Communication, Fun/Encouraging, Videos

Video: 12 Stages of a Proper Car Fight

We’ve all had plenty of fights… especially fights in the car. It’s become a bit of a joke for Selena and I, whenever we’re headed out on a road trip or a mini-getaway, we almost always have to spend the first hour “detoxing” from latent and yet-to-be-communicated frustrations.

Our longer car rides usually start very pleasant and peaceful, much like a pot of water on the stove is cool when you first turn the burner on. However, it’s only a matter of time before the pot begins to simmer, steam, and boil!

During a fight, it’s hard to calibrate yourselves and actually see the situation for what’s really going on. Videos like these are a fun way to remind ourselves how ridiculous we can be when small things turn into full-blown marital warfare.

Proper Stages of A Car Fight

Vloggers Brandon & Stephanie do an impeccable job comically illustrating pretty much every car fight Selena and I have ever had!

If you’re going to have a car fight, you might as well do it right! Speaking from experience, here’s how to properly progress through a well rounded automobile bout:

  1. Start the car ride pleasantly (this is critical to make sure the neither of you see it coming and can react as defensively as possible)
  2. One person should says something puzzlingly irritating or jabby
  3. Other person, react defensively and retaliate with that customized inflammatory “spouse tone”
  4. Each party, increase vocal volume
  5. Bring up every frustration you’ve ever had and use as many absolute statements as you can muster (like you always do this, you never do that, etc)
  6. Shout said frustrations as loudly as is necessary to be heard (Pro-tip: shout OVER the other person if they’re also shouting. Refer to #4 above)
  7. When you’ve run out of things to shout, or you’re intellectually bested by some superiorly crafted logic string… begin the SILENCE phase
  8. Stay SILENT until your anger subsides or you think your point has been made
  9. During said SILENCE phase, pray and reluctantly let the Holy Spirit convict you
  10. Swallow your pride… a few times if necessary
  11. Apologize and make up
  12. Laugh, sing, and have fun until you arrive at your desired destination, knowing you’ve successfully completed a car fight

The Big Idea  = Reconciliation

Yes, it’s fun to poke at ourselves, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the importance of phases 9-12 above.

We have to be willing to let the Holy Spirit convict us and help us truly reconcile the situation. Sometimes our pride keeps us from doing this, but it’s absolutely critical to bring things full circle.

Remember, the goal of virtually every personal conflict is godly reconciliation. In marriage, and in life, winning a fight is never decided by who is right, it’s decided by whether or not you were reconciled.

So, next time you find yourself in a full-blown automotive shout-fest, remember these 12 Easy Steps for a Proper Car Fight™ (not actually trademarked), and you too can be a proud finisher of a healthy car fight.

(Note: Please read the above with a heavy dose of humor)

Encourage other married couples

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  • Stephen McGuire

    Incredibly funny but with a very serious message behind it. Points 9 – 12 are so important but often the hardest to do. Thanks for all your hard work.

    • Spot on, Stephen. Points 9 – 12 are crucial, and yes it takes a big person to break SILENCE mode :)

  • Erik Matlock

    Good stuff. Keep treating her like your best friend and there will be far less fights to work out. Sound like you guys are doing that pretty good.

    • Agreed. We’ve gotten better at it, but it’s taken 10 years! Thank God for grace and wisdom to figure at least a few things out :)

      • Erik Matlock

        I wanted to invite you to visit my site, too. I write for the marriages that aren’t so good at working that stuff out. I qualify as a formerly abusive husband. Trying to save some of the marriages headed for divorce.
        Keep doing what you do. Good stuff.

  • Carleeh M.

    Hahaha thank you so much for this post! I needed some humor this morning! And this hit the spot! Me and the hubs have to be in a car together for an hour EVERYDAY, so we have pretty much perfected, to an art, the middle phases. We even get to attempt to finish the full cycle over a couple car rides! Ps thanks for linkin us up with MMM, I love them already!

    • Glad you enjoyed it Carleeh. And I agree, MMM is pretty awesome!

  • Joy Wrate

    honestly, I liked the bloopers better than the actual video…LOL

  • ladixon

    This was hilarious! My husband and I do this even when we’re not in the car. SIGH.

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  • Melissa Facio

    Great way to start my Monday! LOL

    • Glad you enjoyed it Melissa!


      *Ryan Frederick*
      *Writer / Founder*
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