Last night as I sat and watched Nova, Selena was quietly nursing and reading a book about baby stuff. I looked over at her, reflecting about all she gives to our little family – sacrificing herself constantly for the welfare of our 8 month old daughter. I marveled at her unwavering support of me with deep appreciation. “You’re an incredible wife and mother”, I expressed.…
The “Phone Drop Test” Every Couple Should Consider
You can tell a person’s character by how they use their smartphone. It’s a veritable thermometer for the health of your integrity. What would happen if you immediately dropped your phone (unlocked) and your spouse picked it up? What thoughts go through your mind? What would your husband/wife discover?
Slivers, Secrets, and Shame: Why Transparency in Marriage is an Absolute Must
Selena and I have had our secrets. We’ve hidden things from each other in our marriage, both purposefully and passively. We’ve masked poor financial choices, hidden sexual addiction, and “failed to mention” costly mistakes. It wasn’t until relatively recently that we discovered the power of transparency in our marriage.
How to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language (and What to Avoid)
Love… It’s a word everyone uses and a concept sought by all. In marriage we make a covenant commitment to love each other whole-heartedly through our actions. We profess it, we show it, we receive it, and we feel it – at least that’s the hope. Love is not something you can check off a list, it’s a way of living, thinking, and doing. Love is a particularly tricky…
5 Phrases Every Wife Needs to Hear Daily
I heard a story of a man and his wife who were having difficulty communicating. She felt undervalued and he felt nagged. She felt that his love for her was fading, and he felt like she was getting overly needy. Flustered, she explained, “I’m not sure you even love me any more!”. In response he quipped, “Honey I said I loved you the day I…
4 Things to Consider the Next Time You Feel Misunderstood
A few weeks back, Selena and I had a new style of argument. I guess I’ll call it “repressed yelling” (with an infant at home, volume is now a luxury we can’t afford). Funny thing though, as I write this I don’t even remember what we were arguing about – it must have been something trivial. I only truly recall something about feeling misunderstood. I…
Stop judging your spouse
After reading Matthew 7, I was challenged with the idea of judgement and hurt. How judgement hurts our spouse, ourselves and our marriage. How many times have I passed judgement on Ryan? I’m not talking eternal judgement (that’s God’s realm), I’m talking the cranky me who didn’t get enough sleep and suddenly feels the right to pridefully judge (i.e. nit pick) every small thing he does…
10 Horrible Tips for Marital Arguments
There are thousands of posts online about “how to communicate” in marriage and how to argue in a healthy way. But what if you want to be truly terrible at it? Where do you turn for advice? Well, friends, you’ve come to the right place! Here are 10 horrible tips for marital communication. No matter the topic of your disagreement, if you follow these horrible…
3 Myths About Quality Time in Marriage
Nothing replaces quality, focused time with your spouse. There are no substitutes and no shortcuts. We’re learning and relearning this concept in our marriage. Whenever Selena and I allow our time together to be eroded by life’s chaos and busyness, our marriage suffers. How? We’re impatient with each other Sex is infrequent and/or insincere Frustrations mount as grace runs dry We’re increasingly inconsiderate of one…
4 Ways to Prove to Your Spouse You Love Them (Part 2)
In my previous post, we covered the first two ways you can prove your love to your spouse: transparency/honesty, and loving them when they’re unloveable.* If you haven’t yet, I recommend quickly clicking back to give it a glance (it’s reasonably short), as it sets the stage for the series. Naturally this post will continue with parts 3 and 4 of the series, so let’s…