Sex & Intimacy

Tips for Awesome Sex in Your Marriage (part 2)

Sex is one of those things that has the power to deeply connect a couple, or devastate them. In the context of marriage, sex is designed by God for edification, beauty, and pleasure. And with it’s prevalence in pop-culture, healthy sex is largely ill-defined and incompletely portrayed. As married couples, it’s important to conciously evolve and improve our sex lives to better meet the needs of each other.

This is part 2 of our “Tips for Awesome Sex” series. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to read part 1.

Healthy sex is a vital part of a healthy marriage – it’s one tangible difference between our marital relationships and every other relationship we have on this planet!

With that said, it’s important that we treat it like the other aspects of our marriages (communication, etc) when it comes to growing and improving. Getting better (healthier) in the area of sex takes practice, thoughtful consideration, and a conscious desire to meet your spouse’s needs right where they’re at.

Here are  three more tips for awesome sex in your marriage:

Light is alright

Sex isn’t always a cinematic & passionate affair – and that’s alright! It’s ok to be light-hearted in the bedroom, so long as each of you share in the experience.

Laughter is ok, talking is good, and joy is a natural part of the experience.

Be adventurous

Ok, so the definition of “adventurous” is a little tough to nail down. The point here is that you don’t have to keep it the same. Sex should be monogamous, not monotonous! Mix things up a bit! Think of ways to surprise your spouse in the bedroom.

Guys: maybe get off of work early to set up something extra romantic before your wife gets home. Sprinkle rose petals, crack open a bottle of the bubbly, and light a candle. Think something up that will really set the mood.

Gals: husbands are pretty predictable in this area…in other words, you can’t go wrong. Think of ways you can surprise him through your attire, or timing, or even location. I’ll leave the rest to you…

Think of ways you can break the norm in your marriage and keep things interesting. In all things, just make sure you keep it edifying and uplifting.

Keep it classy

I’ve heard justification for talking “dirty” in the sack as a means to facilitate arousal. I would add the caveat that we should remember who we’re talking to – a daughter of the King (your bride), or his son (your husband).

It’s ok to talk through sex – just don’t be crass. Keeping it classy means you’re treating your husband or wife with the utmost dignity. This doesn’t mean that only PG rated discussions are allowed, just use discernment, and keep the edification of your spouse at the top of your priority list.


Sex is awesome because of the connection it facilitates. There’s really nothing like it. Like any area in marriage, we need to purposefully improve it. Make sure you and your spouse spend time discussing what awesome sex is in your relationship. With grace and a LOT of practice, you’ll be the best lifetime sex partners either of you could ever ask for!

 

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  • Julia

    I love your comment, “Keep the edification of your spouse at the top of your priority list.” My husband and I disagree about what is okay or not okay in the marriage bed. He believes that anything goes and that I am in sin for not submitting to doing what he wants. I just can’t agree but really couldn’t give good reasons why (as the Bible doesn’t state specifics about what is okay and not okay to do!). But surely, some sexual acts do not edify the other person and thus should be ruled out for a Christian couple.

    • Cortney Marie Willis

      I’ve only been married a few months, but so far, the motto with my husband and me in the bedroom has been, “Don’t be afraid to try anything once.” There are certain acts that, before getting married, I thought were completely degrading to the woman and therefore I would never do. Then, I decided to be completely open and explorative with my husband in the bedroom. What I have found is that I am actually thoroughly enjoying the things I once thought to be degrading. The key with us is to constantly “check in” with one another during the act, to be sure that we are both comfortable and enjoying ourselves. I hope you find common ground and grace with your husband :)

    • Guest

      If its in the book of Song of Solomon its permitted. Let me just say..this is a book about the relationship between a man and wife…NOT Christ and the church. Gods word does speak to every part. Anything that embarrasses or harms your spouse or is not monogamous is off limits. If it violates Gods principles its off limits, like bringing porn in to your marriage. Other than that go for it. The book The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly Lehaye is pretty great for this.

      • guest

        I meant to say Gods word speaks to every part of life. Also when I say if its in the book Song of Solomon…A. There is ALOT of stuff in that book lol. You have to know how to read it. And anything that is NOT in there doesn’t mean its not permitted I was just trying to show that Gods word does apply.

    • TOBHeals

      Julia,

      You’re not in sin for not submitting to his wants. He is the one who needs to love you as Christ loved the church “laying his life down for her.” You and your husband should read “Theology of the Body” and “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christoper West. Also, Love and Responsibility by Dr. Edward Sri is a good book you may want to check out. Praying for you!

    • Albina

      I have learned that husband’s cannot use the “submission” part to sex. That is sex slavery. If he loves you like Christ loves the church then he would respect you and not try to pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. Tell him if he has relationship with Christ to pay about it. As for my own experience I noticed I am more willing to try our learn something new when I am not being manipulated and pressured into it. Christ Never Makes his bride have relationship with Him.

      • netrek

        Yes He does make us have a relationship with Him. We the Elect were predestined by God to believe and grace is irresistible.

  • Alexandria Green

    Hi Ryan! I recently just discovered you and your wife! Y’all are GREAT! I’m kind of obsessed with the word fierce so I fell for you guys hook, line, sinker! The first thing I’ve done since finding you guys is read everything under sex :) because im kind of obsessed with that too. I loooove it. I believe that the purpose of marriage is oneness (oneness being a triune relationship including husband, wife and God. If marriage is a reflection of Christ and his bride this makes perfect sense. At least to me.) and the reason why sex can become such a dicey or painful subject is because it is the the physical expression of oneness (obviously, in sex you and your spouse for a few glorious moments become one) where as mental and emotional oneness dont entail physical connection. Just wanting to throw that out there! I see lots of comments about pain in sex and sometimes I think this is because orgasm is the goal, when it should be oneness.

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  • MyRedSandals

    No deep connection, just devastation for us. Ultimately, he chose to dishonor me and edified someone else, so now we’re done.