For Men, Leadership

10 Ways to Be the Husband Your Wife Needs (Part 1)

Be the husband your wife needs

We all want to be good husbands. At least if you’re reading this post you probably do. Wanting to be a good husband, however, is rarely enough to help us get there; we need to know how to do it.

Let’s explore how to be the husband your wife needs most.

Define “good”…

First we need to define what we mean by “being a good man”. If we don’t establish a moral backdrop we can’t grow. The very idea of being “good” implies that there is “bad” and some standard for measuring the two. Beyond that, I’ll skip the ethics & morality discussion. Just know we need something to measure “good” against…

As Christian men we look to Jesus and the Bible as our moral backdrop. Calling ourselves Christians and truly believing what we say we believe compels to study the Bible and follow Jesus.

The Husband “Code”

Perhaps the most famous scripture about the husband to wife relationship is Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…“.

husbands-leading-by-christs-example-fierce-marriageSo, this guy Christ (Son of God, fully God and fully man, Savior of the Universe, miracle worker) is our model for being good husbands?

Uhm….ok. That’s a fairly tall order. How can I possibly love how Jesus loved? He was…well, JESUS. My search led me to examine some key aspects of Jesus’ life through a husband’s eyes,.

Jesus as our model of a good husband

1. Know God: Jesus was very close to God (Luke 6:12, Matt 14:23, Mark 1:35, many others)

Emphasis on very. Jesus spent time alone, in solitude, with God. His prayers were personal and intimate. As husbands, we need to lead by making God a priority in our lives – spending time studying his word and praying, and listening for direction. Really, all other aspects of a good husband flow from this single point, but let’s explore further:

2. Obey God: Jesus obeyed his Father (Matt 26:36-42)

Even when he absolutely did not want to obey, Jesus did. This is the mark of a true man – obedience against all will. How many opportunities do we have to do this as husbands when we know what we should do but feel like doing the opposite? Arguments, “being right”, sinning, lust, you name it. Our greatest opportunity for obedience is when it’s the last thing we want to do!

3. Be Selfless: Jesus loved us sacrificially and selflessly (2 Cor 5:21)

His death on the cross was the ultimate example of this. Against his will, he submitted himself to humility, pain, and death on the cross – taking on our sin – so we may become His righteousness. I can show my wife this type of love whenever I place her ahead of myself. The way Jesus loved us sacrificially was a purpose, not just an action. Loving sacrificially and selflessly should be a purpose in our lives as husbands, not an isolated set of behaviors where we hope to prove selflessness. This is a huge paradigm shift: your purpose as a husband is to love her selflessly. Married life takes on an entirely different light in this context!

4. Have Friends: Jesus was not an island (Luke 6:13)

Jesus had disciples, and he loved them dearly. As men, we cannot be islands unto ourselves. We need real accountability, real brotherly love, and real sharpening. Surround yourself with 2-3 trusted friends who love God (that’s crucial). Good friends and accountability help us become the husbands our wives need.

5. Heal: Jesus was a healer (Luke 5:19, Luke 7:11, Mark 2:1-12)

He healed lepers, the blind, the mute, the dead, the broken, and many others. He also healed hurting hearts. In our marriages, we are called to be healers. This translates into “making wrong things right” and bringing calm conclusions to brokenness. We can “heal” by bringing peace, speaking kindly, and doing whatever you can to make sure your wife and family are looked after when sick. The key point here is to be a catalyst to making sick things well – using words, prayer, and actions to repair damaged situations.

To Be Continued…

Hop over to part 2 of this series where I outline the other 5 ways I’ve discovered.

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Question: What aspects of Jesus’ life do you model yourself after as a husband?

(Photo by the amazing Jeff Marsh)

Have you heard of the The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge?

Every marriage begins with passion, purpose, and pursuit, but few stay that way. That’s why we wrote Husband in Pursuit and Wife in Pursuit Together, they make what we’re calling the 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. Couples are encouraged take the challenge together. We’re already starting to hear stories of transformed marriages! Are you up for the challenge?

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