No one can encourage me like Selena – her words, her actions, her belief, and her touch. She has the power to diffuse stress and literally give me energy. Encouragement should be a regularly practiced part of a healthy marriage – key word: practiced. Good encouragement takes trial and frequency. As a husband or a wife, it’s important to figure out what speaks loudest and make it a regular part of your marriage.
To fill with courage
Encouraging your spouse literally places courage in them just like “entrust” means to place trust in someone. Good encouragement will cause it’s recipient to be filled with courage – imagine that!
The explanation is simple but I love it.
Discover the best way to encourage your spouse
To better encourage your spouse it’s important to know what speaks to them most. Young married couples quickly realize that what one may think is the most epic display of your love may not connect as vividly with their husband/wife.
You may be familiar with the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. He tackles how to show love to your spouse and settles on five ways:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
I have learned (over many years) that Selena’s love languages are quality time, and acts of service. If you’re unsure what your love languages are, I’d encourage you both to take their online discovery quiz.
Love languages encompass much more than encouragement, but knowing what each other’s love languages are will greatly enhance your ability to encourage your spouse deeply.
Husbands, encourage your wives
Get a game plan together – and execute! Take 10 minutes out of your day and ask yourself how you can encourage her. Each day it will be something unique. Maybe it’s a simple text message, or flowers, or a surprise date. Maybe she just needs you to call her out of the blue and express a few reasons why you love her and believe in her.
The point is that you can do it as long as you make it a priority. So set a daily reminder for “encouraging my wife brainstorming” time, and make it happen!
One thing I’ve found that encourages Selena is to call her and just remind her how proud I am to be her husband. Bonus: this exercise actually has a reciprocating effect: I end up reminding myself how awesome she is and I feel great!
Wives, encourage your husbands
Ladies, you have more power than you know. I like to call it the “knight and maiden” effect. As knights, we men love to go into battle and strike down dragons. The only thing better than dragon slaying is coming home to our maidens, taking a chivalrous bow, and hearing her affectionate words of adoration. I’ve often told Selena that no matter how tough I feel or how many things I conquer, she can always bring me to my knees – I’d do anything for her. (Think Braveheart…)
As wives you can encourage or discourage with words and tones like no other person in your husband’s life. A purposeful, well placed line of encouragement can soften your husband’s heart and ease his pain. You can fill him with strength and energy, so long as you yield your power lovingly!
Questions: What is your spouse’s encouragement language? How have you learned to deeply encourage your spouse? (Please feel free to respond in the comments)
(photo by Jeff Marsh)