• Recommended resource:
  • thenewsisgood.com

Ryan: Words are only proxies for meaning. They point to a concept that is beyond the word itself. It’s an abstract concept. What you’re saying is that I can say the word “love” because I know what the word “love” means and you know what the word “love” means.

Selena: We are on the same side. We both want to be good stewards of our money but there can be conflict that rises if we spend outside of our budget or we’re not aware of what we’re spending.

Ryan: It’s not you wasting my money. It’s us as a household consuming more than we’ve thought or more than we should.

Selena: The more I start working up myself about something you’ve done or offended me, the more I’m going to see it misconstrued. I’m not going to see it very clearly but the faster we are to forgive, the quicker we are to repent.

Ryan: Like don’t let these little things take away from you the reality that you are on the same side. We say often, so what is marriage, right? Marriage, it’s a shadow of things yet to come. The marriage and the unity of Christ’s bride with her bridegroom, Christ Himself, and here we have a Savior who has seen us in our lowest and still chooses to love us and chooses to forgive us and never once turns us away. If I’m harboring unforgiveness, that’s no longer the issue of the person who sinned against me. It’s now my issue.

[00:01:08]

Ryan: Selena, strong marriages are built on habits and routines-

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: …things that are baked in to the very life of your marriage. And I think so much of what we bake in to this cake, that is the Fredericks, it comes by habit. It comes by things that we’ve just kind of learned to do over the 20… how long have we been married now?

Selena: 22 years

Ryan: 22 years this year. So today we’re going to get very, very practical and just give you seven things that you can say to each other daily that in turn can become those habits that would then form the very cakeyness of your marriage. So anyway, we’ll see you on the other side.

[00:01:52]

Selena: You say cake, I say cookie.

Ryan: Cookies or cake.

Selena: The cookie of our marriage.

Ryan: Okay, well.

Selena: I like cookies. I like cake too.

Ryan: Ice cream cake. Grandma with that Oreo cookie crust.

Selena: Oh baby. Oh baby.

Ryan: Cookies and cake together.

Selena: We are fun.

Ryan: High five. That was a really weak high five. Yes. All right. Huzzah.

Selena: Huzzah.

Ryan: Anyway, welcome to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. I’m Ryan. This is my lovely wife, Selena. We’re the Fredericks. It’s our joy to show up here every week. I say show up here because I think that’s primarily what it’s about.

This is almost the 400th by record episode that we’ve done. I don’t know the number, it’s mysterious. There’s a number of other things that we’ve inserted into the podcast that maybe could be called episodes. The point is, is there’s not anything new under the sun. We’ve talked about all of these things ad nauseum. But we don’t do this because we’re hoping to uncover new truths about marriage. The truths are ancient, friends. They’re biblical. They go back to thousands of… It goes back to the very garden of Eden itself.

And so we are here to show up and be the reminder, maybe the rhythm in your week to just, hey, invest into your marriage. It’s the most important human relationship you have. You have your relationship with Christ, your relationship to God. He’s God. But you have this spouse that God has given you now to live out the cultural mandate, which is to be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it to become more like Christ. So we’re here just to show up and tell you that.

So to that end, here we are. If you’d like to support that mission, which is just encouraging couples in their marriages in light of the gospel, you can go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. We have some new patrons this week. I’m going to maybe save up and do all the new ones over the last month and do that next week. But if that’s you, thank you for joining us. We see you. We are thankful for you. You are one of God’s means of provision for this ministry for the Frederick family. Fiercemarriage.com/partner, if that’s what the Lord is leading you to do.

So yeah, Selena.

Selena: Ryan. The topic of this talk today is seven things to say to your spouse daily. Do you say these to me? Because I don’t think you do. Just kidding.

Ryan: Well, I’m pretty sure I do.

Selena: What was the hardest for you? We should-

Ryan: I’m never going to be able to run down on this.

Selena: I’m pretty sure I say these all the time. I just don’t say them the way that I hear them. Hello, communication episode.

Ryan: Go back a week.

Selena: No, do we want to read them off and then kind of dissect each one a little bit and go through them?

Ryan: Yes. Yes, I do.

Selena: Yes. Yes, I do. I would like to do that.

Ryan: There’s the seventh one we haven’t actually put in this rundown, but I remember it.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: So here they are. All right. So it’s I love you. Some of these are going to be very obvious, but please just bear with us.

Selena: Consider them jump-off points, I would say.

Ryan: Yes. And consider maybe if you have a hard time saying any one of these things, that that is a, again, the light on the dash to maybe go open the engine and look at what’s going on in your heart, in your spouse’s heart, in the heart of your marriage, if you will.

So here they are. I love you. I appreciate you. I won’t give up on you. This is more of a question. What do you think? Another one is, I’m on your side. And then the last two are, I am sorry, and I forgive you.

Now the last two, maybe you’re the caveat here in that you may not need to say you’re sorry every day. And ideally you’re not having to say you’re sorry every day in your marriage. But if you need to say it, it’s really good to say.

So, let’s talk about these. And this is again, the most obvious one. Studies show. I did a little bit of research.

Selena: Telling your spouse that you love them daily.

Ryan: No, you think I’m joking? Studies show that spouses, that’s marriages where this is part of your ongoing dialogue, I love you, those marriages do better.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: Imagine that.

Selena: My friend was telling me last night that when a wife gets a hug from her husband… is it like her cortisol or something? Some hormone is just like, boop, boop, boop, boop, and like filled.

Ryan: Is that a way of saying you get turned on or?

Selena: No, it’s saying you should hug me every day, whether I want it or not. Struggle-

Ryan: Struggle, snuggle.

Selena: No. But I didn’t think there are obviously because God created the words “I love you” and He is love itself. And hugs and physical touch create biological reactions inside of us. Why wouldn’t they? God layered in so much goodness into the meaning of words, the meaning, and heart orientation. Because I can say I love you if we’re in a conflict, but I might be gritting my teeth. I might not feel like I love you, but is the overarching fact still fact, even when we’re conflicting?

Ryan: You are being so profound right now. And I mean that sincerely because-

Selena: Denzel. You’re so profound, you don’t even know what you’re saying.

Ryan: So words are only proxies for meaning. And they point to a concept that is beyond the word itself. It’s an abstract concept. And when we say the word, the hope is that when I… so like, say, I’m trying to find an apple, right? I said, “Hey, can you help me find this apple? I saw it over there on the counter.” Well, the apple is conveying the apple-ness of the thing that I’m actually looking for. So I’m hoping that the word apple conveys to you, red fruit with a stem and maybe a little green leaf on the top. If it’s like a storybook apple.

But if I say apple and you think, oh, it’s orange and it’s got a kind of a rind-

Selena: All around it and it’s soft.

Ryan: …then we’re not speaking the same language. And so what you’re saying is that I can say the word “love” because I know what the word “love” means and you know what the word “love” means. And I can say I love you. I feel all that to you, or I acknowledge that truth to you, that no matter how I feel right now, that is still our mutual understanding. I love you. And we can share that meaning, even if the feelings aren’t there. So that’s why the words matter because you can say something that’s true and convey the truth through the words. And that sounds very obvious, but we take it for granted.

Selena: Well, I think, as a culture, we’re so based on experience and feelings that we feel like we’re being-

Ryan: Disingenuous.

Selena: …disingenuous if we’re saying, I love you, but we don’t feel the love towards you. Well, love is not a feeling. There are feelings of love that come after, but often it’s dutiful on some level.

Ryan: It’s a fact. Love is a fact. So when you say it to each other, you both have the understanding, you know exactly what it means, not just arbitrarily, but biblically. And that you’re saying the biblical definition of love is the love that I have for you, the commitment that I have for you. And we love because we are first loved in Christ. For this, you can go to any sort of… I mean, 1 Corinthians 13, love is all these things. So when I say, I love you, I’m saying I’m endeavoring to be patient, to be kind, to be selfless, to be all the things that Paul says love is.

Selena: I’m endeavoring and I’m praying, Lord, bear this holy spiritual spirit fruit in my life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, right?

Ryan: That’s Galatians 5. So I love you.

Selena: Oh, I love you too.

Ryan: If you haven’t said it today, say it. And you know what? It’s almost extra sweet if you say it unsolicited. Now we’re soliciting you to say it right now. But maybe shoot your wife, men, shoot your wife a text, wives, shoot your husband a text, say, “You know what? I love you.” Boom. Mic drop. Enough said. Or you can say one of these other six things.

Selena: Seven. Seven.

Ryan: No. Six. Six plus I love you.

Selena: So, Oh, right. Okay.

Ryan: Come on.

Selena: Trying to keep up.

Ryan: Just try and keep up. Oh yeah. Number two. What is it?

Selena: I appreciate you.

Ryan: Thank you.

Selena: You just want to hear that. I knew it. I knew it. Coming out of my mouth. I appreciate you. It’s like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. And I appreciate you as saying more than just the words, obviously, like you talked about, conveys so much more appreciation and gratitude. It’s saying, you know, I see you for the gift that you are, that God’s given me.

Ryan: This is great. This is great.

Selena: You like this. Okay. We have a purpose in our marriage covenant ordained by God. I think it just speaks volumes to… as a wife, knowing my husband, and I think generally speaking, husbands thrive on being appreciated. I thrive on being appreciated.

Ryan: Anyone is thriving.

Selena: Well, when I say I appreciate the work that you do for us, when I say I appreciate… there’s different ways we want to hear appreciation. You like hearing like how hard you worked, how awesome you are at being a man and being the head of the household.

Ryan: Right. I just always need reassurance here.

Selena: Not that. I don’t want to hear how I’ve been… I don’t know.

Ryan: So I’ll give you an example.

Selena: Like manly appreciation and womanly appreciation.

Ryan: Okay.

Selena: Wifely.

Ryan: I think there’s a way to say I’m thankful. Like in some sense saying I appreciate you means to say I’m thankful for you.

Selena: I’m grateful for you.

Ryan: And I see you and I acknowledge that you’re all that you are and I’m thankful for that. Another way to express appreciation, or you could say this is, what happened the other… it was last week we were going through… like we’ve been in a very kind of crazy season. I’ve had a lot of extra meetings because I’m serving in various capacities around in our community and some things aren’t going as we planned. And so it’s late meetings, last-minute meetings. And you were expressing some of your frustrations around that. And you’re not one to complain typically.

Selena: Thank you. Is that recorded?

Ryan: No, you’re not. You’re like one of the most chill wives and I’m so thankful for you. You’re my chillest wife.

Selena: Of all the…?

Ryan: Of all the wives.

Selena: Okay. Okay. Weirdo.

Ryan: You’re the only one. Because in the past, maybe what would have happened is you would have maybe voiced these things and I would have been like, “Well, you just don’t understand,’ or “you just need to just buck up and deal with it.” I’m struggling here too. But what did I, I came to you and I said, “You know, I, you’re right. I get it. I’m sorry. I appreciate the fact that this is the dynamic right now. In other words, I understand.”

Selena: You understand that it’s hard.

Ryan: And I’m sorry because I don’t like it either. We need to be on the same page here. We’re going to acknowledge this is difficult and we’re going to acknowledge it’s not ideal.

Selena: And that’s different than past responses of like, it starts becoming a courtroom. Like we talked about, like you’re trying to win and be like… you know, we’re trying to beat each other at who’s struggling the most kind of thing.

Ryan: One’s always on the offense, the other is always on the defense as opposed to we’re going to get on the same side.

Selena: We know this is hard and it stinks, but it’s not going to be forever. That felt very disarming to me when you said that and you appreciate that struggle.

Ryan: And I needed to say it because I was feeling it too. And I needed to know that you knew that I understand.

Selena: Yes. I needed to know that you knew.

Ryan: And that gave us a jump-off point to say, we can get through this. Let’s hunker down and get through this together.

Selena: It’s like the Lord gave me more strength. He always does, you know, to endure some stuff.

Ryan: Amen. So now appreciation is something we’ve talked about in the past. If you go look up an episode, it’s called the art of appreciation. There aren’t many silver bullets in marriage. I feel like appreciation is maybe one of them. Like truly. And so go back and look up that episode on fierce marriage.com or you can search for it wherever you get your podcasts, but that might prove helpful to you.

All right. So that’s number two. Number one is “I love you”. Number two is “I appreciate you”. And number three is “I won’t give up on you”. So what this is doing is it’s now… maybe you wouldn’t say this necessarily every day. Because like if we’re having a great day and I’m just like, “You know what? I’m actually not going to give up on you. I’m changing my mind. I’m not going to give up on you. No. I mean-

Selena: Right.

Ryan: And whatever, I guess, words, this phrase takes on the sentiment is that you are modeling and understanding of your covenant saying that we have a purpose, we are clinging to the promise from God. We’re clinging to one another. I am 100% all in with you. There’s no shadow of a doubt in my mind that this is something that we’re doing together. If that becomes thematic in your marriage, how powerful is that going to be?

Selena: Yeah. I mean, you know, kind of like you said in some of your notes is it really is practicing that perseverance, right? It’s putting into action, being steadfast, like it talks about in James. It produces hope. You may not have felt hopeless in your marriage, but if you’re going through something together that’s a bit trying and you hear one of you say like, “I’m not going to give up on you. I’m not going to give up on us in this,” is very reassuring in a culture that is so fleeting, right. And modeling that, you know? Not just going out whenever, wherever or doing, you know…

To me, it’s like, I have this assurance that there’s predictability in a relationship. I know that you’re going to be home at a certain time. I know that, you know, the way that you love me shows me that you won’t give up on me. So you may not say it in those words every day, but I can tell that, you know, you’re committed to persevering through whatever conflicts we might be going through. You’re steadfast. I feel like you’re more steadfast when I’m not steadfast. Like God is so gracious in those instances.

Ryan: And especially when you’re going through a tough thing. Okay, so we have a business. That’s how God is providing for us is through a business that we’ve been in… I’ve been in business ever since basically we got married.

Selena: Since you were 20 years old.

Ryan: And there’s been lots of times where it’s like hand to mouth. And if I know that like you’re not going to give up on me just in that instance-

Selena: Never.

Ryan: It’s like, okay, so we’re in this, now that makes… and that means we either go down with the ship or we ride this sucker into the sunset, maybe. And so it’s like, either way we’re together. There’s something very powerful about that. And that’s how we’re designed. Marriage is designed to be that way. You have a ride or die. You’re my ride-or-die. And it’s like all in. We made that decision when we said I do, and it’s not changed.

This is just that, if you want it to be, daily reminder that our covenant is no weaker, it’s only stronger and it’s getting stronger. Tomorrow it will be stronger than it is today.

Selena: Mm, it’s good. It’s good.

Ryan: Okay. I love you. I appreciate you. I won’t give up on you. The next one is a question. What do you think? What do you think? So we added this one. We’ve done similar episodes to this in the past. It’s always worth revisiting, right?

Selena: I thought it was a good question. Because he feels like you actually care what I think or I care what you think it’s not… I don’t know. I think marriages can become, can grow cold and bitter and saying, what do you think about this, genuinely can add some heat to the marriage. Not in a like, you know, sexual intimate way. But it can bring some life back to-

Ryan: “I’m gonna go upstairs. What do you think?”

Selena: …can bring some life back to a marriage that seems like is not doing so well because it’s inviting the other person into the conversation.

Ryan: Well, you can’t ask that question without a dialogue, right? You can’t say, what do you think? And then walk out of the room.

Selena: I mean, you could.

Ryan: What do you think? Pace out. Only if you’re a terrible conversationalist. But yeah. Because you may not have like big decisions that you’re weighing and it might just come down to like, Hey, so tonight there’s a church thing at our church. It’s a default in our house that we’re going to go. But then our house is where our household’s been running pretty ragged lately with the amount of stuff we’ve got going on between teaching the kids and just life. Hey, maybe we should stay home tonight. What do you think, you know?

And you could say, “I actually think we should go.” And we might still go by the way, because it’s important. But anyway, things like that. And actually inviting the dialogue as opposed to just announcing your opinions.

Selena: And I think we do naturally do this, but hopefully it’s not in a way that is adding conflict, but bringing clarity to your daily life.

Ryan: Yeah. Okay. That’s number four. Number five is… this has changed our marriage, I’ll say. And it’s “we’re on the same side” or “I’m on your side.”

Selena: That’s right. You’re on my side.

Ryan: I’m on your side because I’ve already picked you up and put you on my side. In fact, you’re on my side. That’s what you can say to each other. “You’re on my side.”

Selena: Zero conflict.

Ryan: So what does this do? It is the reminder that, you know, especially when you feel like conflict is bubbling to the surface, “Hey, we want the same thing. I am for you. I am on team Selena. I want you to thrive in every way.”

Selena: It doesn’t feel like it sometimes.

Ryan: I want to give you all that you require for thriving and for growth to be that fruitful vine.

Selena: But it may not mean this.

Ryan: Of course, you have to talk about what that means.

Selena: That’s what I mean though, is sometimes saying that, you know, I’m on your side is clarifying and saying… what’s an example of this. So spending. We’ll just take financial, like spending money, right? We are on the same side. We both want to be good stewards of our money, right? But there can be conflict that rises if we spend outside of our budget or we’re not aware of what we’re spending and it can cause strife.

But if I’m saying, if you’re saying, “Hey, we’re on the same side, yes, you spent more than you should have or was ideal or was our limit, but we’re on the same side and we want to work together,” it feels, it’s definitely more cooperative than a courtroom or, you know, being pinned against each other.

Ryan: So if we say, you know, here’s the budget for groceries or whatever for the week or for the month and you go over it by 25%, 30%, 50%, it’s not you wasting my money. It’s us as a household consuming more than we’ve thought or more than we should.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: So let’s either get our actions in line with what should be or let’s get our thoughts in line with what is. But the point is we’re in it together.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: We’re in it together and we’re on the same side and we want the same thing. I don’t want our kids to starve. Do you want our kids to starve?

Selena: No.

Ryan: Okay. Do you want to starve? I don’t want to starve.

Selena: If I have to. If it means that our kids won’t starve, I will starve.

Ryan: Okay. Well, that might come to that. I will take the fall.

Selena: On that note, patrons. No.

Ryan: Fiercemarriage.com/partner. So yeah, you’re one flesh. Jesus said, “What God has brought together, let man not put asunder.” Like don’t let these little things take away from you the reality that you are on the same side that you are. You can’t be one flesh and on opposite sides. Not possible.

Selena: No.

Ryan: Okay. Just make sure you’re both highly aware of that. And then the last two.

Selena: They kind of go hand in hand.

Ryan: They go hand in hand. Yeah. So if needed, I’m sorry. A phrase that we often say and has become reality in our marriage is we are quick to apologize and fast to forgive. Round quick switchbacks. And what I mean by that, so if you ever go hiking, the steepest trails have switchbacks where it’s just like, you’re just grinding up the side of a mountain.

And the hardest part of the steepest part is when you turn the corner up the switchbacks, it’s always like, if it’s… you know, say it’s, I don’t know, I’m showing it on the video, but say it’s X amount of steepness, it’s two X of that steepness going around the corner. It like gets steeper. And so that’s sometimes the hardest part is around in the corner. So when you’ve had conflict or you’ve done something-

Selena: Broken trust.

Ryan: …somehow transgressed, the hardest part is around in that corner. Well, round it quick. And you know what? I’m sorry. You’re right. Swallow your pride. “I’m sorry” if you need to say it. And man, it just takes the power of the enemy right away.

Selena: It really does. It really does. Speaking of the enemy, I think one of the tools I was reading about in My Dear Hemlock by Tilly Dillehay.

Ryan: Nailed it.

Selena: Dang it. Always. Every time. The demon that was in charge of this, little demon, I guess, or that was assigned this to this woman, was-

Ryan: It’s in the vein of Screw Tape Letters.

Selena: Sorry. Yes. It’s what if screw tape wrote to women.

Ryan: And the premise of that, just for people don’t know, the premise of that is there’s an uncle demon training a nephew demon, and how to tempt a Christian out of the Christian life. And this is the lady version of that.

Selena: Yes. And so-

Ryan: Lady demon.

Selena: Lady demon. And so-

Ryan: Tell me about your lady demons. What are your lady demons?

Selena: Anyways, one of the things was get her to dwell on the sin, get her to dwell on bitterness or to dwell on the lack in like her husband and her friends. And basically make her slow to repent, make her slow to forgive because over time that can… you know, it can compound how you actually feel towards the person, whether it’s like true or baseless, right? The more I start working up myself about, you know, something you’ve done or offended me, the more I’m going to see it misconstrued. I’m not going to see it very clearly.

But the faster we are to forgive, the quicker we are to repent, it really does cut the enemy off at the knees and it allows us to find unity around whatever it is that we’re having a conflict about. Usually, it’s your malfeasance.

Ryan: Yeah, it’s true. Again, you’re on my side. so it’s our malfeasance.

Selena: Nice.

Ryan: So I’m quick to apologize. And then the seventh one is “I forgive you”. And that’s the fast-to-forgive part. So again, because sometimes our pride will make us want to rub their noses in it. “Okay, you said, you’re sorry, ooh, I’m going to make sure you know just how sorry you are.” Right?

Selena: Right.

Ryan: But let us be quick to exonerate one another. We are Christ’s bride. The church is Christ’s bride. We mentioned at I think the third phrase is I won’t give up on you. We have a savior who has not given up on his bride. Lord knows we are not yet perfect as a people. That, hello, lots of Christians are hypocrites. Raising my hand. You know, I don’t live a perfect life and all yet our savior has chosen to not give up on us. In fact, He’s beautifying us. There’s geese in the background making me laugh. It’s just funny little creature. Anyway, what was I saying?

So we have a savior who’s quick to forgive us.

Selena: Already forgiven.

Ryan: Really doesn’t rub our noses in it. You’re already forgiven.

Selena: As far as the East is from the West.

Ryan: So I have removed your transgressions from you. Praise God.

Selena: Praise God.

Ryan: So we say often, so what is marriage, right? Marriage is a shadow of things yet to come, the marriage and the unity of Christ’s bride with her bridegroom, Christ Himself. And here we have a savior who has seen us in our lowest and still chooses to love us and chooses to forgive us and never once turns us away.

And so in marriage, it’s so important that we, okay, we learned to repent. We also must learn to forgive. In some cases, repentance is the… I just had a conversation with a friend about this. Sometimes repentance is just as much about the sin that’s being repented of as the one who needs to learn to forgive of that sin. That makes sense.

So we forgive because we are forgiven in Christ. It’s actually a sin to withhold forgiveness. Now we don’t want to go about sinning so that grace might abound, right, as Paul warned against in Romans. That’s not what the point of grace and forgiveness is. But I’m saying that if I’m harboring unforgiveness, that’s no longer the issue of the sin person who sinned against me. It’s now my issue. And so we must be fast to forgive. So the seventh phrase is, I forgive you. It shows that we recognize, understand the level of forgiveness we’ve been given in Christ.

Selena: Amen. Amen. Matthew 6:15 says, “But if you do not forgive others, their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses.

Ryan: That’s a weighty statement.

Selena: Well, and the cost of that. In Isaiah, we have Isaiah 5:35, that He was wounded for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. Upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace. And with his stripes, we are healed. So we’ve been reconciled to God by God for the sin that He didn’t commit, but we committed and He’s forgiven us and allowed us to walk in that freedom and imputed His righteousness on us.

Ryan: That’s it. That’s the gospel. So you might hear the statement and then get a little bit scared. You it in Matthew 6, if you don’t forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Why would Jesus say that? I’ll venture a guess, because someone who’s come into contact with the radical grace of God in Christ, who has seen their sin for what it is, the darkness of their soul. I think so often we make God small.

We’re not talking about some better human. We’re not talking about some important dignitary. We’re talking about the very creator of the universe, who in His infinite goodness decided to become flesh. I was using this analogy with some discipleship guys this morning. There’s an anthill out back. What if in order to save those ants I became an ant? And I took upon myself all their ant ways and I lived in the anthill among them. And then I died as an ant so that the ants might be saved. Ridiculous, right? Oh, come on. God became His creation.

So if you haven’t beheld that reality, that you’re forgiven by God in Christ, then you will find it very hard to forgive when you don’t want to. But if you have beheld that reality, then forgiveness will be almost a no-brainer. So this becomes a litmus test. This is why Jesus can say this, because if you don’t forgive, then that says something about the reality of that forgiveness in your own life, the reality of your belief.

And so maybe this is a sobering call. We had fun this episode, but that is a loaded thing to say. We are forgiven by God in Christ because Christ is God Himself in the flesh. He wasn’t a good teacher, He wasn’t just a good man, He wasn’t just a prophet. He’s God in the flesh. Truly God, truly man. He bore our sin on the cross, taking the sin from us. That’s called expiation, took it away from us. And then propitiation, that’s the putting on of his righteousness to us.

So our credit balance was negative infinity. He brought it up to zero, and then he credited it positive infinity.

Selena: Thank you, Lord.

Ryan: We have the righteousness of Christ. We’ve been clothed in the righteousness of Christ when we place our faith in Him. That has eternal and unfathomable impact on our marriage and obviously on our very souls. So if you don’t know who Jesus is, we want that for you. I’ve just explained it. If you need more information on that, go to thenewsisgood.com. There’s a church finder there that I think will lead you to a faithful Bible-preaching church.

We also encourage you to find a friend and start a Bible study. And all this means is just read it together and talk about, Hey, what does this mean? What is God saying? And then apply it to your life. So we pray that for you. And we pray that this episode gets you closer to that single end.

All right, let’s pray. Father, thank you for, these phrases, the reminder that we can, say things and bring life into our marriage to strengthen one another, to encourage, to ask forgiveness, to forgive, to be unified. I pray that the couples, hearing this, watching this would take advantage of the things shared today that it might strengthen them and encourage them and that their marriage might flourish, their kids might flourish, and then their societies might flourish as well.

We ask on behalf of the marriages that are struggling, the husband or the wife and they feel like they’ve tried everything and they’re just hopeless. Their spouse’s heart is hard. I pray that you would soften hearts, Lord, and you would infuse them with new hope and not a baseless hope, but a hope that is rooted in you. And not blind optimism, but optimism in you, the God of creation, the God of Exodus, the God who is faithful. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Selena: Amen. A quick recap of these seven things you should say to your spouse daily or model them if need be. Number one, I love you. Number two, I appreciate you. Number three, I won’t give up on you. Number four, I’m on your side. Oh, was it?

Ryan: I don’t know. I forget.

Selena: I thought it was I’m on your side. Number five, what do you think? Number six, I’m sorry. Number seven, I forgive you.

Ryan: All right. Awesome. Well, thank you for joining us. If you wanna partner with us, we would greatly appreciate that, because it’s either us or the kids are gonna go hungry. I’m kidding. We’re totally kidding. Right? Kids are fine. We’re fine.

Selena: Influx the patriots.

Ryan: We got a hundred new patrons last week. Anyway, go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. We’d be honored if you’d pray about that and if the Lord leads, we’d love to meet you in there. Otherwise, this has been a good episode. And this one, this episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: And we’ll see you again, Lord willing, in about seven days. So until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.