Challenges, Communication, For Men, Leadership, Love

5 Phrases Every Wife Needs to Hear Daily

Fierce Marriage 5 Phrases Every Wife Needs to Hear Daily

I heard a story of a man and his wife who were having difficulty communicating. She felt undervalued and he felt nagged. She felt that his love for her was fading, and he felt like she was getting overly needy.

Flustered, she explained, “I’m not sure you even love me any more!”.

In response he quipped, “Honey I said I loved you the day I married you and if that ever changes I’ll let you know.”

I’m not sure who said that or if it even happened, but it does reveal some truth about the communication tendencies of men and women in marriage.

Everyone is different, but still included

Yes, I know there are exceptions and communication roles may be reversed.

In fact, my parents are an excellent example of turning stereotypes on their heads. My dad is a “man’s man” in many ways but he processes everything verbally whereas my mom uses very few words. My mom loves action movies and ESPN while my pops would rather watch “The Sound of Music“. Believe me, I can tell you all about how communication styles differ from couple to couple!

Regardless of your communication style, every wife needs to be affirmed in who they are, who they are to you, and who they are to God. Communication isn’t just about words, and words are often just the beginning of dialog. However, words are extremely powerful:

From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
  he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
  and those who love it will eat its fruits.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing
  and obtains favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:20-22

Husbands, may we lead our wives by example, Christ's example.I included one verse before and after the “death and life” verse because the immediate context is interesting. This text is all about a man “eating the fruit of his lips” and being “satisfied“. Even further up in the passage (not cited) it discusses the powers of argumentation, timing, wisdom, and understanding.

Here’s the really interesting part (and I suppose I could write thousands of words on this alone): after all of this discussion of argumentation etc, it brings the focus back to the heart of our words which can give either life or death.

In other terms, all logic and correctness aside, if your words give death you’ll eat death. If your words give life, you’ll eat life. Just because you’re logically correct doesn’t mean you’re morally right (but I digress…).

Enter the WIFE

In verse 22 the text makes a dramatic shift in scope. Suddenly it says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Where did she come from??

Could it be that this passage is speaking to the communication styles of men and their implications on being married? I’m not exactly sure of the author’s intent in this whole chapter of Proverbs, but I don’t believe wives are brought in this close to the “death and life” verse by coincidence.

This verse is meant to put husbands on call – so let’s perk up our ears guys.

Manly affirmation

Love always edifies & encourages.Men, your words give either LIFE or DEATH – to you, to your wife, and to your household.

If you’ve thought or said any of the following, this is for you:

  • I told her I loved her back then and I’ll let her know if anything changes.
  • I’m just not that emotionally expressive.
  • I forget to tell her what she means to me.

In fact, even if you’ve got the life-giving communication thing dialed, this is a reminder to all husbands to keep sharp – myself included!

Make sure you say the following phrases (in some form) to your wife in the very near future, and repeat them for the rest of your lives. You’ll encourage her and strengthen her, perhaps in ways you never anticipated.

5 Phrases every wife needs to hear often

1: “I love you”

Men who love their wives greatly are the greatest of men.Chances are good you’ve said this recently. If not, start saying it very often. Selena and I have a habit of saying “I love you” any time we part – when I leave for the day and/or when we get off the phone. I still love hearing it from her, and I think she feels the same. If you’re in the habit of saying this, then say it differently.

Here’s an idea: stop your wife in her tracks – whatever she’s doing – make eye-contact and say it. If you feel compelled, add a 15 second kiss in there to really surprise her!

2: “I love you the way you are”

Every human tends to start feeling insecure without validation. Christ validates the christian, but God also wants us to experience validation (not in an idolatry sense) from other humans. For the wife, her husband has a unique way of validating who she is, regardless of her appearance, achievements, or otherwise.

Remind her that she’s your ultimate standard of beauty, and you love her exactly as she is – inside and out. Take time to describe things you love about her, and draw attention to her intrinsic value as your wife and daughter of the King.

3: “I’m proud of you”

Remind your wife that you’re proud of her constantly – not necessarily for what she does, but for who she is. She is your bride – your complementing and oftentimes, better half. If you have kids together, let her know your proud of her influence on your children, and the role she plays in their lives.

Also remind her that you’re proud to call her wife and you’re proud to be called her husband.

4: “I’ll always love you, no matter what”

When I said I do I meant it...for life.This is a “bankable” statement; fill up your bank with lots of these so when you hit a rough patch, you can make “withdrawal” and remind her what you said. Constantly reinforce to your bride that you’re not going anywhere, and you’re 100% sold out, committed, ’til death, no matter what. This is an affirmation that only YOU as her husband can provide.

She will flourish knowing that you’re vehemently committed to her, but she won’t automatically know unless you tell her and show her. Note: phrases 1-3 make this statement much more believable.

5: “You’re beautiful”

This goes along with #2, but must be mentioned. Don’t assume your wife always knows this. Transparent moment: Selena hasn’t felt very beautiful since she gave birth to our daughter. Moms will know, babies are wonderful but they put your body through the ringer.

I think Selena is stunning, elegant, beautiful, poised, sexy, and sweet – but she doesn’t automatically feel the same way. So I tell her, often! Sure I sound like a broken record, but the whole world is offering unhealthy and unrealistic examples of beauty every day, so as her husband I must be more vigilant.

What if…?

Husbands, what if we said these phrases to our wives every day? What if we encouraged, uplifted, strengthened, and reinforced our wives with even more than just these phrases? What if our actions AND words screamed our love and devotion to our brides?

Men, our words hold the power of life and death. More than anything, let’s use our words to give life to the most important ladies in our lives.

Questions:
Husbands, what phrases do you say to affirm your wife?
Wives, what has your husband done or said that made you feel confident and loved?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

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  • Carissa Siordia Vasile

    Thank you, coming from a wife starved of this, thank you.

    • Carissa, I hope you and your husband can talk about this soon. Perhaps you could read this post together (in a way that he’s open to hearing your hurt)?

      • Carissa Siordia Vasile

        I don’t know. I think he’d read it, nod and that’s it. I know his love is very conditional. I have to meet his personal standards (which are unrealistically high). He will never love me as I am now, because it is below his standards. I know he is not proud of me because I am not good enough in his eyes. It is never enough. He criticizes and does not edify. I am suffering, indeed suffering, from chronic depression. His lack of support and his distance and apathy feed it. I honestly don’t know if I would believe him should he even start following the suggestions mentioned.

        • Kailea

          I am so so sorry for your hurting I can completely relate I feel like my husband and I are on this path… It’s always what “he expects” and “his expectations” it hurts that he only see this marriage through HIS own standards. I already had insecurity issues and now I feel as if it’s getting worse.. Prayers your way!

        • Logan

          Your story has saddened my heart Carissa. No one deserves the hurt that you own. But God knows this pain you are feeling right now and he is in works to better your life. I will definitely be keeping you and your husband in my prayers. Remember at the very least, Jesus feels those five aforementioned things about you and so much more.

        • Mandy Post Maddocks

          Carissa, you sound so sad. :( Have you ever read “Fire Proof” and “The Love Dare”? The gist of it is to do a loving act towards your spouse every day without telling them what you are doing. They may not even act as if they notice, but you continue this every day. You will eventually get results. It takes a determination to love and make your marriage better. I highly recommend these books! They could change your marriage! I will keep you in my prayers. Don’t give up!

          • Lindsay Ladd

            I believe it’s important to be careful in counseling women experiencing this in their marriage with “love challenges” as a potential solution because it works off the assumption that a woman can change her husband simply by being nice or extrordinarily loving. You cannot love someone into loving you back. In situations in which there is a foundation of mutual respect and love, reciprocity may often occur, but in a marriage where there is a foundational lack of empathy, respect, or emotional abuse this further perpetuates the idea that the woman has to “earn” or somehow facilitate her husband’s positive treatment towards her. For a wife that already feels weak and undervalued, prayer and counseling, and godly confrontation is more appropriate because chances are she has already tried to initiate loving behavior with minimal reciprocity.

        • sarah

          Carissa….My marriage has endured many challenges, one being similar to this. Pray, and do not stop. You are a beautiful princess made in the image of the father above and he loves you more than any earthly being can. The ache in your heart can be replaced….you can’t change your husband, but God can. You are sooo valuable, do not let your husband define your self worth. It’s so easy to do…he’s your husband and should protect and love you above all…right?! It will take time, and faith…but it can change. You will be in my thoughts and prayers….love can be renewed, but if it isn’t, it’s because God has something better for you in store…

    • Start by saying & doing encouraging things to him. Give, forgive, & give some more. I also found out that when things need to be changed, the first One I tell is the Lord. So many times He convicted my hubby without me saying a word. Talking is very important, but prayer is an absolute predecessor to any discussion.

      • S. McKithen

        thank you for this advice … i wikk try it now for the rest of my life… Prayer without conversation… allowing myslef to patiently wait in the Lord

      • JesusLVR

        I agree wholeheartedly with you, GrandMom56: when I tell the Lord what I’m feeling He almost always comes through with a conviction for us both. Godly wisdom, thank-you.

    • NicoleC

      Dearest Carissa, my heart hurts reading your words. My marriage failed because of this. I did not meet my husbands expectations. I pray you will find peace.

  • Ron

    I refer to her as my bride….that conveys a newness and a higher value (for reasons I do not understand) than the term ‘wife.’ YMMV, but it puts a smile on her face when she hears it.

    • I agree Ron, there’s something uniquely endearing about calling your wife your ‘bride’.

      • I knew a man who had an accident & suffered total amnesia. Did not know who or what a wife even was. The breakthrough came after quite a while when he finally understood that his wife belonged to him. His question to her was, “Then you mean that you are MY Donna?” He called her My Donna ever after. My hubby, after hearing his precious testimony started doing the same, calling me, “My M…” Love it!

    • John H

      I do the same and she loves it as well. I don’t use it as a nickname o ruse it all the time, but I do when letting her know how much I love her.

  • I’m one of those wives who needs to be shown these things, not simply told. Yes, there are times when I *need* to hear my husband say “I’m proud of you” or “I love you the way you are.” But more important than the words, I need to be shown. To me, saying it means nothing if the words aren’t lived out. I’m working on this, too. :)

    • Absolutely! Words without action don’t hold much weight. I suppose if you have to choose one or the other, actions are best – but sometimes affirming words come at just the right moment, assuming they’re backed up by trust and action. Thanks for sharing Ami.

      • Katie

        Words without action hold no weight for me. Something I am currently dealing with. You can say whatever you wish to say but when your actions clearly do not align with your words then this brings room for doubt.

    • Catherine F

      There is more than one place in the Bible that states the importance of bearing spiritual fruit. Simply put, that kind of “fruit” provides evidence of a deep relationship with God. Would it be any less acceptable to bear marital “fruit” which provides similar evidence of our dedication to our spouses? Words are easy to come by…it’s proving their truth that carries a price.

    • Sarah Luther

      I think that is because your love language probably isn’t verbal. Mine is, so for me someone telling me that they are proud of me is extremely meaningful and I am probably not likely to pick up on them “showing” me. It is very important for anyone in any kind of relationship, friends included, to evaluate the love language of the other person to see how they can most effectively show their love and respect.

  • Maria Forster

    My husband has the gift of edification. Almost daily he says the five things listed above, along with “Thank you for the best day of my life.”

    • He sounds like a great man to have around! Thanks for sharing Maria :)

  • Michael

    I like this article very much, I gave myself a pat on the back as I do these things for my fiancé as much as I can, especially when I miss her as I work out of the country from time to time.
    However I also feel that as a man I crave to hear things such as #1, #3, and #4 from her perspective, I am not saying she never fulfills that, I feel the need to hear it especially while I am away. I can go-on about my day or night feeling so energized and pumped-up after something like that.

    • Very true Michael. I was thinking about writing about exactly that! Here’s a post I wrote a while back that may sum up how you feel (as I feel very similar to you many times).

      http://fiercemarriage.com/conquering-mountains

    • Good start, Michael. Tell me if you’re still doing it 20,30,40,50…years from now.

      • Michael

        Mam, you can bet I will! I have been through enough to know how good I have got it and so does she. Both of us had a dark time in our lives before we found each-other, and in each-other we found everything we had been missing.
        The past few years have been the best years of my life so far and now she is going to be my wife soon. One thing I continue to do, a thing I will never stop doing, is pursuing her and showing her how much I love to have her in my life.
        Thanks for your reply, I am not sure if that is just the sarcasm of a wise older woman or what ha-ha, but yes I will “20,30,40,50…years from now.” :)

        • No sarcasm. Just an encouragement. Many start out saying the right things, but never make it there. Sorry if it sounded that way.

          May I also make a comment & this is not meant as a criticism but a warning. While it is great to hear these things from a spouse or fiancé, don’t go into marriage with expectations of anything in return. Marriage is about giving, not receiving. There will be times when you get absolutely nothing in return for a number of reasons. There will be times when you feel it is impossible to give any more or that she doesn’t deserve it or isn’t worth it. For example: selfish attitude, critical spirit immorality, disability, dementia, etc. Decide now to love anyway. Most importantly, learn to find your encouragement & strength in the Lord, not you gal. She may fail you in some way, but He never will.

  • steb

    wondering if its good or bad to say any of this during separation? 6 mos no contact… about to write my wife a letter…

    • Il4a

      If you mean it – say it before it is too late. Separation is just that – a separation to be back again ;) But I agree to other comments that words should go with + sincerety (you really mean it) + actions (how you live your life)

    • emilyr

      God makes all things new! He was 4 days late to Lazarus’ grave, but He was still on time. ANYTHING is possible with our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray hard. Ask for redemption. I will pray for you, too.

    • Mark Denman

      Steb,

      There is a school of thought that goes both ways. But in a nut shell, if you recapture the man you were when she fell in love with your chances of reconciliation are great. This is man she was expecting to be married to for life. This is a slow process if her trust in you has been compromised. If this is what you want, don’t be put off if she does not reciprocate or believe it right away. Be consistent but not overbearing. Pray hard for your relationship with God first, pray for your relationship with her and pray for her as well. Hope this helps!!!

    • Mamaof4

      My Mom and Dad separated after24 years of marriage and 8 months later got back together and have been together for 11 more years with no sounds of separation. They both just wanted to be heard.

  • Morgan125

    A husband should say these things only if he is sincere and means it. Otherwise, it’s merely a lie. Actions speak louder than words. If actions back up these sayings, then it’s right to do. And saying nice things works both ways. Husbands need encouragement and affirmation just as much as wives do.

    • Caitlin Cogan Doemner

      Hi Morgan! I understand where you’re coming from, but as I tell my son daily: “Words have power. You create your reality.”
      Saying it, even if you don’t feel it, will engender the sincerity in time.

  • Adam Hartz

    I try to do this with my wife every day. I tell her she’s beautiful, amazing, and I will love her until the end of time…

  • Jennifer D.

    Just this morning my husband walked by and whistled at me and said how hot I looked. I hadn’t taken a shower yet, still in my jammies and had bedhead. Of course I didn’t feel attractive at all. But to hear him say that, even in my messy state he honetly thinks am beautiful. Makes me feel loved, appreciated and valued!

    • That’s incredible to hear, Jennifer!

      • :-) My hubby does the same. When I look & feel the dumpiest, he calls me “Beautiful” – mangy white chemo-destroyed hair, a bit overweight, large surgical scar down my face that sinks in the side of my cheek, lop-sided body, etc.

        • trisha

          wow… I bumped into this blog because i constantly look for words of encouragement to keep me goign in my marriage.. i married for life and my husband was a chirstina and no longer is… he made peace with the fact that church, prayers, bible are all set up to scare us… married for 7 years and it has been years that my husband looked at me in the eyes and said i love u.. but he says it daily to many women in his phone via social media… i decided never to look into his phone, emails because i always get hurt.. always say to change but never does, refuses counseling or meeting with church leaders, etc.. it feels great to read and see what God does in other couples.. I pray and hope that one day i also share a story of love…

  • # 6 – “Thank you.” As we get older we sometimes feel a bit taken for granted even by a husband who says & does all the above. Love is more than words. No set formula will or words will make it work. Genuineness from the heart is what speaks the loudest. Just about the sweetest my hubby ever told me was that He never truly understood the love & forgiveness of God until he met me. That was the greatest expression of gratitude I have ever heard.

    • Great call – gratitude is an excellent barometer for healthy perspective in marriage. Thanks for adding that to the conversation!

  • Chelsia

    “I’m here for you”….means a lot whether it comes from an ‘active’ and ‘present’ spouse. It reminds us that we’re a team! (Togetherness)

  • ylenol_efiw

    What if I never heard these words for a long time from my husband?

    • I would encourage you to sit down and talk about it. If you have a hard time getting him to engage in conversation, schedule the time to talk. This may seem a bit odd, but just letting him know via text or phone call during the day that “there’s something I’d like to talk with you about tonight” will likely make him wonder and perk his ears up.

  • abby

    Married 6 years with two kids, ” how are you doing?” goes a long way. It lets me know that he is still genuinely concerned with my daily well-being and wants to support me in my role. He is a fantastic man, by the way! :)

    • Yes, a sincere “How are you doing?” is crucial to opening dialogue for meaningful conversation about the day. Thanks for sharing Abby :)

  • Réka Szentjóbi

    Saying and hearing these can be healing as well. When we started dating with my now fiance, he said to me that I am beautiful like so many times, and Id just laugh at him. Nobody said it to me before, so I really didnt believe it. God really used him to help me believe that He also created me beautifully. So God can use it in such wonderful ways! BTW he has not stopped saying it:-)

  • Great encouragement Ryan, thank you for sharing. I’m reminded of the verse in Ephesians that says something to the effect that “he who loves his wife, loves himself…” (Eph. 5:28f). What has our attention, has our intention. I agree that we must step up and love our wives, to lead them, protect, and cherish them. Too often, out of selfishness of being self-focused, I know I have made the choice to withhold these five things from my bride. Thank you again for the exhortation to keep focused on priorities of boldly loving my wife in a way where she feels she is “enough” and shines.

    • Thanks for your transparency Travis! Also, great call on the Eph 5 verse :)

  • Michael Reynoldson

    So I just got a divorce (unfortunately), and I tried to say these things everyday. Granted like all of us, I’m not perfect by any means, and I failed to say them from time to time. However, to some degree, the wife must be receptive to these words too. You can say them (even with sincerity) and if she is not receptive, it will still fall on deaf ears. This I believe is what happened in my case (at least partly).

  • Tim F

    These things go both ways. My (ex)wife destroyed me by NOT saying them. I suffered severe depression, her extramarital affair and months of mental anguish as I lay next to her (having forgiven her for the affair), needing to hear (and saying) those three words. Words have power. Great power…and the use (or withholding) of them can have MASSIVE consequences (both good and bad). I have never healed from those blows (and sometimes wonder if I ever will). This article is excellent advice to BOTH men and women…

  • beentheredonethat

    This is a great article for those who’s love language is words of affirmation. However, for those of us who’s love language is different, words of affirmation mean and/or affect us little. My husband tells me all of the above daily, but, since my love languages are acts of service and physical touch, I do not feel loved; no, I actually feel severly neglected. Further, no amount of talking/counseling has rectified the situation. Til death do us part…sorry, can’t do it.

  • Antwone Hill

    I tell my wife as much as I can the I love her and that she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I believe sometimes women get tired of hearing it, so we as men need to show them in a different way. For example, if we are out with some friends complement her in front of them. As of that they can join in and really make it a big deal.

    • Thanks Antwone, your spot on. Words are great, but if they’re not backed by real action and real love in action, they’ll lose meaning.

  • Kalyn

    I think it’s very interesting how much people are struggling to stay on topic here. “Yes, I do that for my wife, but I’m going to take a few seconds to tear her down and talk about how she doesn’t do it for me”. If you’re feeling neglected in this area as a husband, talking about it on a public forum is not going to solve the issue. I know I would be upset and hurt if I saw my husband doing this, rather than come to me. I’m pretty sure one of the Golden rules of marriage is to not speak ill of your spouse to anyone.

    • Greg

      I would simply argue that as you are putting down husbands for doing it on here, that it is slightly hypocritical. Maybe they have, but a woman speaking of how her husband doesn’t do it is “not going to solve the issue” either. I don’t believe husbands or wives who have spoken freely on this forum have done it believing it would fix their problem. They post it to vent. I choose to believe it to be a positive as someone may give them a piece of advice and support. Something that may give them the encouragement to keep working at it. If their spouse does not want to sit down with friends, family or counseling to hold them accountable for working on their marriage, then they may feel comfortable venting here. To act as if it is petty, wrong and immature is nothing but those.

  • Angie M. Flint

    Sometimes my Husband can simply look at me in a certain way or me looking at him and He knows what I am about to say before I can say he’s already said it.

  • Bernadette

    “I trust you. With our children, with our finances, with household decisions, etc.”

  • K!

    Every day my husband tells me I am beautiful and at least once a week says that he’s proud of me. Every night without fail since we got married he asks me,”Is there anything you want? Is there anything you need?” I cannot begin to tell you how much of a difference it makes to hear those assurances every day regardless of where my emotions/hormones are at. It took me our first year and a half of marriage to really get it and believe it because of my own struggles but I am so thankful he has continued. I am truly blessed.

    • KW

      I will mention that I return the favor. It is always important as the wife to remember whether your husband says it or not he needs and desires the same for you. We discovered each others Love Language (See the Five Love Languages book) and it’s helped immensely in understanding one another.

    • JB

      Love means a lot in its diversity and goes undefined when there are
      no resource to back up. The consequence of love in the absence of
      finance by either spouse to justify life lived and seen is a crux. Being
      married does not mean that you marry the reputation of your wife or
      husband. Everyone is having his or her own reputation. When live to the
      direction the bible teaches us of love,submission and patience, life can
      be comfortable,easy with confidence.Ladies are very particular with
      their finance and even things they buy and more worse when the husband
      has no resources and almost dependent on the wife.

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  • Christina

    I can only wish……don’t believe in true love anymore.

  • Kate

    my husband tells me i’m a good wife and good momma just about everyday. I’m the first one he hugs when he comes home from work (then kids, then the dogs!). We took pre-marital counseling and were told God comes first, then our spouses, then our kids – we have stuck by that and have an amazingly strong and fulfilling marriage. Obviously there is truth to this stuff!! I live it everyday. My husband makes me feel beautiful, loved, and appreciated. I still have my days where I let my inner critic try and convince me otherwise – but he always scares that away. I love how you’re sharing this with other couples – no doubt you’re saving or strengthening someone’s marriage!

  • Barbara Gelderman

    this is an excellent article and I also need to hear it and get hugs……..means tons

  • I love this blog. As a marriage counselor i help people heal their marriages every day, but at home i live with a husband who does none of these things you listed. It would make such a difference. But i think he doesn’t say it because he does not feel it. Keep posting though because i utilize many things you say to help others.

  • Mom of seven

    I highly recommend the book, The Five Love Languages. My love language is action. None of the above means anything unless you show me by seeing where I need help and then helping. When we had our fifth child, I told my husband that I was uoverwhelmed and he needed to pick something to help. He began cooking the evening meal and continues to do so 21 years later.

  • R. Shoemake

    It saddens me that people underestimate the power of prayer and love. You have to communicate with our Lord and with your spouse. Your words have to be put into action for people to be able to see that you mean what you say. But without Jesus first and foremost in your life, you and your marriage will be doomed from the start. You should have Jesus as head of your household, then the Husband and then the Wife. You must spend time in prayer together with God and give him your marriage and he will take care of the rest. It is not a 50 /50 ratio in a marriage, but 110 percent on both sides that matters…God Bless…

  • K Wilk

    Theses are not words that I need to hear ….I need to feel my husbands love. Taking care of the kids or doing something kind. I don’t need him to feel proud of me – I have enough confidence in what I do. I need my husband to tell me to go relax after I’ve taken care of kids, home and worked outside the house. I need my husband to ‘do’ not talk then I will feel and know that he loves me….you missed the mark
    here with this wife!

  • Aberlyn

    I am a wife who needs words. We have been married for almost 16 years and have 3 children. I asked him to do whatever he could to remind him – reminders on his phone to text me or just say one of the things listed above. I have prayed and asked God to change me! He used to be very critical and hurtful with words. Fortunately he is rarely like that now. He says he can’t remember to compliment me or say that I’m beautiful and just doesn’t think like that. Before he has said that people who say those things every day are just fake – he doesn’t like. He won’t find an article like this and read it anyway. I’m hoping that I change and that I won’t need words any more. My thinking is if you starve long enough – eventually you won’t even remember that you were hungry.
    Aberlyn

  • Jaime Wilkins

    My husband and I are one where the stereotypical roles are reversed in many areas. He has said he needs to hear things like that often. I am more or less annoyed to hear those things too often (regularly, but not all the time).

    However, I need to hear him express that he is confident in himself. That he feels he’s decently living up to my expectations and God’s expectations and that he is enjoying our life together.

    That is what makes me feel successful and fulfilled and confident and yes, even beautiful. Because I feel beautiful when I’m happy with life! :-)

  • db

    I would like for my husband to have taken being married much more seriously & not have given up on our marrige…I value the information in this article, because it works “both ways” as the saying goes. Women need to validate their husband’s worth as well. I must share this: marrige is 110% from each person; both the husband & the wife must invest 110%. Period. Being married is not a 50/50 thing. It takes dedication & commitment, honesty & the value of one another…never give up.

  • Gurji

    Dears, In my country, I pursued scientist. One honest and well-known academician about me publicly stated: “… in relation to (me) apply the famous aphorism – “Woe from wit”.” I have long wanted to move to Western Civilized Countries. I AM CONTACTING SEVERAL UNIVERSITIES AND RESEARCH INSTITUTES IN WESTERN Countries WITH THE AIM TO CONTINUE TO RESEARCH AT THE FRONTIER OF PHYSICS, BIOLOGY, MATHEMATICS, ANTHROPOLOGY, SOCIOLOGY AND JURISPRUDENCE, AND I AM WAITING FOR AN INVITATION. IN PARALLEL, I TRY TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER FOR MARRIAGE. SINCERELY,
    GURJI
    My latest research:
    Creative Transformation of Synergy and Homeostasis of the Nature in the Peaceful Development of Humankind, Category: PHYSICS, HUMAN, SOCIETY.

  • dasxt

    This is an excellent post and a great reminder for us all to treat our wives right and to pamper them with words.

  • Steve Born

    I’m a man. I love my wife
    I do not say much to her other than “I love you”. Everything else that has to be said is done with facial expressions or gestures. If your wife loves you, then the feelings are intercepted.

  • Steve Born

    Having to say anything is redundant. 22 yrs later.

  • Steve Born

    I’ll be in the shower with her while the comments are debated.

  • Tom Blech

    how about ths: i tell my wife “i am proud of you” and she says ” i dont want a cheerleader, i want you to tell me the truth”—if i tell her i love her —she rolls her eyes—if i tell her i like her the way she is–she tells me to stop cheerleading her. Sometimes you just have got to admit somebody hates my guts

  • Proud Mimi

    I have gained a lot of weight in the past year due to a very stressful exit from a ministry I was with for many years. I was heavy before and lost 100 lbs. I’ve gained a lot of that weight back. I don’t feel ugly. But at this time I genuinely don’t think my husband thinks I’m pretty. I long to hear it but I just don’t think he thinks that I’m pretty. I am working on getting healthier with my Dr but it seems slow at times. I thought about. Sending this article to him but I don’t want him to say these things just because I brought it to his attention when he really doesn’t feel that way. I’ve been married for 35 years and this isn’t the first time this has been an issue. Please give me some insight.

  • Janette Olivas

    i am with live in partner. we just new live in for 5months an d it seems i don thear the words “i love you” from him. im becoming paranoid that he has other love. its not eays for me. i keep telling him but he used to say his busy and etc. i dont know anymore what to you. i am having a depression but i need to be strong and be firm

  • Searching the meaning of life

    – Why it is the responsibility of husband to say these sentences? Why does a wife gets a free pass? In my view, it is the responsibility of both, the husband and the wife to say and show the love and care.

    – I have read few books and surfed web and all that I read and hear is that women are more emotional and it is fine to be that way. The same thought is being circulated and said everywhere. Is there a scientific evidence, a big NO.

    -With these comments and circulation, we are making these amazing woman more emotional and make them feel that it is okay to more emotional.

    – Question to everyone, is this healthy? I do not know the answer.
    Just think for 2-3 or hrs in peace and then share your views, please not an impulse based reply.

    – Wish a happy and joyous married life to everyone.