Commitment, For Women, Love, Sex & Intimacy

5 Creative Ways to Love Your Husband

In response to many inquiries we’ve received, here are a few creative ways I’ve discovered to intentionally and authentically love my husband. They aren’t the end all be all, but my hope is that they will help spur other creative ideas, as well as remind us, as wives, how our words and actions can inhibit or spur on our husbands.

Intentionality, creativity, consistency and sincerity – you can’t go wrong shooting for these.

1. Love letters:

Seems a little girly I know, but honestly, I’ve never written Ryan a love letter and had him say “ewwww!” It doesn’t have to be sappy, just real. What do you admire and appreciate about him? What’s your favorite characteristic about him? What makes you proud to be his wife.

Be creative, and write it on creative paper. I’ve also used magazine pages that have a “manly” feel to them (mountains, oceans, rugged-ness) and written a love note with a sharpie pen. Be creative, be honest, and be intentional.

2. Spoken words of love and appreciation:

Say him how much you love him and come up with a different reason why each day (or every other day). Express how much you appreciate him; who he is and what he does for you, the kids, your family. Our men need to know that their hard work, sacrifice and dedication does not go unnoticed.

Ryan tells me that he never gets tired of hearing how much I appreciate all that he does for us.

3. Sweet touch:

Always recognize and take the opportunity to touch your husband – maybe on the arm, back of his neck while you’re relaxing; hold his hand, lay your head on his shoulder, hug him. It’s important for him to know that you’re thinking about him.

Some ideas: As you walk by, put your hand on his shoulder and give him a squeeze. Kisses on the cheek are always welcome. Put your hand on his leg and snuggle in close, touch your feet to his feet under the covers – don’t hesitate reaching out and letting him know how much you love him and are thinking about him, simply through touch. Give him a huge hug when he walks in the door!

It’s crazy what just a moment of touch can trigger and how quickly it can change the mood of your household and relationship.

4. Surprise Gifts:

What does your husband like? Ryan loves to read, so often I find myself scanning Amazon for any New Releases from some of his favorite authors and surprise him with a gift after work! Maybe surprise him with his favorite dinner? Take him out for a date night to his favorite restaurant.

Get into your husband’s world, find out what he’s into these days and figure out something creative to show him you love him and care about him. Is there an experience that he’s been talking about (hiking this, or riding that?) – maybe plan something special like this that he won’t ever forget! Make some memories with the gifts. Also, it’s not always about the gift, but maybe the meaning behind it (inside joke, a memory from the first year you were married, etc.).

5. Sex:

Get it on girl! (or take it off rather) Showing your man that you love him by how much you want him makes him feel like he’s on top of the world. Whether it’s spontaneous, planned out, or a little afternoon delight be the instigator and let loose. Wear something sexy so when he walks in the door he falls all over himself. You may be able to prime the pump a little through texting him during the day. It’s ok to build up some anticipation – he will love it. Be creative and take initiative. Most importantly, show him “in bed” how much you love him; whisper it in his ears. Imagine you can’t talk, how would you express your love for him through your body?

Overall, the bible talks about how love must be sincere (Romans 12:9). All of these acts of love can only sincerely flow out of a heart that is first of all in love with Jesus. Not to say that if you’re struggling in your faith that you can’t show your husband how much you love him. However, tying it back to our Lord and Savior, Jesus – he is the first lover of our soul. Understanding his love allows us to move into fully understanding how to love each other sincerely, authentically and humbly.

Go get ’em fierce wife!

Photo courtesy of Gisela Giardino 

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  • J. In Georgia

    This is great stuff! Do you have any advice for those of us who are geographical “bachelorettes”? My husband works 4400 miles away from where I live with the kids. We love each other like we’re newlyweds but when you can’t get a job near home, you have to take what is offered. Then of course, you have tons of military spouses out there who are away from their military member spouse more than they are with them.

    • Selena Frederick

      GREAT question,
      Having grown up in a military community (and having extended family in the military), I’ve had first hand experience. Being away from family is not ideal, but in the circumstances that you are, there are definitely some things you can do.

      I know that when Ryan or I go away on trips we will sneak a care package into each other’s bags without the one knowing. Care package typically contains favorite candy’s, verses written out. One summer when we were dating and away from each other, I sent him with a care package containing a little note/treat for each day of his trip! Then, everyday he could open it and look forward to the next one the following day.

      Again, it’s not always about what the gift is but maybe what it means or represents? A memory or inside joke =) We also have this new little mini polaroid camera (Fuji Film Instax Mini 8) – GREAT for putting instant (small) photos into a card or bag of gifts.

      Again, being intentional about the time you DO have with your spouse is what’s important. Setting boundaries and keeping it uninterrupted can always show him how much you love and adore him. If you’re in communication with him, keep it sexy at times too. I don’t think there is anything wrong with letting him know how much you miss him in that way and being sweet.

      Hope this sort of helps. The thoughtful surprises are always great! Think of old memories you’ve had together and go from there. Maybe make some new ones and tell him what you’re planning, mainly to keep him excited about whatever adventure or getaway you have planned. Staycations are always awesome! Plan some fun activities and meals with the kids, rent some movies, do some crafts and enjoy uninterrupted time with your family.


      • Nelly

        Thank you so much Selena, for all this and your tips about the Military situation. I have had similar experience where I have to work away many miles from my spouse for many months but applying your advise has greatly improved our happiness despite the distance. May God continue to give you the grace and wisdom. am grateful to you and Frederick.

  • Kyle

    I usually really like what I read here, but I have to say this does not work for every man. I am a 29 year old in south Texas and, being that my love language isn’t physical touch or words of affirmation, 1,2,3 & 5 would not have a necessarily positive effect on me. Not every man has the same thing on his mind. I am only writing this because I wouldn’t want someone to try all of these and get no where. I still love this site, my wife and I will continue to read and learn from this place.

    • Selena Frederick

      Hi Kyle,
      Absolutely agree with you. As mentioned in the post, these are only a few things that I’ve discovered that work with Ryan and I. Every marriage is unique and you have to find what works for you =) Lately we have been getting a number of inquiries asking for creative ways, and we thought we’d outline a few ways to get started and of course there is room for creativity and really making it your own. Thank you for your comment!


      • Kyle

        Awesome, Keep doing what your doing. I really do love the stuff you guys write.

        • HB

          hi Kyle, what works for you? i think my husband is similar to you…any insight?

          • Kyle

            I knew I was a weirdy, so we used Gary Chapman’s “Five love languages” to figure out how each other work. Look it up on Google and take the quiz. My love languages are quality time and acts of service, while my wife is words of affirmation and physical touch.

  • Kyle

    I would suggest this as a great start to communication between spouses.

    • Nsgeorge

      I couldn’t agree more! The 5 love languages helped me immensely when trying to understand my husband. I had no idea that people felt loved in different ways, and once I understood, our marriage was drastically improved. That, and lots of prayer.

  • amanda

    Found this on my friend’s FB page, and it must have been God sent. I’ve been very “moody” lately and taking my frustrations out on my husband, and in a matter of just two days, I can see how detrimental even a short period of this negativity can be to my marriage. I can see my husband appreciating any of these five tips … Gotta go hug my Love. Thanks for reorienting me!

  • Joshua Singleton

    Thank you for your Fierce Marriages…I Love It. Joy and I have a blended Family Marriage and it can be tough please pray for us… and post any info u find out pls….

  • Scott

    All these are great ideas and being a husband I enjoy all these little things. However, without the proper respect shown to your husband they don’t mean that much.

  • Alicia

    Great article Mrs. Selena! thank you so much for the encouragement! I love it

  • Karen

    Hi there, I separated from my husband back in July 2013 as he was verbally abusive to me over the last 8 years of our marriage. There has been many issues that have caused this abuse but most of it came down to money. Since leaving there has been continued abuse and lies through the court process. We recently talked and he says that God has changed his heart and he doesn’t want to chase money anymore and wants to do missions (he was a missionary when I married him). There has been no recognition or apologies for what has happened in the past. He says that he has had me and our four children as an idol before God (he has never had the time of day for me or our children). He now wants to put God first and will not allow me or the children to be his idol anymore.
    I have been away from him and our situation and feel stronger and have regained my self esteem that had been trodden on in our marriage. I am grateful that he has turned back to God but I have no trust left for him and find it really hard to believe that he has changed.

    Any advice about how to rebuild my marriage in a safe way would be greatly appreciated.

    • e.w.mickey

      Certainly, there is no easy or simple way to reconstruct a vital God Honoring relationship once it has been broken. Any relationship must be based on the foundation of Trust in one another and personal Trust In The LORD GOD without wavering. Human nature must be completely broken on the Altar of Sacrifice… exceptions! A passage of Scripture that states the mandatory is this, “Seek you first The Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these other things will be added unto you”! Draw nigh unto GOD and He will draw nigh unto you. Love Always In Christ Jesus The LORD.

  • CJ

    Only works if your wife loves you. If she has made the choice to harden your heart to you, no matter how much you’ve tried to make things right, this above stuff is all for not. Nice list and I wish that they could happen for me, but my wife’s personal issues and her disappointment with me as a man are too much to overcome after 20-plus years of marriage. Just praying some day it will be better, restored and redeemed.

  • Maria N Sierra

    Not marry yet. I was married for 20 years and was verbally and physically abuse. This blesses me I believe and trust God for a loving husband to come. I want to enjoy God on earth before I go home (Heaven)

  • Skinny Latte Mommy

    Such great advice! I just found your blog and am loving it.

    Here’s my recent post- You & Me (and a crying baby) Keeping the romance alive:

  • Drew

    We try to implement these in our marriage and I must say it’s wonderful, especially when it’s done with the right motivation. Spicing it up from the morning really makes a difference when it comes to the evening. We guys are like gas stoves (fast, instant fire) and women are like electric cookers (slow burning) [sex]

  • suzyQ

    My husband loves it when I talk dirty to him and follow up with actions!

  • Lauren92

    Hi! I always come across posts like this but it’s quite difficult for me as a wife cause my husband doesn’t really like any of the things commonly mentioned! no touching or spending time or sex or letters or kind words/conversation or days out/dinners/dates he hates all that stuff (unfortunately I looove it lol!) . It’s really hard to find ways to love him, he doesnt even know what he likes apart from gifts but they have to be veryy specific and 99% of the time extremely expensive! lol I seek God but haven’t had any answers just yet, any advice? X

  • Miriam

    I love it n Im learning a lot how to have a better marriage through Chist. Amen n thank you.?

  • Sarah Knox

    Thanks for wtitig this. It definitely helps
    Gives me lots of ideas n let’s me know its a GOOD thing to want him