• Recommended resource:
  • Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit 
  • thenewsisgood.com

Selena: A couple of weekends ago, we were hanging out with a family. They just had a new baby. We were doing dinner, hanging out. Kids were playing and whatnot. And her and I were talking, and we kept talking about how marriage in different seasons can really just feel like your roommates, right? Your ship’s passing in the night. I mean, you don’t have to have a newborn to feel like that. I think there’s just seasons of our lives where we can, and if we don’t tend to our marriage, we can just feel like ship’s passing in the night.

And so I kept trying to convince her, “Hey, let us watch your kids so you guys can go on a date.” She’s like, “I can’t remember the last time we went on a date.” That was notably the thing that reminds us that we’re married, I think. Not only that thing, but we want to serve one another, right? We want to take care of each other in those seasons, but it can so easily get into survival mode. I think that’s our default, wouldn’t you, if we’re not pursuing one another?

Ryan: Yeah, the default is drift.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: And not that we’re going to drift closer together. We’re always going to be drifting further away. In our flesh, I think that’s the case. So we don’t have to live by our flesh. That’s the whole point of the Christian life is that we are walking in step with the spirit. What might that have to do with your marriage? What might that have to do with how you maybe draw near to one another?

So today we’re going to have a really fun episode. We’re going to talk through some ideas for how to do that, namely through creative dating. So we’ll see you on the other side.

[00:01:24]

Ryan: Hello, friends. Welcome to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. My name is Ryan. My lovely wife, Selena, of course, joins me today.

Selena: Do other people join you?

Ryan: You join me or do I join you?

Selena: It sounds like you have other people that join you on the podcast sometimes. Is this true?

Ryan: You know, sometimes I do. Sometimes I do.

Selena: When does this happen? [both laughs]

Ryan: You would never know.

Selena: I would never know.

Ryan: You would never know. Yeah. Welcome to the podcast. We like to have fun. Here, our primary purpose is to point you to Christ in all things marriage in terms of, you know, when you’re struggling, hey, we’ve struggled too. We don’t know everything. We don’t have it figured out. But we’ve been married 21 years. We had our 21st anniversary last Friday.

Selena: We did.

Ryan: That was so fun.

Selena: Happy anniversary.

Ryan: Happy anniversary. What’d you get me? I’ve yet to receive a gift. Although you bought something.

Selena: As do I.

Ryan: Yeah. [both laughs]

Selena: Did you buy my gift that I sent you?

Ryan: I am the gift that I gave to you. [both laughs] The gift that keeps on giving. Thank you for joining us. For those who are watching, welcome to The Forge. It’s not changed since last week-

Selena: It will eventually.

Ryan: But in our minds it’s changing. But that’s because of our awesome patrons. One thing that we need to work on is there’s flies. There’s at least one fly in here and you might see it on camera because the light is right above us. So anyway, thank you to our fierce patrons.

Selena: Give to our ministry because it’s falling apart and there’s flies everywhere. [laughs]

Ryan: It’s thriving. It’s thriving. No, we have our fierce fellows. Go to fiercemarriage.com/partner. That’s where the fierce fellowship is. We’re due for an update in there. So if you join that, look for an update. Let’s dive right into this episode, Selena.

So we wrote these books, Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit. These have been out for a number of years. I think to date they’re the books that have probably sold the most. I think the reason for that is because, well, two things. People want to be challenged. So this is actually framed as the two of these books are the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge is what it’s called. And people want to be pursued. They want to pursue. And sometimes they just need a little bit of help in doing that.

Selena: Well, and it was kind of written as somewhat of a reset possibly too, because we had a lot of, I think, couples just in our sphere and community that were kind of just growing stagnant. Like we talked about, they’re drifting apart. They needed some instruction or something to do together in order to come back together. And so we just kind of saw the need and we wanted to write about it and discuss it deeper, sharing some of our own personal struggles and stories.

One caveat I would say, we wrote it for 31 days straight. So if you need a break, take one every few days or every seven days. That’s one thing we would have updated probably.

Ryan: Actually we’re going to probably have to do the reprinting here again and I’m going to change a few of the things that we’re talking about today because as you wrote them a little while ago, yeah, don’t feel obligated. That was one of the biggest pieces of feedback that we got was, man, it can be intense. So our permission to you is just-

Selena: Just try to keep up, people.

Ryan: Actually, a friend of ours… So I’m a chaplain for the local AAA team. A good friend is the Spanish-speaking counterpart for the Spanish-speaking players. And he and his wife are going through it.

Selena: Oh, are they?

Ryan: And my first thought was, it’s intense. And he was like, “Man, we love it. We’re loving it. It’s helping us grow closer, making us think about different things and have conversations.” He said the night before they had just played part of it. Like one of them is you play a game together. And they played Boggle together. He’s like, “We never play games together, but we had a blast.” And they have three daughters that are out of the house. They’re empty nesters, been married, you know, 20-plus years.

Selena: I’m looking forward to days of playing Boggle with you and not having a toddler just like slam it down and make all the pieces go everywhere.

Ryan: It’s true. It’s true. And another fun thing, if you’re watching, these two books, I like to put Easter eggs in our book cover designs. They joined together… Is it this way? They joined together.

Selena: You designed them.

Ryan: They joined together like this to make a single topographical map. Because the whole point of Pursuit is you’re navigating the various topographies of marriage and still fighting to get to that end game, which the center of these, where they’re joined together is actually a very special place. It’s a true topographical map. Do you know what the place is? Do you remember?

Selena: Mount Rainier.

Ryan: It’s the summit of Mount Rainier.

Selena: Oh, I know.

Ryan: Which you’ve never been. Let me tell you, it’s awesome.

Selena: You’ve been twice.

Ryan: I have been up there.

Selena: You went for me once.

Ryan: Yep. Yep. Okay. So today, people don’t know what we’re going to do yet. We’re going to talk through creative dating. So as part of these books, there is actually 50 creative date ideas. So what Selena and I have done is we’ve picked 10-ish dates.

Selena: But we’ve picked them separately. So we don’t know.

Ryan: I don’t know what you picked.

Selena: Yeah. I have like 12 or 13.

Ryan: I have 12. And then I have two that I would not do, no matter what you said.

Selena: Seriously? I gotta know what that one is.

Ryan: I mean, if you’ve got young kids, like you read some of these dates, you’re like, that’s exhausting.

Selena: It’s not going to happen.

Ryan: I’m not going to do that.

Selena: I’m tired.

Ryan: Like one of them is like train for a 5k. Nope.

Selena: I thought that would be fun.

Ryan: Okay. So that’s why it’s in there. It’s like Proverbs what? 20 verse one or something. It’s like only the wicked flee when no one pursues. That’s why I don’t run. That’s why I don’t go on jogs. So, Selene, do you want to share yours first or how do you want to do this?

Selena: Again, I want to frame the conversation in a way that is encouraging couples that, you know, if you’re kind of going through a dry spell, grab these books or grab something that is going to just kind of help you snap out of it or get you through it or kind of… something you can kind of lean on to kind of take these steps forward and out of it. Because I know that we went through it together even after writing it and it was a lot of fun and I think it built our connection and our communication.

Enjoying one another is such a part of marriage. It’s not what makes the marriage as you hear us talk about week in and week out. Christ is, you know, He is our foundation. He’s what holds our covenant together. But we also have to work at this. And dating, yes, seems fun and tangible and easy, but it’s not always, not always for couples, whether it’s schedules, whether it’s kids, whether it’s anything. There’s never going to be like, “Oh, hey, we have like a week and a half off. Let’s schedule some dates or something in that,” right? You’re always fighting for the time to make it happen. That’s why it’s called a pursuit. So it’s an active pursuit.

So I just want to frame it in that so that it’s kind of rooted in the deeper knowledge and desire for one another.

Ryan: Right. And last week, one of the things we talked about was, you know, why is marriage worth fighting for and the tertiary reasons? That’s what this gets at. It’s like how to really enjoy one another in light of the covenantal structure, in light of what marriage is, in light of the fact that it’s for like our own good, it’s for human flourishing, but also because you’re my friend and I like spending time with you.

Selena: And we can’t underestimate the friendship and the joy that this type of activity can build with one another, because it really is those peacetime activities that bond us together, that deepen our unity, that grow our roots for when the storms come. So, with that, why don’t we jump in? I’m really curious to hear what your two are that you absolutely want to say, because if I circled them, I will be offended. We’ll have some issues.

Ryan: So some of these are more-

Selena: What did you say? You have X’s. Are they the same?

Ryan: The X’s are absolutely not. Don’t cheat.

Selena: I think ours are different. Like different numbers.

Ryan: Yeah. They’re different because yours is a woman book and mine’s a man book. Yours is a book for ladies and mine is a book for men, which by the way, number 11, no, number 12 on here would not make it into a revised book. And it says this. I’m ashamed that I wrote this. I don’t know how this got in here. I’m going to be honest. It says get pedicures, i.e. take one for the team. I would, under no circumstance, go get a pedicure at this point.

Selena: I appreciate that.

Ryan: Maybe under some circumstances I would like if someone had a gun to my head.

Selena: You can go sit next to me while I get one and talk to me. I’m kidding.

Ryan: Listen, if that’s your thing, guys, I’m not going to stand here and say you’re sinning. I will say that it’s a lady thing to do. That’s the way I see it. But I did say take one for the team, so I wouldn’t do that.

Selena: That’s your absolute? That’s one of them? What’s the other one?

Ryan: But what I might do is take you to a nice pedicure shop and drop you off. A pedicure, a pedicure, is that what they’re called?

Selena: Like a nail shop. I mean, you were close. What’s the other thing you wouldn’t do, though?

Ryan: I would not train for a 5K.

Selena: I didn’t circle it on mine.

Ryan: I would drive alongside you.

Selena: You’d just go run a 5K, because you can just do that.

Ryan: Yeah, I’d just get up and run it, puke a little bit, and be done.

Selena: I’m thinking just turkey trots. Those are so fun on Thanksgiving.

Ryan: Someone said that one of my greatest nightmares is marrying into a family that does turkey trots.

Selena: We never did until you and I got married, and then I was like, This is so much fun. We had our first no two years. Well, that’s why you should.

Ryan: Okay, so number one on mine is, and I love this-

Selena: You ordered these?

Ryan: No, just the first one on the list.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Pick a spot on a map and just start driving.

Selena: Oh, I did that too, I think.

Ryan: Sweet.

Selena: No.

Ryan: I like driving because-

Selena: You’re stuck with each other.

Ryan: …you get to have great conversations. I like just finding little local restaurants and things, when you get hungry, just stop.

Selena: And you know what? Music is a fun thing. Music is a fun thing.

Ryan: You can have some fun driving.

Selena: Get some playlists, get some Top Gun, old 80s music going on. It’s a fun thing. We have lots of music from our earlier days of being married that we play now for our kids on road trips. And we’re rocking out, and they’re just like… They’re laughing, because they think we’re being goofy and funny, which we are, but it’s just fun to share those moments with them.

Ryan: This is the idea of the open road for me.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: It’s just freedom. Freedom.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: Okay, what’s yours?

Selena: The first one… well, I might skip that one, but go stargazing and find at least three new constellations. I love when it’s dark like that, but only when you’re with me. I don’t want to be somewhere dark and far away on my own. That sounds terrible.

Ryan: It’d be hard around here, because we don’t get clear nights very often.

Selena: That’s what I’m saying. Go somewhere far out where it’s dark.

Ryan: No clouds. That’s the big problem around the Northwest.

Selena: Thank you, Mr. Cloud. And then after stargazing, I would do my second thing, get up early, grab coffee, and watch the sunrise.

Ryan: This sounds like a very fun trip.

Selena: And there would be no clouds in my adventure, okay? In my date.

Ryan: Okay.

Selena: No clouds.

Ryan: That sounds like fun.

Selena: Zero.

Ryan: I’ll make sure that happens. Your wish is my command. All right. My next one is go paintballing, mutiny against everyone else.

Selena: Yeah. I’d really have to … I have never been paintballing.

Ryan: It’s a little bit painful. I don’t know that paintballing is still a thing.

Selena: Well, that’s what I’m nervous about, but also I’m like, Hmm, I could show off my gun skills to him probably, and I would win. My competitive edge would come out. Anyways, moving on.

Ryan: Yeah. The mutiny is the fun part, because everybody thinks you’re on their team, and then you just turn on them.

Selena: Just turn on everybody. It’s just mutiny.

Ryan: Probably do that the last round of the day, though. It’s a lot of fun.

Selena: My third one was rent kayaks and go paddling. We have paddle boarding on here, too, so can I combine those into one? Anything on the water. Take a boat out, go kayaking, go … Kayaking’s fun, but I prefer paddle board. I don’t know. It’s fun. It’s all fun on the water.

Ryan: I have a hard time on paddle boards. I’m not going to lie.

Selena: You do. You do. You’re very heavy up top. It’s fun to watch you.

Ryan: That was about the least flattering way you could have said that. My center of gravity is higher than yours. Ladies tend to have the center of gravity a little bit below the waist. My center of gravity is right around here-

Selena: You can kayak, and I will paddle board, and we’ll have a grand time together.

Ryan: I’ve legit fallen in on the paddle board.

Selena: You have. That’s what makes this date so fun.

Ryan: Yeah. Okay. I would do that with you.

Selena: Thank you.

Ryan: Catch a movie. This is one of mine. Catch a movie at a drive-in.

Selena: Oh, fun.

Ryan: Kiss more than usual. This is in the name of growing our marriage. Lots of smooching.

Selena: We always get lots of smooching, so if you have not been smooching enough, go to a drive-in, start your smooching there. Keep it up.

Ryan: Yep. Yep. I especially love smooching around the kids. It’s a way of asserting your dominance as a husband. She’s your mom, but she’s my wife. I’ve actually never been to a drive-thru, by the way, so.

Selena: A drive-in?

Ryan: Drive-in.

Selena: You haven’t? Yes, you have.

Ryan: No, never been.

Selena: We’re going to go do that. I’m going to find that. It’s so fun. I’ve done it a few times.

Ryan: That’s why I put it on the list.

Selena: Okay. Sorry. I missed it. Just been writing books and having kids over here, okay? Go fishing and cook your catch over a fire. I just love the idea, again, being out on the water and fishing. Not a commercial fishing boat I would throw up. I’m saying like a calm lake, you’re sitting out there quietly waiting for the fish to bite.

Ryan: Okay. That sounds fun.

Selena: Yeah. Maybe fly fishing. Never tried that, but it looks like a lot of fun.

Ryan: I will say commercial fishing is a lot harder boat fishing because we live on the West Coast. I go off the coast.

Selena: Barf.

Ryan: Well, it’s a little bit sketchy some days and yeah, you take the anti-nausea medicine or whatever.

Selena: I don’t know if that’d work.

Ryan: But it’s so fun when they get you right over where all the fish are and it’s just like-

Selena: You’re just pulling them up.

Ryan: Yeah. It’s as fast as you can go down and up.

Selena: So fun.

Ryan: It’s really fun. And it’s good eating that night.

Selena: Maybe one day.

Ryan: Yeah. Okay. My next one. I think you’ll like this one.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Go on a dessert-tasting tour-

Selena: Ooh, I circled that one.

Ryan: …to 30 places in one night.

Selena: Yes, dessert. Anytime, all the time. Yes.

Ryan: So the question is, do you eat dinner before? Because that sounds like a lot of food.

Selena: Yes. You just eat an early dinner.

Ryan: And you can split the desserts. Because otherwise you’re going to… I mean, you’re going to-

Selena: It’s true. You could. Because then you can get different desserts.

Ryan: You’re going to get the diabetes.

Selena: Or just have one. Just get one dessert to share and just go to three different places. Are you thinking three desserts?

Ryan: Wait. Hold on. You said buy one dessert and then like take it to three different places?

Selena: No. Get one dessert and share it and go to another place, set another dessert, share it.

Ryan: 50 creative dates. Economy version.

Selena: I’ve always wanted to go here, but we can’t afford it. Let’s just sit.

Ryan: You don’t go to the drive-in. You sit in the parking lot-

Selena: And take your dessert in.

Ryan: Just outside the drive-in and try to guess what they’re saying. Economy. That’s good. So we agreed on that one.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: All right. What’s your next one?

Selena: Take swing dancing lessons. We did do this once. Actually, was it with John and Becca? It wasn’t with Becca.

Ryan: John was there.

Selena: But Becca was not.

Ryan: They weren’t married yet.

Selena: They weren’t married yet. Nope. He was a-

Ryan: He hadn’t even met her yet.

Selena: He had not. No. He was a military man in Tacoma, Washington.

Ryan: And we were hanging out. This is John Lovell, by the way. The warrior poet himself. If you don’t know who that is, that’s fine. He’s a good friend of ours.

Selena: Was it swing dancing or was it square dancing? It was swing dancing. Or was it country line dancing?

Ryan: It was swing dancing. It was swing dancing. Okay. That’s a very John thing.

Selena: And they know. They’ve posted a video of him and Becca. They’re really good swing dancers. So this is not a surprise.

Ryan: Yeah. He’s just so-

Selena: Us, however, we kind of don’t.

Ryan: He’s just so smug. Just swinging around.

Selena: He is kind of smug when he swing dances, huh?

Ryan: Yeah. We’re going to see them in a few weeks. It’ll be fun. Yeah. He is.

Selena: Because they’re good at it.

Ryan: Because he just knows he’s so good at it.

Selena: He kind of has the old man, like, I got this kind of swing. Is that true?

Ryan: It makes me laugh. Anyway.

Selena: So that’s why we need to take lessons. It’s fun because it makes you laugh.

Ryan: Yeah. It is fun. It is fun. You know what? I would sooner do salsa dancing, though.

Selena: Why? You don’t like to swing your hips. You just want me to swing.

Ryan: Because you just have those hips that refuse to quit.

Selena: But I don’t want to swing my hips from all those people. Anyways, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. We don’t know. This is why we should do this.

Ryan: Well, this actually dovetails into the one that I would have chosen next. And it’s do something that gets your adrenaline pumping.

Selena: Salsa dancing can get your adrenaline pumping? Now that you’re in your 40s?

Ryan: If I’m dancing with you.

Selena: Sure. Yeah. You’re sweet.

Ryan: I’ll just say my next one.

Selena: You keep saying yours.

Ryan: No, yours was swing dancing. And then I said adrenaline.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: You’re remembering it wrong.

Selena: You said, I’ll say my next one. Go ahead.

Ryan: Here comes the next one. Plan a surprise weekend getaway.

Selena: Yep. I had that on there.

Ryan: Really?

Selena: Yeah. I circled it. Look.

Ryan: Okay. So if we’re doing a surprise weekend getaway, I’m assuming it’s leaving on a Friday, say afternoon, coming back… Well-

Selena: We like to go to church on Sunday.

Ryan: So. Skipping church.

Selena: Maybe Thursday night.

Ryan: Thursday afternoon. Take a day off.

Selena: Kids or no kids. Probably no kids. Just a date thing.

Ryan: Well, yeah. This is a date thing.

Selena: Okay. It’s not a family vacation.

Ryan: This isn’t 50 creative ways to have your kids cramp your style. So where would you go?

Selena: Getaway. So you’re getting away from-

Ryan: You’re getting away from daily life. I know what I would do. I would probably take you to Cannon Beach, Oregon. It’s about two and a half hours away.

Selena: No, it’s like four hours.

Ryan: No, it’s not.

Selena: It is.

Ryan: No, it’s not.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: You are fake news. Fact check: False. No. Yeah. We would go to Cannon Beach, which if you’ve ever seen Goonies, that’s why I want to go there.

Selena: Oh, so it’s not to-

Ryan: Trying to find an old one-eyed willy.

Selena: Oh my goodness.

Ryan: This is our time. Goonies never say die. No, actually-

Selena: Oh my goodness.

Ryan: It’s a really romantic town. It’s fun. It’s on the beach. Listen, I have a thing for a treasure. Okay? Where would you go?

Selena: I don’t know, because I do like the ocean, but I also love going up to the mountains. What time of year is it? This determines a lot.

Ryan: It is the best time of year.

Selena: The best time of year.

Ryan: For whatever you want to go. Wherever you want to go.

Selena: Oh, man. Yeah, because it’s just a weekend. I don’t know. You said the water and the ocean. I always love that, too. I’d probably do that. But it would also be fun to go up and go to a cabin or go somewhere in the mountains where you could go hike and go see Mount Rainier. I don’t know. Leavenworth is pretty fun.

Ryan: Oh, yeah. That’s awesome. That’s a cool little town.

Selena: You’re welcome.

Ryan: We’re going to be there in a few months. For two nights, in fact.

Selena: Oh, that’s right.

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: All these places. Look, we’re checking them off.

Ryan: Okay. What’s your next one? Because we shared that one.

Selena: Try a workout class neither of you have ever tried. We did that on a Valentine’s Day. You did that. You joined me at my lady’s intense gym, and I was like, this is going to be fun.

Ryan: It’s basically like CrossFit.

Selena: He about died.

Ryan: It was basically CrossFit, and I… yeah.

Selena: It was weird sweating. It was good. I was like, yeah, I love this. And you’re like, Ugh. [laughs]

Ryan: Yeah, that was not something I trained for. I lift heavy things low and slow, and this was intense. All right. Mine… I think you probably checked this one off, too. I would bet. I’d bet $1,000 that you checked this one off. Okay. Go on a local used bookstore tour.

Selena: Yes. Check, check, and check.

Ryan: We did that just recently.

Selena: Yeah. It’s one of our favorite things to do. Yes. I love to get lunch on the water, and get coffee, and then go to a bookstore, and sit quietly, and walk around quietly, and just look to your heart’s desire.

Ryan: And not be rushed.

Selena: Not be rushed. Yeah.

Ryan: Yeah, that was fun.

Selena: But it was a little lackluster because we didn’t find any great books. Well, it’s a hit-and-miss.

Ryan: There’s a lot of books out there, and there’s a lot of bad books and a lot of mediocre books. These are not them.

Selena: Speaking of. Speaking of good books.

Ryan: Speaking of good books. And the other thing is, I feel like we have so many books, I could probably not buy another book for 20 years.

Selena: Books are life.

Ryan: And I could read the ones that we have. We have a lot of dense… I have a lot of dense theology books, because of the schooling. Okay, what’s your next one?

Selena: Well, you took that one. I said, let’s see, have a bonfire on the beach. We kind of have done that many, many times, and make some s’mores. I think it’s more fun with the kids, because they really enjoy like the campfires and stuff.

Ryan: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Selena: But it’s fun with us too, because we did that just, I don’t know, growing up. It’s just such a part of our history. So I think finding things that are a part of, you know, your dating life, and that you can incorporate your family too, is really… it’s a fun thing to do.

Ryan: I’m seeing a theme here, just in dating in general. Maybe I’ll just do a little commentary. Because when I saw that one, because that’s on my list too, I didn’t circle it, but I saw it. And the reason I didn’t circle it is because I just thought about how much work it entails.

Selena: Yeah, because you’re the one that carries all the wood. I’m just kidding.

Ryan: And you know what? Work is good. That’s the thing about dating, is sometimes it does take effort. It takes work. It even requires, I’ll say money, investment, you know, like going on a weekend getaway.

Selena: I would say always. It’s good to have a date cost you something, because I think when something costs you something, you value it more. Right?

Ryan: Right. You got to find that balance between we’re having fun, we’re relaxing, we’re enjoying one another.

Selena: Yeah, don’t do like a house project together as like a date, unless you really enjoy it and that’s your thing.

Ryan: It’s super easy and pretty fun to watch a movie at home.

Selena: Oh, yes. Right?

Ryan: Are you making memories? Okay, probably not. I wouldn’t say that. Are you drawing closer to one another? In some way you are. You’re not really interacting when you’re watching a movie. So you got to find that balance is all I’m trying to say is that don’t just avoid the work. I’m talking to myself.

Selena: You said that on our anniversary. You’re like, oh, what do you think we should do? And I was like, “I don’t know. We could just get food and like hang out.” And you’re like, “Yeah, but it’s our anniversary.” And I was like, “No, I don’t know.” And you’re and just the fact that you said “it’s our anniversary,” like it made me willing to do the work because I knew that once we did whatever we were going to do and decided on it, that it would be worth it and it would be great, you know?

Ryan: And it turned out all right. It was good. Not all right. It was fun. It was awesome.

Selena: It was the best.

Ryan: It was the best.

Selena: I think we’re on to our last ones here.

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Did you go last? I think you did.

Selena: I did.

Ryan: Mine, speaking of movies, go to a matinee.

Selena: I had that.

Ryan: Oh, really?

Selena: Yeah. But I don’t know if I’d critique it. I think we just didn’t.

Ryan: Critique the film over lunch. So matinee and lunch.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: If it’s a good movie, talk about it. Like you don’t have to be like film critics to say what you appreciated and what you thought was not so great about the movie. Except for it’s hard to find a good movie.

Selena: It really has been hard to find good movies lately. I would agree with that.

Ryan: I’m a sci-fi guy and you don’t like sci-fi.

Selena: Does Star Wars counts as sci-fi or maybe Star Trek? Are those sci-fi?

Ryan: Loosely.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah.

Selena: It’s hard for us to find something to agree on.

Ryan: And like rom-com stuff. We could probably go to some comedies we could go to, but they tend to be so crude.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: I don’t know. The sense of humor that sells in theaters is not really the sense of humor that we typically like.

Selena: I think the last couple of movies we saw were like the second Top Gun.

Ryan: We saw that one twice, didn’t we?

Selena: And The Greatest Showman. We saw that one twice.

Ryan: Oh, yeah.

Selena: That was a long time ago, but that was a fun one to see in the theaters.

Ryan: All right.

Selena: All right. I think my-

Ryan: Oh, wait. Here’s the last one. I have to mention it because it’s a worthy date. It’s Have a night in, no phones, no distractions, get frisky.

Selena: Bum, bum, bum.

Ryan: Always going to pick that one.

Selena: You’re always going to pick that one.

Ryan: Of course. And you would too. I hope. I’m kidding.

Selena: What would you do though? I would read a book. We’d hang out.

Ryan: I’d get frisky.

Selena: And get frisky. Well, what’d you do after? Would you be frisky the whole date? I guess.

Ryan: Ron Swanson says his ideal date is a 20-ounce steak, a glass of Lagavulin, two hours of rigorous lovemaking-

Selena: And bed before 8 o’clock.

Ryan: We’re both in bed by 8:30.

Selena: Parks and Rec.

Ryan: I sent that to you on Instagram, like 100%. Lagavulin is a scotch, by the way. It’s a very peaty scotch. That’s Ron Swanson’s go-to. He’s on Parks and Rec. Anyway, those are 50 creative dates. Or there are 50 creative dates in these books. We just picked our top 10 or so. The other two that I would not… so-

Selena: Oh, you had four?

Ryan: No, I didn’t.

Selena: Oh.

Ryan: Another fun one is visit a local landmark, have dinner nearby.

Selena: That’s fun.

Ryan: That is fun. Ride bikes through your city. Grab street tacos.

Selena: Or just ride bikes together. That’s fun.

Ryan: Riding bikes is fun together. Although, we were walking on our anniversary and these couple, they were riding their bikes and it was like, I looked at you and I said, Riding bikes is so weird because it’s like you’re both together, but you’re having a completely alone adventure.

Selena: Well, but it was on this narrow path, so they kind of had to go one in front of the other.

Ryan: And they were going up a hill, so they were both like really focused and dialed in and working hard. And he was clearly-

Selena: We had just had lunch.

Ryan: He was way enthusiastic about it. And she was like… she didn’t want to be there. You could tell.

Selena: But we rode bikes as a family on a trail and it was so fun together. That’s fun.

Ryan: It was fun.

Selena: That’s what I think of.

Ryan: So, this has been a fun episode. We hope that you’ve enjoyed it. We hope we’ve given you some ideas. If you’re looking for more of this sort of thing, of course, Husband in Pursuit, Wife in Pursuit, you can go to 31daypursuit.com. That’s a quick link to that. You can search them wherever you get your books. Well, on Amazon, I mean, or buy them from us directly. They’ll get to you probably about the same amount of time, but it’ll be better for us because Amazon’s the worst.

Selena: Well, and just to walk you through, I think just briefly a chapter. So we kind of have day one, there’s a chapter and a verse, excuse me, day eight. So we kind of share a little bit of a personal story, but then a personal challenge and script a scriptural application. We have questions to reflect on. They’re pretty user-friendly, right? Short, just to kind of get you thinking, pray together. And then we have a pursuit after each of them, right? So act, something to do. It has a little clock for how much time it might take or the money, dollar signs for how much it might cost. And so it gives you something to do. I think the husband and wives are different. They’re different days for different things.

Ryan: They coincide with each other.

Selena: On certain ones.

Ryan: On certain ones. So they’re kind of like you’re going in parallel and then at some points you actually will cross and do the same challenge the same week if you’re doing it together.

Selena: Yes. So just to have you, you know… I always like to know what’s in the book and why should I pursue this pursuit book? So hopefully that helps you and that kind of gives you a jump-off point and encourage you to, to pick them up. Again, we really just want marriages to be God-glorifying and honoring.

Ryan: And thriving.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: And that’s one of the things, we spend a lot of our lives helping marriages thrive because of what we talked about last week— Marriage being such a big part of how God has hardwired us as humans to thrive, to know him better through the marital covenant, through learning how to love, learning what it means to be loved covenantally. So we care a whole lot about thriving marriages. Thriving marriages build thriving churches and thriving societies and just on down.

I have to say this, pursuing. So we pursue each other because we love each other. We love each other as John says. I think it’s John. We love because he first loved us. What does that mean? The good news of the gospel is simply this, it’s a very simple message. Christ died for sinners. It’s done. It’s not Christ gave you a way to earn your way to salvation. It’s not Christ kind of started the process and you can finish it by being more righteous.

No, the gospel is done. Christ died for sinners. What do we need to do? Repent and believe. And repenting is turning away from falsehood, turning away from trying to live our own way. And instead to say, Christ, I need you. I believe in you. I want to follow you. And even that is a gift from God to have a repentant heart.

So we want you to believe the gospel. If you don’t, if you’ve fallen away from Jesus, consider this to call, to turn back to him, to repent of that rebellion and turn back to Him and to place your trust more fully in Him and to obey your good King because he has loved you first. Now we can love him back.

So if you need more, if you want to go further down that path, but you don’t know where to go, talk to a friend who’s a Christian, ask to read the Bible, find a church that preaches out of the Bible or go to this website, thenewsisgood.com. That should help you as well.

Let’s pray. Lord Jesus, we love You. Thank you for pursuing us. Thank You for loving us. Thank You for proving to us Your love on the cross. You died for sinners. While we were still sinners, You died so that we might place our faith in You and be saved. So, Lord, we love you. I pray for the married couples who are listening, watching. I pray that You would bless them. I pray for the spouse who’s struggling with hopelessness, who is wanting to have this type of pursuit in their marriage, but they’re feeling lost, they’re feeling like they’ve maybe broken something beyond repair or their spouse is too far away. I pray that you would give them hope and then give them a plan and then give them faith to pursue the plan in wisdom. Lord, we trust you. We love you. We glorify you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: Amen. Amen. Once again, The Fierce Fellowship, thank you for your support. You’re a huge way that God has provided for our ministry and our family. If you want to join that, we’d ask that you pray about it. If the Lord leads you to join the fellowship, go to this website, fiercemarriage.com/partner. It’s just a Patreon page, but it does represent about a third to a half, depending on the month, of our family support, our family income. Anyway, thank you for that. That’s it.

So with that said, this episode of Fierce Marriage is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: We’ll see you again in about seven days. Until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.