Challenges, Commitment, Love

No Quick Fix to Marital Issues

I recently re-injured my back/neck while carelessly picking Dela up this past week. If you’ve ever experienced not being able to turn your head, stand up straight or move without writhing in pain, it stinks!

Especially when you have a (very) busy 10.5 month old (walker, I might add).Marriage is less about perfection and more about perseverance.

Who has time for this?!

Heading into the chiropractor, I was able to get some relief, but it had been awhile since my last visit. Needless to say, after a long visit, x-rays and another appointment for the day after the next, I was bummed with how long this whole healing process was going to take.

I had things to do and a little person to care for i.e. no time for injuries.

In my mind’s eye, I would walk in, get adjusted, and skip out perfectly normal, possibly even with a light glow around my now intact body, and ready to run 10 miles up hill, in the rain, with Dela on my back. (Hopefully you caught my sarcasm there; I would probably fall over and die if I ran 10 miles at this point).

A sweet wife is one of the best blessings in life.

Click to share.

My reality

Not so much…My doctor actually requested that I try not to pick Dela up too much and let this first adjustment sort of settle in and let the muscles get lose and not be strained anymore than necessary.

Even though I couldn’t see the pain with my own eyes, I could feel it, and my doctor could see the effects it was having on me. He nicely informed me about how long it would take to get me straightened up (pun intended).

My ambitious visions of running hills and conquering mountains with a baby on my back were quickly fading as I walked out of the dr.’s office feeling slight relief from the pain, but still not 100%.To fully know and still fully love is the primary aim of marriage.

All about the approach

We tend to approach problems in our marriages/with our spouse with this same, quick fix mindset which quickly leads to frustration when we don’t get the results we wanted or anticipated.

Thoughts like, If I can find a FM blog post about ‘sex’ then we’ll fix the lack in that area, oIf we can just read that book together about how to have a better marriage…if we can just hear that sermon/podcast then we will be fixed! Then we’ll have the answers and be healed!

It’s my personal belief that we, as believers, don’t necessarily intend to take this approach when it comes to challenges in our marriage. From my own observation/experience, it tends to be a byproduct of our culture and society along with the other influences such as the ease and quickness of technology, and access to information/solutions, etc.

The quick fix v. true healing

Instant gratification has become the way of life, and the need for that one thing (sermon, book, blog post, whatever) borders on the idea of idolatry; looking to something for salvation and healing rather than running to our Savior and King.

As a blogger, book-lover and podcast listener, I’m not saying that any of those things are intrinsically bad, because they are not.

One covenant, two of us, all in.

One covenant, two of us, all in.

However, putting weight and pressure on ourselves to locate that blog post, read that book and/or attend that conference doesn’t always lead to healing and often puts too much weight on us finding the solution rather than seeking Him (Matthew 6:33) who is always the solution.

I’m also not saying that God can’t speak and work a miracle in the blink of an eye because that’s not the case either. He is our Almighty King and can work when/how He desires.

Please hear my heart in this.

Our brokenness and His love

When it comes down to it, we are humans and we have a messy, brokenness about us called sin. It’s often very easy to fall into sin, but it’s extremely difficult to fully get out of without the help of our Savior.

We must not, cannot and should not underestimate the damage that sin can have on our marriage, but we also can’t expect a quick fix for the struggles we face in our marriage as a result of sin.

Meaning, that our eyes have to be consistently fixed on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). Trying to fix it ourselves through secondary resources won’t bring any true and lasting healing. It’s like putting a bandage on a wound that clearly needs to be stitched up by the Healer.

It’s only through His love (Romans 5:8) that we can begin to truly grasp the idea of wholeness and complete healing.

Going to the great Physician

In writing this post, it’s my hope and prayer that when we feel pressure to “get better,” or to make everything better, to hurry up and get that injury fixed so we can move onto the next bigger/better things in our marriage… Let’s take a moment to stop.

Breathe.May the only thing that grows old in our marriage... be the two of us

Go to the great Physician and willingly listen to what He has to say.

Maybe there is a lesson that our Teacher is longing to solidify into our souls and this will only happen by walking through these hard times?

Or maybe there’s a deeper wound that is unseen to the naked eye, but our Doctor sees it, feels it and understands how to bring full and true healing to that area.

We have to trust Him; follow Him and meet with Him daily. He loves us unconditionally. His love is perfect and we have nothing to fear by coming boldly and honestly to Him (1 John 4:18).

Call to action

For some of us, maybe it’s been awhile since you and Jesus have had some serious one on one time. That’s ok! He’s ready to and willing to meet you right now – right where you’re at.

Our mess doesn’t scare Him or gross Him out.

He is our Father and wants to walk with us through the trials, and have us also experience the mountain tops in our marriage.

Fierce warriors, let’s continue to fix our eyes on Jesus.

Turning to Him first, and always.

To let all of the other things (blog posts, sermons, books, etc.) come secondary to our precious, devoted, undistracted time with Him. Prayer builds stronger marriages

Being willing to spend our soul with the One who holds eternity in His hands is the first step towards healing.

Yes, read that book, listen to that sermon and go to that conference, but go first to the Source.

With a humble heart, and open hands; let’s be willing to spend the time and effort that our Father is requesting of us so that He may be given all glory for the healing and restoration in our marriage – whatever we’re facing.

(Photos by Jeff Marsh)



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Have you heard of the The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge?

Every marriage begins with passion, purpose, and pursuit, but few stay that way. That’s why we wrote Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit Together, they make what we’re calling the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. Couples are encouraged take the challenge together. We’re already starting to hear stories of transformed marriages! Are you up for the challenge?

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