I had a long, eloquent blog post ready about how and why we need to be wives of integrity…and then I got a flat tire this morning.
Curb = 1, Selena = 0
After meeting with one of my Young Life girls for coffee early this morning, I got in the car and checked my phone to see how Ryan and Dela were doing at home. Waiting for me was the text (all you mom’s know it) – “Come home now, she’s inconsolable.” My heart races a bit and I know it’s time to step on it.
In the midst of “stepping on it,” I was driving around trucks in the parking lot that were blocking every which way. As I turn through a few parking spaces I hear (and feel) a huge wham!
A curb decided to pick a fight with me…and won.
As I’m driving out of the parking lot I thought, wow, that was pretty hard. Surprised it didn’t do any damage. Maybe it dented the front of the car? Ugh, I’ll check when I get home.
Thump, thump, thump, thump…
An older man and his wife stare at me as I pull out of the parking lot. Yep, it’s a flat.
Breathe in, breathe out
Now I’m really stressing. Not only is my baby crying at home, but my husband also has a business meeting at 9am (it’s 8:30am) and since we have one car right now, I’m in a bind.
How was I going to explain this to Ryan? Not only did I have a flat tire, but I got it because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to those darn square curbs in the Albertson’s parking lot! Why were they there holding beautiful trees in place anyways?! (Insert face palm here.)
I really try hard to live honestly, but this morning I was seriously considering a small, teencie-weencie lie. For a millisecond, I thought… Maybe I won’t tell him. He won’t notice right?
While talking with our neighbor who came to our rescue (because we are currently a 1-car family), he asked what happened and I ashamedly responded, “I haven’t told Ryan yet, but I hit a curb.”
The evidence was the huge hole in the side of the tire. Needless to say, my lie wouldn’t work.
Isn’t it just like sin to make us want to hide something. It’s like when Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden – what did they do when they heard God in the midst? They ran and hid. (Genesis 3:8)
Fearful of what Ryan might say or think, I still knew I had to be honest with him.
Damaging his trust in me wasn’t worth it, no matter how small the lie may seem.
Moment of integrity
I think we all have those moments where we get to chose to make it an integrity moment or not and our decision comes down to our heart. Trying to avoid the whole WWJD phrase, but seriously – WWJD?
Our Savior, Jesus is no stranger to matters of the heart. (Matthew 6:21, Luke 12:34)
Jesus knew that me thinking about being dishonest may not have seemed like a big deal, but it would’ve planted a seed of division into the foundation of our marriage.
The damage of sin is never worth it.
Maybe it’s not a flat tire that you have to tell your husband about, but is there something else that you haven’t been honest about?
For some us it’s the Friday shopping sprees we don’t tell him about. Or maybe it’s the “harmless” flirting with that guy on social media. For others, it’s dealing with an addiction to pornography (this isn’t just a man’s struggle).
It’s all a wedge; it’s a seed, that if watered, will grow and sprout division into your marriage.
The enemy seeks whom to destroy and kill our marriage, and it’s in these defining moments (small or large) that we can choose to fiercely fight for our marriage or continue to chip away at the foundation of our marriage.
I’ve heard sin described this way: it costs you more than you’re willing to pay, it keeps you longer than you’re want to stay and leaves your more empty and broken than when you first came.
Sin is never worth it…ever.
Honesty is always the best policy
Whatever your “flat tire” is, tell your husband. Be honest with yourself by defining it (the flat tire), and go be honest with him.
Fierce wives, we are called to live according to the Word of God and not how we feel or even how we might perceive things.
Proverbs 31 reminds us how precious we are to our husbands and each time we chose to have a moment of integrity, our hearts become more like our Heavenly Father.
The end, for those of you who are curious
To end the story, I did come home to a happy baby playing with daddy.
While we sat on the floor of her nursery, I said, “Ryan, here is my integrity moment…I hit a curb which is why I got a flat tire. I didn’t want to tell you when the baby was screaming because I thought it would add to the chaos.” To which he gratefully replied, “Good call.”
We made amends, he extended grace and I faced the situation with all transparency and honesty and prayed for composure no matter his response.
I love how God works.
Question: Is there a “flat-tire” area in your life where you’re not being honest with your husband? What is it? Determine in your heart and mind that you will be honest with him about this are in the next 24 hours.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”
Proverbs 31:11 (ESV)
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