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December 21, 2014

Hi, we’re Ryan and Selena Frederick.

Ryan & Selena, authors and curators of Fierce Marriage

Fierce Marriage is our blog devoted to helping couples build better marriages. We believe that building a Christ-centered marriage requires a fierce tenacity that never gives up and never gives in; there is no Plan B. When we vowed “Till death do us part”, we meant it!

Here we hope you find lots of useful advice that can help your marriage! We encourage you to join our mailing list, find us on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, and please share your thoughts by commenting on posts.  – Ryan & Selena

Movie Review: The Song

September 25, 2014 |

Ryan and I had the privilege of viewing The Song this past week and overall, I think we would give it 4 out of 5 stars (Ryan said 4.5, I say 4 – just keepin’ it real). I was a little leery, as I am with all movies that are dubbed “Christian” but this was one of the best I’ve seen in awhile and would definitely recommend it.

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Hope in the Midst of Hopelessness

September 23, 2014 |

Recently I’ve been burdened with the word “hope”. Many of us face those tough and sometimes scary moments of feeling hopeless in our marriage. It begs the question, where does our hope come from? Can our hope be sustained in the midst of continual hurt and feelings of hopelessness?

Absolutely. A marriage built on Christ is a marriage built to last.

Hope? Where?

While on one of my prayer walks/runs with Dela we were listening to some praise and worship music and the song All My Hope by Hillsong began playing. The lyrics put words to what I was feeling and affirmed this message of hope. Coincidentally, a close friend of mine also wrote about hope in a blog post which I read right as I sat down to write this one! (I love how God works! Check out Relentless Journey – A Commitment to Permanent).

It got me thinking about where my hope comes from.

Is my soul’s hope in me and my own efforts of positive thinking? Is my downcast soul (Psalm 42:5) weighing down others, specifically my spouse/Ryan, by putting my hope in them? What about my friends with failing marriages – how do I help give them hope in the midst of infidelity, addictions and/or deep wounds?

True, deep, lasting hope can only be found in our Savior–our Redeemer–the only one who can transform hearts: Jesus Christ."You cannot love a fellow creature fully till you love God" - CS Lewis

We can’t find shelter and remain filled with hope anywhere else than in presence of God.

Personal Struggle

I’m realizing it’s unfair of me to place my hope in anyone other than Christ (especially Ryan) because they will a) let me down because of my unrealistic expectations, and b) cause frustration between both of us which will c) create strain on our marriage.

Why can’t I hope in others? Why can’t I place my hope in my husband? Because only God is God. Everyone else is human.

In marriage, we are finite human beings who will never complete each other. It is wrong of us to look to each other as our source of hope. That pressure can only be placed on the Almighty God, who is infinite and complete. (I am preaching to myself here, in case anyone thought I was getting a little riled up).

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

Helping others hope

When our hope is found in Jesus, we can genuinely offer the message of hope to those around us who are also facing trials in their own marriages. When I look to Christ for hope, it’s like I’m an 8 ounce glass asking to be filled by Christ who is a 50 gallon drum.

Hope in Christ is so powerful and so bountiful, it literally fills us up to the brim and spills out into people’s lives around us! This is how Christ uses us to spread his gospel… he is SO huge, SO good, and SO fulfilling that we’re just flat-out compelled to share. We’ve said it before: your marriage is your ministry.

Two people, one flesh.I’ve learned that we can’t fix our marriages on our own. God knows we’ve tried. No amount of positive thinking, or positive speaking or believing will heal deep wounds or reconcile two imperfect human beings. Those types of habits and remedies have value, but they’re makeup on infected skin. We must go to the root of who we are in Christ to be made new inside and out.

It’s only when we find Jesus that our souls are filled with hope and our marriages will thrive and become a source of ministry instead of a burden.

Hoping for the New

When our foundation and hope are in Christ alone, all things are made new.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;”

~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 (ESV)

Friends, let’s place our hope in the One and Only who loves us best and knows us most – Jesus.

If you are struggling in your marriage or know someone who is, I pray that as you read these lyrics you would place your hope in Jesus. Trust that He is faithful to transform both your heart and the heart of your spouse.

“All My Hope”

(Hillsong Live, Album: Cornerstone)

Light in my darkness
Peace for my soul
You are my rescue
You’ve never let go

All my hope is in You
All my strength is in You
With every breath
My soul will rest in You

Here in my weakness
Always the same
Your love is my shelter
Your life is my way

All my hope is in You
All my strength is in You
With every breath
My soul will rest in You

Constant Savior
Friend forever
Lord You have my heart
Sure foundation
Never failing
Lord You have my heart

All my hope is in You
All my strength is in You
With every breath
My soul will rest in You

All the earth beneath You
All my life before You
With every breath
My soul will rest in You

A few Bible verses about hope: (ESV)

Psalm 39:7; Romans 12:12; Galatians 5:5; Ephesians 3:20; Colossians 1:27; 1 Thessalonians 1:3; Hebrews 6:19 and one of my favorite chapters Psalm 91.


More encouraging marriage quotes and images

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10 Ways to Pray for Your Husband

September 8, 2014 |

Prayer is beautiful, wonderful, and sacrificial. It’s a privilege and a blessing.

Before I met Ryan, I was praying for him. And now that we’ve been married for 11 years, I’m praying for him now more than ever.

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4 Reminders to Help When Your Marriage is Tough

September 4, 2014 |

I sometimes doubt our ability to help marriages. Even as I write this, Selena and I are having communication difficulties. This morning we had a minor, stress-induced argument about trivial things (taking out the garbage, walking the dogs, and cleaning the bedroom). I left to do some work, she’s at home doing the most important work: loving and instructing our daughter. We’re both feeling unresolved and irritated. Read More

Is Social Media Causing Sin In Your Marriage?

August 28, 2014 |

I’m not sure there is enough space in this post to write about the affects of technology on marriage, but here’s a bit about my personal struggle with it lately. Read More

10 Keys to 42 Years of Loving Marriage

August 20, 2014 |

My parents celebrated 42 years of marriage yesterday. I’m incredibly proud of them – especially knowing first-hand all they’ve endured to get there. The best part is that they’re thriving, still deeply committed and in love. I wanted to honor and celebrate them; but I also wanted to learn from them.

So I asked them to write out their secrets: “What are 5 things that have made your marriage last all these years?” They each responded in their own words below. (My dad is an old soul and very email averse; so he hand wrote his response and my mom typed it into an email. lol… ) As you’ll see in their responses, there is no doubt that this blog and our marriage is a direct reflection of them. Read More

4 Things Every Husband Needs to Hear Daily

August 15, 2014 |

Men don’t often receive credit for their complexity. One of my biggest annoyances is how husbands are often portrayed in commercials and TV shows: emotionally unaware, irresponsible, wide-eyed, and well… a little dumb. Those portrayals provide for a half-hearted chuckle, but they’re caricatures.

I’d like to clear the air a bit. I may not speak for every man, but I have a feeling I speak for most.
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Book Review: The Best Yes (by Lysa Terkeurst)

August 12, 2014 |

In a recent post I shared my latest struggle in our current situation and I have to say that God has been providing me with more encouragement, hope and contentment than I have had in a long time. I know that part of that is because of the precious prayers from our FM community – how do I even begin to thank you? What a special blessing each of you are to us and to each other.

Another way that God has been directing me is through another book that I’ve had the privilege to dive into, Lysa Terkeurst’s latest The Best Yes. Talk about timing. Read More