Love, Podcast, Priorities

Micro-Decisions that Make a Huge Difference in Marriage

man and woman standing on brown field during daytime

The daily decisions you make with your spouse can either bring you closer together or drive you further apart. Join us to hear more about these positive micro-decisions you can make to strengthen your marriage!

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Transcript Shownotes

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Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

  • Referenced scripture:
    • Romans 12:3-5
    • 1 Corinthians 13:13
    • Mark 10:6-9

Full Episode Transcript

Selena: You know, I was scrolling through the Gram the other day-

Ryan: Oh, well, The gram.

Selena: The gram. …and I came across this post. It was one of those reels, or the video things, whatever, [laughs] and it was just talking… I mean, we’ll talk about it, but they were highlighting just kind of those small micro decisions and how they can either lead us closer to one another and kind of solidify our unity or cause us to drift apart. And it’s just simple things, right? Like when you walk in the door from work, do I get off the couch and say, “Hi, how are you?” and give you a kiss. Or-

Ryan: When was the last time you’ve been on the couch when I’ve walked out? [laughs] You’re usually doing something productive.

Selena: Right. So for this episode, we’re really hoping to try to show you or help you examine, you know, what are these decisions that I make without thinking, how do they affect my marriage? Could I be more active, could I be more aware in some of the decisions that I’m making towards my spouse? So we’ll get to that. See you on the other side.


Ryan: And this idea of micro-decisions was novel for me, right? Because we go about our day and we’re on autopilot. What we’re referring to are decisions that you make, either they’re knee-jerk reactions or the things you do without even thinking about it.

Selena: Right. Right. They’re just so ingrained in how you go about your day.

Ryan: So in some sense, they’re not even really micro decisions because you’re not deciding on the fly, but you’re in whatever habit and routine that you’re used to. So I think what this does is you can… we’re gonna look at a bunch of different areas where these small decisions play out. And our hope is that you’ll be able to recognize and kind of open your eyes, open your ears to what those small opportunities are for what we’re calling high regard for one another. How to have a high level of regard for your spouse. So I think it’s gonna be a good conversation.

If you don’t know who we are, my name is Ryan. This is my lovely, amazing bride, Selena. Hi, Selena.

Selena: Hi.

Ryan: How are you?

Selena: You might hear a crazy baby in the background. That is Sunny girl.

Ryan: You know, sometimes we get ready, we prepare these podcasts and we’re kind of striving and toiling to figure it out. I forget like, Oh, this is my wife and I love her. We’re not just coworkers and we’re not just trying to get this done, but I actually love this person.

Selena: Right back at you, Babe.

Ryan: So this is a joy. We’re the Fredericks, if you don’t know, it’s Ryan and Selena. We do this on YouTube. If you’re listening to the podcast, that’s awesome. You should probably bump over to YouTube because, I don’t know, subscribing on YouTube is all the rage. We’re over 13,000 now. We’re at something like 13,000 and a hundred or so. So-

Selena: Wow.

Ryan: We want to get that number up because, I don’t know, we’re trying to diversify how we reach people.

Selena: We’re trying to spread the gospel.

Ryan: Yes. As it pertains to marriage. And in that effort—how’s this segue?—you can support us [laughs] if you want to support us. About half of our monthly sustenance comes from our patrons who are so generous to partner with us on a monthly basis. If that interests you, we would ask you pray about it, and then check out Okay.

Selena: That’s why they pay you the big bucks right there, just for those transitions.

Ryan: Oh, there we go.

Selena: There you go.

Ryan: You know, after 335 episodes you think I might have figured this out by now. [both laughs] So Selena, you are on Instagram, the rare Instagram moment. [Selena laughs] No, I’m kidding.

Selena: I’m terrible at posting. It’s hard. Sometimes I just go there to learn about homeschooling stuff and just check out what friends are up to.

Ryan: How much time do you think you spend on Instagram?

Selena: Oh, I limit it. It’s probably-

Ryan: Don’t lie.

Selena: No. On a bad day probably an hour and a half, on a good day like 15 minutes probably. And when do you squeak out Instagram hours?

Selena: When I’m nursing the baby to sleep at night [laughs], which is not a great time to do it.

Ryan: By the way, my Achilles heel is Twitter. I probably waste too much time on Twitter. So Instagram… anyway.

Selena: It’s just our personalities, I think. [laughs]

Ryan: I don’t like Instagram because I feel like it’s… anyway. I won’t get into that. It’s not this episode.

Selena: Anyway, as I was scrolling one time, I forgot the account… I think they’re Christians. But it was this reel of talking about the decisions we make as a married couple and how they can basically either bring us together or drift us apart slowly. You said death by a thousand cuts.

This is what it is. It starts with a wife on the couch with her phone. Her husband walks in and she’s like, You can decide two ways. There’s a video for getting up and giving him a kiss and saying, you know, Welcome home. And then it clips back to the same incident and she’s sitting on the couch, she kind of looks up and is like, “Hey, how’s your day?” And he is like, “Good,” and then walks on. Right? And so you see-

Ryan: Very, very different tone.

Selena: Right, very different tone. You know, of course, she’s a little more animated so you get the contrast and the message. And then, you know, they are doing dishes together. Like they do the chores together. And there’s one instance where she’s kind of doing it alone and he’s over on his phone. And then it snaps back to the sink and doing dishes and they’re doing it together and having fun and he’s kind of like pushing at her and they’re talking and all like that kind of stuff.

Ryan: That’s how we do dishes. It turns into a water fight every time. [both laughs]

Selena: And then it goes to them in bed and it’s nothing… It’s very pure. Everybody’s got clothes on, but clearly they’re going to bed. And it has one instance where, you know, she is like snuggling in his arms and they’re talking and they’re just clearly engaging with one another. And then the other one is they’re both sitting on their phones, which we’ve been guilty of both, like you and I. We’ve been guilty of both.

But you can understand that the path down the division, I guess, like not being close to one another it began with that decision. You know, like he came home… [laughs]

Ryan: Sunny’s splashing the milk.

Selena: This is a bad idea.

Ryan: I don’t know why you gave her water.

Selena: Oh, I thought it would keep her occupied just a little bit-

Ryan: …with the food though.

Selena: She loves it. [both laughs] Anyways, if you play out the whole day, right, so like, he comes in and she just sits on the phone, they don’t really engage. And then there’s dinner, they’re kind of talking, but they’re really kind of distracted. And then there’s dishes, she’s doing them, he’s doing something else. And then they’re going to bed and they’re on their phones. And then you wake up and you do that sort of scenario again and again.

I think you can already see the strength of their covenant being chipped away at. Right? As opposed to the other example of greeting him with a kiss and a hug and eye contact and bone just gets dropped. Right? And then they have dinner and they even… you can make it together. There’s those different feels. And then they’re doing dishes together. There’s, again, opportunities for engagement and conversation, eye-to-eye, like being together.

I think it starts eliminating these feelings of not just isolation. Because I think you don’t just arrive feeling alone in your marriage. It’s a gradual process, like you said. But you can either be growing closer together in these little decisions, or you can be growing apart. And so-

Ryan: We’re coasting. And usually when you coast, it means you’re slowing down.

Selena: Right. So let’s examine. Let’s examine what we do. Let’s examine our defaults.

Ryan: We’re gonna do that here. We’re gonna read some scripture. When we were talking about this, I was trying to get to the bottom of, okay, what are we actually getting at? Because it’s not just, hey, married couple make sure you greet each other out the door, you know?

Selena: Right.

Ryan: “Make sure you’re doing X instead of Y.” We are gonna say that. But what are we trying to get at?

Selena: What’s the root?

Ryan: And the best I could come up with is that we… one version of what you’re saying describes a couple that has a low regard for one another and the other version is a couple that has a high regard for one another. It’s a form of respect. It’s a form of ‘I see you as a valuable… you’re a valuable, important part of my life. You’re not just an accessory.’

And then you’re seeing kind of the personhood of somebody. Like when someone walks through the door and it’s just like this, “Oh, hey.” You’re not a roommate. You’re my my wife.

Selena: You’re my spouse. Yeah.

Ryan: That’s a high-high station in a man’s life. It’s the highest, other than God. So, to me, that’s what it comes down to is what sort of regard do you have for your spouse? Now, many couples will say, Oh, I hold my wife in the highest regard. I love her. I hold my husband in the highest regard. He’s a good man. I love him. But your actions may not be communicating that, they may not be actively building on that. So we just want to-

Selena: Well, and these are small ways that we can just be aware of, How are our daily rhythms actually impacting our marital covenant?

Ryan: So let’s jump into scripture. For this, the passage that came to mind was Romans 12, starting in verse 3. Here’s what it says. “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

So again, let’s go back to the beginning of that verse. That’s what I’m really thinking about. Don’t think of himself more highly than you ought to think. But in humility, think of yourself with sober judgment.”

Selena: Right.

Ryan: So I think the sober judgment aspect of this is to know, a, that no marriage is immune to the death by a thousand cuts. And what will happen is you’ll have a marriage that starts strong, that feel strong, and they don’t even realize that they’re drifting.

Selena: Right. Which is why even in our parenting podcast, we talk about not idolizing your children, not having anything else be the center and the foundation of your marriage besides Christ and besides the gospel. Because there’s nothing else that will sustain you when these moments come, when these default rhythms start settling into place.

Ryan: We’re talking about having that high regard. Why must I have a high regard for you as my wife? Well, (a) you’re made in the image of God. So there’s that.

Selena: Right. [chuckles]

Ryan: You’re my sister in Christ. I’ve made vows to you. And when I made the vow to you, and we entered the covenant of marriage, I agreed to love you. And love is an action. And I agreed to be a worthy head who would follow in the footsteps of Christ and seek to emulate Christ to the best of my ability. That’s why I regard you. And it’s not because it-

Selena: It’s an obedience thing that comes with a lot of built-in blessings, if you will. Right?

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Obedience… oftentimes if we don’t remind ourselves, we can forget. Obedience is blessing and it’s where we’ll flourish. So if we’re loving the way that we’re called to love, and we’ll talk about specifics in just a second, then we can expect that love would bear fruit. What is it? 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Selena: Love.

Ryan: So it is truly the greatest calling of a husband and a wife to love one another. And we’re just talking about loving each other in very intentional, very specific, tiny ways. [laughs]

Selena: Tiny moments.

Ryan: Tiny ways. Tiny moments. So you can have all these helpful categories.

Selena: Well, we came up with them together, but-

Ryan: Here’s the five categories and then we’ll talk about each one.

Selena: Sure.

Ryan: Greetings. That would include coming home, leaving for work. So greetings and salutations. Chores and responsibilities is the second one. Hobbies, entertainment, or things you do for fun. Sex and intimacy. We’ll stick around for that part. And then when you’re out with friends, social gatherings. Things like that.

So let’s talk about greetings. What are some ways that we can recognize and embrace these micro opportunities to show high regard for one another?

Selena: I think when you’re entering and exiting the home, going to work, coming home, when you wake up in the morning, when you’re going to bed, those are great opportunities to make eye contact and to give each other a kiss and say, “Hey babe, welcome home. How was your day?” Genuinely asking that. Genuinely having that regard for your spouse.

If it’s been a while since you guys have done that, talk about it. Prepare the ground, and make it happen. Love is patient, it’s kind, it is generous to one another. So making eye contact, giving each other a kiss, show that you’re genuinely glad to see one another.

Ryan: Going out of your way.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: And I think that’s key. Is like stopping what you’re doing, putting it down, walking toward your spouse with a specific intent of doing the greeting.

Selena: And recognizing that when your spouse does that. Right?

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: I think that’s another key.

Ryan: Another theme that’s coming to mind, so we’ll keep in mind as we go throughout, is that one way of doing things is cold, the other way of doing things is warm. And of course, we want warmth. Warmth makes everyone happy. [Selena chuckles] So warmth toward one another in these areas is kind of an easy way. Like, what’s the warm thing to do? What’s the cold thing to do? Okay, that’s greetings.

Is there anything else in that category? I mean, especially like while you’re away, is there… you know, can you go out of your way? Husbands, I know this is helpful for wives in general. Go out of your way to send your wife an encouraging note. Hey, I was just thinking about you. I’m really thankful for very specific things.

Selena: And that can go for wives as well. I mean…

Ryan: Yeah. And it depends on your relationship and the dynamic.

Selena: Well, but I mean, you never are just like, Ugh, she said thank you for this. Like when I’m like, “Thank you for working hard for our family, thank you for providing, thank you for-

Ryan: The cold thing to do in that moment is don’t text at all or just say, “Hey, what time are you gonna be home?”

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: Okay?

Selena: Right.

Ryan: Big difference. Another thing, if you’re working outta the house and you know, I know that you’ve got maybe piano lessons with the kids or you’ve gotta take them to something-

Selena: Some of their activity, yeah.

Ryan: …don’t just ignore the fact that your wife is off doing this thing.

Selena: See it as an opportunity.

Ryan: “Hey, How did it go? I was praying for you.”

Selena: That’s very sweet.

Ryan: “I was praying for-

Selena: See, I’m already feeling the warmth from this [Ryan laughs] hypothetical [Selena laughs] interaction.

Ryan: So you can see the theme developing here. The second category: chores and responsibilities. Selena, you said this morning that you love it when I join you in the kitchen, whether that’s doing dishes or cooking.

Selena: Cooking. Yeah.

Ryan: Because most often, and this is something that I’m gonna hopefully grow in, but most often you’re going about the dinner-making process [Selena laughs] and I’ll be like, “Great! She’s busy doing that. I also have something to do.”

Selena: Or it’s also your moment to hang out with kids too.

Ryan: Well, usually they’re off planes doing something and I’ll be like-

Selena: [laughing] Everybody’s doing something.

Ryan: “I can catch up on this reading or I can zone out on my phone or I can…” Well, I mean… and maybe if you’re tired and you don’t feel that-

Selena: I don’t think that’s a terrible thing. I think if you put a cap on that though, right?

Ryan: Mm-hmm.

Selena: Like if I’m making dinner for an hour and you’re on your phone for an hour, like there’s an hour lost together. Right?

Ryan: I can tell you right now I start to feel wrong. [laughs]

Selena: The Holy Spirit might be at work.

Ryan: Okay. So doing things together, learning to enjoy each other and enjoy the task. One of the things that we’re really trying to instruct our children is that if we just always see work as just getting in the way of some other thing, it will never be enjoyable.

Selena: Well, and I would argue that that’s a sinful approach because work is a gift from God. Work is something that we should be joyful about doing. I get it. It’s a drudgery sometimes, right?

Ryan: Mm-Hmm.

Selena: And that’s where we look to God. And we’re growing and he’s sanctifying us. But overall, our attitude towards work should be one that is God-honoring. So in the work of the home, are we engaging in it together? I mean, people have arguments and have separated because they can’t get their priorities in order and they can’t love one another in these things. Like, well, this is his time, or this is her time, and this is… it’s a constant just like divvying up of this divide and conquer when it’s like, I get it. Like there’s a lot going on, but doing it together is so much better than doing it on your own.

Ryan: And wives, the quickest way to get your husband to engage in whatever you’re doing is start hanging things on the wall. [both laughs] Or get out the tools and start using. [Selena laughs] Like the Electric screwdriver. [laughs]

Selena: When things start going or the measuring tape comes out, he’s like, “Hey, what you doing? [laughs]

Ryan: “I got it.” [laughs] Because-

Selena: There’s still a hole in our bathroom wall of where I try to take out the bathroom… the towel rack. Anyways, that’s a conversation for another time. Or this time.

Ryan: As soon as you start trying to fix that hole, I’ll step right in. [both laughs]

Selena: It’s good to know. [laughs]

Ryan: Chores and responsibilities. Okay, number three is gonna be hobbies and entertainment. Now-

Selena: Just things you do together for fun. Do you do them together? Do you have things that you enjoy together? Or do you just constantly like, Hey, I’m going to the gym, or Hey, I’m gonna go do this. I’ll see you at this time, or whatever. It may be innocent and you go do separate things. But what are things that you can do together?

Ryan: Because scenario one is that you have a hobby that you love and you hold onto it and you do it and it doesn’t add value to your marriage. It’s just for you. That’s scenario one. A vastly better scenario is finding something that you enjoy and you can enjoy together.

Selena: And that might mean each of you has to grow a little bit.

Ryan: Exactly.

Selena: Right?

Ryan: Yeah. Doesn’t mean that you, just all of a sudden, have to be into golf or you all of a sudden have to be into fishing, or whatever the thing is.

Selena: Grow a little bit. Give of yourself in this area and be intentional about it. Because honestly, everything that he’s asked me to do and I’ve been a little hesitant, I’ve always… When I feel warmed up and great and confident about it, like I’m leading the charge to go do it instead of him kind of dragging me along.

Early on in our marriage, I was super into horses and I was gone for hours and hours and hours and hours, and we got… Oh, great.

Ryan: Oh, three hours a day you were… I remember you-

Selena: At a minimum.

Ryan: …sometimes you’d be gone at 5:00 am.

Selena: Yeah. There was a rough patch in our marriage where it was just like, I was gone because you were gone and I had stressful jobs, church was stressful. All these out of priorities, were outta whack, everything. And so we just kind of fell into these ruts of while you’re working until seven and you’re at church and doing ministry, and so I’m gonna go to the barn and be there till seven or eight because you’re not home. Again-

Ryan: I imagine that where you have a young child at home and now someone’s gone.

Selena: All the time. You’re gonna feel the strain even more. So find those things that you can have fun and enjoy together. And a fierce parenting note. Do something you can do with your family that everybody can engage in at some level.

Ryan: That’s a win, win, win.

Selena: Win, win, win, win, win, win. [Ryan laughs] This next one you thought about.

Ryan: What was that?

Selena: You thought about.

Ryan: I mentioned it.

Selena: You mentioned it.

Ryan: Sex and intimacy. And it’s not just because, you know, I got sex on the brain. [both laughs]

Selena: Had to say it.

Ryan: I just know that folks, you know, it’s an important topic. It’s an important barometer of the health in your marriage.

Selena: Yes. Yes.

Ryan: So think about our earlier terms, okay? High regard for one another, low regard for one another. What is warm, what is cold? And we’re not talking about the type of experience you’re having in intimacy. We’re not saying some… because there are different modes and different reasons for being intimate physically. Some of those lend themselves to longer, slowly unfolding-

Selena: Moments.

Ryan: Moments. And other times it’s more utilitarian, it’s more you’re satisfying a need. Whether that need is physiological or emotional, comfort, things like that. But in either one of those, there’s a way to go about it that has lower regard for your spouse. And then there’s a way to go about it that’s

Selena: Absolutely.

Ryan: …high regard for your spouse. Things like eye contact. Things like, men, tenderness, taking your time, being sure to see your wife and not objectify her, being sure to communicate. We have a whole episode around communication throughout intimacy. So being mindful to draw out of your wife, you know, if she’s struggling, you know, emotionally or to get involved. We’re not saying it has to be this level of intensity. We’re just saying there needs to be a level of tenderness and a level of regard for one another.

Selena: Agreed. And I think wives, you know, we can be engaging with our husbands and not kind of just feel like the end of it. Right? Like, we don’t have to just be like the fulfiller of it, but we can actually be the wife in it and loving your husband, giving to him, being intentional about it, thinking of him, being the one that initiates even, you know, out of love. There’s no role that you’re trying to play or anything. You’re aware that your husband has desires and you want to fulfill them and you want to love him in those.

Ryan: And the wife, I mean, you have a unique role in this, in that you are the only godly terminus for that desire.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: There’s no other way. If I’m hungry and I want a sandwich, I can go make a sandwich. [Selena laughs] I don’t have to get sandwiches only from you, [Selena laughs] I can even go buy one.

Selena: How dare you?

Ryan: I have enough money. I could buy a sandwich. [both laughs] I’m just letting you know. [chuckles] But you see what I’m saying?

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: A wife is the only healthy terminus for a sexual desire of a husband. Same goes for a wife toward her husband. Now, again, imagine a marriage where you spend 10 years of your marriage largely ignoring these micro-moments, versus the alternative where you’re constantly growing in your warmth toward one another. What a miraculous site that is?

Selena: Well, and I think, you know, the effects of those decisions aren’t just in your marriage, which yes, you get to see right then and there but your children and your family get to experience that. And I think we need to normalize that in our families. We need to normalize the closeness, normalize the awareness, and the intentionality with each other. I know you hate saying it, but mindfulness—thinking about our spouse in all the moments.

Ryan: And I don’t think mindfulness is necessarily a bad word. I just think a lot of the associations with quote-unquote “mindfulness” are usually helpy new agey, those sorts of things.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: All right. So the fifth category, the final one for today is, and you kind of mentioned it, normalizing it among family.

Selena: Yeah.

Ryan: But also friends.

Selena: Yes. When you’re out and about, you know, it’s so easy… you know, we’ve been on trips with other families and that kind of stuff, which is so much fun for the kids, for the parents. You kind of get to always be with your crew of wives and husbands. But, you know, it’s kind of this silly joke that like after three or four days with families and traveling, you come together at the end of it and you’re like, Oh, hey, how are you husband? I haven’t seen you in three days because we’ve been separated, not intentionally, but just with conversations, with needs of children, with, you know, figuring out plans and all those kinds of things.

So how can we, in the midst of all of either the goodness or maybe you’re in a small group with your, you know, your church and your family, and you kind of just divide all the time, right?

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: How can we not do that? How can we unite? How can we be more exclusive with each other?

Ryan: One of my favorite things is we’ll be in maybe a Sunday school class, or we’ll be in some crowd and I’ll look across the room and I’ll see Selena and she’ll see me [laughs] and we lock eyes, my lava across the room.

Selena: Oh my.

Ryan: No. That makes me feel like, okay, there’s all this noise, but you and I are on the same wavelength. I’m thinking of you, you’re thinking of me and you’re picking up what I’m putting down. You know, maybe you’ll cast a wink.

Selena: I love the winks. I love the winks.

Ryan: Maybe I’ll-

Selena: It warms my heart.

Ryan: Maybe I’ll shoot a mischievous glance or I’ll mouth… [Selena laughs] some funny thing that we are laughing about.

Selena: Only we Know. Yeah.

Ryan: I’ll make a face so that I know will make her giggle. I think those are good ways to do it. Another way is just kind of conscious touching. You know, I love it when I’m sitting down talking to a friend and you come up behind me and you just put your hand on my neck.

Selena: And I like when you put your hand on behind my back and guide me through a door or something like that. It just feels very… like you’re a protector. Like you’re my husband. You are-

Ryan: I have high regard for you and you have high regard for me in those moments. I’m working on it because I want you to feel that more often than not.

Selena: Right.

Ryan: But I want you to feel like, Oh, I’m in this man’s life, I’m the most important woman.

Selena: Right. You know, the beauty of these types of just more tangible conversations that we’re having, they are anchored in the gospel. I think one of the beautiful parts is that you can start… yes, we want the heart addressed first and foremost. But if the feelings aren’t there and your heart is kind of struggling, just start with the motions, the actual actions of doing something, and submit those feelings, even though you don’t feel like it, even though it doesn’t seem like it’s contributing to your own happiness, you know that it’s contributing to the happiness of your spouse and you are being obedient to the Lord and you are building the covenant of your marriage. So just remember that you can start from both ends. Right? Start with your heart. Start with the gospel, of course. But when the feelings and things aren’t there, it’s okay to just start with the actions.

Ryan: Well, I think-

Selena: …and trust that it’ll come because you’re working and walking in obedience.

Ryan: It’s the difference between being mature or being immature.

Selena: There you go.

Ryan: Are you gonna be a mature married person and do what you know is right or are you going to be effectively a child who can’t control their own emotions and do the right thing despite how they feel?

Selena: Right. Right.

Ryan: That’s about as plain as I can articulate it. I feel like mature married people understand this and they will do the actions of love, even when the emotions aren’t quite there, trusting that it’s the wise thing to do.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Very good. This was encouraging. I hope you got something practical out this. I have a lot that I think I need to work on. I need to be more… have a higher regard for my wife.

Selena: I’m sure I do too. [laughs]

Ryan: Whatcha gonna say? [laughs]

Selena: Of course. Of course. I can always grow. I can always grow. And I think it just brings texture to the verse. I’m not trying to take it out of context, but Mark 10:9 is just, you know, “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” So let not man, let not each of you separate by the small decisions that you make throughout your day with one another.

Ryan: That’s good. Very good. I’m glad you closed with that verse. If you don’t know who Jesus is, we want you to know Jesus. Not just because we think He’s a great guy, but because He’s the son of God, God incarnate sent specifically to save sinners in their sin by bearing the punishment those sinners should have borne and dying, the death that they should have died, us included, but not staying death, but instead being the death of death itself. And that He was resurrected. He defeated death so that those who placed their faith in Him will not die in their sin, instead will be raised to eternal life with Christ. That’s what it means to believe in Christ.

If you want to start that journey, we recommend you find a friend who’s a Christian, say, “Can we read the Bible? I have some questions.” Find a church that preaches out of the Bible. If you can’t find either of those things, go to this website. It could help you. It’s

Let’s pray. God, thank You for the gift of marriage, the gift it is to be loved by another and to learn how to love the way You’ve loved us. God, I pray for the couples that are hearing this, that they would learn to love one another through these small moments, these micro opportunities to show high regard, warmth for each other, that their marriage might flourish, that in 10 years they’ll be stronger, more joyful, more purposed, and have children who’ve grown alongside them. Lord, I pray that that would be their future and not death by a thousand cuts, but instead life by a thousand small blessings. Lord we love You. You’re the greatest blessing of all. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: All right, well thank you for joining us. Again, if you want to partner,, that’s how you could do that. We would be honored and overjoyed to count you as one of our patrons. With that said, this episode of Fierce Marriage is—

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: We’ll see you again in about seven days. Until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.


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