: You know, when you wear a nice, classy dress, Iā€™m all about that.

Selena: I wear dresses mostly on Sundays to church.

Ryan: Okay. Or maybe you just wear dresses more often than I realize.

Selena: I donā€™t wear dress up for a wedding dress because that like Iā€™m going to a wedding. You dressed up differently for wedding than you do for church.

Ryan: Iā€™ll just speak for me and you. Dresses are great, but honestly, itā€™s just like your hair. Just your hair. Yes. Your hair gets me. I recently wrote in a book your long-flowing, beautiful locks.

Selena: Only extra-long because I forgot to get a cut before the baby. Here we are almost two months with the baby and still no haircut time. But itā€™s okay. I agree.

Ryan: I love that hair.

Selena: I do think that dressing upā€¦ slobbishness can kill romance.

Ryan: And itā€™s a good incentive to not get too chubby because suits are expensive and you grow up out of them. Waistlines and necklines and all that kind of stuff.

Selena: Take care of yourself.

Ryan: Actually because of the lifting, because of the games.

Selena: So where does God fit into all of this?

Ryan: This was a fun off the cuff sort of episode. We hope itā€™s been edifying to you in some way.

Selena: Sunny doesnā€™t like that.

Ryan: Sunny is not a fan apparently. Where does God fit? You know what? He fits everywhere because He is the Creator of all. Everything finds its origin in Him, including this desire to experience love, to be loved by someone but to be loved primarily by God, but then also to share that love with others through the covenant of marriage.

That desire to love is not something that came out of the blue. Itā€™s not something that came in welled up through evolutionary processes. It is part of Godā€™s very character. Love itself finds its home and its origin in the character and person of God.

So if you want to experience love, it makes the most sense, it only makes sense that you need to know God. You need to know who He is: Holy, just, perfect, perfectly loving, also perfectly just. You also need to know the way to know Him, right? Because we have sinned against God. But the beauty is that we donā€™t have to pay the price for our sin because He sent His own son to pay that price for us.

Thatā€™s what it means to be a Christian is to place your faith in Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, knowing that it is His righteousness that can be imputed to you. And Heā€™s taken your sin and bore it on the cross, put it to death so that we donā€™t have to die spiritual death someday. And weā€™ll be resurrected new life.

So that kind of the Christian worldview in a capsule. [laughs] Iā€™m gonna stop saying capsule from now on. Weā€™d love it if you would considerā€¦ if you donā€™t know Jesus, if you would become a Christian. We want that.

Now, for you to do that, hereā€™s what weā€™re gonna recommend. Find a friend of yours who you know to be a Christian. If you donā€™t have a friend that you can think of, find a church in your local area, talk to the pastor. You want a church thatā€™s gonna preach out of the Bible.

Selena: Faithfully.

Ryan: Faithfully. But we just trusted if you decide to take that first step down the path of giving your life to Christ and placing your faith in Him, that He will provide people to disciple you. If you donā€™t have any way to find a church and youā€™re lost still, we have a website for you that gives you even more information. Go to thenewsisgood.com and youā€™ll find info there.

Letā€™s pray. Father God, we thank You for humor, for the ability to laugh and to also think about some of these pretty serious things in light of your truth, not just with our own opinions, but God with the thoughts that we have that are informed by the truth that is in your word. I pray for couples that are listening to this, watching this, that whatever theyā€™re facing, Lord, I pray that You would let their thoughts be informed by Your word, let their heart be encouraged by Your word, by the love that youā€™ve given us through Your word and through Your son.

Lord, I pray that that love and that truth will then infuse itself into their marriage, that they might have a marriage that flourishes for their good and your glory. In Your name. In Jesusā€™ name. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: In Your name. In Jesusā€™ name. [laughs] Thank you for joining us? By the way, ladies and gentlemen, if you noticedā€¦ you hear that? No ads. [Selena laughs] Thereā€™s no ads. Okay? Thatā€™s because the Fierce Marriage Podcast is ad-free unless youā€™re on YouTube. Thatā€™s a YouTube thing. But we are far from, you know, I think being funded in terms of just our viewership. If we did ads, I think we would probably be there to be honest. But I donā€™t want to deal withā€¦ I donā€™t know. Maybe thatā€™sā€¦ I feel like ads really ruin it. [chuckles]

So if this content has helped you, weā€™d love for you to partner with us through fiercemarriage.com/partner. If you donā€™t feel led to do that, fine, weā€™ll continue doing the content because we want to help you-

Selena: Please pray for us.

Ryan: Please pray about it. Pray for us.

Selena: We need prayers and support all the time. Keep it going.

Ryan: And weā€™d love to keep doing it. God has been gracious. So I think weā€™re done. This episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast isā€”

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: See you again in seven days. Until next timeā€”

Selena: Stay fierce

Download


Weā€™d love your help!

If our ministry has helped you, weā€™d be honored if youā€™d pray about partnering with us. Those who do can expect unique interactions, behind-the-scenes access, and random benefits like freebies, discount codes, and exclusive content. More than anything, you become a tangible part of our mission of pointing couples to Christ and commissioning marriages for the gospel. Become a partner today.

Become a Fierce Marriage Partner Today


Exit mobile version