A few weeks back, Selena and I had a new style of argument. I guess I’ll call it “repressed yelling” (with an infant at home, volume is now a luxury we can’t afford). Funny thing though, as I write this I don’t even remember what we were arguing about – it must have been something trivial. I only truly recall something about feeling misunderstood. I…
Gritty Love: Why Sex on the Beach is Pure Fiction
Love is many things, but easy isn’t one of them. But that’s how pop-culture models love, isn’t it? Whether it’s obvious or subtle, we’re shown how love should be easy: love is a feeling you follow and when the feeling stops, or in other words it stops being easy, it’s time to move on. It’s not that people on TV or characters in movies are…
3 Things I’ve Learned from Unanswered Prayer
Have you ever felt like you were asking God all the “right” questions and getting only silence in return? We’ve been seeking God on a few things and have yet to hear His response. It’s causing us both spiritual heartburn. Now, on top of the questions we’ve been already asking God (some for years), we’re asking MORE questions like “Why is God being so quiet?”…
10 Horrible Tips for Marital Arguments
There are thousands of posts online about “how to communicate” in marriage and how to argue in a healthy way. But what if you want to be truly terrible at it? Where do you turn for advice? Well, friends, you’ve come to the right place! Here are 10 horrible tips for marital communication. No matter the topic of your disagreement, if you follow these horrible…
3 Myths About Quality Time in Marriage
Nothing replaces quality, focused time with your spouse. There are no substitutes and no shortcuts. We’re learning and relearning this concept in our marriage. Whenever Selena and I allow our time together to be eroded by life’s chaos and busyness, our marriage suffers. How? We’re impatient with each other Sex is infrequent and/or insincere Frustrations mount as grace runs dry We’re increasingly inconsiderate of one…
4 Ways to Prove to Your Spouse You Love Them (Part 2)
In my previous post, we covered the first two ways you can prove your love to your spouse: transparency/honesty, and loving them when they’re unloveable.* If you haven’t yet, I recommend quickly clicking back to give it a glance (it’s reasonably short), as it sets the stage for the series. Naturally this post will continue with parts 3 and 4 of the series, so let’s…
4 Ways to Prove to Your Spouse You Love Them (Part 1)
This Valentine’s Day couples young and old will strive to prove their love via candy, poems, songs, flowers, and helium balloons. It’s funny though, do these things actually do anything to convince our spouses of our love? Yes and no. If your marriage is healthy, Valentine’s Day gestures will extend an already present sentiment during a festive time of year – which is great! If…
5 Habits That Will Instantly Transform Your Marriage
The secret is out, there is no pill or potion that will make your marriage instantly better. Although, I suppose if there was such a remedy it would sell like organic mustache wax at a hipster convention. Being that a potion isn’t available, Selena and I have found that if we keep these few habits in place, our married life is ten times more enjoyable…
Video: John Piper, Tim Keller, and D.A. Carson on Sustaining the Marriage Covenant
“Sustaining the marriage covenant” is flowery language for simply “sticking together”. Selena and I have a saying: “There is no Plan B in our marriage.” We have no backup plan or escape clause. This mentality has helped us stick together in simple but profound ways. In the absence of a backup plan, each spouse seeks reconciliation instead of relief. We both understand that we have…
Video: 12 Stages of a Proper Car Fight
We’ve all had plenty of fights… especially fights in the car. It’s become a bit of a joke for Selena and I, whenever we’re headed out on a road trip or a mini-getaway, we almost always have to spend the first hour “detoxing” from latent and yet-to-be-communicated frustrations. Our longer car rides usually start very pleasant and peaceful, much like a pot of water on…