Challenges, For Women

The Importance of a Confident Wife

One of my latest struggles or insecurities has been in the area of confidence as a wife.

Living in “mommy-toddler” world for majority of my day life can sometimes make it difficult to transition into wife mode when hubby gets home. (Not to blame the littles, God knows we love and adore them and are so thankful for their precious lives; please don’t get me wrong.)

I’m just saying that in my experience, it’s easy for me to forget where, or Whom, my confidence and security comes from.

Forgetfulness often affects our attitudes and approach to our spouse, as well as spilling over into other relationships (e.g. kids, friends, family, etc.) and ultimately shifting the focus from Him to us.

How do we deal with this forgetfulness? How can I walk through my day with my chin up and a deep peace (Phil. 4:7) that surpasses all understanding?

As a wife, I choose to honor my husband not because I'm weak, but because I am strong.

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Remembering Daily

It’s easy for me to forget the work that Jesus did on the cross; that He paid the ultimate price so that I could approach the throne of God with complete confidence (Heb. 4:16) in the midst of hard times.

Remembering the beautiful message of the gospel should lead me back to the confidence that Jesus gives, and that He isn’t finished with me (Phil. 1:6).

When I’m lacking confidence in the eternal things (e.g. full acceptance, security and peace) that Jesus’ life, death and resurrection provided for me, it means I’m forgetting…forgetting that these things are made fully available, at anytime, in abundance for this weak soul.

God’s Word is so faithful to light the way in the midst of our insecurities that often cause doubt, hesitation and fear. The Bible is the perfect place to be reminded of the promises He gives to us.The godly wife is a treasure to behold, a beauty to admire, a woman to be greatly cherished.

Where Our Confidence Comes From

Reading His promises and trusting His promises are two different things.

I’m often guilty of “reading” (ehm, skimming) through a verse or chapter, hoping for sanctification, but settling for a surface form of peace instead of trusting the Word.

When we trust His Word and hold fast to His promises, He is faithful to meet us – to come alongside us, lift our head and say, “I am with you; I will never leave or forsake you.” (Heb. 13:5-6)

Having total access to God our Father; our Sovereign King and Creator of the universe might sound a bit intimidating, but that’s where Jesus comes in, my friend. When God looks at us, He sees the righteousness of Christ! (2 Cor. 5:21)

Because of His love, we are made new (2 Cor. 5:17) and are seen through the fullness of the work of Jesus.

If that doesn’t cause your soul to well up with confidence I’m not sure what else will.The excellent wife clothes herself with strength and dignity.

Importance of Confidence in Marriage

As wives, I think we all deal with confidence on some level, and the reality is that it will affect our marriage.

When we forget what Jesus has done, the promises and access He has given us, then it becomes challenging for us to experience His grace and extend His glory in our marriage.

Often we can become focused on external things as our source of confidence and security which may put undue pressure on our spouse to provide more…whether it be financially or emotionally. This strains our marriage and shifts the focus from Him to us.

By God’s grace we can live securely in the fact that His love is unconditional, He’s completely accepts us where we are and offers complete forgiveness. This, my friend, is the path to a confident wife, and one who’s husband has full confidence in her (Prov. 31:11).

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  • Katie / Wild Grapes Blog

    Such a beautiful promise.

  • O.O.

    “Often we can become focused on external things as our source of confidence and security which may put undue pressure on our spouse to provide more…whether it be financially or emotionally. This strains our marriage and shifts the focus from Him to us.” SO POWERFUL!

  • Karen

    Yes! This is exactly what I am struggling with. I’ve been convicted lately that I am turning to my husband to be my source of confidence over God. But my husband is not big enough to fill my insecurities; it will never be enough. Because it’s not his job! I have a God-shaped hole in my heart that my husband can’t fill. My marriage and kids suffer when my “love” is motivated by the fear of being a disappointment. So I am in the process of retraining my brain to remember who I am in Christ because of what he has done for me. The love that overflows from that place of confidence in Christ GROWS my marriage and family.

    • Jenn Kropf

      How are you retraining your brain Karen?? I’m curious, as your comment really hit home in my own life.

      • Karen

        Oh, boy. That’s not something I can answer quickly. ;-) I suppose it boils down to mindfulness–taking the time to ask the *very* hard questions about what is motivating my actions. I believe that whenever we make decisions out of fear, we make the wrong decisions. One blog I read boiled down all our fears and insecurities to two questions wives ask: Do you see me? Do you delight in me?

        Here is an example of how those two questions play out in my life. I frequently complain to my husband about how I stink at being a mom. My complaining–which is sin, by the way–is motivated by my fear of failure. When I complain to my husband, my subconscious desire is for him to respond by reassuring me that I am not a failure, acknowledging that motherhood is one tough gig and that he thinks I am doing a great job. And there are those questions… Do you see me… and how hard motherhood is? Do you delight in me… and how I care for our children? So first, I am trying to stay mindful of these questions and instead of complaining, I straight up say to my husband, “Hey, I had a tough mom day today. Would you please remind me of something I did well over the past few days?” And he can always think of something and this helps tremendously.

        The thing is, however, when is it enough? I feel better for the moment, but the next day I will desire that reassurance again. The marriage book Love and War explains that we are “leaky buckets.” Even if I have my fill one day, I will feel unfilled the next day. My husband will NEVER be enough to fill the bucket. When I find myself asking those two questions, I need to run to God first, to let Him remind me that I don’t have to be enough because Jesus is enough. He alone has the resources to keep my bucket full. I serve El Roi, the God Who Sees. I serve a God who made me ME and He delights in what He has made just as I delight in my own children. My husband’s words can complement God’s words here since that is part of God’s design for marriage–to mirror His love for us–but ultimately, I need to bring these insecurities to God. The more I become aware of when my actions are motivated by fear, the more I am able to run straight to God before my insecurities can really take root and overflow into action. It is a journey, of course, but oh the confidence I feel when God is my source and not my husband!

        • Jenn Kropf

          Wow!! Such amazing insight & just what I needed to hear. Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your words more than you know. Praise God for forums to discuss things we need to hear as wives :)

  • Rebekah Lovell

    Oh I wholeheartedly feel the same! I love our identity laid out in Ephesians 1. But you really hit the nail on the head with the struggle it is to fully be this wife while also mothering sweet little ones. Amen !

  • Glenna Rae Strommer Frederick

    Selena–you are an amazing woman! Even in our 43 years of marriage we at times still struggle with confidence. It is only through Christ that we can boldly be who He created us to be…when we see ourselves as He sees us and accept His unconditional love wholeheartedly, we can transfer that same grace and acceptance to our spouse…children…and all who cross our path….it is a daily “taking up the cross” and that is perhaps where we commit to remember and lay aside any forgetfulness. The reality though is that we do have those days and we do forget….yet God in all His greatness and mercy extends unlimited grace and covering despite ourselves and ironically, does so through our spouse, children, and divine appointments that remind us of the very thing we need to remember..l

    You have wisdom beyond your years–your confession of sometimes skimming the Word and not reading it thoroughly is very wise and a good reminder to all at any age to dig in and digest His truth fully and completely.

    We love you! Dad and mom Fred