Announcements, Podcast, Updates

5 Resources to Help Your Marriage (and a Frederick Family Update)

a couple sits on a rock looking out over a lake

Not going to liewe’ve been going through it. So this week, we’ve opted to give our amazing listeners a Frederick family update and point you to some tangible resources to help your marriage. We hope it all makes sense, and we thank you for your patience, prayers, and support. Stay fierce!

Here are the links to the episodes we mentioned:

Transcript Shownotes

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Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

Full Episode Transcript

Ryan: Selena Frederick, [Selena chuckles] how are you doing?

Selena: I’m hanging in there.

Ryan: Hanging in there.

Selena: Hanging in there.

Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s 9 p.m. our time. We are doing this late at night. We’ve never done this before.

Selena: We don’t usually ever record late at night for obvious reasons. I’m sure most people are in bed if they have young children.

Ryan: We’re trying to chill out this time of night. We’re not trying to get stuff done. We’re trying to…

Selena: Needless to say, it’s been a crazy last few weeks if we’re transparent. I guess we can share a little bit about what’s been going on with your dad.

Ryan: Yeah, man. I hope he’s okay with this. I’m almost sure he would be. I’m almost positive he’d be okay with this. My dad had a pretty bad heart attack. Our Patreons know about it because we shared and then we’ve been praying there. I really appreciate all of you who are patreons who have expressed that you’re praying. So when he went into the hospital, we got a text. My mom said, “Dad’s in the hospital. He had a heart attack. It wasn’t major and he’s getting treatment.” Well, as the case wore on, come to find out he had like 60%…60% of his heart tissue was affected. There was a massive blockage.

Selena: Injured.

Ryan: It was injured. So he almost died.

Selena: He was very lucky.

Selena: And if he hadn’t had been…He’s a counselor. So he was with the patient. The patient called 911. He was within five minutes to the hospital. And the doctors said if he hadn’t been as close that we’d no longer have him with us. That was two weeks ago. We’ve been dealing with that. Thankfully, he’s home. He’s recovered.

Selena: Yeah. And kind of the drama behind that was he went to the hospital. He was in ICU for about three or four days by himself. And then he was in the progressive care unit for a few days alone because of COVID. And he is not an introverted person and he does not like to be on his own.

Ryan: He want to be surrounded by…I think if I’m in hospital, you want to be with people that you…especially if you have grandbabies.

Selena: Absolutely. Hospitals just kind of bring that extra layer of nervousness and surety and just kind of make you feel uneasy no matter what you go for.

Ryan: In our state, the hospitals—I’m not sure what other states are doing right now—but they’re not allowing any guests. So we were just able to FaceTime him a few times because he was in and out asleep. Anyway. So that’s one of the things we’re dealing with. And we’re just being transparent here. The other thing we’re dealing with is…

Selena: Oh, we’ve had a few things. A few kind of family, friends, parents have passed away in the last…There’s been kind of a lot of death, a lot of touches with death in the last two or three weeks.

Ryan: 2020 is not shaping up. [chuckles] So I thought it would turn around. [laughs]

Selena: Yeah, that’s kind of been weighing on our hearts. At least mine. I think it’s more of friends that I grew up with and their parents. So just kind of facing that a little bit more and supporting people around them through prayer, through whatever means, you know, meals or just a text or phone call.

Ryan: It’s been…sorry. Just to contrast that, that’s been kind of sickness. There’s been a lot of death like Selena said. There’s also meant a lot of life. So Kyla, who is our amazing…she is our assistant.

Selena: Mary Poppins.

Ryan: She’s Mary Poppins. Yes. She’s so amazing. She does so much for Fierce Marriage, for our family. She’s been a friend. Her and her husband, Patrick have been friends since they were 14. I used to take them home from youth group. Anyway, now they’re in their 30s and they just had their first baby. So we are without childcare…

Selena: For the best reason.

Ryan: For the best reason.

Selena: For the best reason.

Ryan: So we have been very much out of our rhythms for the last three-plus years. We have not missed a single week of the Fierce Marriage podcast. We’ve recorded…

Selena: We’ve had babies. I’ve been pregnant.

Ryan: Can you believe that?

Selena: I’ve had babies. I’ve been pregnant.

Ryan: The smugness, yeah.

Selena: I’ve been nursing. No, it’s been really great. We’ve done so many things. And I think this just kind of came to a head we’ve just been struggling with a lot of things…that’s not a struggle. We love Kyla and we’re so grateful that she gets to get the special time with her baby.

Ryan: We are out of rhythm.

Selena: Well, your mom wasn’t feeling well and taking care of your dad. So grandparents aren’t really available. My mom still working full-time and then Kyla is with her baby. So we’re just kind of expanding our horizons a little bit. It’s good. It’s all good.

Ryan: And despite what you might think, being podcasters takes a lot of effort. It’s not an extremely lucrative thing to be doing. So [inaudible], people. Last thing, thank you for letting us share by the way. We’re going to give you some really tangible things here in a second. So don’t despair. But we just wanted to open up for a minute. It’s a really short episode.

The last thing is it’s our oldest daughter’s seventh birthday. And that’s, again, surrounded by life. We’re so thankful for her. So we’re honestly just wanting to prioritize our family right now in this season, prioritize each other. S, what we’re doing…Sorry, prioritize her birthday. We just love celebrating those milestones. It’s such a gift every year of life we get with our children. So we like to really take a lot of time if we can. I mean, we’re going about a normal day tomorrow, but…

Selena: Yeah, we got a few extras things happen and extra special things.

Ryan: But we’re trying to set aside some margin to really value her.

Selena: Right. And we’re also this week, just to put it out there… [chuckles]

Ryan: Oh, yes. Final thing.

Selena: The big thing. Before we give you some tangible tools for the next hour of your life, [laughs] we are about to start recording our flagship videos and curriculum for Gospel-Centered Marriage.

Ryan: Oh, boy, if you haven’t heard of that, here’s what it is. I’ll just give you the quick elevator pitch. Basically, it’s a marriage content ecosystem with a core kind of flagship series that Selena mentioned. That’s the big stones, if you will, to get those in place, the big foundational pieces that we’re hoping that marriages around the world will, I guess…

Selena: God will just use it to transform marriages, to bring them thank you around to His purposes, His design, and that He will move forward in power and glory through the marriages that might be suffering. Maybe you’re engaged and you’re looking at marriage, and you’re thinking, “Oh, man.” Or you’ve been married for a little while, and you want to kind of just have some better conversations. I mean, a lot of us, you know, we’re going through a lot. Even Ryan and I, in our own marriage, and having gone through this pandemic, and just all of what 2020 is, it’s been intense. [Ryan chuckles]

I think that the time is right for God to just do a work and to do a miracle, and to bring freedom in areas of just…I hate to use the word slavery, because I don’t feel like…I’ve just been reading about Exodus and all that and the Hebrew slaves. But this is persecution in some ways and this deconstruction of the family, of the marriage covenant.

So we’re really excited about this because we feel like it’s really bringing light and it’s really actually doing something to fight against the darkness. I would venture to say that some of the resistance and stuff that we’ve been facing in the last couple of weeks is no doubt in some way, shape, or form an effort of the enemy to kind of sway us out of this. So I think I’m more than excited to do this video recording the next few days. It’s not easy, people. It’s like dropping your kids off all day somewhere, and then coming back and dealing with the havoc of whatever’s happened. And then you’re just tired of talking because you’re talking. [laughs]

Ryan: And their action-packed day.

Selena: Yeah, their energy good days, but also not what we’re used to. But I’m really excited about it.

Ryan: I can tell. I wanted to continue…

Selena: I think so. [both laughs]

Ryan: And I am too. So we are doing a lot in a short period of time because we do feel this very, very tangible sense of urgency. It’s not striving, but it’s the sense that the harvest is here. We need to get out and do the harvest. And that’s what we’ve been doing.

Selena: [laughing] Do the harvest. Do the harvest,

Ryan: Do the harvest everyone. [laughing] Do the harvest.

Selena: We’re good farmers. We need to harvest.

Ryan: Do the harvesting. There it is. Anyway, there’s this middle kind of core piece to it. And then there are going to be—I mentioned a content ecosystem—other smaller, very tangible mini-courses that can be completed in one or two sittings with a very tangible out outcome, a very tangible tool from it. Anyway, that’s what Gospel-Centered Marriage is. It’s this whole ecosystem of marriage content. We have other people coming in too to contribute, things that we don’t know as much about that we’re asking them. Anyway, please pray, I guess.

If this strikes a note with you, you can go to, and you can learn more. I think you can get on an email list there for when we do the release. That’s going to be coming out in the next three, four weeks. So please stay tuned for that. I guess we’re just asking you as our listeners, if you stayed this long, we are about nine minutes into this episode, 10 minutes into the episode, we just ask you to pray. Pray for our family. It sounds a bit, I don’t know, I guess vain. I think we’re just coming out asking very candidly. We would just really enjoy your prayers and we need your prayers.

Selena: We’re grateful for your prayers.

Ryan: We’re grateful for those.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: Okay. Tangible tools. All right. We kind of buried the lede here.

Selena: As we do—

Ryan: As we do, we want to make sure that…what we’re doing, we’re not doing a full episode this week. Instead, we are going to point you to some of our favorites over the last three full seasons. We’re in our fourth season right now. Most of these favorites are from Season 2, which are roughly about…they came out about 14, 15 months ago. So we’re thinking maybe you need to revisit these.

Selena: Or maybe you missed them and you need to get on board and check a few out. It’s a good week to do that. It’s kind of this weird holiday in between week for us. The first one is Episode 95. It’s called Burn the Ships.

Ryan: Burn the ships.

Selena: Burn the ships.

Ryan: So here’s where you can go to find all of these. Just go to fierce, you’ll land on our podcast page. Up in the top right corner, there’s a little search icon, click on that and then search any of these titles. Or you can sift through the episode numbers in iTunes. But this is going to be the fastest way for you to listen to these. So the first one is Episode 95. It’s called burn the ships. We had a lot of fun with that one. It’s basically about no plan B in marriage. So if that’s something that you want to learn about, go listen to that. The next one is…actually this is an interview. I was moved by it.

Selena: Oh, yeah.

Ryan: Incredible story. It’s about Chris and Stephanie Teague. They have a band called Out of the Dust. It’s Episode 100. So you’re going to go search for “out of the dust” or “Episode 100.” That URL that I just told you, I’ll say it again at the end, and all these links will be in the podcast notes. They had…he left. They got a divorce. He had left. Their story is how God reconciled them. It’s an amazing story of redemption and a story of repentance and forgiveness, reconciliation, grace, and love. Now they are actually ministering out of that place.

Selena: And their music just reflects the depth that God went to to reconcile and bring life back to their marriage. So I love their music. I’m fully on board. I have been for the last couple of years. They’re some of my favorite.

Ryan: Our daughters know the songs well.

Selena: Yes. So, Episode 100, out of the dust. The next episode we give you is 103. It’s actually an interview with some of our friends over at the Warrior Poet Society, Mr. And Mrs. Warrior Poet.

Ryan: Yeah. John Lovell. A lot of you guys that listening to this, you might know of the Warrior Poets Society. They’ve blown up since we did this interview. John and…I don’t know if they’re using Mrs. Poet’s name right now. So I’m not going to use it. I think they probably are. But I’ll let you find out for yourself. I think it’s a safety thing. Anyway, we did an episode called – what? An Ethic of Protecting Your Family, Marriage, and Home (The Lovells). So Warrior Poets Society is all about defending and protecting in the name of honor from a Christian worldview. But a lot of gun stuff, all that kind of stuff, if that’s your thing. But solid, solid couple. We interviewed them.

Selena: We have a past with them. We’ve known them for a number of years. You were in their wedding. You’re one of their best man.

Ryan: Yeah, I was a best man in John and Miss Poet’s wedding.

Selena: That was a crazy time.

Ryan: But along with Evan. Evan was also a best man. They had two best men. That’s how you know you can’t make up your mind. John didn’t want us to battle it out apparently. I would have totally, totally [inaudible]

Selena: Totally.

Ryan: I think he’s been lifting. So maybe not anymore.

Selena: Maybe not anymore. So go check out that interview or any of the interviews honestly. There’s been some great ones out there. Again, take the opportunity. But that is Episode 103. Two more episodes we want to share. Episode 116: Five keys to a healthy sex life. We had…

Ryan: Oh, baby. [laughs]

Selena: Sex always sores when we talk about it. [chuckles]

Ryan: I don’t know what happened with this particular episode on sex but maybe just resonated with a lot of people. It’s by far our most downloaded episode. So do check that out. Five keys to a healthy sex life. Episode 116 of Season 2. And the final one is—

Selena: 119. It’s Are you really married in public? Again, another one that got quite a bit of traction. This one was about…

Ryan: Like why do you wear your wedding ring out in public? Or how do you deal with like co-workers of the opposite sex? Or if you’re like, going grocery shopping and you see an attractive person of the opposite sex, are you subliminally trying to get their approval? So we talked through that. I think the episode is actually called Are you obviously married in public?

Selena: Yes, that’s what it’s called.

Ryan: So anyway, one of those hopefully will resonate with you. You guys, I think we’re in the 180s right now in terms of episode count. So please do find something that will encourage your marriage. Go back into the deep tracks. I was listening to our first episode, it was painful. [both laughs] It was painful.

Selena: So maybe after like Episode 90? Would you start after that? Or Episode 70? Where would you start?

Ryan: Yeah, go somewhere in the 70s.

Selena: Not one, two, three? [Ryan laughs] We might need to redo one, two, and three.

Ryan: I’m just going to chop off that first year. But I think it’s still helping people and you know, whatever. We’ll lose face so people can get helped. Anyway, so go find something that helps you. I do want to say thank you to a recent commenter. Oh, my word. I laughed out loud when I read this. [Selena laughs]

Ryan: I’m trying to find it right now.

Selena: We like good comments. We have some bad ones, [Ryan laughs] but hey, we’ll take these.

Ryan: Let’s see. Let’s see. It says, “I want to hear some incredible dad jokes and office references whilst also hearing God’s word spoken with grace. And honesty, Fierce Marriage is somewhere…” Oh, yeah. [chuckles] The review goes on. It says, “My heart soars with the eagles nest whenever I hear your theme song starts.” [laughs]

Selena: Yeees!

Ryan: I read that and I was just blown away.

Selena: It’s great.

Ryan: And then it goes on to say, “I pray that both of you caught that office reference.” And I will tell you, I immediately caught it as soon as you said “my heart soars…” So thank you aperkins6813.

Selena: Is that Ann Perkins?

Ryan: Yes! It must be. A Perkins. Your body’s microchip.

Selena: Mine is actually.

Ryan: Now we’re hopping. It is. You need one bad thing in your [inaudible]. So anyway, we see your reviews. If you feel encouraged and want to…

Selena: When you feel encouraged. Just kidding. [laughs]

Ryan: If and when you feel encouraged, do leave a review or a rating in iTunes. It means the world to us. It helps others kind of see behind the veil before they have to click play. And it helps get the message of the gospel out. That’s the whole reason we exist is to share the gospel in the context of family and marriage. We want to create discipleship opportunities. And we like to think that this podcast is doing that on a daily and a weekly basis.

If that mission is compelling to you—I wasn’t planning on doing this—do consider also partnering with us on Patreon. You can go to We have a community of people there who are just locked arms with us. And you are more than welcome. It’s not a high bar to get into that community. But we just ask that you do so prayerfully. But if not, we’re going to keep doing this and we hope it keeps blessing you. No obligation. We just love doing this and we hope our work helps many. All right?

Selena: All righty.

Ryan: Okay.

Selena: All right. Well, that was the world’s shortest episode, Fierce Marriage’s shortest episode ever. So are you going to say your thing?

Ryan: Yeah, yeah. With that, this episode is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: All right. Well, ladies, gentlemen, we’ll see you again with a fuller episode in about seven days. So until then—

Selena: Listen to another podcast episode of ours and stay fierce.

[00:17:34] <outro>

Ryan: Thank you for listening to the Fierce Marriage podcast. For more resources for your marriage, please visit, or you can find us with our handle @Fiercemarriage on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you so much for listening. We hope this has blessed you. Take care.


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