Podcast, Priorities, Unity

The Need to Review and Reset for Marital Growth

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As this year comes to a close, we want to walk you through an exercise that will help you reflect on the past year and pinpoint areas of your marriage that you would like to improve upon as you head into the next.

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Scripture, Show Notes, and Resources Mentioned

Full Episode Transcript

Ryan: Selena, it’s been a year. It’s been a year. We are recording this-

Selena: There’s a lot going on.

Ryan: This is going to be the last episode of 2023.

Selena: Is it?

Ryan: Yes. So we’re going to do a little bit of a-

Selena: Sure. My Fierce Marriage…

Ryan: We’re gonna help you. Okay. So, again, we try to make these episodes a little more timeless, you know, but we do need to respond to the times in which we find ourselves being that we’re at the end of a year and soon the beginning of a new one. So what we’re gonna do today is walk through an exercise that I think is really helpful and healthy for couples to go through at the end of a year or at any sort of critical juncture. So you look back and you reflect.

Selena: You do.

Ryan: Right? You look back and reflect, and you also look forward and you hope, and you plan a little bit. But you hope and you intend. Maybe that’s a good word to think about.

Selena: You plan out of the hope that God has given you.

Ryan: Right. So we’re gonna do that through the various aspects of marriage. We’re just gonna do it in real-time for Ryan and Selena Frederick. We’re gonna do that and hopefully that’s instructive for our listeners and our viewers. We’re gonna talk through priorities, we’re gonna talk through intimacy, we’re gonna talk through communication, conflict, how do we do, how can we improve, talk about finances.

Selena: How do we do, how do we improve? That’s a good… I like that.

Ryan: Okay. Well, I’m hoping that that will resonate with you as you head into a new year, if you’re listening to this right around the week between Christmas and New Year. If you’re listening to it at any other time, then just consider it a reminder for you to do this in general. So we’ll see you on the other side.


Ryan: All right. Hello and welcome to this, again, the final episode of the 2023 year. Selena, how does it feel? Gimme the recap. [Selena laughs] How does it feel for you? By the way, I’m Ryan. This is my lovely wife Selena. We are the Fredericks.

Selena: I didn’t realize this was the last episode. But there’s a lot going on in the background of this conversation right now with friends and stuff. So I’m a little just on heightened awareness right now. So right now it feels good and energetic, not tiring. [laughs] We’ve had a great year. We had a baby this year. We had our first conference this year. There’s been a lot of… did we release books this year?

Ryan: I’m talking about the podcast. Oh, this is like pre-close game how here.

Selena: It’s great. Sorry. Yes. Podcast’s been great.

Ryan: Did you bring your A game to the future of podcast this year?

Selena: I’m right here all the time. Always.

Ryan: Oh, okay. Well, so sure of yourself. [Selena laughs]

Selena: Always.

Ryan: Maybe this year we could work on humility-

Selena: Oh, yeah.

Ryan: …a little bit and seeing yourself rightly. [both laughs] I think the podcast has been quite a ride. We’ve enjoyed millions and millions of downloads. That’s always fun.

Selena: Wow.

Ryan: You’re yawning.

Selena: I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.

Ryan: This is bad. [Selena laughs] Okay. It’s the last episode of the year. You get one yawn.

Selena: Millions of… okay. I don’t look at the numbers. I kind of show up, do the work, and then pray for our ministry. And God is-

Ryan: She gets whatever I tell her, folks.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: We could be getting a dozen downloads a year, and she wouldn’t know.

Selena: And I wouldn’t. And I would be so grateful and I’d be saying, thank you, Lord, and help us to continue to-

Ryan: No, we’ve had millions and we’re well over-

Selena: …preach the gospel.

Ryan: …maybe 10 or 15 million. I stopped tracking it. But it’s-

Selena: Praise God.

Ryan: We’re thankful and we’re hopeful that this is impacting your life for the glory of Christ and for the good of your household. So looking back and looking ahead now, there’s that sweet spot, that special week, the week unlike any other week when almost everyone is off from work.

I remember just thinking like, oh, you’ve just finished a year. Nobody’s really working. There’s not really a whole lot to do. I used to do a lot of web development, and so I would be grinding all year long, like designing and developing and troubleshooting and just coding and all that. But it was always the… And I worked with publishers. So the week between Christmas and New Year’s, I was like, no one’s doing anything. Like they’re not asking for stuff. They don’t expect you…

Selena: No. Everybody’s just out having fun with their families.

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. So it’s just a sweet time. So in the spirit of enjoying that time, but also not… I don’t wanna waste the opportunity to give God thanks, give Him His due. You’re doing that throughout the year. But I think we serve a God who told is Israel to have feasts and to remember

Selena: Celebrate.

Ryan: …and to take an inconvenient amount of time to stop and remember things. And I think in our hurried, rushed, busy culture, we’re just always going to the next thing. I saw a bit by Seinfeld recently, he’s like, nobody wants to be anywhere.

Selena: That’s true.

Ryan: Everybody’s trying to get out the door to be somewhere else so that then they can, once they’re there, they’re like, Oh, I gotta get home.

Selena: It’s ironic. I think the thing-

Ryan: You wanna be where you are.

Selena: Yeah. And that’s the thing that we really crave is deep relationships and conversations and having real friendships and having a great marriage and loving the Lord together with people that are around you. But that doesn’t happen when you’re always rushing out the door or like thinking of something else.

Ryan: Right. So we’re trying to take this moment and actually be where we are-

Selena: Celebrate. Yeah.

Ryan: …and sit in it, and then while celebrating and also looking forward. So let’s do that for the areas of our marriage. Like I said, we’re gonna do it in real-time here because as we were thinking through this, we’re like, this would be good for us to do. [laughs]. So we’re gonna kill two birds with one stone here.

Selena: Somewhat unscripted answers here.

Ryan: Very unscripted. Very unscripted. We have a list of five words. That’s our script. That is the Charles Miner rundown for the day. He gets what he gets. Okay. That’s all we gave him.

Selena: All right. They’re in no particular order, but priority system is number one.

Ryan: It’s number one. Classic. So under all these things, I wanna start with this. If you’re not living your life, Coram deo, in other words, in the presence of God, you’re not in the word, you’re not spending time praying, you’re not valuing the community of Christ, meaning the body of Christ, the church. If you’re neglecting all those things, and then you say, and you turn your gaze now to priorities, I’m just gonna say, like, you’re gonna have a skewed set of priorities.

Selena: Yeah. Don’t be surprised when things are misprioritized, and people are feeling it. [laughs]

Ryan: Exactly. And the same thing goes with intimacy and communication and everything else. So I just want that to be kind of the water we’re swimming in, is that we are gonna assume that you have a robust walk with Christ. That you are in the word and you are studying it and it is governing your life. So let’s start with that because we can talk about that. I have not been able to read as much volume in God’s word as we are accustomed to.

Selena: Yes, as of the last, I think, two or three months.

Ryan: Two or three months. And normally we’re, you know, three, four, sometimes up to six chapters a day.

Selena: We’re kind of been lucky to get one lately.

Ryan: Yeah. And that’s a function of what the baby has-

Selena: No. It’s a function of kids getting sick, you know, seminary finals. You’ve kind of had to be in a cave of just like work. And then all of the things outside are kind of stacking up, all the tasks that we need to do and just kind of life and to kind of move forward with things around our home and with business, you know, book orders, all these kinds of things.

Ryan: That’s all. So I think seminary is a thing for me because I have to read so much. It just takes so much time.

Selena: It’s all good things. It’s you prioritizing things. Me prioritizing things. But how are we prioritizing each other? Right. We knew headed into the season. I think it was in August or September, we said, we’re gonna have… this is gonna be a rough, fast, hard road, and not like… it’s gonna be a crazy season. We hadn’t even done the conference yet. You hadn’t started seminary. So-

Ryan: I looked at you and I said, Selena, “I’m gonna need you to be tough and to be patient.”

Selena: Yeah. And I can be tough, but I also need the glance across the room. We need the little bits of connection.

Ryan: Good.

Selena: I need the, like, you’re doing great. I love you. I need his flexibility. The moment he starts getting rigid because of all the things or whatever, I’m like, “Whoa, buddy, hey [laughs], you really wanna do this? So we had to have grace for each other-

Ryan: What do you mean “you really wanna do this?” What is that? Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?

Selena: A little battle.

Ryan: I’m being threatened. [Selena laughs]

Selena: No. I’m asking you questions on whether or not you would like to have that type conversation. So-

Ryan: I’m asking whether or not you would like to do this.

Selena: Your priorities will be a function of your beliefs and your submission to the Lord and the time that you’ve spent with Him. By God’s grace, I think that even though we’ve not been able to be in the Word as much as we have desired to, He sustained us. You know, you don’t plant in winter. Well, you plant in the spring. All that to say, when winter is there, hopefully you’ve stored up enough, right, for the winter times.

Ryan: Sure.

Selena: You’ve hidden God’s word in your heart. And not just for the times of winter, but I don’t know, God’s word is just so powerful like that. It’s life when you need it. It divides, it cuts through. Anyways, Hebrews verse is running through my head and I can’t remember all of it. [laughs]

Ryan: Bone and something.

Selena: Bone and marrow and all the things.

Ryan: Okay. So let’s talk about priorities in terms of our life. We’ve talked about the word.

Selena: For our marriage.

Ryan: Yeah, our marriage.

Selena: For our marriage.

Ryan: So what does it mean to prioritize one’s marriage? Again, we’re just talking kind of off the cuff here. It means things like you’re not an afterthought.

Selena: Yes.

Ryan: Now, by virtue of priorities, prior things, things in the right order, I’m not loving anything or anyone in a way that it detracts from my love in the actions of love towards you. So, looking back, it’s been a challenging season with-

Selena: Challenging to love me. [both laughs].

Ryan: No, I do love you.

Selena: I know.

Ryan: I delight in you and I love delighting in you.

Selena: And I don’t have any…Yeah.

Ryan: But it’s been challenging with everything going on. You mentioned the conference, school, all that kind of stuff, work. But I’ve loved that we’ve been able to weather that storm together. I feel like we’re in the same boat. There’s been times when we’ve been going through a storm and we’re not in the same boat. And you’re on a skiff somewhere and I’m communicating-

Selena: Because you put me out there. No, I’m kidding. [laughs]

Ryan: I never put you in a skiff.

Selena: I’m kidding.

Ryan: You jumped ship.

Selena: I jumped the ship. [both laughs] Because you told me the ship was going one way and it definitely was not going that way. Just kidding.

Ryan: Maybe, so she says.

Selena: No one knows. No, that happens.

Ryan: And this is the time where I feel like we’ve not done that. Which is, you know, 20 years into marriage, folks… It takes some time to grow into that, to be able to… Because our tendency… maybe you’re different. Some couples might naturally gravitate toward each other during… Now it depends on the type of conflict, but with schedule, conflicts, and busyness, our natural tendency is to isolate, not to come together in unity. So I feel like we’ve done well in that. Moving forward… do you have anything you wanna add, looking back, priorities-wise?

Selena: I feel like just with our marriage, I do feel like we’ve prioritized each other by having to set some boundaries with our time. You know, when we have a date night tomorrow, and it would’ve maybe gotten skewed with some other things. So we made hard nos. Instead of taking on the burden of dealing with some things, we just said, Nope, somebody else is gonna have to take this burden because we need this time. This is a priority. We need to protect this time. This is what-

It kind of layers into the next few points of, you know, prioritizing intimacy, prioritizing, you know, godly communication and, you know, putting those things first and not just how we feel or our default and lazy, allowing just laziness to kind of creep in, and then anger and bitterness and frustration. You know, those things just creep in if you’re not prioritizing. But then the moments where you are struggling and you can’t prioritize, like, is there grace and mercy and willingness again to try again, you know? Does that make sense?

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: I’m speaking ambiguously. Sometimes I do that.

Ryan: Well, we’re reviewing a lot of ground here. We’re covering a lot of ground. This will be the last thing maybe on this part, is I feel like we’ve gotten better at advocating for one another in our own hearts and minds, but also in, out in the world. How does that flesh itself out? This will go down to communication, but we’re communicating better because a switch has flipped somewhere to where now we are more mature communicators and that has caused us to prioritize in our behavior and interpreting things. We’ll get into communication in a bit. How can we do better? That’s a good question. I’m glad I asked it. [laughs].

Selena: No, I think that when we were going into the season, we stepped into the boat together and we… I had a bit of like, “I don’t remember you saying this. I don’t remember agreeing to this.”

Ryan: I can’t remember that moment, yeah. That was a month and a half ago.

Selena: I think we’re on the ship and we’re looking back and like, Wait, wait, wait. The land is over there. It was so safe. I don’t wanna go out here yet.

Ryan: And the storm is still going.

Selena: And the storm is happening. But I think we can grow into those things that got… I feel like there’s just little sprouts of like what you said, you know, we are able to communicate better through that. We’re able to connect somewhat quickly and deeply and just… You know, glances, hugs, I see you moments. And that has, I think, strengthened our hearts too to navigate together and to be like, holding onto the rails, grabbing our children and riding out the storm. You know? That’s where at least I feel like I can grow.

Ryan: And we have some more things, like, there’s more of that to come for sure. We’ve got some speaking stuff and some travel stuff happening in the next quarter. Where I’d like to see us grow is, I’d like to see us say no more often to good things. Because-

Selena: I feel like we say no a lot, but we probably… and even right now it feels like there’s a lot of yeses because it’s an out-of-the-norm season. Yeah, I agree. We can work on that.

Ryan: All right. Intimacy.

Selena: Speaking of nos… Just kidding. [both laughs] You like that lead-in?

Ryan: Oh my goodness.

Selena: Couldn’t have scripted that.

Ryan: Yeah.

Selena: No. Speaking of yeses, prioritizing-

Ryan: Now we’ll never know.

Selena: Now we’ll never know.

Ryan: …which one you mean. I know what you mean because you’re very available and yes is by far the answer that I get to intimacy questions. Okay. Actually just today I was like… I forget how it came up. I’m not gonna go too much in TMI. I was gonna say TPD. TMI. I am extremely thankful for married marital intimacy. Ours specifically. [laughs]

Selena: Me too.

Ryan: I dunno. Almost that could go-

Selena: We should probably rephrase that.

Ryan: There’s nothing about that that I don’t think… like, I feel like we’ve done a really good job this last year, especially having the baby and stuff. And frankly, even the year prior when you were pregnant, I feel like our intimate life is… it keeps getting better. We’re 20 years in. In the episode that we’ll share next week, we talk about if Satan were a marriage counselor, what would he say? One of the things he would say was that intimacy, like marriage is the place where intimacy or sex goes to die. And that’s a lie. Because the truth is that healthy marriages, it only gets better, if I could just be so bold to claim us as a healthy marriage. And it’s gotten better.

Selena: So looking back, you’d say it’s been pretty good looking forward it just always is great and looking better.

Ryan: Yeah. I mean-

Selena: You wanted to talk about frequency. Like what would be good for couples, generally speaking? Like, if you’re not having sex in your marriage, it’s not healthy. You’re not in a good place. You’re not in a healthy place sexually.

Ryan: Again, everything that we say, and when you do it in a broadcast or podcast sense like this, it’s always gonna be you’re looking at the normative model. So please don’t get caught up in the what abouts and the what ifs.

Selena: No.

Ryan: Like, you know, if you have a physical ailment that prohibits you from being intimate as much as you would want to be, then-

Selena: This doesn’t apply.

Ryan: That’s something you have to bear and figure out. This is not in any way meant to minimize that or to negate that. But the normative model for couples is to have an intimate life together. We could throw a number out there that on average, I would say is healthy. I would say it’s two to three times a week is healthy. I know some healthy marriages that are every day. They’re being intimate with each other every day. I mean, so the guy says, in the context that’s appropriate to talk about these things, accountability and things like that.

I also know couples that they feel okay with a lot less than two or three times a week. The point is, is what’s healthy? And if you’ve been in a healthy spot, then rejoice. Continue. If you’ve not been in a healthy spot, shine the light on that and say, Okay. And now you’ll be able to know. If either of you says it’s not what it needs to be, then that’s something that you can plan to deal with in the future.

Now, how you go about dealing with intimacy, here’s how our strategy. We’ve basically said, here’s an ideal rhythm these days every week. And we should count on this being the norm. That’s a fairly recent development in our marriage.

Selena: And it’s not a surprise and it’s not like, oh, it’s time to do it. It’s not a dutiful thing. I think, you know, some of the inclinations in our hearts are just those default of, you know, whatever. But it’s like, yeah, just submit those to the Lord and put those things to rest and just get on with it, you know? And enjoy one another and this gift. I don’t know. Something that’s helped me too is just realizing like our time is finite together. So I wanna enjoy those moments. This is not an announcement of anything here of any sort of anything, but-

Ryan: How finite is it, Selena? What have you planned?

Selena: No. You see couples and I follow widows on Instagram and their stories and how the Lord is redeeming their hearts. But you just never know. So enjoy the blessing that God has given you in your spouse and work to get to that point, you know, of being willing and enjoying.

Ryan: That’s what looking forward goes. As you say, what’s the work look like? It’s conversations. It’s setting the time aside. We do have courses for all this stuff, by the way. If you go to gospelcenteredmarriage.com, we talk about it there. And it’s in many of our other books, we talk about this. But generally speaking, looking back, looking forward. All right, communication. This was a breakthrough in communication year for us, I feel like.

Selena: Okay.

Ryan: And it’s honestly because we wrote books on it. [laughs] If you don’t know what those books are, it’s called How a Husband Speaks, How a Wife Speaks. It’s a pair of books. And I learned so much in the process of researching, writing, editing, digesting that it became… It changed how I communicate and how I think about communication.

Selena: Well, and a lot of… I think we should combine these two points together. We talk about priorities, intimacy, now we’re talking about communication. And then the thing that kind of is right under communication is conflict resolution. It’s hard to not write books that were just about conflict and how to resolve conflict. Because a lot of communication in marriage and the problems that occur happen when we don’t know how to resolve things, we don’t know how to be intimate. Right?

Ryan: Everything’s healthy and you’re fine when you’re not in conflict. And it’s the communication patterns that get you to a place of conflict and then having the communication maturity to get out of it.

Selena: Yes. And so these books, I think really speak to, yes, conflict resolution. Absolutely. But also intimacy and also how to deal with communicating about priorities and family dynamics and all those types of things, which I wish I would’ve had this book [laughs] years ago to kind of help me delineate how to communicate. And even you and I, we’ve known each other since we were 16 years old. So we’ve-

Ryan: I mean, I knew of you two years before that.

Selena: Okay. But we first started talking and communicating… Okay, maybe communicating bit.

Ryan: I’d say 15, but yeah.

Selena: So we kind of can finish each other’s sentences in some ways. We have a lot of agreement, a lot of foundational beliefs and ways of living that we kind of grew in together and grew into together.

Ryan: Which by the way, got me into a lot of trouble early on in the podcast because I’d be finishing your sentences and we had rhythms of talking and people were like, “He needs to stop interrupting.”

Selena: Well, Karen’s just need to sit down. So it’s fine.

Ryan: She said it, not me.

Selena: So how have we grown in communication? I mean, I think we’ve grown tremendously.

Ryan: The charity side, like we’re more charitable toward each other. I think we’re better at responding and not reacting to one another. And we’ve grown in that. [Selena laughs] What?

Selena: I think in my like not being responsive, I can’t then just get like, bitter and cold and just be like, whatever, you know. Like trail off and just sit in whatever funk I wanna sit.

Ryan: It’s react or grow bitter. There is in between.

Selena: There’s an appropriate response. [laughs]

Ryan: I’ve learned, and part of this is too, because you’ve let me grow in, and you’ve responded to my leadership in this, but I’ve learned that as the husband and as the head of our household, I own the communication culture of our home. It’s my responsibility to make it good. And I do not get to have excuses. If I lack a skill, I need to gain the skill. If I lack a tool, I need to gain the tool. And it’s my job to do it. Because a lot of guys—and this is all in How a Husband Speaks—a lot of guys will say, well, I’m just not a talker.

Selena: But you can still communicate.

Ryan: No, you can learn.

Selena: That’s good.

Ryan: You learn how to drive a car. You can learn how to talk. You learn how to walk. You can learn power.

Selena: This is what I live with guys. [both laughs] There’s no excuses. There’s no excuses. It’s good though. And I think-

Ryan: But I’m talking to the men.

Selena: It’s true though.

Ryan: And the buck stops with you.

Selena: I agree. Because when you communicate well and you lead well, I feel like everything just falls into place.

Ryan: But you have also responded to that. And you’re not a lump on a log. Like you have things to do and you communicate. And obviously, if you decide to phone it in communication-wise, our culture’s gonna suffer.

Selena: You’re helping me see that better, more clearly.

Ryan: Oh, awesome. So how can we grow? [laughs]

Selena: Just continuing to lovingly point out the faults and-

Ryan: That’s it. Yeah. Just point out the faults.

Selena: Well, no, because you’re always like, Hey, be careful what you’re gonna say here. Or hey, this is gonna come across. And I will either bulldoze and ignore it and reap the fruits of it, or I will respond. That’s my choice. That’s what God’s given me.

Ryan: You are a bit of a conundrum to me at times because Selena’s… Just so you know, the unedited Selena, when I say salty and sweet, oh, what a treat you, you don’t care about… like in some cases you don’t care about what people think, especially when responding to internet trolls and what people on the internet think.

But on the flip side, you absolutely care far more than me what other people think. We were at the thing yesterday where you got… you were wanting me to kind of clam up a little bit because you thought people were judging us.

Selena: And just quiet down a little bit.

Ryan: And I was just like, I literally couldn’t care less what that lady thinks. Anyway. We have growth to experience. I still think we grew a lot though.

Selena: I do too. Your malfeasance have gone down.

Ryan: Yeah, they have.

Selena: I don’t know if we need to talk about conflict resolution. I mean-

Ryan: We’ve gotten faster at it.

Selena: We’ve gotten faster at it. I think that’s a good goal for… not because it’s our goal, but something to like nail down and say, Hey, do we really need to be fighting about this all the time? Like, how can we just find the path forward on like… what are the tension points in your marriage? What are the conflicts that constantly arise? Find a resolution and work towards it. Like, quit bickering about it.

Ryan: What is it? Quick to apologize, fast to forgive. Uproot it. Deal with it. Move on. And then finally with finances, how have we grown?

Selena: Have we been stewarding what God’s given us?

Ryan: Here’s a really transparent moment, you guys. Going into April and May of this year, I was looking for jobs. This has been our job. I had a business doing web development. Now, we write. publish books, and we do marriage ministry. We talk about partnering with us. This is our job. I do it all day, every day. And we do this together on Thursdays when we record.

Selena: But before we-

Ryan: I was looking at you saying, “Hey babe, just so you know, I’m looking at some options here.” A good buddy of mine says, “You know what?” He’s such a good friend. He goes, “Man, you just gotta do what the Lord called you to do and you’re not really doing it.” Because we had these communication books that we had yet to fully publish.

And he goes, “What are you wait…” like, he’s giving me the kick in the behind. And I wasn’t dragging my feet. It just was taking time because that’s the nature of the beast. So financially we were pretty hard up. When we did that, it was like the floodgates opened in terms of just… I wasn’t looking for a job anymore. God used that as a means provision for us. And He continues to do that. It just was eye-opening. And you know, and I’m thankful to say that in all that we were still trusting the Lord. I wasn’t shaking my fist.

Selena: No. Trusting the Lord, still being generous with those around us because-

Ryan: As much as you can.

Selena: Yeah. Even more so I think there’s just countless blessings that He continues to, you know, use this place and use the resources He’s given us. So we just always wanna be open-handed and always wanting to be good stewards. The only thing we close our fists around should be the shovels and hoes that we’re using to dig and till the ground. Right? Those are the only times that our hands really should close around the tools that God’s given us, and we should be working them for His glory.

I think we’ve grown. I think God’s continuing to grow us. I think this next year we’re still learning to step out and step into more of where He’s called us. Like you said, we haven’t been speaking. We’ve turned down many speaking engagements. We’re sorry if you’ve been one of them. Life’s been crazy and we’ve been having children and all of the things. And now we’re kind of looking at, you know, what that is gonna look like in the near future. We’ve committed to a few engagements next year. We’re excited. God is good. We have a community around us that supports us. And so it’s like, okay, God is so faithful to show you when to take those steps.

As you look at these five areas in your life, priorities, intimacy, communication, conflict resolution, and finances, as you look back and talk about each of these with your spouse, look back and… two things. You know, see where you’ve come from, but also how has the Lord grown you in those areas? Looking back, being thankful. And then looking ahead humbly saying, okay, how is the Lord gonna grow us? And how can we be a blessing to those around us, right, through our words, through our actions? Like, how can our marriage even be a blessing to others? How can we use and steward, again, the relationship God’s given us?

Ryan: I love that. I love that we’re not just always navel-gazing, but we’re looking outward.

Selena: Absolutely.

Ryan: And we’re waiting and we’re responsive to the marching orders that the Lord gives us. Whether that’s in a moment when you feel the Holy Spirit pressing upon you to minister to somebody in the moment, or whether He’s moving you like a freight liner and he’s moving your whole life into a different set of coordinates, listening and being responsive to that. I just love it. It’s not just all about you. It’s about God first and foremost, and it’s about how he’s working in and through you for His glory.

So if you don’t know who God is, we want you to know a) who God is and also most importantly who Christ is—Christ is God, but what Christ did for you and what that means for you before God as somebody who could step into the salvation offered by God through His Son, Christ, on the cross.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: If you don’t know the story of Jesus and you know somebody who does, we would say, find that friend and say, Hey friend, who’s Jesus? I wanna know this man. I wanna know what He did. Read the Bible with me. I’m sure they’d be happy to do that. Find a church where the pastor preaches from the word of God. Not from his own head, but from the word of God. Find that church.

If you have a hard time finding either those things, we have a website for you. It’s just this: thenewsisgood.com. We encourage you to check that out.

Let’s pray. Father, thank You for times when we can reflect, times we can look back and we can look ahead and we can marvel at all You’ve done and then be hopeful for all that You are yet to do, Lord, and to do so with eyes of faith.

I pray for the couples who are doing that process right now or sometime in the near future. I pray that You would guide them, that they would hear your voice and see your objectives more clearly than ever. I pray for couples that are just so far in the weeds. They can’t even fathom thinking about things like this. Help them. Help get them out of the weeds. Help get them through whatever conflict, whatever crisis they’re going through, whatever trauma they’re experiencing, whatever it is. Hold their hand, Jesus, as you faithfully do. Walk them through it. Draw them nearer to You. I pray You get them through it and put their feet on solid ground, Lord, and on the right path. We love you, Father. You are our God. There is none like you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Selena: Amen.

Ryan: Thank you again for listening to the Fierce Marriage Podcast. It’s been a joy. Selena-

Selena: I’ll see you next year. [both laughs] You’re gonna wanna edit that one. No, we’re gonna keep it.

Ryan: All right, thanks. So now I’m all off. This episode of Fierce Marriage, this year of Fierce Marriage is-

Selena: In the can.

Ryan: We’ll see you again in about a year, next year-

Selena: Seven days.

Ryan: It doesn’t work the same way.

Selena: It doesn’t work.

Ryan: Anyway, until next time—

Selena: Stay fierce.


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