Podcast, Priorities, Unity

Fighting for Peace in Your Marriage

Peace is more than the absence of conflict—so much more. The Bible’s definition of peace is all-encompassing, and has very little to do with outside circumstances. In this episode, Ryan & Selena talk through peace as a fruit of the Spirit, made available to us through the Prince of Peace himself, Jesus! We hope it blesses you.

Transcript Shownotes

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Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

Full Episode Transcript

Selena:
So, peace has a lot of definitions. I think sometimes we define peace as the absence of conflict, right?

Ryan:
Hm! Interesting.

Selena:
Or the absence of something. But God’s word defines peace as not simply just the absence of conflict or war, but the presence of something greater—

Ryan:
Wow!

Selena:
In its place.

Ryan:
Something greater in its place…

Selena:
So… I think you can all… derive some awesome [Ryan laughs lightly] meanings from that for our marriage, right? If not, don’t worry. We were going to break that down for ya.

Ryan:
Absolutely. So, we will see you on the other side.

[00:00:28]

<Intro Sequence>

[00:00:58]
Selena:
Wow. You went really fast on the other side. That was like…

Ryan:
I bumped over. [Exhales]

Selena:
[Chuckling] I was just not ready for that. [Laughing]

Ryan:
Today has felt like a day for… There’s no room for small talk today.

Selena:
[Laughs] There really isn’t. There’s been a lot of things happening today.

Ryan:
Ironically, we are talking about peace in a day when I’ve felt very little peace. [Both laugh] Which is why I’m just like, “Let’s just get on with this! Let’s record it.” [Selena laughs] I mean, actually, this is the highlight.

Selena:
That’s usually me. That’s usually me, I feel like.

Ryan:
It’s true. It’s always really fun and edifying and good to actually be recording this.

Selena:
[Snickers] You sound so convinced. [Laughs]

Ryan:
[Exaggerated exhale and chuckle] No, I do look forward to it.

Selena:
How about I lead this conversation? [Chuckles]

Ryan:
Just means I get to have good conversation with you!

Selena:
Yeah!

Ryan:
Which is awesome!

Selena:
Yeah. And little Lou. She’s still here with us.

Ryan:
Yeah. So, I want to do quick plug that is not scripted. But we are getting ready to recruit for our launch team…

Selena:
Oooh.

Ryan:
For this new book that we’ve just finished and turned in, and now we’re working on typesetting, which means we’re designing the actual interior of the book. It’ll release in May of 2020. Okay? And so, if you want to be on the launch team for that, we would love to have you! And what a launch team does is basically, you’re signing up to review the book early…

Selena:
Oooh!

Ryan:
To be a part of creating kind of momentum online.

Selena:
Mmm.

Ryan:
But also, this is most important thing, to leave a review on Amazon.com! [Laughs]

Selena:
A good review.

Ryan:
A good [Laughing] review.

Selena:
Just kidding! You can’t say, “good review.”

Ryan:
You can if you actually can’t say that.

Selena:
Just leave an honest review.

Ryan:
Leave an honest to good review. [Both laugh out loud] Anyway! So, it’s a big part of any book that drops. It’s called See Through Marriage. If you want to be part of that launch team, you can apply or just fill out a form to do that. Just go to seethroughbook.com, seethroughbook.com. There’s a little form there. It’s super simple. It’s like your name, email address and what you’re interested in.

Selena:
Mm!

Ryan:
And that just puts you on a notification list that we have, and when it’s time, we’ll send you an email. So, yeah!

Selena:
Awesome! So, quick housekeeping! If you want to be a part of something else— Just kidding! [Ryan chuckles] But if you do enjoy this podcast and support it and want to support it in more than one way [Selena laughs], you can do so via patreon.com It’s Fierce Marriage. Nope. Patreon.com/FierceMarriage.

Ryan:
[Laughing] Why are you even doing the housekeeping?

Selena:
There’s a lot of links! There’s a lot [Chuckles] of links…

Ryan:
[Chuckling] You just seem like you jumped into it and didn’t count the costs.

Selena:
Well, I’m trying to just get down to business for you.

Ryan:
You’re like, “Aw, I don’t know what to say.”

Selena:
So… [Laughs]

Ryan:
Okay. Let me just do it fast. Leave a rating and a review on iTunes if you haven’t yet. That helps us a ton! Tell your friends about this podcast [Selena breathily laughs] because it helps get the word out. If you want to support us financially, you can do that. We ask that you pray about it. If God leads you to do that, then please jump on board. Go to patreon.com/fiercemarriage—

Selena:
I was getting there. I was getting there—

Ryan:
Thanks for jumping in right when I’m saying the URL. [Selena laughs] The important URL.

Selena:
[Cackling] I’m sorry!

Ryan:
[Chuckling to himself] Go to patreon.com/fiercemarriage. That’s P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/fiercemarriage. Two dollars a month on up! Anything helps! The whole point is to keep this thing ad free and not dependent on third party platforms, so we can just talk from us to you, the global church. And you can support this ministry that hopefully is helping you. Finally, if you have any questions, we do one question every week. On Thursdays, we typically drop a quick Q&A or a Fierce Q&A.

Selena:
Hm! Changing the name.

Ryan:
And some people think we might call it—I don’t know! We’ll see.

Selena:
Hm!

Ryan:
And those questions, we get those from you either via the form at fiercemarriage.com/podcast. There’s a button there, or you can call or text 971-333-1120. And we do catalog those questions and hopefully we’ll get to them. There’s a lot of themes! So, hopefully you see your theme [Selena chuckles] jump up at some point.

Also, we have Louisa here with us today.

Selena:
Yep!

Ryan:
So, if you hear any— She’s alre—

Selena:
I already mentioned that.

Ryan:
Oh, you did?

Selena:
I did.

Ryan:
[Ryan inhales and then exhales loudly] So, if you hear any [Selena chuckles] little squeaks and squeals, it’s Selena.

Selena:
[Selena laughs] Yeah, right. [Both laugh]

Ryan:
Yeah. That’s—

Selena:
So, we are recording this around Christmas time.

Ryan:
Yeah!

Selena:
And, I know you don’t like dating episodes, but here we are! Or here I am dating it.

Ryan:
Mm-hm.

Selena:
We wanted to share real quick, what our favorite Christmas movies are! Just to break the ice.

Ryan:
Mm-hm! Christmas time…

Selena:
I think as a child, my favorite one was probably… Frosty. I really liked—

Ryan:
Wait, wait, wait. I thought these were timeless?

Selena:
I’m doing child and adult! No!

Ryan:
I thought these were timeless?

[00:05:00]
Selena:
No, because my adult one feels pretty timeless to me now.

Ryan:
Mm…

Selena:
But it didn’t exist when I was a kid.

Ryan:
Oh, okay.

Selena:
See?

Ryan:
Yeah. Whatever.

Selena:
Frosty the Snowman was probably my favorite as a kid.

Ryan:
The one with a… [Does an accent] “Messy, messy, messy!” [Chuckles]

Selena:
[Laughs] Yep.

Ryan:
What was his name, the rabbit? Hocus pocus?

Selena:
Hocus Pocus the rabbit. I forget the— I just read it last night to the girls! Can’t remember! Anyways! [Inhales] And as an adult, I would have to say by far Elf is my favorite.

Ryan:
What?! [States with disbelief] By far?

Selena:
Yes!

Ryan:
That surprises me.

Selena:
I like Elf!

Ryan:
There’s so many good other ones. [Cackles]

Selena:
Like what?! Okay, Home Alone.

Ryan:
[Inhales] Yeah! Okay. So, no—

Selena:
You’re turn!

Ryan:
Home Alone is good.

Selena:
Home Alone’s on my top five, probably!

Ryan:
Top five? Excuse me!

Selena:
[Chuckles] Top three?

Ryan:
[Both laugh] I like how I’m just pushing you into my own, like… Yeah, you know, Elf is… good. I think I just watched Elf too many times…

Selena:
You don’t like Elf as much. You never have. [Ryan sighs] Jingle All the Way is a pretty funny one.

Ryan:
Will Ferrell’s sense of humor… It’s very hit and miss for me.

Selena:
Oh.

Ryan:
There’s parts of it that I love, parts of it that are just so gratuitous, I can’t get into it.

Selena:
Okay, Mr. Grumpy Pants! Let’s talk about—

Ryan:
[Brief chuckle] Mr. Grumpy Pan—

Selena:
Christmas movies!

Ryan:
You know what? I’m a big fan of the Rudolph stop motion.

Selena:
I love that one, too! Yeah!

Ryan:
Rudolph the Red Noised Reindeer, with Ol’ Yukon!

Selena:
Yeah!

Ryan:
[Accent of Yukon’s voice] “Yukon Cornelius!”

Selena:
[Both chuckling] Yep.

Ryan:
[Still imitating Yukon] “Silver and gold.”

Selena:
[Chuckles] Misfit toys?

Ryan:
“Sil—”

Selena:
Yep.

Ryan:
[Both laugh and Ryan resumes his regular voice] Yes! [Ryan cackles] I forgot about that song! [Inhales] What’s the elf that wants to be a dentist or whatever? [Ryan cackles again] [Both state in unison] I forget his name. [Ryan begins speaking solo] Anyway… Just—Yeah. It’s just such a funny… I think it’s just a funny cartoon. The characters are so…

Selena:
Yeah!

Ryan:
Like flamboyant—

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Big, and bigger than life. Like especially Yukon Cornelius. [Light giggle] If I could be him…

Selena:
He’s just your favorite…

Ryan:
I would be. [Selena quietly chuckles] But, I don’t. As far as like a real-life Christmas movie, I really enjoy Christmas Vacation! [Ryan laughs]

Selena:
Oh yeah! That’s a good one in our house.

Ryan:
With National Lampoons—

Selena:
But I didn’t grow up watching that! I didn’t grow up watching that. So… I do enjoy—

Ryan:
You didn’t grow up watching Elf either!

Selena:
It’s been a part of our marriage! It’s been a part of our marriage, though.

Ryan:
You didn’t grow up watching Elf.

Selena:
That’s true. That’s true!

Ryan:
But Christmas Vacation… I’m a big fan of Home Alone.

Selena:
[Whispers] Oh, wait…

Ryan:
There’s a lot of really good one-liners in there. Just the…

Selena:
Oh, yeah.

Ryan:
[Ryan states in the accent of a character from Home Alone] “Look what you did, you little jerk!” [Both snicker]

Selena:
[Ryan laughing] I know. When you try to show your kids some of these movies, you’re like, “Wait a second. I don’t want them watching this yet.” Like… [Selena chuckles]

Ryan:
[Resumes his normal voice] Yeah! There’s some… There’s some bad stuff in there!

Selena:
[Chuckling] Yes, yes. But we watched part of Elf last night with them. And it was so cute to watch them laugh. And they’re at the ages where they understand it and kind of appreciate it.

Ryan:
When the narwhal comes out?

Selena:
Yeah! And—

Ryan:
[Ryan imitates the voice of the character] “Bye Buddy! Hope you find your dad.” [Selena chuckles]

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
[Resumes normal voice] What did Dela say? She’s like, “I thought that was a unicorn horn!”

Selena:
[Chuckles] Coming out of the water, yeah!

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
It was so cute. But there’s just some fun stuff there, so…

Ryan:
You got to enjoy Christmas movies, folks!

Selena:
You do! You do.

Ryan:
It’s the time… to just… kind of— We’ve had a fire in the fireplace last night. Selena, you created the most rip-roaring fire we’ve had in a long time!

Selena:
Pshhh. Yeah, I did.

Ryan:
‘Course…

Selena:
Yeah, I did!

Ryan:
I got to say, I got the logs in there, though, and I-I-I [Selena cackles] warmed’em up and dried’em out for you, with my lame fire two nights ago! [Selena laughs] And then you got the little fire log, the yule log.

Selena:
Four-hour burner! [Laughs]

Ryan:
Yeah, it wasn’t a yule log. Yeah, it was one of those… easy fire… in a bag.

Selena:
Anyways! [Chuckles]

Ryan:
Fire in a bag! [Laughs]

Selena:
Share your Christmas movies with us.

Ryan:
How would they do that?

Selena:
I’ve never watched on—I don’t know. Just… [Both laugh] E-mail us.

Ryan:
Just put it somewhere online! We’ll find it!

Selena:
Send us DMS on Instagram.

Ryan:
#FierceMarriagePodcast. Perfect.

Selena:
There you go!

Ryan:
Oh, yeah! Do an Instagram story.

Selena:
#FierceMarriagePodcastChristmasMovies. [Laughs]

Ryan:
Yeah. [Chuckles] #FavoriteChristmasMovieFromTheFierceMarriagePodcast#.

Selena:
[Chuckling] There we go!

Ryan:
But you got to put the hashtag on both sides of it, though.

Selena:
[Laughs] Yeah. And I think, so, our discussion today, it really is coming from the Christmas… season. We have been going through a book for Advent. We’ve been doing a few different activities. [Baby noises in the background] There’s Lou.

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
We’ve been doing a few different activities. Our church has been talking about Advent and…

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
The different things it represents, and the candles, I think we’ve been going— I think the last one we did was peace. So, the peace candle…

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
Which is obviously kind of where this topic in conversation is stemming from. We’ve had a lot of peace and “shalom” being defined in our world the last couple days.

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
And so, we’ve decided to… well, think about marriage and peace, ‘cause I think we [Chuckling] all need it in our marriage. And for me personally, I think peace has been— it was very much a— I mean, I told you, the recent weeks I felt kind of… just lacking and…

Ryan:
Hm.

Selena:
Not good enough, and incomplete, basically, and frustrated and just trying to make it fun. Doesn’t feel fun and…

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
all those kinds of things you feel. And we went to church and they had this awesome video about peace and shalom, which we’ll put a link in. It’s from the Bible Project, of course. If you ever do their word studies, those videos—

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
It’s four minutes, and it’s just power packed! So good!

Ryan:
So, they talked about biblical peace being so much more than just kind of our modern day understanding of the word of peace, and the Hebrew word behind the word we read in the Bible of peace.

Selena:
Shalom.

Ryan:
Being shalom, and really how shalom is not just a…

[00:10:01]
Selena:
Not the absence.

Ryan:
It’s not a one- or two-dimensional thing. It’s a multi-dimensional—

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
Look at what does it mean to have shalom or peace in your life. And they used the picture of, what was it?

Selena:
A wall?

Ryan:
A wall! Built with many bricks.

Selena:
Right!

Ryan:
And how if one brick is out of place then the wall would crumble, and…

Selena:
Right! Well—

Ryan:
And how if one part of your life is out of sync or out of shalom, all of it’s out of shalom.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And shalom is a state of completeness.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And harmony on every level, not just in a one- or two-dimensional level.

Selena:
Right, right. And so, they explained, they kind of define this, and we’ll take you through a few of their quotes, but they say peace takes a lot of work because it’s not just the absence of conflict; true peace requires taking what’s broken and restoring it to wholeness. So, again, it’s not simply the absence of war. It’s the presence of something better.

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
You see this in scripture. Like you said, “shalom” means complete or whole. It’s referred to… being complete or completed, they said stone or stone wall; something complex with lots of pieces but is complete!

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
Shalom can also be referred to as a state of well-being, like when David on the battlefield asked his brothers about their “shalom,” he’s asking about the peace, the state of their being…

Ryan:
So that’s… Pause for a minute!

Selena:
Okay!

Ryan:
‘Cause that’s… Can you imagine… they’re out on the battlefield. Obviously, there’s a fight happening. [Snickers] Alright? And there’s—

Selena:
Battlefield. [Chuckles]

Ryan:
There is a war happening!

Selena:
Yes.

Ryan:
And so, David’s rolling up on this and saying, “Hey, brothers, how’s your shalom right now?”

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
Clearly, they’re at war!

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
Clearly, they’re putting their lives on the line. They’re probably camping outsi—They’re probably in the rustic living on the frontlines.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
And he’s asking them, “How’s your shalom?” As if there’s an answer that could be a positive response to that question.

Selena:
Into that dark situation.

Ryan:
Otherwise, yeah, why state the obvious?

Selena:
He’s asking, “What is”— Yeah, “The state of your being?”

Ryan:
And so, that tells you a lot about the nature of shalom.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
It’s not something that originates from your circumstance, but it comes out of your hope or your savior, right?

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Or what you’re hoping in. And so, that’s very interesting.

Selena:
Right!

Ryan:
Considering the season that we’re in currently.

Selena:
Right. And relationally speaking, shalom, they said, “Its core idea is that life is complex, full of moving parts and relationships and situations. And when any of these is out of alignment or missing, your shalom breaks down. Life is no longer whole. It needs to be restored.”

Ryan:
Mmm…

Selena:
So, we see that need for a savior being presented once again. And to use shalom as a verb is to make complete or restore. And in Proverbs, it talks about reconciling or bringing reconciliation or healing to a broken relationship is to bring shalom.

Ryan:
Hm! That’s interesting.

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
So, we’re going to bring this round to marriage because obviously it’s a marriage podcast, and—

Selena:
Well, in a minute, because we need to talk about Jesus as our shalom.

Ryan:
Right! But first, I want to maybe dispel some lies. Right? So…

Selena:
Oh yeah! Well, and we have two questions we want to ask upfront and then we’re going to go through stuff and then answer them at the end as well.

Ryan:
Okay. So, do you want to ask those questions now?

Selena:
Yeah. The two kind of rhetorical questions that I want you to be thinking about, listener, as we’re walking through this information and just kind of what it means and how it applies to our marriage, is how— I think the question that rolls around in our hearts in the married aspect of our lives, how can we have peace in our marriage when we don’t feel it with our spouse?

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
Maybe you’re at odds. Maybe you’re walking through conflict or you’re walking through a struggle that one of you is having and the other is trying to find [Stifled chuckle] healing on the other side of it as well, and you guys are just walking through some hard stuff. So, how can you have peace in the middle of the storm?

Ryan:
Like, relational peace?

Selena:
Relational peace with each other. And then, in John 14:27, when Jesus says, “My peace I give you, not like the world gives do I give unto you.” What did He mean and what does this mean for my marriage?

Ryan:
Hm…

Selena:
So, we’re going to kind of boil those down. And I know they kind of sound like one in the same a little bit, or they’re very— I think there’s some overlap, but I think defining one defines the other. So…

Ryan:
So, some of the lies that we tend to believe is that if we can just… get the situation right, then our peace will be in place.

Selena:
Mmm… I’ve definitely believed that lie. I still fall to that lie, daily.

Ryan:
Oh, for sure! Especially with young kids, ‘cause you’re like… This always happens in parenting [Selena laughs] because you’re like, “If we could just get this device,” [Selena chuckles] “like, this gadget that will somehow help our kids sleep better, or this medicine that will help them feel better. Or—

Selena:
[In a breathy voice] We could have peace!

Ryan:
Or if we could just read that book, that could just help me parent them better [Selena chuckles], then our situation will be right and we’ll have peace in our household, and shalom. And if I can just get my kids to stop disobeying or stop crying [Selena giggles] or stop waking up or stop co—

Selena:
If they could just be robots…! [Chuckles]

Ryan:
It happens a lot! It ha—

Selena:
And not alive human beings. [Laughing]

Ryan:
And so, we tend to think that that’s how we come about peace!

Selena:
We obtain peace, yeah.

Ryan:
Is we get there by—

Selena:
Get the thing!

Ryan:
By fitting the right—Yeah. Putting the right… pieces in place.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
No pun intended! [Both chuckle] so that we can have our peace in place. [Both laugh lightly] Hey, that’s a—!

Selena:
Good job!

Ryan:
Thank you!

Selena:
Good job! Go you today!

Ryan:
But then there’s another piece. So… [Both laugh and chuckle] Didn’t mean that one.

[00:15:00]
Selena:
[Chuckling] This is awesome…

Ryan:
There’s another part though! [Selena giggles] So, in marriage we do the same thing. So, if you say you’re not connecting. Right? And you say, “If I could just get him or her to hear me…”

Selena:
Mm…

Ryan:
Or, “If I could just understand them,” or, “If they could just change in this way,” or, “If they would just start coming to church with me, we would have peace.”

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
Or, “If they would just start blah-blah-blah, doing that,” or, “If he would just stop doing this, we could have peace.” “If he worked more, if he worked less, if you got a better job, if we got a better house, if you got a better car, if we had better friends—”

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
“If we had a better church,” if we had whatever that better thing is, we think then at some we can basically purchase our peace—

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Through not literally purchasing, but through buying or getting these things into our lives.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Whether it’s a better relationship or better material things.

Selena:
So, what would you say to this? What say you on this?

Ryan:
Mm-hm.

Selena:
About… Because that does sort of define peace, right? It’s not just by getting something in replace of it, replacement of it, of war, right?

Ryan:
Hm.

Selena:
Or lack, or conflict! So, what’s the difference between that kind of peace and the peace… I guess that we’re going to talk about with Jesus, right?

Ryan:
Oh, well that’s exactly what the creators of the Bible Project were getting at.

Selena:
Right!

Ryan:
Is that it’s not simply the absence of war, but it’s the presence of something better in its place.

Selena:
Right?

Ryan:
Right? And so, Bible says blessed are the peacemakers.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Right? Not the peacekeepers, but the peace makers—

Selena:
[Baby grunts] Oops!

Ryan:
In that they are— [Baby coughs and Selena giggles] there’s something to be drawn upon from another reality! And I don’t want to sound too weird or too metaphilosophical [Selena giggles], but from another reality that is not our reality.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Okay. So, a physical reality, a spiritual reality, that is not our own! Meaning that this type of peace comes from outside of us, and it comes from the living God, as we’ll see.

Selena:
Mmm…

Ryan:
Okay. Peace is not traditionally characterized or categorized as an attribute of God!

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
But I think it actually, and there are smarter people than me that are saying this, but it’s another quality that we could think of as a distinct attribute of God! Is the peace, the peace dwelling, the peace making, the orderly aspects of God’s character.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Alright. I just want to read a little bit from Systematic Theology. This is the Wayne Grudem version of it. Right? Don’t jump down my throat on the nuances of his theology and stuff, but just check this out. [Faint sound of a cellphone ringing in the background] He said, “Paul says that God’s actions are characterized by peace and not by disorder.”

Whose phone is going off? That’s my phone going off.

Selena:
[Sultry voice] Ohh, baby!

Ryan:
Oh. [Sniffles] So, Paul says that God’s actions are characterized by peace and not by disorder. Okay? But those who walk in wickedness do not have peace. “‘There’s no peace,’ says the LORD, ‘for the wicked.’” That’s Isaiah 48:22.

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
And so, to me, that’s… I mean… Okay. So, that tells me of a number of things. Okay. So, that those who walk in wickedness don’t have peace. God’s actions are characterized by peace and not by disorder. Okay. So, we know that peace is a fruit of the spirit, right? We’re going to talk about that… a little bit later. I’m pretty sure you mentioned that later on…

Selena:
Yes!

Ryan:
It’s from the Galatians 5.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
But the fruits of the spirits are love, joy, peace.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Okay. So, those who walk in wickedness do not have peace.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
So, it’s like, can we have, can we experience a fruit of the spirit if we’re not walking in step with the spirit?

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Well—

Selena:
No, you can’t. [Snicker]

Ryan:
Well, I think we [Exhales]… Okay, if we’re walking in active disobedience, I think there’s going to be some dissonance there in our lives.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And we’re not going to have peace with God [Inhales] in that sense. We have eternal peace if we’re in Christ, but we don’t have peace, situational peace, maybe…

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Or that communion. First talk about the doctrine and union with Christ! [Inhales deeply] And so, we’re going to be missing something that is not there. And he goes on to say that although God is a God of peace, He is also the One who will neither slumber nor sleep. So, I think sometimes we think of peace as kind of the same thing as complacency or placidness.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Right? Just stillness… And… it’s not! Peace is something that is so much bigger than what’s happening around you.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
That’s why David could go into the battlefield, ask his brothers, “How’s your shalom?” Because he could get a positive answer! “Hey, my shalom is good. Listen. They’re firing arrows at us! They’re throwing spears at us. They’re trying to chop us up.”

Selena:
They have a giant. [Snickers]

Ryan:
“They have a giant.” [Chuckles quietly] “But my shalom is good because we serve the living God, the one true living God.”

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And so, it says, “He is the God.” So… And I’m just going to continue reading what Grudem says, is, “He is the God who is continually working. And even though heaven is a place of peace, it is a place also of continual praise to God and service for Him. Thus, God’s peace can be defined as follows. God’s peace means that in God’s being and, in His actions, He is separate from all confusion and disorder, yet he is continually active in innumerable, well ordered, fully controlled and simultaneous actions.” So…

[00:20:01]
Selena:
That’s so good! It gives you so much confidence, ‘cause I mean, just think about when you’re operating from a true sense of peace, and the way you feel in those moments and how the situation around you, no matter how chaotic it is, you still have this inner peace.

Ryan:
Yep!

Selena:
And then think about the moments when you don’t have that peace [Snickers] and how the situations may seem peaceful, but their chaos may be minimal, but it’s augmented because… there is no peace in your inner being, in your heart, right?

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
And so, little things get blown out of proportion.

Ryan:
So, on that notice, it says, “This definition indicates that God’s peace does not have to do with inactivity, but with order and control activity.” So, okay. So, I think of the disciples in the storm with Jesus in the boat. He’s sleeping in the boat. Jesus has other worldly peace. [Selena snickers] He’s sleeping!

Selena:
Sleeping in a boat.

Ryan:
Okay. There’s not inactivity in that moment.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Maybe Jesus is being an inactive, but He’s got that shalom going on and there’s a storm raging!

Selena:
He’s resting. Yeah.

Ryan:
And he’s obviously resting. He’s very tired, and there’s a storm raging! And then when the disciples freak out and they wake Him up, He says, “Why do you have such little faith? Oh, ye of little faith.”

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And then He calms the storm. So, He imposes shalom on that situation…

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
That was already there! [Baby grunts and Selena giggles] They just hadn’t seen it yet. [Ryan chuckles]

Selena:
She’s, yeah. She’s… agreeing with you.

Ryan:
[Chuckles] And so, what He’s saying here, and in Systematic Theology, is it has to do with ordered and controlled activity. So…

Selena:
Yeah.

Ryan:
What that means, I think, is God’s people, and as people filled with the spirit, is that we can impose shalom or peace into an otherwise chaotic situation, namely within our marriage. And it’s not a “name it and claim it” thing. It’s not a “speak it into being” thing. It’s a “I am indwelt with the Holy Spirit, the living God.” Right?

Selena:
Well, yeah! Yeah. We—

Ryan:
And therefore—

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Peace reigns in my heart.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
And it’s ordered, structured peace that moves things forward.

Selena:
Right. And I think, going back to Jesus and talking about His arrival in this—He was, when they announced in a— Well, when Isaiah announced Him, he called Him the Prince of Peace in Isaiah 9:5-6.

Ryan:
Mm-hm.

Selena:
So, Jesus’ birth was announced as the arrival, or the “Eirene,” I think, is the Greek word for peace that is used there for Jesus; it’s also found Ephesians and in John, talking about the peace of Jesus. So, when Jesus came to offer His peace to others, Jesus made peace between us, messed-up humans, and our Creator, right? He restored to wholeness, like we’ve been talking about, our relationship back with our Creator, with God. And that’s why, this is also in the Bible Project. They talked about the apostle Paul and how Jesus Himself “is the whole complete human that we were made to be, but it failed. And now Jesus gives me His life as a gift. This is why we are called to bring peace.”

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
So, as believers and Christ-followers, we’re called, and we’re called to bring and make peace, like we talked about in Ephesians 4 and 3. Works were… Paul is exhorting us to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace and the body of Christ.

Ryan:
Mm-hm.

Selena:
And becoming people of peace means that we’re participating in the life of Jesus, which in Colossians 1:19-20—

Ryan:
Mmm!

Selena:
It says, “For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.”

Ryan:
Hm!

Selena:
So, here we are, bringing Jesus, the Prince of Peace, is his announcement of His coming, right? The Savior is within this framework of peace, of Eirene. And that, because we have been given life in Christ, we are now given that peace. And as we are given that, we are also called to extend that out to first our spouses—

Ryan:
Wow! [Quiet exhale]

Selena:
And our families and… the world around us.

Ryan:
That’s really good! That’s really good. I recently posted this on my Instagram account.

Selena:
Your personal one.

Ryan:
My per— Well… You’re welcome to follow. It’s Ryan_Fred on Instagram.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Anyone’s welcome to follow. But I share these kinds of personal… quotes that I find very compelling, and I try to do a little bit teaching and commentary. I don’t know. I don’t feel like I can really teach because it’s like there’s so many smarter people, but I just want to share kind of candidly. [Inhales] And the quote that I shared this week or last week is a Spurgeon quote. It says, “You stand before God as if you were Christ, because Christ stood before God as if he were you.”

Selena:
Mmm!

Ryan:
And that got me thinking about this concept of peace, right?

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
In particular, because we have been going through Advent, and we lit the peace candle—

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
This last Sunday. And… I was thinking, “Okay, typically we think of peace as a sort of prescription in the cabinet.”

Selena:
Mm-hm.

[00:24:50]
Ryan:
Right? So, “I feel I have a headache,” so, metaphorically speaking, “I’m going to grab the peace… bottle, unscrew the cap, pop a few peace pills.” [Selena snickers] In other words, I’m going to say the prayer I need to say. I’m going to try and get the peace that I need so that I can have it in this situation. And it’s taken us to fix whatever discomfort or trouble ails us! Wow! I think that’s definitely the case, right?

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
So, there’s parts of that that are definitely the case. What struck me with this quote is that this peace that Jesus purchased on the cross, and the peace that we celebrate in Advent as we anticipate His revival, is a peace with God Himself. That, to me, was so revolutionary in that moment, because we are at war with God. We are at odds with God. He is holy. We are sinners. He is huge and eternal. We are tiny and temporal. And… Jesus has given us peace with that, with Himself, with God! And it’s from that place of having peace, the peace that Jesus came to give us as the Prince of Peace, as our eternal hope, that peace is the one that I think is the wellspring of every bit of situational peace that we can ever need. ‘Cause if I know… Alright. So, if I’m looking at life from an eternal perspective, that this life here now is not the end all be all of my existence…

Selena:
Mm…

Ryan:
There’s no circumstance in this life that can change my sense of peace! Whether it’s in your marriage, whether you’re risking your life sharing the gospel, whether you are on the brink of financial ruin, whether you are stricken with every ailment and disease and cancer and whatever it is. Yes, that is terrible stuff! But there is nothing that can shake that seed of peace. It says, “I have peace with the eternal God of the universe. And this life is fleeting. It is about a breath. It will be gone in an instant. And then I will be with my savior.”

Selena:
Mmm!

Ryan:
And that peace, it gives us peace in those circumstances, that you look at people on their deathbed and they know Jesus. You’re saying, “Why aren’t you more—?”

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
“Why aren’t you more kind of just at your wits end with this?” [Slight chuckle]

Selena:
Sure.

Ryan:
And they’re saying, “Well, it’s not my preferred situation, but I have peace.” [Laughs lightly]

Selena:
I have peace. Right! Right.

Selena:
And that’s other worldly…

Selena:
Right. And I love that in your quote, it’s talking about, because Christ stood before God as if He were you, that evokes that whole image of the cross and how much suffering that He had to go through. [Inhales] And… we’ve been reading the Paul Tripp’s Advent book, which I highly recommend. It’s been amazing! But he’s—

Ryan:
“Come. Come, let us adore him.”

Selena:
“Come, let us adore him.” Thank you. [Light snicker]

Ryan:
That’s what it’s called, yeah.

Selena:
[Chuckling lightly] Yes. But the suffering of Christ didn’t begin when He was first nailed to the cross and beaten before that, right? His suffering, he talks about… And Paul Tripp discusses in his book; he says that it began from the moment when he was born, until he basically ascended.

Ryan:
Mm…

Selena:
He came and He suffered for us…

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
To reconcile and bring us shalom. Right? He came…

Ryan:
Hm.

Selena:
As a baby. He took on flesh, right? He didn’t have to.

Ryan:
Yeah.

Selena:
He was in a complete and whole place, right? With God in heaven, in His presence. And then He came to us and He suffered for us. So, there was some sufferi—There was some humility that had to happen. There was some suffering!

Ryan:
Mmm…

Selena:
Not that Christ is prideful. I don’t evoke that. I’m not saying that. But He humbly… stepped down and said, “I want God’s will and I want this reconciliation. I want this complete and wholeness to be in place of the gap that is right now the brokenness of sin. And so, having shalom in any capacity in our marriage is going to require… humility. Right? And Christ is our ultimate example of that. Born a baby, born into a manger, came to earth. And I told you this this morning, I don’t know if he, if Paul… [Smacks lips] I hate saying Paul like I know him. [Snickers] Mr. Tripp, whatever, if he meant to say this, but when he was— and this may be a struggle… I don’t know.

Ryan:
He’s a doctor mode.

Selena:
Muddle. Okay. [Ryan laughs] When He was born in a manger, like He’s put in the feeding trough. Right. That’s where animals would feed and get… nourishment and life. And how symbolic is that, right? That Christ, as a babe, just from the moment of coming to earth, was already out there for us, bringing us life, bringing us peace. He is the message.

Ryan:
Well… yeah. And that echoes what you had in Colossians 1, right?

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
Is, “By him and through him, all things were created and sustained, basically, in the supremacy of Christ.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
As the… I mean, there’s just so much depth!

Selena:
There is…

Ryan:
And then in terms of God’s word being… I mean, in that passage in Colossians 1, but also John 1, and how Christ is the Word…

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
In the flesh, and what that means for the final word, really, in terms of all of that is broken being made new.

Selena:
Right. Right.

Ryan:
And man.

Selena:
So, there are three areas that we were just going to want to talk about quickly, about how to have shalom in our marriage. Right? And three requirements is what they should be called. And the first one is humility!

Ryan:
Hm.

Selena:
Which is the hardest one for me. I tend to be very prideful and like myself and my opinions.

[00:30:00]
Ryan:
Hm. So—

Selena:
I think very highly of myself.

Ryan:
Okay. Humility or humbleness. Right? So, okay. So, I guess you’re going to expand on that. What do you mean by that exactly? How does that look… if I’m feeling… completely [Inhales]… Okay, so, here’s an example from our lives [Both laugh]

Selena:
You’re processing this. [Snickers]

Ryan:
You— What was it yesterday, or was it the day before, when you…

Selena:
I was perfect?

Ryan:
[Clicks tongue] You were having a hard time… And you said some things that… would normally kind of get under my skin and make me feel really kind of frustrated.

Selena:
Oh, yeah.

Ryan:
Like you had kind of just dismissed some hard work that I had done and effort that I’d put forward. And I walked upstairs, and I was frustrated. I was mad! I was going to do kind of a normal thing where I’m thinking through [Selena snickers] … “Okay, this is how I’m right. This is how she’s wrong.”

Selena:
Right. And I was [Ryan laughs] thinking about how I’m going to respond him [Ryan laughs harder], because I know he’s mad just by the way he’s walking up the stairs. [Selena chuckles quietly]

Ryan:
And I didn’t respond. You know that—

Selena:
I know.

Ryan:
When I don’t respond that— [Inhales deeply]

Selena:
Oh, yeah! I know…

Ryan:
And so, I was up here thinking—

Selena:
I know all the things unsaid. [Chuckles]

Ryan:
And then I got to working, and then all the sudden I was like, “How would I want to be responded to if I were feeling,” [Selena quietly chuckles] “how Selena’s feeling right now?” And I thought, anytime Selena’s you’ve really helped me through a situation, you’ve not reacted in the way that would be most fleshly. And you’ve actually thought about—You’ve empathized with me. And so, I, after about, I don’t know, 30 minutes or so, I was doing a little bit of work on my computer. So, I came downstairs and the kids were playing, and I just said, “You know, I was upstairs,” and, yeah, I could tell you’re kind of putting up your dukes, getting ready to argue. [Ryan laughs] Holding the baby.

Selena:
My armor was on. [Inaudible]

Ryan:
And I was just like, “I was just thinking, how would I want to be responded to if I were you? And I thought, you know what? This is how I’d want to be responded to.” And I just started encouraging you.

Selena:
He did.

Ryan:
And I said, “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” I think you were frustrated ‘cause you weren’t feeling the festive part of the season. You felt like it was just a lot of pressure…

Selena:
Well, there’s just a lot of—

Ryan:
A lot of expectation. [Sniffles]

Selena:
Burdens in—

Ryan:
A lot of burdens. Yeah.

Selena:
Different areas of our lives, so…

Ryan:
And so, I was just encouraging! I said, “Hey, listen. Christmas is incredible! This is our family. We’re going to enjoy it together.”

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
“God is good. This is an amazing reminder to us. And I’m right here with you, and I will help you until you feel what you’re hoping to feel.”

Selena:
Right. And I think it was the only thing that… it just became so clear in such a [Selena snickers] better way that Jesus really is the only hope and joy for this season for me in a lot of ways. [Both laugh] I don’t mean to be so melodramatic, I guess. But it was [Inhales deeply]—

Ryan:
Oh, I’m right there with ya! Sometimes I feel like the biggest Grinch [Selena laughs], ‘cause— Uh, Scrooge, so, I’m just like, “Bah Humbug!” [Ryan laughs] I just want this [Inhales]…

Selena:
Right. Right.

Ryan:
To the—Yeah.

Selena:
And then we have these little kids that snowflakes are just dancing in their eyes, and they’re having the [Both chuckle]— What is it? The dreams of…

Ryan:
Sugar plums! [Chuckling]

Selena:
Sugar plums! [Selena laughs] You know? And I’m just like, “Blaah.” [Both snicker] So, yeah. I definitely… I was waiting to fight you, but you’ve responded greatly to me, and I think that was just an example of humility on your part…

Ryan:
Right! And so, let’s preview these real fast, ‘cause I feel like we’re being a little scattered. So, how do we…

Selena:
Having shalom, the—

Ryan:
Be peacemakers in our lives, and having shalom in our lives?

Selena:
Right. It requires—

Ryan:
Humility, patience and bearing with one another in love.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Those are the three. So, the humility, I think in that stan— I shared that example because it would have been really easy just to be like, “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

Selena:
Yeah, yeah.

Ryan:
In this case, I was like, “That doesn’t matter!”

Selena:
Humility, really—

Ryan:
“How can I love my wife?”

Selena:
Yeah. Humility really is the gateway to peace. I feel like it’s kind of the first steppingstones to lead us to more peace, situationally speaking.

Ryan:
Yeah. Mm!

Selena:
And we can definitely have peace in Christ no matter what. Like, I wasn’t sitting there worried about my salvation. [Inhales] I wasn’t even sitting there worried about how am— I knew how I was going to respond. [Selena cackles and Ryan snickers quickly]

Ryan:
You’re descript.

Selena:
[Laughing] I wasn’t worried, no. [Inhales]

Ryan:
Well, it’s funny you say humility, though, because… what is a reliance on Christ, if not a…

Selena:
Oh, gosh.

Ryan:
Humble admission that I can’t do this on my own?

Selena:
Yes. Yeah. Of every second of every day!

Ryan:
Right! And so, there are no, I mean [Sighs]

Selena:
In Jes—

Ryan:
When it comes down to accepting salvation, there are no prideful Christians.

Selena:
No…

Ryan:
Now, we have pride functionally still in our lives.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
But when it comes down to it, we’re saying—

Selena:
You can’t—Yeah! I didn’t—

Ryan:
“I can’t figure out this human dilemma that is my… this dissonance in my heart, unless I have Jesus, unless I have the living God, unless I have peace with the living God through Jesus Christ.”

Selena:
Right. Right.

Ryan:
And so, [Selena clears her throat] I mean, you’re absolutely right! Humility is kind of the knob on the door. [Ryan chuckles]

Selena:
Right, right.

Ryan:
Into this world of peace.

Selena:
Right. And when Christ, you know, we are alive in Christ, right? It’s not I who lives, but Christ within me.

Ryan:
Mm. Galatians. Yeah.

Selena:
We have the Holy Spirit given to us when after Christ ascended, He left us the Holy Spirit, the Counselor, Wonderful Counselor. [Inhales] Right? The Holy Spirit that produces fruit in us.

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
What is that fruit that we’re talking about? Patience is one of those big ones!

Ryan:
[Inhales] Ahh.

Selena:
It’s spiritual fruit that can only be produced by the presence of the Holy Spirit and the work of the Holy Spirit.

[00:34:55]
Ryan:
I wonder… Quick rhetorical question, okay? I wonder if, in Galatians 5, when Paul is listing out the fruits of the spirit, if the order is more than just an order that kind of, they rattled out of his mind? [Sniffs in] Obviously, it’s all inspired. [Selena snickers] It’s inspired scripture, so—

Selena:
Are you saying God just rattled off [Laughing] some scripture?

Ryan:
So, I’d mean that not in a—

Selena:
I don’t think God rattles. [Laughs]

Ryan:
I don’t mean that literally, but I’m saying that, is, I wonder if there’s an order, if there’s credence to the idea that there’s an order to these fruits of the spirit, like love.

Selena:
I would argue there is.

Ryan:
Joy, peace…

Selena:
Love seems like the…

Ryan:
Patience.

Selena:
The gateway to all of it, right?

Ryan:
Yeah! Okay. And then you have joy!

Selena:
Because this is— Well, and the—

Ryan:
It’s like this revelati—It’s almost… I mean, those are the candles we’re lighting and some [Inhales and snickers]—

Selena:
Right. Right?

Ryan:
And so, around Advent, you have peace! So, there’s love. There’s this admission, we accept Christ’s love. We have the joy of our salvation. Then we walk in this other worldly peace that Christ brings.

Selena:
Mmm.

Ryan:
John 14. And then, patience.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
That’s the next one. Patience, it’s—

Selena:
It’s something that is produced, right?

Ryan:
And then, from that place of patience, we can have kindness.

Selena:
Mmm.

Ryan:
And bearing with one another…

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
In love. We can hope for all things, as Paul talks about I Corinthians 13. We can bear all things together—

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
With patience, because of the peace, because of the joy, because of the…

Selena:
Right. Right! And it says, talking about bearing with one another in love, I think this is, again, why we at Fierce Marriage hark on the cho—

Ryan:
Harp! [Snickers]

Selena:
Harp on the chord. [Both snicker] Hark!

Ryan:
We hark the—

Selena:
Hark, the herald! [Selena chuckles and Ryan laughs] When we— [Selena laughs] But we harp on chords! We don’t have the hark it.

Ryan:
We hark heralds.

Selena:
When we—[Laughs]

Ryan:
Just hark it!

Selena:
When we harp on the chord of defining our words and biblical definitions around the idea of love, right? And covenant! And all of those things, because [Quickly inhales] bearing with one another in love, if you don’t understand the biblical definition of love, you’re not going to be willingly bearing with another person in a hard time.

Ryan:
Right.

Selena:
Right? If love is a feeling, and it’s something that you…

Ryan:
Hm…

Selena:
Just chase, and it’s this momentary thing, it doesn’t say to you, “Oh, I’m going to stand with this person through their hard time,” or, “I’m going to walk with my spouse through their addiction,” or, “I’m going to walk with my spouse through infidelity,” or “We’re going to stand by this other couple who’s experienci—” That doesn’t say… love of, the cultural definition of love does not say that. God’s definition of love says this.

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
And it enables us. And by the power of the Holy Spirit, we are able to bear with one another, because it does… [Inhales] He produces patience within us. He produces gentleness and kindness!

Ryan:
Hmm…

Selena:
We don’t just have it at full levels, right? He produces it. So, little by little, we are growing in it!

Ryan:
Wow. Wow! That’s good!

Selena:
You’re welcome.

Ryan:
[Ryan inhales deeply] So… [Selena chuckles] humility.

Selena:
That’s all God right there!

Ryan:
So, having shalom in our marriage, having peace in our marriage, and this otherworldly peace starts with humility, precedes into patience, and then it continues to bear fruit through bearing with one another in love—

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
As we talked about.

Selena:
Mm-hm!

Ryan:
So, yeah! And you already said that! The biblical definition of love. What I lo—[Chuckles] What I really… Again, we do—[Snickers] We hark this a lot. [Ryan laughs and Selena giggles]

Selena:
Not going to let me live that one down, are ya? [Ryan laughs] I mix up my words!

Ryan:
[Chuckling] It’s okay!

Selena:
During pregnancy, pre-pregnancy and post-pregnancy. So, that means all the time apparently. But! [Laughs]

Ryan:
Our listeners can’t see this, but you’re like fully caring for an infant baby [Selena laughs], while espousing these amazing ideas! [Ryan chuckles]

Selena:
Yeah! I’m multitasking! [Both laughing] Multitasking!

Ryan:
And I’m just watching you! [Ryan chuckles and Selena laughs] Sipping my Starbucks coffee.

Selena:
Criticizing my words! [Ryan inhales] Hark. [Both laugh]

Ryan:
And so, you can’t win for trying. But you’re way smarter, better than me. Let’s just get that out in the open.

Selena:
Notice my humility? [Laughs]

Ryan:
Yes! [Ryan states with sarcasm] So humble. [Selena laughs]

Selena:
My patience. [Snickers]

Ryan:
So, if we don’t have—So, bearing with one another in love. And that’s exactly— I just want to repeat some of what you said, is if we don’t have that biblical definition of love… [Inhales] So, why do we have to have—I just want to… take a moment. Why do we have to have a biblical definition of love? Okay. We take for granted, as humans, this idea of morality.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Because we live in a society that generally accepts biblical morality, because it is, in a sense, hardwired into us.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
[Sniffles] But who’s to say that it’s wrong to steal things? Who’s to say that it’s wrong to be mean to other people? [Both chuckle] Who’s to say that it’s wrong to do anything that’s not in your best interest, unless you have an outside standard giving you an up and down, a left and a right, an absolute, true north.

Selena:
Mm!

Ryan:
[Inhales and clicks tongue] And that absolute standard is, in our estimation, the God of the Christian Bible, who has given us the most amazing account, that’s a most holistic account for the human condition and the creation of the world and everything else. Now, granted, the Bible’s not a science textbook, so, it doesn’t go into all the details of every scientific whatever, but it gives us an amazing account. And so, we can now… basically stake our whole… eternal eternity on that!

Selena:
Mm.

Ryan:
Stake our whole lives on it. Now we have an outside reference to say this is right, this is wrong. I’m going to love you in this way. Love is this. Love is not this.

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
And so, that takes humility to get to that point. It bear’s patience in our lives. It produces patience in our lives. And now, we can finally bear with one another, not based on what I feel is right for me…

Selena:
Mm!

[00:39:59]
Ryan:
Or even what I know, or think is right for us. But really, what I know is right based on God’s word. Alright? And you can’t do that without humbling yourself before the God of eternity.

Selena:
Mm!

Ryan:
[Sniffs in] Which—

Selena:
So good!

Ryan:
By grace in Christ, we can now do that. We can actually have communion with God. [Inhales deeply] So!

Selena:
So good! So good!

Ryan:
So, if you’re in a place of… chaos [Selena chuckles] in your marriage, if you’re feeling like there’s—

Selena:
Or you’re at war. [Cackles]

Ryan:
[Chuckling] Or you’re at war, yes! Don’t just stop the war!

Selena:
Mmm…

Ryan:
But fill it with something better!

Selena:
Mm-hm.

Ryan:
Fill that void with the eternal peace of God in Christ that is made available to us through the person and work, life and death, of Jesus Christ.

Selena:
Hm.

Ryan:
And that’s what this season’s all about, is anticipating the arrival of the promised Messiah.

Selena:
Right.

Ryan:
To reign! To be the King. To be the true King, to reign in our hearts and to reign thereafter. So… Yeah.

Selena:
Right. And I just want to, I think for the—which I wrote this in our notes, the Couple’s Conversation Challenge. I’m going to have you read a grip of scripture. [Exhales a small chuckle]

Ryan:
Read a hark of scripture. [Snickers]

Selena:
Read a hark of scripture! Ephesians 4 and John 14. Those are kind of the passages we were living in throughout this episode. But Ephesians 4 is talking about unity in the body of Christ, new life in Christ. And John 14 is the encouragement of Jesus comforting His disciples, showing him that He’s the way, the Truth and the Life.

Ryan:
Mm.

Selena:
[Inhales] And then, He promises us the Holy Spirit, which He talks about peace. [Inhales briefly] So, I think you can see kind of the lines that are being drawn around these themes in scripture of peace. But read those together out loud and discuss kind of your thoughts around peace and the passages that you see in here, and then pray for one another. I would say do those all out loud because… sometimes we don’t like to do that, and we should do that. So.

Ryan:
Yeah!

Selena:
Do it!

Ryan:
Yeah, do it, pillow talk! [Selena laughs] Fierce Pillow Talk.

Selena:
[Chuckling] Fierce Pillow Talk.

Ryan:
Alright! Let me pray for us, and then we’ll call it.

Lord, I thank You for Your peace. Jesus, this is an amazing time to celebrate everything that You did, everything You became as the God-man who came to die for our sins, to atone for our sins, to give us peace with the eternal God. So, we thank You for that. I pray that that peace would flood the lives of the listeners of this podcast and beyond! I pray that You would give them Your other worldly peace and it would be a testimony of Your Spirit at work in their lives, and Your salvation at work in their hearts. And God, I pray that throughout this holiday season and throughout every day of the next year, of the coming years, that You would remind us what it means to have peace with You, God! To have peace before You, because of what You’ve done, not because of what we’ve done. And I pray that would compel us to love each other in a way that is selfless, in a way that is fueled by love, in a way that is fueled by Your power, Holy Spirit. So, thank You once again.

In Your precious name,
Amen.

Selena:
Amen!

Ryan:
[Inhales deeply] Quick question for ya! What are you hoping for? What’s one gift you’re hoping for this Christmas season?

Selena:
[Disgruntled] Oh, I don’t know!

Ryan:
[Ryan snickers] This is why I have a hard job. [Selena cackles] I’m going to take you out for a nice [Ryan takes on an accent] seafood dinner! [Ryan resumes his normal voice]

Selena:
Nice sea— Yeah. [Selena states with a slight accent] Cheese on my burger! [Ryan laughs and Selena resumes her normal voice] I don’t know…

Ryan:
Don’t push it.

Selena:
I’m just hoping for… just…

Ryan:
[Takes on a soft voice] Just good times with family.

Selena:
Happy— It is! Yeah, actually…

Ryan:
Oh, my goodness! [Selena chuckles] Well, I know what I want! [Both laugh] Do you know what I want?

Selena:
Red Ryder BB gun? [Ryan laughs and Selena chuckles]

Ryan:
Nah! I want— We have one was KitchenAid mixers, and I want— there’s an attachment. It’s a…

Selena:
He’s been making a lot of bead, people. Literally! Making bread.

Ryan:
It’s a grain mill!

Selena:
But I can’t complain, ‘cause I like bread! [Laughs]

Ryan:
And it’s good! It’s getting better. I made a holiday loaf!

Selena:
You did…

Ryan:
Yeah! It was a what? Cranberry…

Selena:
Cranberry orange walnut.

Ryan:
Orange walnut—

Selena:
Or cranberry walnut with an orange zest.

Ryan:
You know what gets it for me is the zest. [Ryan chuckles and Selena cackles] It’s just a zesty! [Both laughing]

Selena:
Ahhh. That’s what we should call that, Zesty Q&A.

Ryan:
Zesty Loaf!

Selena:
Zesty Q&A.

Ryan:
Ahhh… That’s not a word I’m really comfortable with! [Selena cackles and Ryan chuckles] I’m not terribly comfortable with that word. Anyway. I’m hoping for a grain mill so I can make more bread in the coming… years. But, [Ryan inhales and Selena exhales deeply] anyway! Thank you for joining us for this episode of the Fierce Marriage Podcast! This episode is!

Selena:
In the can!

Ryan:
And as usual, ladies and gentlemen, we’ll see you in about seven days, of course, wait around on Thursdays! We have our quick Q&A, where I believe this week, we are going to be answering yet another interesting question!

Selena:
Mm-hm!

Ryan:
Particularly around, “Is it okay to have friends of the opposite sex, namely confidants of the opposite sex?”

Selena:
Oooh.

Ryan:
So, we’re going to talk about that in two days, so make sure check that out! And until then, stay fierce!

[00:44:42]

<Ending Sequence>
[00:45:01]

Podcast ends.

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