Challenges, Communication, Podcast

The Tools of Transparency

Why be transparent about something difficult when it’s so much easier to just hide it? Quick answer: freedom. Nothing compares to the freedom of total honesty in a marriage relationship. Being totally honest can be scary. What if your husband/wife doesn’t love you once they see who you really are?

While the proposition of rejection is scary, as those rooted in Christ, we have hope in our identity and acceptance because of what he has done. Furthermore, the covenant of marriage is the safest place to work on areas of our lives we’d rather hide. Then we can trust that if we confess our sins, God is faithful to heal us.

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Show Notes:

Consider the following verses:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16

Talking points:

  • Transparency and trust go both ways. Your covenant creates a boundary
  • Being each other’s accountability partners: “Ask me anything and I will never lie.”
  • This kind of transparency is only possible in light of covenant. Covenant is huge for transparency. Covenant is the arena where the sanctifying effects of love have room to operate.
  • “The Phone Drop Test”: At any moment, you should both be able to see all phone activity. It’s not about being nosy, it’s about having nothing to hide.
  • Be hyper-vigilant about opposite-sex relationships. For example, no texting one-on-one; always include your spouse or the spouse of the person you’re texting.
  • Have a pre-established limit for spending that you won’t exceed without discussing it.
  • Don’t forget the underlying reasons for transparency: sanctification, freedom, trust, and joy.
  • Transparency is like taking your temperature: if you’re running a fever (you’re hiding something), there’s something wrong with your health.

How can I start the process of being honest?

  1. Phones down, no distractions.
  2. Ask for focused conversation time.

Couple’s Challenge:

Have a transparency audit. Do you have a transparent marriage? Think about anything that you’re hiding either unintentionally or on purpose. Do you know how to keep each other accountable? Talk about how to maintain accountability in hot areas (online, phones, finances, etc).


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