November 14, 2023

Hobbies Over Home? Priorities, Unity, and Richard Baxter

ONE Thought (from us)

One of the most common questions we get is what to do when one spouse’s hobbies are more important than the needs of the family or marriage. At its root, this is a question about priorities. In our experience, disordered priorities are usually a function of ignorance (i.e. not realizing their priorities are out of order) or selfishness. This can wreak havoc on a marriage in a few ways:

  1. Relationally: Imagine a husband who goes fishing every weekend alone or a wife who spends all her time at the barn with her horse. A lack of meaningful quality time will eventually take its toll on a marriage.
  2. Financially: One or both spouses spend money on hobbies to the detriment of their household goals or needs (we recorded an episode on this exact topic this week).
  3. Spiritually: Weekend warriors tend to neglect church attendance and participation in the body of Christ.

So, if you’re married to someone who cares more about their hobbies than you, what can you do? Assuming you’ve voiced your concerns in a healthy, constructive way (if you haven’t done this, this is your first step!), and they’re still not considering changing priorities, we recommend three things: pray, seek outside counsel, and go to the Word.

The reality is, you can’t change your spouse’s heart. You can’t make them re-order their love. And, you can’t make them understand how you’re feeling. But, you can go to God who opens hearts, seek counsel from a pastor who can intervene, and find wisdom in the Bible for how to proceed.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
(1 Timothy 5:8)

ONE Quote (from another)

“Husband and wife must delight in the love and company, and lives of each other. When husband and wife take pleasure in each other, it unites them in duty, it helps them with ease to do their work, and bear their burdens; and is a major part of the comfort of marriage.”
– Richard Baxter

ONE Question (for you)

Do you struggle to maintain right priorities in your marriage? What is one step you can take today in the right direction toward reordering them?

Note: We talked about this topic in this week’s podcast episode. Be sure to watch or listen to get the full discussion!

Much love and stay fierce!

Ryan & Selena Frederick
Founders of Fierce Marriage