This is an issue that will make or break your marriage.
Men, we are constantly barraged with culture’s standard of womanly beauty. We’re told over and over again that a beautiful woman must be skinny, tall, wear certain clothes, act a certain way, and have a risqué appetite for sex. (The same is true for the opposite sex as well, but this post is written specifically with men in mind.)
Advertisers and content producers spend billions establishing and reinforcing culture’s standard of attractiveness. The funny thing is that if asked to describe what a beautiful woman looks like, content producers would quickly mention inner beauty, individual uniqueness, and personality. You’ll never catch them verbalizing that beauty has to look the way they show.
Note: This article is from a few years back, but we’re bringing it back since Selena and I just covered this topic on our podcast! (We talked about it from both a husband’s and a wife’s perspective!) Have a listen or continue reading below, we hope it blesses you.
Please feel free to check out our other podcast episodes here.
About a year before we got married, I came to this realization: Selena must be my ultimate standard of beauty. We were dating and in college. I knew we were going to get married but I hadn’t asked her yet. Lots of new faces were popping up in college but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Selena was the ONE. Tired of distractions and looking side-to-side, I decided that the best way would be to completely reset my standard of beauty and center it on Selena – the true woman of my dreams!
Shifting our standard of beauty and placing our wives at it’s center will profoundly and positively impact our marriages. Here’s how:
- As husbands, comparing your wife to other women will become more and more ridiculous
- Wives will gain confidence knowing they are the very foundation of beauty in your eyes
- You will never tire of her beauty, and see her as remarkable through every stage of life
Making your wife your standard of beauty
Here’s how it works. Take your wife as she is – height, weight, hair color, eye color, voice, mannerisms, everything – and set her apart in your mind.
Now instead of comparing her to other women, compare other women to her. The less they look like her, exactly as she is, the less attractive they are. In other words – your wife is the ultimate example of beauty, one that can never be matched.
I repeat: your wife’s beauty can never be matched in your eyes. No other woman will ever measure up.
Selena has brown hair – so I love brown hair! Selena is 5’4″, so I love 5’4″! Selena is 30 years old, so I love 30 years old! Selena does this quirky thing when she laughs – and I find it incredibly cute. I love her eyes. I love her face. I love the way she talks, the way she walks. I love everything about her.
True love, after all
The above example may seem a bit crude or perhaps offensive; because it is. The reality is, true love does exactly what I’m proposing. When we truly love our wives, we have a singular, discriminatory focus on her. She is your object of affection, your ultimate prize.
Make her your ultimate standard of beauty. Lavish affection, admiration, and adoration on her. Never let yourself grow tired of the woman you married; always remind yourself of the woman she is. Let yourself get lost in her beauty, and watch as all other distractions turn pale in comparison.
Photo by the amazing Jeff Marsh
We’d love your help!
If our ministry has helped you, we’d be honored if you’d pray about partnering with us. Those who do can expect unique interactions, behind-the-scenes access, and random benefits like freebies, discount codes, and exclusive content. More than anything, you become a tangible part of our mission of pointing couples to Christ and commissioning marriages for the gospel. Become a partner today.