It’s funny how we get married with sort of this unspoken “vow” to be the perfect spouse and to have the perfect marriage. This pressure of perfection can come from many different places.
- In my opinion, social media probably takes the cake in terms of defining what the world sees as the perfect marriage. Which, if you looked outside the frame of that seemingly effortless, thumb-stopper image on Instagram – it would become all too clear just how imperfect that moment actually is.
- Relationships or people in our community, even mentors, can also be a source of pressure for us. I’m not saying it’s bad to have godly council or wise mentors, but if they aren’t pointing us to Jesus and we are looking at them as our example of our end goal, then we will fall short…they will fall short and no one deserves to have that type of pressure put on them.
- For me the pressure to be the perfect wife starts in my own head and heart. Somehow my own thoughts continually provide me with the rich reminder that I am not perfect…typically these thoughts start when I forget who God is and start living and functioning out of my own strength.
What Does God’s Word Say?
Hebrews 10:14 says, “By a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.”
This verse is telling us that we are already perfected in Christ, that he’s the single offering, given for us who are being sanctified daily.
Wait, what? We’re perfect in Christ but being sanctified (i.e. made holy, set apart; purified or freed from sin) daily? How does that work? Great question.
In short, for us to be with God for all eternity, we would have to live a perfect, blameless and sinless life. Basically, live the life that Jesus lived – which is impossible for us because of Genesis 3 (The Fall). We have a sin nature that inhibits us from living this life thus separating us from God, for eternity unless a perfect, single offering could be made.
Because Jesus met God’s standard of perfection; lived a perfect life, died the death we should have died and rose again (out of his love for us) -we that believe in Jesus and the message of the gospel are made perfect in the sight of God. Not only that, but through Jesus, we become a new creation (2 Corinthians. 5:17).
When we proclaim Jesus as our Savior, God looks at us and no longer sees our imperfections. All He sees is Jesus’s perfection. We are covered by him. (Praise God!) So many times (myself SO included in this) we profess, “Yes, I’m a believer, I’m a new creation in Christ,” but we live and function as the old creation – slaves to sin. We let the world’s pressure of perfection dictate our every move and we forget our freedom in Christ.
We forget that we are adopted, redeemed, forgiven and freed from the world’s standards and pressures to be perfect.
Being perfect in Christ however does not eliminate consequence of sin in this life. We still get to walk through a resolution with our spouse but in a way that is loving and honest because we are living in light of Christ’s love and what he’s done for us, and what he’s doing for us today (Romans 8:34).
Jesus came to us.
He’s not just the key to unlocking a perfect marriage; he is so much more! He is our Savior who came down, rescued us – kicked down the door and brought us into the fold – into God’s family. When we put our faith in God, we are covered and found in Jesus so that when God the Father sees us, He sees us in the perfection of Christ. It’s out of that message, the gospel, that our hearts are changed and we approach our spouse with grace, love and kindness.
Really believing who we are in Christ frees us to love our spouse more unconditionally and over time, we grow closer to each other. This flows from the understanding that aside from Christ we are not perfect, but in him we have all we need (identity, positional perfection before God, security, and so many others).
It’s our prayer – and you’ve probably seen this theme in our blog posts if you’ve been reading for a while – that you and your spouse fully grasp the weight and joy of who Jesus is, what he did, and what it means for your marriage. Even if you do put your faith in Jesus, then it’s our aim to constantly and faithfully push you back to him with every keystroke, breath, and encouraging post we write.
Be blessed, friends! And take confidence knowing that Jesus is more than enough for you, your spouse, and your marriage.
Have you heard of the The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge?
Every marriage begins with passion, purpose, and pursuit, but few stay that way. That’s why we wrote Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit Together, they make what we’re calling the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. Couples are encouraged take the challenge together. We’re already starting to hear stories of transformed marriages! Are you up for the challenge?