Friendship, Podcast

Spicy Hot Takes and Relationship Advice

man and woman sitting on chair

This is a fun one! This episode is packed with lots of biblical truths that we as Christians need to hold tight to, and also some spicy hot takes. We hope you enjoy it! 🔥

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Full Episode Transcript

Ryan: Folks, welcome back to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. We have an exciting episode again [Selena chuckles] because we’re gonna be going through more unpopular opinions that I happen to think are very good and should be headed by Christians. Selena doesn’t know what we’re gonna talk about today. So we’re gonna get Selena’s hot off the press, hot and spicy takes-

Selena: Oh dear.

Ryan: …salty and sweet, oh what a treat, the whole shebang. It’s actually gonna be really good. I think it’ll let us root ourselves in, I think, some biblical truth. Thank you for joining us. We’ll see you on the other side.

[00:00:33] music>

Ryan: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, I’m Ryan, this is Selena. We’re the fierce Fredericks. [both laughs]

Selena: Nice. I can’t believe you haven’t done that one before. Maybe we have.

Ryan: That’s what the YouTube channel is called. So I don’t know how long it’s gonna stay that way. We like to have fun. The Fierce Family is what it is on YouTube.

Selena: It is Fierce Family. The Fredericks.

Ryan: Anyway, if you’re joining us there, thank you. Make sure you smash that subscribe button. If you’re listening to this, you’re missing out because we’re going to be showing you a picture today. [both chuckles]. It’s gonna be very visually stimulating.

Selena: A picture. [both laughs]

Ryan: We kid not, YouTube bandwagon. You miss cameo appearances by our lovely beautiful daughter, Sunny, which she may be coming back again today. So anyway, find us on YouTube. But let’s get on with this, Selena.

Fair disclosure, Selena doesn’t know what’s going to happen here. We had a rundown planned for something else and then I came across this and I was like, These are really compelling and interesting.

Selena: I have seen these, some of them.

Ryan: Oh, you have? Have you?

Selena: Some of them.

Ryan: How dare you?

Selena: It’s fine.

Ryan: It’s fine. Anyway. Okay. This all comes from a brother in Christ. His name is Hans Fiene. I think is how you pronounce it. Fiene. I don’t know. He’s a Lutheran brother. Are you yawning right now?

Selena: Sorry.

Ryan: That is unacceptable. [both laughs] That doesn’t bode well.

Selena: Okay, we have an infant. So can I just-

Ryan: Okay, fine.

Selena: Can I just wave that…?

Ryan: So here’s the question at hand. Somebody asked this question and they showed this picture. Ready for the visual stimulation? [laughs] Is that the right thing to say?

Selena: I don’t know.

Ryan: Unpopular. “What are your unpopular relationship opinions that would get you in this position?” [both laughs] You know, when you say that you have something that’s visually stimulating and you ask about what get you into this position-

Selena: It just sounds terrible. [both laughs] It does not sound right on a marriage platform.

Ryan: But that’s how they worded the question. Don’t be nasty.

Selena: We’re married.

Ryan: Okay. So this gentleman Hans… I don’t know, Hans. So you know, if it comes out that Hans is off the rails theologically, I shall not be held accountable. Because he just had some good thoughts on this particular thing. I think he’s a faithful brother.

So here’s what he said. He goes, “I have several thoughts.” And I think he goes through, let’s see, ten of these, eleven, twelve… Let’s see. There’s a lot more. There’s 15 thoughts.

Selena: Wow.

Ryan: So we’ll give a minute or two to each one of these. The point of this is, as fierce couples you’re watching this listening to this, I want us to… Why are these opinions unpopular? And does Hans have a point? In other words, is there a biblical stance that can be taken that’s expressly unpopular, you know, in the world is fear, that we as Christians can stand on?

All right. Let’s dive in. Number one. Hot take, unpopular relationship opinions. This one’s a little low-hanging fruit. “Living together before marriage is training yourself for divorce not marriage.”

Selena: Agreed.

Ryan: Yes. And actually the stats bear this one out. That the couples who cohabit tend to divorce at a greater rate than couples who wait.

Selena: Irony. [chuckles]

Ryan: And the whole premise is that, hey, if we live together, we’ll have practice and we’ll know that we’re compatible and all these things. But what it does is there’s a self-selecting demographic of people who think in a way that lends itself to cohabiting.

Selena: Cohabiting. I said worse.

Ryan: Maybe the solution, okay, don’t co-habit. If you’re not married, don’t live together. I think that’s a good thing to live by. But I think the solution instead is to think about how you view marriage. Because if you’re viewing marriage in a way that you think, “Oh, cohabiting is just practice for this,” well, then you’ve missed marriage altogether. Because cohabiting is a covenant that it’s not just “will this work?”

Selena: No. It’s designed by God for you to be committed to one another. When it feels like it’s not going to work, you’re still going to fiercely fight for it because you’ve committed to one another, you’ve committed before God and He’s brought you together and you understand that there’s a depth of covenant, and commitment there not just, “Okay, this isn’t working, so I’m out.”

Ryan: 100% agree. [00:05:00] Unpopular opinion but we agree with it. Cohabiting before marriage is practicing for divorce and not practicing for marriage. It’s training for divorce not training for marriage.

Second hot take here. What do you got, Selena?

Selena: “Premarital counseling is overrated because it won’t work if you marry a lunatic and you won’t need it if you marry a nonlunatic.” [both laughs]

Ryan: This is the one that made me pause.

Selena: Premarital counseling is overrated.

Ryan: He didn’t say it’s not needed.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: I think he said it’s overrated. I think maybe the premise here that Hans is working off of people-

Selena: Put a lot of weight in it maybe.

Ryan: “We got premarital counseling. Why isn’t working out? Why are we having such a hard time? We got premarital counseling.” No one is saying that the premarital counseling was bad. Also, you probably shouldn’t assume that it’s going to fix everything. Like you married who you married.

Selena: Or make your marriage perfect and problem free. Right? Interestingly enough, not that we… You should always get counseling I think before marriage. But we did not really.

Ryan: No, we didn’t have a premarital counseling.

Selena: I think a book was thrown at us. What was the…?

Ryan: My youth pastor took me for a drive and said, basically don’t sleep… Like he basically asked like, “Are you guys sexually pure?” And I said, “I think so.” [both laughs]

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: He said, “Okay.” Good talk.

Selena: No. I think we put too much weight in it. We were given a book and a workbook. It was by Seattle… the same name…

Ryan: Les Parrot. Les and Leslie.

Selena: Yeah, the Parrots

Ryan: Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.

Selena: Saving Your Marriage, yeah. There’s a classic one.

Ryan: So [inaudible 00:06:32].

Selena: Yeah. I don’t know… I think it’s good to-

Ryan: We would know-

Selena: No.

Ryan: Although I will say we have our online Gospel Centered Marriage class. And we do encourage couples, if they can, go through that at least together. Now, maybe skip the part on sex and intimacy until after you’re married because it does get a little bit steamy.

To me, premarital counseling, the whole point of it is not how do we prepare for marriage, but rather, how do we truly nail down the things that we know and hold dear? Like, do we actually know and believe the same things?

Selena: Right. And I think that you can only get to that point if your relationship pre-marriage has always been one of okay, we’re talking about things, we’re in our Christian community, we have pastors, counselors, parents, guiding, you know, Christians that are helping us through this process of relationship.

The premarital counseling is not all of that in like six weeks before you get married, right? It’s like your relationship has either been going through this and you’ve been kind of aligning and asking those hard questions beforehand. This is not like this gauntlet that if you pass, you’re gonna have a great marriage. Like, woof, good job, right?

It’s like what you said. Are we making sure that our beliefs are in line about having children, about finances, about expectations with intimacy? Again, you’re not gonna nail it all down. It’s gonna take time. I think we put too much weight in it.

Ryan: I think that’s what he’s saying. I like the words “it won’t work if you marry a lunatic and it won’t work and you won’t need it if you marry a non-lunatic.”

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: I might change those words around but okay, point taken.

Selena: You get a laugh.

Ryan: Number three. “Generally speaking, people who don’t want children should not marry but should live celibate lives.” What do you think?

Selena: Well, we’ve had a lot of conversations about this lately. [chuckles]

Ryan: If you haven’t, check out last week’s Fierce Parenting episode. It will inform kind of some of our behind-the-scenes thinking here. What do you think? If a couple are able to have kids… whether they are able or not-

Selena: He’s talking about Christians or just a couple in general?

Ryan: He’s talking to Christians I think.

Selena: Because I feel… How come Christians… My question is-

Ryan: Because only Christians will choose to live a single, celibate life.

Selena: Right. Sorry. So my question would be why do you not want children? Because it is a mandate from God.

Ryan: I think he’s circumventing that whole thing.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: He’s just saying if you don’t want children, live a celibate life?

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: So what he’s doing is he’s very closely coupling marriage and sex and children, which is biblical.

Selena: Yes. So if you don’t want children, let the people who do want to have children marry those people.

Ryan: So here’s another thing. So if you get married and you can’t have kids, that’s different. Because if you want have kids but you’re not able to-

Selena: That’s a different… Yes.

Ryan: Now, if someone says, “Well, I don’t want to burn with passion, so I should get married.” Well, but I don’t want to have kids.

Selena: Does your partner want that? And will they always want that? And will you always want that?

Ryan: Maybe you should evaluate what is your view on kids. Because the Bible does say that… The same Bible that tells you not to burn with passion also says kids are a blessing. So one of the things you’re believing, one of the things you’re not.

So it was one that occurred to me to say like this, but if I’m counseling a young couple and they say we don’t want children, my first question for them is going to be, why don’t you want children? I’m not going to say, “Okay then, this is done. Break up.” I’m gonna start picking apart the underlying… You know, I think he’s assuming that there’s a worldview that’s incompatible with biblical marriage at that point. [00:10:00]

Selena: Good.

Ryan: Interesting.

Selena: Number four.

Ryan: Number four. [chuckles] This is good. “Men are better than women at offering other men the kind of friendship that men want. Therefore, a man who spends an inordinate amount of time with a woman almost certainly desires her romantically.”

I am a man so I’m gonna speak to this. I 100% agree. 100% agree. There’s a void in my life for male friendship that is deep. That doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with women. He said-

Selena: Godly.

Ryan: He’s an inordinate amount of time. Now, what’s an inordinate amount of time? If I’m spending more time with a female friend than I’m spending with male friends, I think that’s an inordinate amount of time. Now, I don’t have any female friends I spend time with exclusively.

Selena: No. Weird.

Ryan: Okay. But there’s lots of people… And I agree with you. Okay, I love that you’re so… There’s lots of people that would say, No, I have good friends and they’re filling… You know, we talk and we go get coffee and we walk together, we go grab a drink.” And I’m just saying, like, from a biblical standpoint, in my experience as a guy, and most of the men I know, it’s usually not just like, “Hey, you’re buddy” from the man’s perspective.

I don’t know that men have a friend zone. They live in the friend zone. But I don’t know they have a friend zone. And you know, if you’re married, I don’t think it’s honoring to your spouse to have friends of the opposite sex.

Selena: Do you say there’s a danger zone? [Ryan laughs]

Ryan: That’s good. They’re on the highway into the danger zone in fact.

Selena: Okay. —

Ryan: Okay, number five.

Selena: “Best way to divorce-proof your marriage is to have five kids right away so that you can’t trick yourself into thinking you can find someone better.” [laughs]

Ryan: Now, I think he’s been funny here.

Selena: He’s trying to be funny

Ryan: I think he’s being funny here.

Selena: That’s funny.

Ryan: But funny things are often true. [laughs]

Selena: We wouldn’t know. We only have four.

Ryan: And we had them 10 years in.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: You know what? If I’m a young man and I’m getting this advice, I’m thinking that might be to divorce-proof your marriage… I don’t want to pick apart the joke because I think he’s just saying a funny thing.

Selena: And number six.

Ryan: There’s something to be said for having a lot of kids and how it makes you codependence and… Not codependent. Interdependent. [chuckles]

Selena: I was like, “Didn’t we just do an episode of co-dependence?”

Ryan: We did. Check that out. [both laughs] Interdependence is good. It’s healthy. And you look at your kids and you look at your wife, you say, “There’s no way I can do this alone. There’s no way I can do this with any other stranger.”

Selena: Or that you want to honestly.

Ryan: But you don’t… I don’t know.

Selena: Maybe not.

Ryan: If you’re thinking, okay, kids are the thing that are going to solidify the bond I want with my husband or a wife-

Selena: Can’t do that.

Ryan: That’s not gonna… That’s not-

Selena: Because once they leave-

Ryan: You’re asking and answering the wrong questions. Something’s wrong at the root of your marriage. There’s a rot there. You need to get to the root of it and root it out. Root out the rot.

Selena: Root out the rot. But there’s a lot of empty nesters that have divorced because the kids were… They’re grown.

Ryan: No other reason to be married once the kids are out of the house. It’s like, “Well, I don’t know you. You’re a stranger. I have been raising kids for the last 20 years and see you later. I’m gonna go find someone else.”

All right, number six. “You’re free to call your spouse your best friend, but ‘best friend’ is a demotion.” I agree with that. See, I liked it. [laughs] It’s the only one I liked. To me to call you my wife is the highest station I can grant any other human to say wife.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Now, I can call you best friend but that’s not as good as wife. That’s all he’s saying. That’s all he’s saying.

Selena: Not agreed. But you’re my best friend and that’s not a demotion.

Ryan: But am I just your best friend?

Selena: You’re my only best.

Ryan: Am I primarily your best friend?

Selena: No.

Ryan: What am I?

Selena: I hold best friend higher than all other friends. So he’s my-

Ryan: What am I though?

Selena: …first and foremost best friend.

Ryan: But what would you call me? Good. Okay, there it is. Why was that so hard? Number seven.

Selena: Because I don’t like him saying that I’m demoting you when I love you so much. Feel like he’s-

Ryan: I appreciated the Hans’ hot take on this one.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Because you know what? He said it’s okay to call your spouse a best friend but it’s a demotion from spouse.

Selena: He didn’t say spouse.

Ryan: Okay. Number seven. “There’s no such thing as soulmates…” Whoa, we did an episode on this one too. [Selena chuckles] Check it out. “If you marry someone, that’s the person you’re meant to be with because it’s the person to whom you pledged your faithfulness.”

Selena: Amen and amen.

Ryan: Amen, brother.

Selena: 100%. 100%.

Ryan: Your soulmate is the woman or man you married. Number eight-

Selena: If you’re a woman, it’s the man you married. If you’re a man, it’s the woman.

Ryan: Yes, thank you. I thought that clarification didn’t need to be said but there you go.

Selena: Well, you never know these days. All right? [chuckles]

Ryan: Here we stand on the bulwark of Christian orthodoxy shouting truth. [Selena chuckles] It’s good. No, it’s good. Someone got to do it.

Selena: Number eight. “When men use women, they tend to use them sexually. When women use men, they tend to do so emotionally. These are equally destructive and simple actions.” [00:15:00] No debate.

Ryan: Really?

Selena: You don’t think when women use men…?

Ryan: I mean, I tend to think there’s a material difference between using someone sexually and someone emotionally.

Selena: There’s a difference.

Ryan: All right, commercial break. We’re gonna get the baby.

Selena: Tada.

Ryan: Tada. We’re back after the commercial break, which was probably like a fraction of a second. So we were talking about when men use women, usually they do it sexually. When women use men, they do it emotionally.

I tend to think they’re not equally destructive and equally sinful. I think maybe equally sinful, right? But equally destructive?

Say a man emotionally or sexually abuses a woman, and she is traumatized, she becomes impregnated, you know, there’s all these consequences that are long-lasting that’s a destruction. And if a woman… How could a woman emotionally abuse a man or emotionally use rather?

I mean, thinking about a woman who is sexually using a man, stringing him along to the point where, you know, until she finds someone else she can commit to. It could that be a form of emotional using of a man. That can be destructive in some ways as well.

So it’s probably on a case-by-case basis. I think in general, I think the sexual use of women is more destructive than the emotional use of men.

All right. Number five. Excuse me. Number at number nine. Can’t see. Number nine. This one’s a hard hitter. “Never date someone from Delaware. [laughs]

Selena: I don’t know about that.

Ryan: I have no idea. I have no idea what he’s joking about there. We’ll go to number 10. I’ll say never date someone from Portland. [laughs] We live in the northwest. We’re right in the thick of it, ladies and gentlemen. I’m kidding. I know some good people from Portland and they are heroes. [laughs]

Okay, number ten. “Gentlemen, dedicate yourself to be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshman says she wants in a man and when she realizes that she actually wants in five years, you’ll be in good shape.”

Be the exact opposite of what a girlboss college freshman… I have no idea what he’s referring to. Do you have any insightful thoughts on that one? What does a girlboss freshman in college wants?

Selena: Grrrrrlboss college freshman say she wants in a man. Sort of like type A personality, probably outspoken about what she wants in a man. She’ll calm down in about five years and then he’ll be in good shape. So don’t-

Ryan: Like she doesn’t want like the frat bro who is like throwing his weight around so to speak and you know-

Selena: Well, she’s a girlboss, she’s gonna want-

Ryan: Well, in five years you’re gonna want a guy that is just a good man who is steady, who isn’t sleeping around, who isn’t, you know, playing the field so to speak. That’s what I’m picturing.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: So yeah. Okay, so if you’re a young man.

Selena: I’m curious about the comment on some of these.

Ryan: Yeah, seriously, there’s a lot of comments here. If you’re young man, I will give you this advice. Yes, become a man… Spend your waking hours becoming a man of character who knows how to think. A man of God. And you know what? And then spend your time being around good people, namely good, young ladies and the whole like relationship thing will work itself out. If you’re relationally awkward, build confidence through building character. You don’t know how to use Twitter, do you?

Selena: I don’t. [laughs] Actually I just clicked on something I didn’t work.

Ryan: You want to see the comments. Not today.

Selena: Not today.

Ryan: All right. Number 11. “When guys say they want a woman with a good sense of humor, they mean a woman who thinks they’re funny not a woman who herself is funny.” [both laughs] Being funny does not-

Selena: I love that you’re funny.

Ryan: Being funny does not make a woman more attractive to men. Being funny… I don’t know. It depends on… I have only ever been attracted to you really. So I think you’re funny but-

Selena: I don’t know that I try to be funny. Sometimes I do, but only with you. It’s not like I’m trying to be more attractive to you though.

Ryan: Do you think you’re funny though? You just said that you-

Selena: I don’t think I am.

Ryan: Anyway.

Selena: Do you think I’m funny?

Ryan: Very excited on this one. Oh, yeah. I think you’re hilarious. [both laughs] The funniest person I know.

Selena: Is it because you know me?

Ryan: Selena can drop the deep track Office references in the most obscure-

Selena: [inaudible 00:19:26]

Ryan: Yes, absolutely. It’s in context of our relationship. And that’s what I love you. You’re awesome. So there you have it.

Selena: I think that’s a true statement.

Ryan: Yeah, really? Okay. Okay. Number 12. Why don’t you read that one.

Selena: “Single women simply have to become more comfortable letting guys know they’re interested. It’s not great but we’re 100 years away from rebuilding the male psyche, so that’s your burden to bear, gals? Sorry.” [both laughs]

Ryan: It sounds like Hans works with young adults quite a bit here. [00:20:00] So I’m pretty far removed from that scene. Maybe I should get and become more relevant to the young men and women of our society in terms of the things that they’re facing.

But yeah, I think there’s a sense that young men don’t feel like they can approach young ladies. You know, either they’re intimidated because they have a lack of confidence, or the ladies are carrying them in a way that is pushing. Carry themselves in a way that is off-putting or meaning to push would-be suitors away but then they’re complaining about no guys are asking them out on dates.

Selena: Right? Or their expectations, or they’re… not indifferent, but they’re just gonna say that they don’t want to seem like overly eager, right?

Ryan: That’s a big burp. Good job, Sunny.

Selena: So they’re like, Well, I’m interested and I want to, you know, let them know, I’m interested, but I don’t want them to think I’m desperate.

Ryan: Okay. So he’s saying you just got to become better… more comfortable… Not better but more comfortable letting guys know you’re interested. How would you do that? If we’re in college and you look across the classroom and you see a young man trying to find a seat, and you’re a confident young lady and I look up and I see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life-

Selena: It just depends.

Ryan: How would you let me know that you’re interested?

Selena: We actually make eye contact and you seem interested. Like you’re putting out like-

Ryan: What if I gave you the eyebrows?

Selena: Then I would know you’re interested. But how would you know if I was interested? [Ryan laughs]

Ryan: It’s a universal sign. Everyone know. So okay-

Selena: If I give you the eyebrows, what are you gonna think? That’s the question. I’m a single lady and the eyebrows-

Ryan: I’d think, “That there is a woman of the street.”

Selena: I think you have to…

Ryan: Yeah, you have to figure that one out.

Selena: You have to understand the vibe. I think it’s okay to be honest with where you’re at.

Ryan: It depend on where you meet too. Like if you’re a young man or a young lady trying to find a worthy spouse and you’re trying to do that on a Friday night in the middle of a club and in the middle of the city, you’re not going to find the cream of the spousal crop there. You got to be around people and places that are going to have the people that you want to be with.

Selena: I think that in showing your interest in someone is like you’re giving them more yeses than nos, right? If they’re like, “Hey, do you want to do this?”

Ryan: Oh, that’s good.

Selena: You’re putting out questions asking if they’re interested, then they’ll make it clear. So women get more comfortable with that, I guess, is what he’s say.

Ryan: Okay, number 13. “Sure, there are some girl gamers. But not many, so single dudes, you will be 10,000 times better off if you quit playing video games and learn carpentry or French or chainsaw juggling.”

I can 100% say that you are better off learning how to juggle chainsaws than learning how to play video games. That is an actionable skill. That is a marketable skill.

Selena: Well, carpentry, yeah. I don’t know. Games do not do anything to me or for me. So I’m just like-

Ryan: Well, because I don’t play them. I recently got the girls the Nintendo Emulator, a SEGA Genesis 2.

Selena: We maybe play it once a week.

Ryan: Not even.

Selena: Not even.

Ryan: If I don’t turn it on, they don’t play it. And then when I turned it on, they want to play it for a few days.

Selena: That’s because you’re playing it too. They love to play.

Ryan: We play like Golden Axe and Streets of Rage. You know what? I’m sorry. Okay, Judge me if you will. I played those games as a kid. There’s nostalgia there. Okay, I can agree with this.

I genuinely think video games are one of the kind of big reasons guys are underperforming in most areas of life. Whether it’s as a husband, as a potential husband, as a worker, as just a human being. Video games in general are very addictive. They’re engineered as such. And I think men are drawn to them in a way that is unique.

You know, people justify them up and down. But at the end of the day you’re doing something that produces nothing. And we are built to produce. That’s why carpentry is in there or French. French is maybe close to video games in that regard.

Selena: What are you producing juggling chainsaw? That is my question.

Ryan: Entertainment for anyone.

Selena: Okay. I would be actually very impressed if you juggle some chainsaws. But I don’t-

Ryan: Okay, well, I’m gonna put that on my list. Number 14. “I shouldn’t have to change who I am for someone else, quote unquote. That’s something people who really need to change who they are say to justify their singleness.” The people who are single are the ones that are first to say “I shouldn’t have to change who I am for someone else.”

Selena: Fine. Then be happy being single. Be content being single

Ryan: I mean, I think it’s the attitude that means something more than maybe the words.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: Because there’s some truth to it. The reason people say it is because like, Listen, I’m not gonna like change my hair color. I’m not gonna start wearing clothes that aren’t-

Selena: You’re gonna be who you are. But if you’re with someone, [00:25:00] part of being married and in a covenant, there is sanctification that happens.

Ryan: Well, these aren’t married yet. These people are single.

Selena: Well, I’m saying that prepare yourself to be sanctified

Ryan: I see.

Selena: Sanctification is… there will be change and there… Yeah, it’ll be for the best. God is being glorified in you but-

Ryan: Speaking of sanctified-

Selena: It’s the attitude of the heart and how it’s set.

Ryan: Right. I think that’s-

Selena: Action has to change.

Ryan: Right. I’m steering clear that, sorry, every day. Number 15. This will be the last one. “The more often you see your wife in a dress or your husband in a suit, the happier you’ll be. Slobbishness kills romance.

Selena: Slobbishness. Is that a word?

Ryan: I don’t think it is.

Selena: But I love when you wear a suit. You know that.

Ryan: Yeah, I know.

Selena: I’m always like-

Ryan: You’re hot and bothered. [both laughs]

Selena: “Now, go take that suit off.”

Ryan: You know, when you wear a nice, classy dress, I’m all about that.

Selena: I wear dresses mostly on Sundays to church.

Ryan: Okay. Or maybe you just wear dresses more often than I realize.

Selena: I don’t wear dress up for a wedding dress because that like I’m going to a wedding. You dressed up differently for wedding than you do for church.

Ryan: I’ll just speak for me and you. Dresses are great, but honestly, it’s just like your hair. Just your hair. Yes. Your hair gets me. I recently wrote in a book your long-flowing, beautiful locks.

Selena: Only extra-long because I forgot to get a cut before the baby. Here we are almost two months with the baby and still no haircut time. But it’s okay. I agree.

Ryan: I love that hair.

Selena: I do think that dressing up… slobbishness can kill romance.

Ryan: And it’s a good incentive to not get too chubby because suits are expensive and you grow up out of them. Waistlines and necklines and all that kind of stuff.

Selena: Take care of yourself.

Ryan: Actually because of the lifting, because of the games.

Selena: So where does God fit into all of this?

Ryan: This was a fun off the cuff sort of episode. We hope it’s been edifying to you in some way.

Selena: Sunny doesn’t like that.

Ryan: Sunny is not a fan apparently. Where does God fit? You know what? He fits everywhere because He is the Creator of all. Everything finds its origin in Him, including this desire to experience love, to be loved by someone but to be loved primarily by God, but then also to share that love with others through the covenant of marriage.

That desire to love is not something that came out of the blue. It’s not something that came in welled up through evolutionary processes. It is part of God’s very character. Love itself finds its home and its origin in the character and person of God.

So if you want to experience love, it makes the most sense, it only makes sense that you need to know God. You need to know who He is: Holy, just, perfect, perfectly loving, also perfectly just. You also need to know the way to know Him, right? Because we have sinned against God. But the beauty is that we don’t have to pay the price for our sin because He sent His own son to pay that price for us.

That’s what it means to be a Christian is to place your faith in Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, knowing that it is His righteousness that can be imputed to you. And He’s taken your sin and bore it on the cross, put it to death so that we don’t have to die spiritual death someday. And we’ll be resurrected new life.

So that kind of the Christian worldview in a capsule. [laughs] I’m gonna stop saying capsule from now on. We’d love it if you would consider… if you don’t know Jesus, if you would become a Christian. We want that.

Now, for you to do that, here’s what we’re gonna recommend. Find a friend of yours who you know to be a Christian. If you don’t have a friend that you can think of, find a church in your local area, talk to the pastor. You want a church that’s gonna preach out of the Bible.

Selena: Faithfully.

Ryan: Faithfully. But we just trusted if you decide to take that first step down the path of giving your life to Christ and placing your faith in Him, that He will provide people to disciple you. If you don’t have any way to find a church and you’re lost still, we have a website for you that gives you even more information. Go to and you’ll find info there.

Let’s pray. Father God, we thank You for humor, for the ability to laugh and to also think about some of these pretty serious things in light of your truth, not just with our own opinions, but God with the thoughts that we have that are informed by the truth that is in your word. I pray for couples that are listening to this, watching this, that whatever they’re facing, Lord, I pray that You would let their thoughts be informed by Your word, let their heart be encouraged by Your word, by the love that you’ve given us through Your word and through Your son.

Lord, I pray that that love and that truth will then infuse itself into their marriage, that they might have a marriage that flourishes for their good and your glory. In Your name. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: In Your name. In Jesus’ name. [laughs] Thank you for joining us? By the way, ladies and gentlemen, if you noticed… you hear that? No ads. [Selena laughs] There’s no ads. Okay? That’s because the Fierce Marriage Podcast is ad-free unless you’re on YouTube. That’s a YouTube thing. But we are far from, you know, I think being funded in terms of just our viewership. If we did ads, I think we would probably be there to be honest. But I don’t want to deal with… I don’t know. Maybe that’s… I feel like ads really ruin it. [chuckles]

So if this content has helped you, we’d love for you to partner with us through If you don’t feel led to do that, fine, we’ll continue doing the content because we want to help you-

Selena: Please pray for us.

Ryan: Please pray about it. Pray for us.

Selena: We need prayers and support all the time. Keep it going.

Ryan: And we’d love to keep doing it. God has been gracious. So I think we’re done. This episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: See you again in seven days. Until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce


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