Confession time: I write a marriage blog and I’m not a romantic person. Now that I mention it, Selena isn’t either. However, we’re hoping to change that. I’ve recently spent tons of time thinking about I can intentionally pursue my wife. We’ve even started discussing intentional romance together. In the past few weeks, I’ve come up with a kind of personal pursuit framework:
- Ponder: Set aside time to consider her deepest joys and find unique ways to meet them.
- Plan: Make plans so we can connect on NEW levels. Also, make plans so she can have time to relax— that always speaks volumes to her! Even more than flowers, etc…
- Probe: Listen more intentionally to her verbal and nonverbal communication. This helps me know her on deeper levels but it also informs how I ponder and plan.
We want to be romantic people for each other because romance represents (to some degree) our active, intentional pursuit of one another on every level.
What makes romance valuable?
The depth and value of your romance really depends on your underlying reasons why. Sometimes I catch myself being romantic just because it’s what I’m “supposed to do”. Other times, the romance happens naturally—simply because I love my wife and want to show her.
In light of what God’s been teaching me about pursuing her, I’ve embarked on a mission toward romancing and pursuing my bride better than ever before. Thus far I’ve discovered that doing so requires creativity. I’ve realized that the less creative I am, the more expensive romance gets—at least for me. I’ve found that I compensate for creativity with extravagance. Don’t get me wrong, extravagance is great. But it will never replace genuine, heartfelt romance. It can, however, help express romantic affection when appropriate.
Because of that, we’ve come up with three ways we can intentionally and creatively romance one another:
- Create memories
- Learn new skills (together)
- Seek opportunities for deeper unity
If you’re like us, you may be looking for ways to intentionally create romance in your own marriage. The possibilities are vast, so get creative! Below, I’ve compiled a few ideas we’ve tried (except the third, but you’ll see why) and enjoyed thoroughly!
3 Creative Ways to Build Intimacy and Romance in Your Relationship
1: Create Memories: Datebox
Monthly box subscriptions are all the rage. However, many of them just send stuff (junk?) that you don’t need. Datebox is different. Datebox doesn’t just send junk; they curate moments, memories, and new opportunities to connect with your spouse.
Intentional dating is difficult. Kids, life, tiredness, lack of ideas, etc… can all contribute to a stagnating date life between spouses. We don’t always have the time (nor the budget) to go out to a nice dinner. We hardly ever go out just the two of us. We needed something more flexible, affordable, and fun. Enter Datebox…
About Datebox: Monthly themed dates-in-a-box. Prices range from $16.48 (see below) to $39.95/mth. FYI, they now have a digital-only option available for $7.99/month.
Our Review: We love it. The boxes get better every month. They’re always creative, unique, fun, and easy. I’ve known Brett, Datebox’s founder, since before he even started the company. He’s a brilliant businessman who loves his wife and just wants to see couples enjoy time together. They definitely had some challenges early on (like trying to ship raw chicken through USPS, whoops!), but in the time since their launch, they’ve gotten ridiculously good at what they do.
I mean it when I say that the boxes keep getting better.
What are the main benefits of Datebox?
- Cheaper and more adventurous than most dates.
Dinner and a movie will run about $60–80 minimum… and there’s less interaction. Dateboxes cost less than half that.
- Always fun and creative.
- Super easy. You get an email a few days before reminding you to set aside a couple of hours. When the box arrives, you just open and enjoy!
- Ships directly to your home every month around the 10th
- Value. The value of each box’s contents is usually much more than the cost of the box
What’s in each Datebox?
Here’s an example: One month we got a pour-over coffee apparatus, a burr grinder, a roasting pan, four espresso shot glasses, and a variety of coffee beans from around the world. The activity was to roast, grind, brew, and taste-test four different coffee varieties. Ridiculously unique!
Conclusion: I definitely recommend you give Datebox a try. If you’ve already tried it, I encourage you to re-up with them (we did after taking about 4 months off). As I’ve said, the boxes have gotten better each month. Plus, with the code below you can try Datebox for half off!
Special Datebox Deal for Fierce Marriage readers:
Datebox has been very gracious to offer an incredible deal just for Fierce Marriage readers. For a limited time, you can get your first Datebox for 50% off the normal price! Just use the promo code “FIERCE” at checkout. Or click the button below to have it automatically applied.
2: Learn New Skills Together: Online Couples Massage Courses
Selena and I took the Melt massage course as an experiment a little while back. We were hesitant to try it but totally on board once we took the plunge. It is very romantic to give/receive massages, plus it’s an extremely useful tool to have in your repertoire. We’re nowhere close to being “massage experts”, but at least I have more techniques in my arsenal than just “crab hands” on Selena’s shoulders.
About Melt: It’s an online course of 17 videos (maybe more by now?) that show you how to give great massages, from beginning to advanced.
Our Review: To be honest, we wouldn’t share something if we didn’t already like it. The course is tastefully produced with incredible quality. No nudity and no awkward moments. The only awkward moments were between Selena and I as we figured out the techniques. Denis and Emma know what they’re doing—they’ve instructed thousands of couples around the world. The videos are elegant and broken into short 3 minute clips so that you can move forward quickly.
What are the main benefits of Melt Massage?
- Pay once & done. Own the videos for life, revisit as often as needed.
- Learn useful and unique skills…and with Denis and Emma teaching, you’re sure to learn them the right way.
- Gift that keeps on giving. You can literally give a massage anywhere, almost anytime.
- Tools for intimacy: it’s amazing how massage builds trust and vulnerability
- Affordable. The entire course costs about as much as a quality massage… except you only have to pay once.
Conclusion: Definitely worth a shot. We gained skills we will never unlearn and we had a blast in the process. For about the price of a single massage, you can learn how to do it yourself. It’s a great option to learn a skill, build intentional romance, and save some cash in the process.
3: Seek Deeper Unity: Two as One, a 30 Day Couple’s Devotional
About Two as One: Quickly connect with your spouse and go deeper into God’s word than ever before. It was designed for couples who are busy but want to grow in unity with each other and God in truly meaningful ways. Draw closer to God and your spouse through 30 daily devotions brought to life through vivid imagery and practical application.
Review: We wrote it, so we definitely think you’ll find it helpful! :) Read reviews from others here.
Passion and Pursuit Always Go Hand in Hand
I hope you’ve found this helpful. Early in our marriage I would have loved to have a guide for intentionally building intimacy and romance in our marriage. I didn’t realize what I was missing. Everything I’ve shared has taken me years to learn. May you learn from my trial and error (mostly error).
Selena and I are praying for your marriage. We’re praying that it’s filled with lifelong passion and pursuit… after all, they go hand in hand.