Podcast, Q&A

Quick Q&A 2: Will we still be married in heaven?

Ryan and Selena tackle a common but somewhat murky question for believers: if we’re married on earth, will we also be married in heaven? Listen in as we take a look at what the Bible says about just that. Enjoy!

Transcript Shownotes

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Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

  • [00:01:02]
    • Barnes Commentary:
      • Matthew 18:18
        • https://www.studylight.org/commentaries/bnb/matthew-18.html
  • [00:03:05]
    • Scripture reference:
      • Matthew 22:30, ESV
  • [00:04:50]
    • GotQuestions.org quotes taken from:
      • https://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-heaven.html
    • C.S. Lewis quote, paraphrased:
      • https://themajestysmen.com/quotes/cslewis-sex-in-heaven-quote/

Full Episode Transcript

Ryan:
Alright, fierce listeners, we’re back with a quick Q&A. This week, we have a question; Selena has not actually heard.

Selena:
Going in blind, people.

Ryan:
So, Selena, are you ready for this? I didn’t want to share this with you because I wanted you to give me just your knee-jerk response.

Selena:
[Chuckling] Oh, dear… [Laughs]

Ryan:
And I wanted to see how it lands. Okay?

Selena:
Lord, help me!

Ryan:
So, here it is. The question came in from one of our listeners. It says, “If you were married on earth, are you also married when you go to heaven? If not, what is the purpose of marriage on earth?”

Selena:
Oh my gosh! You’re just going to leave me there, huh?

Ryan:
Well, no… I—

Selena:
Here we go!

Ryan:
I want to know your—I had to study this, okay, because I also had my own kind of assumptions about this. So, what say you?

Selena:
I say you are not married in heaven.

Ryan:
Okay. Why?

Selena:
Because… there’s… Oh, gosh. Blankly, [Ryan chuckles] there’s no need for it, really.

Ryan:
[Laughing softly] Yeah. Yeah! Okay.

Selena:
I mean, you’re complete with God. There’s no sin, there’s no sanctification. You are complete. There’s nothing else… that needs to happen.

Ryan:
Wow. You even spoke to one of the purposes of marriage on earth, the sanctification piece.

[00:01:02]
Selena:
[Laughing] Exactly!

Ryan:
That’s good.

Selena:
What’s the purpose of marriage on earth?

Ryan:
Wow. Mm. You just continue to impress me, Frederick.

Selena:
You know, I just try. I try!

Ryan:
So, I think that’s a good summation. Let me give you kind of some of the research behind this. So, first off, the question. [Baby whining in background] Okay, so, that’s a good question. And by the way, Louisa’s here, if you weren’t aware. That’s why there’s a baby in the background. [Selena giggles] She’s our seven-week-old! So, the question’s a good one, because I think a lot of people wonder this. And the reason is that we read Matthew 18:18, right? It’s the verse that says what is bound on earth will be bound in heaven, right? And so, we think, “Well, obviously, marriage is a covenant that’s bound here on earth. Why wouldn’t it be also bound in heaven?”

Selena:
Right, right.

Ryan:
The thing about Matthew 18 is it’s actually talking about church authority and church discipline. Right? And it’s talking about, basically, how you handle authority, how you handle matters of discipline, and how you “bind” them in a way. It’s talking about apostolic authority.

Selena:
Mm!

Ryan:
Back in the early church, or at that moment being passed down. And not the early church per say, ‘cause that’s later on in Acts. But apostolic authority, spiritual authority… That’s based on the Barnes commentary.

[00:02:11]
Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
So, that’s where I’m taking that from. So, essentially, it’s not. It’s an apples and oranges thing. So, I don’t think Jesus is talking about marriage in that case.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Alright? So, that’s one of the reasons people tend to wonder about this. But also, many want to be married in heaven, right?

Selena:
I know! I was sad when I kind of learned that, but then you were like, “Yeah, but we’re going to be the presence of God!”

Ryan:
Yeah, it’s—

Selena:
Uninhibited, no pain, no tears. [Inhales]

Ryan:
No obstruction.

Selena:
Nothing!

Ryan:
Yeah. So, a lot of times we want to be with each other, right, ‘cause we love each other here on earth. I can’t imagine life with anyone else. I can’t imagine spending… every day with. [Selena chuckles] And I can’t imagine, frankly, in my own humanity, spending eternity without you as my wife.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And I know it’s even going to get stronger. That desire’s going to get even stronger and stronger. [Inhales] But I think what we see in scripture is contrary to those desires. Although, I think those desires are somewhat innocuous and pretty… innocent, right?

[00:03:05]
Selena:
Sure! Absolutely.

Ryan:
I think once we see kind of the bigger picture, we realize that, oh, marriage was purposed for something else.

Selena:
Mm…

Ryan:
And it’s not there anymore.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Right? And so, kind of—

Selena:
We actually list out those purposes in our book, Fierce Marriage.

Ryan:
Right! Well…

Selena:
So, check it out! [Giggles]

Ryan:
And also, I don’t know what the right term is, but I think it creates some inconsistencies…

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
If we make the assumption that we will also be married in heaven, right?

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
So, the verse that I want to use actually comes from Matthew 22:30. That sounds bad! Not use. [Chuckles]

Selena:
[Laughing] I was like, “Hmm…”

Ryan:
The verse I want to reference, Matthew 22:30, it says, “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.”

Selena:
Mm…

Ryan:
Right? And so, that is, I think, a foundational verse when talking about this topic. And I think the main reason is that once we get there…

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Once we get to heaven, the mission accomplished. Right? We’re going to be there.

[00:04:00]
Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
We’re going to be with God. And especially, new heaven, new earth. [Selena laughs] So, the point I want to make is it creates, so, there’s inconsistencies. Okay. So, if marriage is created here and now for purposes here and now, what happens to the spouse who, if marriage happens in heaven, theoretically, what happens if I die and you remarry?

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
Who are you going to be married to?

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
In heaven? Right? It’s completely within your rights as a wife to get remarried after your husband dies.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
It’s completely within, I think, Christian belief, in Christian world view. So, who’s going to be married in heaven, right? Who are you getting married to? Also, why did God even establish marriage here now? So, God established marriage here now for purposes that won’t really be necessary. For procreation.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
[Inhales quickly] For sanctification. Well, in the new heaven, new earth, there’s not going to be… It’s not going to be the same, right?

Selena:
Right.

[00:04:50]
Ryan:
The way he says this is, “Although it’s not explicitly taught in the Bible…” Oh, excuse me. I’m on the wrong post here. Okay. “God created marriage as the means of procreation and the filling of the earth with human beings, and, “Heaven, however, will not be populated by procreation. Those who go to heaven will get there by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ,” alone. “They will not be created there by means of reproduction. Therefore, there is no purpose for marriage in heaven since there is no procreation or loneliness.” This is, again, Got Questions. So, I like—Let’s see if we have more time, but I love this analogy by C.S. Lewis. I’m going to end it with this. “The letter and spirit of scripture, and all of Christianity,” again, C.S. Lewis, “and all of Christianity, forbid us to suppose that life in the New Creation will be a sexual life; and this reduces our imagination to the withering alternatives either of bodies which are hardly recognizable as human bodies at all or else of a perpetual fast,” and I think he’s talking about fasting from sex. “As regards the fast, I think our present outlook might be like that of a small boy who, on being told that the sexual act was the highest bodily pleasure, should immediately ask whether you ate chocolates at the same time.” Okay, so a boy who has never experienced sex… You’re saying, “Hey, sex is the best!” He says, “Well, is there chocolate there?” Right? And C.S. Lewis says, “On receiving the answer ‘No,’ he might regard absence of chocolates as the chief characteristic of sexuality. In vain would you tell him that the reason why lovers in their raptures don’t bother about chocolates is that they have something better to think of. The boy knows chocolate: he does not know the positive thing that excludes it. We are in the same position. We know the sexual life; we do not know, except in glimpses, the other thing which, in Heaven, will leave no room for it.” So, basically, this side of heaven we only catch glimpses of the things that God has prepared for us, and there’s so much better than anything we could experience here.

[00:06:30]
Selena:
Right…

Ryan:
Sex included! But also, just marriage in general.

Selena:
Right! Wow!

Ryan:
So, as it would seem—

Selena:
That’s kind of a big question there!

Ryan:
Yeah! And so, I try to—

Selena:
I mean, they all are. [Chuckles]

Ryan:
I tried to talk quickly, but, to get through it, but again, I hang my hat on this passage, is, “At the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. They will be like the angels in heaven.”

Selena:
That’s Matthew 22:30.

Ryan:
Matthew 22:30! So, anyway! In conclusion, no, there will not be marriage in heaven. I hope that answers your question. [Snickers] And if you have any more questions—

Selena:
There will be better things in heaven!

[00:06:56]
Ryan:
There will be better things in heaven, and man, you just wait! You just wait! Man or woman, just wait. If you have any more questions, go to fiercemarriage.com/podcast. There’s a button there. Or you can call or text your questions in to 971-333-1120. And until next time!

Selena:
Stay fierce!

[00:07:19]

Podcast ends.

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