Commitment, For Women, Love

Fierce Respect, Part 1: Loving Your Husband

With Valentine’s Day around the corner love is definitely in the air. As I search for ways to show Ryan how much I love him, I’m brought back to God’s Word; the ultimate guide on how to fiercely love my husband.

“R-E-S-PECT, find out what it means to me”

Go ahead, sing a lil’ bit… :-)

As wives, we experience love differently than our husbands. Quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation are right up our alley.

From what Ryan’s explained to me (and what I’ve read in the Bible), the respect of their wife is the ultimate. Every other type of respect (coworkers, friends, proteges) pales in comparison.

This is powerful ladies.

Intentionally communicating respect to our husbands, through words, tones and actions will speak volumes to them. More importantly, we will bring glory to our Savior who displayed the ultimate act of love and respect for us on the cross.

What this post is NOT about…

Please don’t mistake this as a “Wives SUBMIT no matter what” post (perhaps the premise for Fierce Respect, Part 2?).

God’s definition of wives submitting to their husbands is not about who is greater or better or holier; it’s about a divine relationship or marriage that parallels Christ (the groom) and his relationship with the church (the bride). (Ephesians 5)

Also, this post is not about us as wives demanding respect – I know we all have those moments of “Are you kidding me?! Did he really just say/do that?!” (smoke steaming off our burning red-face). We’ve all been there.

This post is about loving our husbands in the way that speaks to them.

So let’s all set aside our preconceived notions of how wives submitting and respecting their husband somehow translates us into the lesser valuable partner in the marriage.

Let’s rise up in this position of how we can fiercely love and respect our husbands in a way that honors them and glorifies God to those around us.

2 ears 1 mouth

Being a Young Life leader has taught me MANY many things. For one, we have two ears and one mouth – meaning, we should practice listening to kids twice as much as we speak to them.

Sounds simple enough right? Well, let’s apply this whole “listening twice as much” to our marriages.

Remember back to the days of dating, when all you wanted to do was gaze into his eyes and listen to all his big ideas and dreams? Hours felt like minutes.

Now it’s the opposite. Sitting still for 5 minutes without checking your phone, or worrying about something at home feels like hours.

Wives, let’s take a deep breath – good. Now ask yourself, what is so important that we can’t give our life-partner, best friend and biggest fan a few minutes of focused time?

Again, listening to our husbands without interrupting (Guilty) or blurting out our answer/solution is powerful and essential.

By listening and engaging with them (not dismissing or half-hearing them) we are speaking their language of respect resulting in them knowing and feeling our love in a deep and true way.

Fierce Respect

Now, this is not a manipulation tactic my loves…this is loving your husband how God has asks you to love him.

Loving him means being patient; it means being kind and not rude or proud. True love is not self-seeking. (1 Corinthians 13)

Trust me, I will be the first (and Ryan will be second) to tell you how much I need to work on this. Especially in the challenging moments when he is doing things to lose his #1 spot of respect on Selena’s Heart Rankings.

What then?

Time to dig deep and remember the beautiful message of salvation. Christ work on the cross is the ultimate example of love and sacrifice.

It’s when we chose to be obedient and follow Christ’s example of sacrifice, that our love, and ultimately God’s love is shown to our husbands; especially in those trying and unworthy moments.

What IT looks like

Respect and love go hand in hand.

For me, respecting Ryan means putting away my phone or my ever-growing “To-Do” list that every wife has. To STOP everything in my world for a moment, and sit there quietly. Looking only at him and hearing all his ideas with genuine interest and curiosity.

At other times, it may mean speaking in a respectful tone after he has decided not to.

Tell him you respect him, tell him that you love him. He never gets tired of hearing it from you – his wife, his love, his best friend and life-partner.

Sometimes it’s scary, and just plain hard to be respectful in our words and actions. But God doesn’t ask us to respect our husbands when it’s convenient. He asks us to respect our husbands, period (Ephesians 5).

Question: Have you taken time to lately to show your husband respect? If so, how?

Have you heard of the The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge?

Every marriage begins with passion, purpose, and pursuit, but few stay that way. That’s why we wrote Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit Together, they make what we’re calling the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. Couples are encouraged take the challenge together. We’re already starting to hear stories of transformed marriages! Are you up for the challenge?

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