5 Phrases Every Wife Needs to Hear Daily

I heard a story of a man and his wife who were having difficulty communicating. She felt undervalued and he felt nagged. She felt that his love for her was fading, and he felt like she was getting overly needy. Flustered, she explained, “I’m not sure you even love me any more!”. In response he quipped, “Honey I said I loved you the day I…

4 Things to Consider the Next Time You Feel Misunderstood

A few weeks back, Selena and I had a new style of argument. I guess I’ll call it “repressed yelling” (with an infant at home, volume is now a luxury we can’t afford). Funny thing though, as I write this I don’t even remember what we were arguing about – it must have been something trivial. I only truly recall something about feeling misunderstood. I…

Stop judging your spouse

After reading Matthew 7, I was challenged with the idea of judgement and hurt. How judgement hurts our spouse, ourselves and our marriage. How many times have I passed judgement on Ryan?  I’m not talking eternal judgement (that’s God’s realm), I’m talking the cranky me who didn’t get enough sleep and suddenly feels the right to pridefully judge (i.e. nit pick) every small thing he does…

10 Horrible Tips for Marital Arguments

There are thousands of posts online about “how to communicate” in marriage and how to argue in a healthy way. But what if you want to be truly terrible at it? Where do you turn for advice? Well, friends, you’ve come to the right place! Here are 10 horrible tips for marital communication. No matter the topic of your disagreement, if you follow these horrible…

3 Myths About Quality Time in Marriage

Nothing replaces quality, focused time with your spouse. There are no substitutes and no shortcuts. We’re learning and relearning this concept in our marriage. Whenever Selena and I allow our time together to be eroded by life’s chaos and busyness, our marriage suffers. How? We’re impatient with each other Sex is infrequent and/or insincere Frustrations mount as grace runs dry We’re increasingly inconsiderate of one…

4 Ways to Prove to Your Spouse You Love Them (Part 2)

In my previous post, we covered the first two ways you can prove your love to your spouse: transparency/honesty, and loving them when they’re unloveable.* If you haven’t yet, I recommend quickly clicking back to give it a glance (it’s reasonably short), as it sets the stage for the series. Naturally this post will continue with parts 3 and 4 of the series, so let’s…

Why Your Marriage Needs Fighting, and Lots of It

If you’re looking for a new book to read, I’d encourage you to check out Love Does by Bob Goff. It’s not a marriage book, but every life lesson Bob shares could easily be translated into marriage. In chapter 28 (“Skin in the Game”) Goff discusses fighting…why fighting for the right things (Godly injustices), with the right tools (love), is important. What better topic to write…

Video: 12 Stages of a Proper Car Fight

We’ve all had plenty of fights… especially fights in the car. It’s become a bit of a joke for Selena and I, whenever we’re headed out on a road trip or a mini-getaway, we almost always have to spend the first hour “detoxing” from latent and yet-to-be-communicated frustrations. Our longer car rides usually start very pleasant and peaceful, much like a pot of water on…

Pains and Rewards of the Humble Route

The humble route is hardly the desirable route to take in any situation, let alone marriage, but why? Why do we fight it? Often times we lean on ourselves; taking pride in our own ability to handle things, instead of leaning into Jesus during the challenging times with our spouse. Learning to trust him and take him at his Word is no small task, but it is

20 Simple Axioms for Marriage

Sometimes the simplest epiphanies have the most profound impact. I’ve found these tiny axioms to be helpful in keeping us on point in our marriage. We’ve written a few posts that reinforce some of these (linked below), but in every case they’ve helped us keep the important things first.