October 2, 2023

10 Reasons Marriages Struggle or Fail (Part 1), Tertiary Love, and G.K. Chesterton

ONE Thought (from us)

Marriage is a huge, wonderful, God-designed endeavor. But it’s not easy. In a recent Twitter dust up, Ryan interacted with the notion that marriage isn’t worth the trouble (it is, btw). While it’s worth it, it’s not easy. But why? Why do some marriages struggle perpetually and/or fail? Ryan came up with ten. Note: These aren’t in order, and #10 is basically because they lack a consistent Christian worldview.

Here’s the first five (the next five will follow next week):

  1. People underestimate what marriage will require and what is at stake.
  2. People have an underdeveloped idea of “covenant” which is the backbone of the whole endeavor.
  3. People misunderstand “love”; they think it has to do with feelings, which it does, but only on a tertiary level. Primarily, love is received from God in Christ. Secondarily, we love because we are loved, and it’s an action. Thirdly we experience emotions of love. Many want number 3 without numbers 1 and 2.
  4. Familiarity is a result of ungratefulness, and if left unchecked, will kill a marriage.
  5. Many assume they’re good at communicating while most are not. Men can/should lead this charge, as women are naturally more inclined. (Check out our latest books, which are all about communication.)

If any of those reasons resonate with you, we encourage you to listen to this week’s podcast episode where we go into much more detail.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
(John 13:34–35)

ONE Quote (from another)

“Charity means pardoning the unpardonable, or it is no virtue at all. Hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is no virtue at all. And faith means believing the incredible, or it is no virtue at all.”
– G.K. Chesterton

ONE Question (for you)

Which of the above reasons resonates with you most? Ask your husband/wife which one resonates with them and discuss.

As mentioned, we talked about this topic in this week’s podcast episode. Be sure to watch or listen to get the full discussion.

Much love and stay fierce!

Ryan & Selena Frederick
Founders of Fierce Marriage